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Colonel Troutman shows up with the helicopter to pick up Rambo and he sees Rambo has a POW with him. When he radios Murdock to let him in on the good news Murdock has the helicopter pilot abort the mission. This means Rambo is forced to surrender to the commies.
When Troutman gets back to the base he and Murdock have a big fight and he comes to find out the government never wanted to find the POW's in the first place. They were just going to go through the motions to get the families of the POW's off their backs. Troutman then tells Murdock Rambo is going to kick his bee-hind when he gets back.
The only problem is it doesn't look like Rambo is going to be coming back anytime soon. The Vietnamese have him tied up in a cesspool.
There is a lot of commotion in the camp. It likes like our house used to look before company came over. Boy that's got to be stressful what with their mom screaming at everyone to clean their rooms, and to "pretend for one GD day they aren't a GD troglodyte!" What's that? Your mom never said that to you? Mmmmm, me neither?
Anyway, the company shows up, and hey, it the Ruskies! There's about 12 guys in funny hats, but only two we really have to pay attention to, Lt. Col. Podovsky (Steven Berkoff), the chief Ruskie, and some humungous no necked guy in a striped wife beater who is his chief goon.
The head Ruskie has Rambo pulled out of this cesspool they were keeping him in, and to show Sly what best buddies they are going to be he uses Stallone's mind to peel leeches off Sly's torso. Personally I would have pointed out to Sly that headbands are always a bad idea for dudes, because real friends can tell each other stuff like that.
They take Sly to this hut and every thing starts off okay, but somehow Sly and Lt. Col. Sourpusski get of on the wrong foot. Okay maybe it had something to do with the LC Sourpusski wanting Rambo to sell out the good ol' US-of-A, and maybe, just maybe Sly dropping an FU into the conversation might have something to do with what happens next.
Everyone's going to dinner and the lights keep flickering. Mainly because Sourpusski and the big guy in the wife beater have Sly strapped to bedsprings and are running enough electricity through him to, well, make all the light bulbs flicker.
Not to worry though, because someone is coming to rescue Rambo. Yeay! It's Jacko and she's dressed as a hooker. Why is she dressed as a hooker? Well in the 80's when the chips were down women dressed like hookers. If you don't believe me, just check out any episode of Hunter, and see how Dee Dee McCall is dressed.
Lt. Col Sourpusski is getting tired of trying to electrocute Rambo, so he tells the guard to bring in another prisoner. Oh look, it's Coughy, hi Coughy! Sourpusski tells the goon to put out Coughy's eye with Rambo's mind, and then Rambo gives in.
Sourpusski makes Rambo sit at the radio and call the American base and ask if they have Prince Albert in a can. Just kidding, but that would have been awesome too.
No, Sourpusski just wants Rambo to say the standard, USA bad, evil, icky, and Communism rocks bit. Oh, and Rambo is to make darn sure to tell his bosses not to try any more rescue operations, because the last thing anyone needs right now is for Chuck Norris to show up. One American action hero with limited acting range in Southeast Asia at a time, thank you very much.
Rambo gets on the radio and asks to speak with Murdock. Murdock promptly gets the same look you get on your face when you run into your boss at the track after you called in sick. (I didn't like that job anyway) Murdock is all "hey buddy, how's it going? Haven't heard from you in awhile," but Rambo cuts to the chase and tells Murdock he's coming for him.
Sly then whacks Sourpusski with the microphone, straps the big goon in the wife beater to the electric bed, retrieves his mind, and legs it out of the camp with Jacko. The commies respond by running around like chickens with their heads cut off, and getting together another posse.
Comments (5)
"That's right even waterfalls burst into flames in Vietnam, this is why it's Smokey the Bear's least favorite country."
"Sad Moments in Vietnamese Fire Prevention History"
ROFL!
You're hilarious, WaffleBoy!
1 of 5 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 14, 2009 1:43 PM
I enjoyed it waffleboy.
2 of 5 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on June 14, 2009 5:39 PM
In some ways, this movie, in all its cheesey glory, was great. In others, it made me laugh out loud.
For example, the one POW who Rambo rescues was strung up on a makeshift cross, like a Vietnam War era Christ...so the implication is even Christ needs to be saved by Rambo. Between that and Rambo's orgasmic shooting of the hi-tech equipment at the end of the movie...brilliant. Or something.
Nice recap :)
3 of 5 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 14, 2009 8:18 PM
You know, I'm so glad someone finally noticed the "dress-like-a-hooker, outwit thousands" connection. I guess those Rock Of Love girls are craftier than we all thought, huh?
I have never seen this because just looking at Sly makes me feel oily, but now I think I'll have to check it out. Plus it makes me feel like more of a man to know Sly is probably shorter than I am.
Awesome job, LOVED it!
love, J-Mo :)
4 of 5 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 15, 2009 11:01 AM
Pixilated, it's good to hear you liked those jokes. I'll let you in on a little secret, I like them both a lot too. (Is it okay to admit stuff like that?) Oh and the best or worst part about "sad Moments in Vietnamese Fire Prevention History" is that list could have gone on for two solidi pages. I think everything up to the coke machine was flammable in this movie
Mr Dangerous, Glad to hear you liked it.
Cattyfan, that's an interesting take you have on the movie. I've never thought of it quiet that way before. Although come to think of it I would have gone to see The Passion of Christ if there had been a few more fireballs. Thanks for stopping by.
J-Mo, You PHEEE-nominal human being you. Don't ask me why more people aren't aware of the power of dressing like a hooker when the chips are down, I mean the evidence is there for everyone to see. The only thing is I think the key is that you only dress that way when it's really important, otherwise you end up on the Rock of Love Bus, "being there" for Brett.
5 of 5 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 20, 2009 10:25 PM