In my opinion Sylvester Stallone has made a few good movies over the years. However, the movie we are going to talk about today, Rambo: First Blood Part II ain't one of them. This movie is what happened when Hollywood looked at history of the Vietnam War and thought to itself, "man that ending needs a re-write." That being said, it's a great way to kill 96 minutes, just make the jump and see for yourself.
Because Rambo is a sequel to the movie First Blood, it starts where the other movie ends. John Rambo is in prison after blowing the hell out of a little town that didn't love him the way he loved them. Rambo is working in a prison quarry, breaking big rocks into little rocks with a sledge hammer. The other convicts are using modern tools like jackhammers. Why isn't Rambo? Because He's John F-ing Rambo, that's why. Look, if you are looking for anything resembling common sense, this is the wrong picture for you because Johnny Rambo isn't a ball of fire in the thinking department. Besides, nobody ever got lats like a bat by thinking.
John's old CO, Colonel Troutman (Richard Crenna) shows up and offers Rambo a chance to get out of jail early. The government wants Rambo to go back to Vietnam and try to find the POW's that the dirty commies never gave back at the end of the war. John's not too eager because he's learning a trade here, but finally he comes around.
The next we see of Rambo, he's getting out of a helicopter at a super secret military base in Thailand, wearing Jennifer Beale's sweatshirt with the neck cut out of it from Flashdance. Rambo's first clue that maybe he should be worried is that the guy who is there to greet him is the Cobra Kai sensei from The Karate Kid. He takes Rambo to meet the head honcho of the operation, Marshall Murdock (Charles Napier).
Murdock looks like a creepy bureaucrat because he is wearing a polyester shirt and a rayon tie in 100 degree heat, but there is an even more obvious sign that the guy is bad news. Murdock has a coke machine in his office and during his meeting with Rambo he asks for a cold beverage. One of his goons opens up the machine and pulls Murdock out a coke. Yep, they don't pay, which means Murdock is ripping off the Coca Cola Company. Nice people don't steal from big soulless corporations. They do it with people they know, because it's all about building a relationship. Wait, what the hell was I talking about again? Oh right, Rambo, thanks!
Murdoch tells Rambo he's to infiltrate into Vietnam and go check out a POW camp. If any American's are present, Rambo is to take some pictures. Rambo looks at Murdoch like he's nuts because everyone knows Rambo is a watercolors man.
Next they show Rambo a warehouse full of high tech goodies to take on his photo shoot. Rambo looks over the gear and says he's always thought the mind was the most dangerous weapon. (You can insert your own cheap joke here.)
After Rambo has packed up all of his goodies, he gets on the plane that will take him on his mission. Right before taking off, he tells Colonel Troutman he's the only one on the mission Rambo trusts. This makes Troutman nervous because the Army's don't ask, don't tell policy is still about eight years away and even then this could be a dicey situation.
The mission gets off to a bad start when Rambo's static line gets hung up when he tries to parachute out of the plane. Rambo has to cut off most of his equipment to get to the static line. Rambo cuts through that and disappears into the night, meaning that nobody on the mission with him knows if he's dead or alive.
Murdoch wants to bag the mission and knock off early so they can all go to Applebee's for riblets but Troutman gets him to agree to send in a helicopter in 36 hours to pick up Rambo. Troutman is the only guy back at headquarters who doesn't come off like a complete douche, but on the other hand, he's the sort of guy who makes everyone stay until 5:00 on the Friday before a three day weekend. I'm not going to lie; I have mixed feelings about this guy.
Comments (5)
"That's right even waterfalls burst into flames in Vietnam, this is why it's Smokey the Bear's least favorite country."
"Sad Moments in Vietnamese Fire Prevention History"
ROFL!
You're hilarious, WaffleBoy!
1 of 5 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 14, 2009 1:43 PM
I enjoyed it waffleboy.
2 of 5 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on June 14, 2009 5:39 PM
In some ways, this movie, in all its cheesey glory, was great. In others, it made me laugh out loud.
For example, the one POW who Rambo rescues was strung up on a makeshift cross, like a Vietnam War era Christ...so the implication is even Christ needs to be saved by Rambo. Between that and Rambo's orgasmic shooting of the hi-tech equipment at the end of the movie...brilliant. Or something.
Nice recap :)
3 of 5 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 14, 2009 8:18 PM
You know, I'm so glad someone finally noticed the "dress-like-a-hooker, outwit thousands" connection. I guess those Rock Of Love girls are craftier than we all thought, huh?
I have never seen this because just looking at Sly makes me feel oily, but now I think I'll have to check it out. Plus it makes me feel like more of a man to know Sly is probably shorter than I am.
Awesome job, LOVED it!
love, J-Mo :)
4 of 5 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 15, 2009 11:01 AM
Pixilated, it's good to hear you liked those jokes. I'll let you in on a little secret, I like them both a lot too. (Is it okay to admit stuff like that?) Oh and the best or worst part about "sad Moments in Vietnamese Fire Prevention History" is that list could have gone on for two solidi pages. I think everything up to the coke machine was flammable in this movie
Mr Dangerous, Glad to hear you liked it.
Cattyfan, that's an interesting take you have on the movie. I've never thought of it quiet that way before. Although come to think of it I would have gone to see The Passion of Christ if there had been a few more fireballs. Thanks for stopping by.
J-Mo, You PHEEE-nominal human being you. Don't ask me why more people aren't aware of the power of dressing like a hooker when the chips are down, I mean the evidence is there for everyone to see. The only thing is I think the key is that you only dress that way when it's really important, otherwise you end up on the Rock of Love Bus, "being there" for Brett.
5 of 5 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 20, 2009 10:25 PM