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The next day there is a big long slow motion scene of SWAT guys making hand and arm signals, breaking through doors, and arresting the two scariest guys in the movie (who kind of look like the leads to an Asian remake of A Night at The Roxberry). There is just one tiny little problem. Waxy and Pleather Pants didn't do it. They are totally not the highjackers and it's all Paul Walker's fault. At least that's what the big boned FBI agent is saying.
Paul Walker thinks this is a load of bull stuff, but the big boned FBI guy is saying his blood sugar was all out of whack because of that damn Jenny Craig diet, so he's putting the whole blame on Paul Walker and Paul Walker's law enforcement career is about to take it right in the pooper. Unless of course Paul Walker can bring in Vin Diesel in 36 hours, then everything will be hunky dory.
Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are heading up to the big drag race thingie when Paul Walker gets all crafty and undercover on Vinnie. Paul Walker tells Vinnie he knows he's doing something illegal, and Paul Walker wants in so he can start making some decent money and quit that damned paper route. Vinnie is pretty cool, and tells Paul Walker they'll talk about that later, but right now they have to concentrate on what is really important, steroids, nutritional supplements, racing.
The gang gets up to the big drag race and everything is going good, until the little twitchy guy decides to bet his car in a drag race with Waxes His Eyebrows. Things get really awkward when the little twitchy guy loses and just drives away. Waxy confronts Vin Diesel and after telling him if Twitchy doesn't give him his car there is going to be big, big trouble, and accuses Vinnie of being the guy who ratted Waxy out to the cops. Vinnie handles this information the way anyone who been taking a ton of guff from a guy with waxed eyebrows who's about 40 pounds lighter then him would take it, he starts repeatedly introducing his fist into the side of Waxy's head.
Some big beefy guys finally step in and break up the fight, but not before Michelle Rodriguez sucker punches Pleather Pants, and I'm not going to lie. That part of the movie never fails to bring a smile to my face.
Okay, so Vin Diesel's crew has just picked a fight with a pair of machinegun toting crazies, with questionable fashion sense. Show of hands, how many of you out there think this might come up again in the movie? Well some of you are pretty clever, and some of you...well maybe thinking just isn't your thing?
Anyway, that doesn't matter right now because Vinnie and his crew need to disappear mysteriously in the middle of the night, after Unibrow tells him he shouldn't go. After Vinnie leaves, Paul Walker comes over and spills the beans about him being an undercover cop to unibrow, and tells her she needs to tell him where Vinnie is at right away. Unibrow is pretty steamed at first, but Paul Walker is able to convince her that if he doesn't arrest Vin Diesel then Vinnie will be in serious trouble, mainly because big boned FBI guy is so hungry if he catches Vin, he'll put an apple in his mouth and eat him whole on the side of the highway. Luckily for Paul Walker and the plot, Jordana Brewster buys this twisted logic and rats out her own brother.
Meanwhile Vinnie and the rest of the guys are off to do a little hijacking. Everyone thinks this is a bad idea because what with the little twitchy guy driving off into the sunset they're a man short, but Vin tells them they just need to do this one last job, and when was the last time you ever heard of anyone getting into trouble pulling one last job in a movie?
The guys get into big, big trouble right away. Wristy McDouche ends up hanging to the front of the truck they are trying to highjack while the truck driver tries to shoot him with a shotgun. It's a lot like the big tanker scene in The Road Warrior; only instead of a feral kid this one has a douchbag with a bad tattoo and a leather wrist strap.
Comments (6)
I think your movie reviews are some of the funniest stuff on TVgasm. That's why I keep posting here.
Just love 'em.
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 22, 2009 8:23 PM
WaffleBoy, I LOVE your takes on these movies! I haven't even thought about this movie in a long long time, but you brought back the fun of it along with pointing out how ludicrous the whole thing was.
You've made me actually want to watch it again, which I never thought would happen!
I can't wait to see which movie you tackle next!
SWAK, PottyMouth
2 of 6 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 23, 2009 6:14 AM
I have only four words.
Be.
You.
Tea.
Full.
We must think of collaborating sometime, I think our combined powers could be quite formidable. Maybe we can go by the name WaffleMo?
Think about it.
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 23, 2009 2:00 PM
Your movie reviews are priceless. Absolute genius, I tell you! I demand more. They make my day when I randomly remember to check the news feed for them.
P.S. I liked this movie better when it was called Point Break.
4 of 6 | Posted by themiki | Posted on June 24, 2009 6:45 AM
Hi pixielated,
thanks for the compliment and the comments. Reader feedback is the only sort of payoff we get for writing here. Although Flipit recently mentioned if I started waxing his car I would be eligible for magic beans. (Note to self, google magic bean recipes online tonight)
PottyMouth,
a big swak right back to you. I'm glad you like the posts and if they make you think about giving these movies another peek, so much the better. I know what with me making snide comments about the sizes of actors noggins you might not be able to see it, but I really do enjoy every movie I write about. Thanks!
J-Mo,
you PHEEEEE-nominal human being you! Collaberating sounds like a lot of fun. I just have to find the time now, because I'm doing recaps for True Blood now too. But I will email you soon. Love right back buddy.
themiki,
Thanks for the complements and trust me as long as they keep letting me post these things I'll keep writing them. The last couple of weeks have been a total blast.
As for Point Break and The Fast and the Furious being the same movie, they are very, very similar except for one important difference. In The Fast and The Furious there are cars and in Point Break there are surfboards. Or to put it in a simple way that I can understand, The Fast and the Furious has wheels and Point Break doesn't. Still thanks for bringing up the comparison because I think I'm going to start referring to Paul Walker as the Blond Keanu from now on.
Thanks for stopping by!
5 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 25, 2009 7:17 PM
this movie was really cool and isn't crap at all. it's good because the car scenes aren't cgi. it's all real. the car really did go under the 18-wheeler while it was moving -- they just modified the truck so there was more room under it. and i play the video game too!
6 of 6 | Posted by gossipygirl | Posted on June 30, 2009 4:50 PM