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After we see some people walking down wet streets and thinking, the second half of this trailer does get back to it's kicking roots, but now it has to share the screen with falling. It's half falling and half kicking, all while firing guns and the occasional bazooka. Sometimes the falls do turn into kicks and in a very nice moment, there is jump into a triple kick against a bad guy's chest. But overall, if this trailer is a representation of the film, get ready to be disappointed when they set you up for a lot of kicking and then start throwing bullshit plot and inner non-kick based torture at you.
On a side note, there is only one reason I really would want to see a trailer based on Street Fighter. That is to see Blanka hop onto someone a la Mr. Peepers and go to town on their skull with his mouth. That's it! Well, maybe I would want to see E. Honda's arm shoot out unnaturally far and use his bitch slap machine gun. But that would be secondary. However, what I certainly don't want to see is a trailer about Chun Li, not kicking. Sorry Streetfighter: the Legend of Chun Li. Maybe next time.
GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra Teaser Trailer
A good teaser trailer is like really great foreplay. When it begins you’re not quite what’s going to happen here, but it feels really good and you’re pretty sure it’s going to turn into something hot. It’s a long slow build, soft and sensual. Just trying to enjoy each fleeting touch. What was that? Was that on purpose? Ohhh yes, I liked that very much. That was nice, I want more of that. You can’t quite find anything to grasp just yet and that’s okay. You’re just enjoying the unknown. The flirtatious brushes, the heavy breathing, the intensely swelling music, exploring each other, all over, learning what makes you tingle. Then just at the right moment, when you can barely take it anymore, a glimpse! A quick shot of what you’ve been waiting to see. So fast you’re not even sure if it was what you thought it would be, but either way you’re turned on. You’re drooling and begging for more. Then, if you’re really lucky you get a hint of the action to come. A quick powerful thrust to prove the goods are real. To show you, yes, you are gonna get exactly what you want. And it’s gonna be good. By the end of the teaser trailer you want that long, full, two and a half minute theatrical trailer, so bad you can taste it. (See The Dark Knight or The Simpson’s Movie teaser trailers for examples of these.)
And to be honest, before I even saw the thirty-second GI JOE teaser trailer, I was ready to go. I wanted it bad. It had me; I was ready and willing. But then it was immediately ruined. GI Joe: Rise of Cobra teaser trailer came on way too fast. It was too forceful and it made me feel scared and uncomfortable. I was expecting at least little woo’ing. String me along a bit, give me a taste. I’m a fan, at least sweet talk me and make me feel special. Instead, it just started yanking away, being all grabby and intense. I didn’t even know what was happening; all I knew was I was being visually violated. Within the first ten seconds I was barraged by images of sexy women with uzi’s, submarines, bad guys in suits and the giant phallic Eiffel tower exploding and collapsing. Coincidence or metaphor for the GI Joe trailer blowing its load before I could even put my headphones on? It felt awful. Not sexy at all. I couldn’t keep up. And to be honest, I didn’t want to. I was not interested anymore and I just wanted to go home.
So much for a subtle seduction and the promise of pleasure to come. GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra teaser trailer rises up, spits it’s venom and passes out in all of thirty seconds. And what was I left with at the end? A one liner from Dennis Quad, leaving me feeling dirty, embarrassed and in need of a shower.
Fan Boys Trailer (Film Currently In Limited Release)
All right, Robot Chicken Family Guy Fans, our movie is totally here!
Comments (3)
I had a great time reading this, thanks! I don't usually watch movie trailers (hardly ever watch movies), but I might just start.
Be great to see what you could do with a realityTV recap....
1 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 20, 2009 12:08 AM
uh, you know that trailer review of F.U. was very amusing.
You didn't mention BOOBS once but wasn't the camera, at least, lingering on some BOOBS?
Yes, I agree with itchy. You need to recap a reality TV show. Uh, and if you don't like reality TV you need to find one that you like. Some very funny stuff, Mister.
2 of 3 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on February 20, 2009 5:17 PM
Okay, I just read that STREET FIGHTER review. I was laughing out loud at that one. I think you might be TOO GOOD for TVGASM. You should be writing books or movies or comedy for Conan or a TV SHOW (30 ROCK would be a good fit).
Good luck and remember us all when you're rolling in money.
3 of 3 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on February 20, 2009 5:34 PM