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By the time Paul Walker shows up, it's a great big mess. Wristy McDouche is tangled up in a wire and can't get off of the truck. Michelle Rodriguez crashed her car, and Vin Diesel's car is pretty shot up too. Luckily Paul Walker is there to save the day. Paul Walker is there to save the day? Man you don't see those eight words in the same sentence very often, do you?
Paul Walker saves Wristy McDouche and calls for a rescue helicopter to come take him to the hospital. This is when Vin Diesel finds out Paul Walker is a cop, so he handles this news like any mature responsible adult. He gets in his little clown car and hauls ass.
Paul Walker catches up with Vinnie back at his place, and there is a bit of a problem because VD is pretty firm about not going back to prison, and the gun he has makes it hard for Paul Walker to make any sort of effective counter argument.
Luckily, the little twitchy guy shows up and starts blubbering about how sorry he is for driving away and pissing off Waxy and Pleather Pants. Vin Diesel tries to calm him down and tells him everything is going to be okay. This is right when the Nutsy Cousins show up on their little motorcycles and machinegun the poop out of the little twitchy guy.
Look, I'm not saying this happens all the time, but if Vin Diesel's character in this movie told me my laundry would be done in the next five minutes, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if the building exploded.
Anyway, Vinnie hops in this super cool old school muscle car and he and Paul Walker go hauling ass after Waxy and PP. We get a nice little chase scene out of this, and Waxy and Pleather Pants get run off the road in highly entertaining ways.
So we are back down to Paul Walker and Vin Diesel again, and they both just happen to be in their cars at a red light. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? DRAG RACE! The light turns green and both cars haul ass. This scene involves plenty of slow motion, and a well placed freight train. I highly recommend it.
After our two favorite street racers narrowly miss getting pancaked by a train, Vin Diesel's car gets clipped by a truck and flips through the air and gets all smashed to poop. Paul Walker comes over and Vinnie isn't driving anywhere now. Does that mean Vinnie is going to jail? Oh hell to the no. Paul Walker gives Vinnie the keys to his car, because Paul Walker is a bad ass loose cannon who plays by his own set of rules.
Hey! Cut it out. Don't laugh. I mean it, if you start then I'll start, and we're almost done. Let's just try to get out of here with at least a shred of our dignity in tack.
So Vinnie gets in Paul Walker's clown car and then The Big VD drives off into the sunset. The end.
Okay, there you have it, a movie just chock full of important life lessons, like unless you're totally into archery, leather wrist straps are a bad idea. You shouldn't make fun of people making questionable fashion choices (well to their faces), because they just might come back on their little motorcycles and machinegun you about a jillion times. If you're a girl and your forehead shows that you posses a healthy sized brain, bangs should at least be considered, and if Vin Diesel tells you everything is going to be okay, you're a goner. And not only that, but this is a movie that allows your brain to get some much needed rest. You should really give this one a look.
Comments (6)
I think your movie reviews are some of the funniest stuff on TVgasm. That's why I keep posting here.
Just love 'em.
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 22, 2009 8:23 PM
WaffleBoy, I LOVE your takes on these movies! I haven't even thought about this movie in a long long time, but you brought back the fun of it along with pointing out how ludicrous the whole thing was.
You've made me actually want to watch it again, which I never thought would happen!
I can't wait to see which movie you tackle next!
SWAK, PottyMouth
2 of 6 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 23, 2009 6:14 AM
I have only four words.
Be.
You.
Tea.
Full.
We must think of collaborating sometime, I think our combined powers could be quite formidable. Maybe we can go by the name WaffleMo?
Think about it.
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 23, 2009 2:00 PM
Your movie reviews are priceless. Absolute genius, I tell you! I demand more. They make my day when I randomly remember to check the news feed for them.
P.S. I liked this movie better when it was called Point Break.
4 of 6 | Posted by themiki | Posted on June 24, 2009 6:45 AM
Hi pixielated,
thanks for the compliment and the comments. Reader feedback is the only sort of payoff we get for writing here. Although Flipit recently mentioned if I started waxing his car I would be eligible for magic beans. (Note to self, google magic bean recipes online tonight)
PottyMouth,
a big swak right back to you. I'm glad you like the posts and if they make you think about giving these movies another peek, so much the better. I know what with me making snide comments about the sizes of actors noggins you might not be able to see it, but I really do enjoy every movie I write about. Thanks!
J-Mo,
you PHEEEEE-nominal human being you! Collaberating sounds like a lot of fun. I just have to find the time now, because I'm doing recaps for True Blood now too. But I will email you soon. Love right back buddy.
themiki,
Thanks for the complements and trust me as long as they keep letting me post these things I'll keep writing them. The last couple of weeks have been a total blast.
As for Point Break and The Fast and the Furious being the same movie, they are very, very similar except for one important difference. In The Fast and The Furious there are cars and in Point Break there are surfboards. Or to put it in a simple way that I can understand, The Fast and the Furious has wheels and Point Break doesn't. Still thanks for bringing up the comparison because I think I'm going to start referring to Paul Walker as the Blond Keanu from now on.
Thanks for stopping by!
5 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 25, 2009 7:17 PM
this movie was really cool and isn't crap at all. it's good because the car scenes aren't cgi. it's all real. the car really did go under the 18-wheeler while it was moving -- they just modified the truck so there was more room under it. and i play the video game too!
6 of 6 | Posted by gossipygirl | Posted on June 30, 2009 4:50 PM