***Just because it's the beginning of Fall doesn't mean that it's time for the crappiest movie releases of the year! Wait. Yes it does. To celebrate the oncoming glut of trash, please welcome back Mike Betette with another installment of Trailer Trash! by Mike Betette
October 23rd
"Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant"
In this trailer, our young, hero Darren Shan begins with, "What if I don't want everything to be all planned out and lined up for me...You know, like what if I don't want to be in another mindless vampire book adaptation based on the success of "Vampire Diaries", "Twilight" and "True Blood"?"
Okay, he didn't say the second part. But I assume that's what he meant by the first part. "But Mike", you're saying, "I, the gentle reader am a kind-hearted soul and know that the executives who work for studios are people too. They have families to feed and they just want to guarantee their jobs during this tumultuous time! They're good people" Well, I might not go that far, reader, but I actually do agree. And good for you for not joining up with my bandwagon hatred. My original cynicism was a test and you passed! In this day and age of remakes and re-do's and the herd mentality of movie making, we need to judge every project individually. We can't always assume something's bad because it's similar. Sometimes the first movie to come out in the line of a genre was not the first film created.
For instance, when Disney found out that 20th Century Fox was making "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" (release date November 14th, 2003), they rushed production to steal their sea-faring audience with "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" (release date 9 July, 2003) Guess which movie won? The first pirate one, with an opening weekend of $46,630,690 vs. the "other" pirate movie at $25,105,990. Although to be fair Johnny Depp and the Disney ride and Russell Crowe being a complete dick probably had a lot to do with the outcome.
FYI, here is a quick timeline of the most recent popular vampire stuff, all originally books by the way, from oldest to newest: 1. The Vampire Diaries by L. J. Smith, which the CW series is based on (1991); 2. Cirque du Freak: A Living Nightmare, The Saga of Darren Shan by Darren Shan, which this review is loosely based on (2000); 3. Charlaine Harris' book Dead until Dark, on which "True Blood" was originally based (2001); 4. And most recently, Stephenie Meyer's book Twilight, which, duh, "Twilight" was based upon (2005). But no matter what came out when or based upon what, we have to assume that every filmmaker, actor, writer and even executive truly is trying to create the best piece of art they can; because if you don't believe in that you have lost too much faith to be able to appreciate greatness when it does come along. So, please don't just say that "Cirque du Freak" is just another really crappy teen vampire film. Say that this particular teen vampire film, "Cirque du Freak", looks really crappy. Which it absolutely does.
October 28th
"This is It"
The entire time I was watching the "This Is It" trailer, which is described on imdb as "A compilation of interviews, rehearsals and backstage footage of Michael Jackson as he prepared for his series of sold-out shows in London," I was waiting for the "but..." Maybe I'm too jaded or used to watching too many comedic re-mixes on youtube. The trailer starts with people saying, "His dreams inspired the world. But there was still one dream he wanted to share with everyone..."
And punch line! Boom! Neverland Ranch joke. Or bubbles the chimp! Right? Oh no, this trailer is serious. Very serious. Apparently all he wanted to share was an amazing and beautiful concert in London. Not little boys pee-pees. Don't I feel like a jerk? The trailer continues and again I'm waiting for the "but..." According to imdb, this is a documentary. So, we're watching people swoon, Michael dances to Smooth Criminal, musicians say how they owe everything to Michael. Then we hear an announcer voice over of "Hold for applause and fade-out". Which we do, and when we fade back in the music is sentimental and Michael sits alone on stage. "Here it comes," I think. The VH1 Behind the Music moment. We hear a clip "Michael has a depth to him that people don't really know." Oh yeah, get ready for the hurt. This is about to get real.... Or real more of the same, apparently.