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The next morning Sly and Jacko spend a little quiet time together. Jacko tells Rambo he's a great guy and Vietnam sucks, so hows about they both head back to The States and start a life together. Sly thinks this is a great idea. They can drift from town to town, and blow the crap out of them for not loving Sly the way he loves them. Jacko says she was thinking more along the line that Sly get a job at the post office and she gets into Beauty College, but they can talk about that later. The important thing is they're together now, and nothing could possibly go wrong.
Jacko then steps around some trees and promptly gets mowed down by about 50 dirty commies. Rambo gets there and kills all the commies except for the leader who gets away. Sly scoops up Jacko in his arms and seems surprised when she dies even though she's got enough holes in her to qualify as a human colander.
Okay, now it's the best time of any action movie. Now it's personal. Sly gets all ready to go kick commie butt, translation, he flexes for about five minutes. Oh and he straps on Jacko's lucky charm. You know what? It's a really touching gesture, but seeing as she just became the preeminent bullet stopper in Southeast Asia, I'm calling bullshit on the "lucky" part.
Now Sly is all ready to get a little whoopass on the red menace. Of course it isn't going to be easy. Remember the Ruskies are here now, and these guys are crack commandos. That's why they make sure to spread out so Sly can pick them off one at a time. Oh and they don't make any noise when Sly snuffs them; they just make an "oh crap Rambo got me!" face. These guys are the best, no doubt about it bad hombres...oh balls. The only way these guys could be any more doomed is if this was a Friday The 13th movie and they were cheerleaders who'd each just lost their virginity with their boyfriends.
Sly kills a shitpot of these guys in all sorts of entertaining ways, but there is one we have to talk about, the big pile of mud kill. One of the soon to be painfully deceased Ruskies is wandering around looking for Sly. He walks just about all the way through the frame, when we see Sly has camouflaged himself with mud so he looks like part of the hill. Sly moves up behind the poor schnook and impales the poor guy on his mind.
You know the sign of great actor is that he becomes the role and all I have to say is whenever I look at Sly in this movie I see a big pile of mud. Kudos to you Sly!
After killing a whole mess of extras Sly finds himself being chased by another mess of extras through a village. Sly needs to kill these bozos but all he has is his bow and arrows (and of course his mind), what's an action hero to do? Luckily he finds some crates, a dinky little gas can and a live chicken.
That big commie posse follows Rambo into a field of bamboo and they think they're closing in on him. Too bad Rambo dosed the field in gasoline and sets it on fire resulting in commies flambé. Yep Sly set a field of bamboo that is roughly the size of Yellowstone Park on fire with maybe a gallon of gas. What that doesn't make sense? Oh and a guy covered in baby oil with Bon Jovi hair running through the jungle does? I keep telling you, you just have to go with it.
(Still I have to admit this part of the movie always disappoints me. Every time I see that chicken in the village I find myself hoping against hope that this will be the time I watch this movie that Sly kills someone with a live chicken. That would be freaking awesome. Well maybe the next time.)
Sly's not done yet, not by a long shot. The commies have some jeeps and trucks parked on a bridge and Sly blows them up with his bow and arrows. How? Explosive tips. Bet you didn't think of that, did you? Good thing the screenwriter did, huh? That's why he went to film school. Well that, and truck driving school was full that semester.
Comments (5)
"That's right even waterfalls burst into flames in Vietnam, this is why it's Smokey the Bear's least favorite country."
"Sad Moments in Vietnamese Fire Prevention History"
ROFL!
You're hilarious, WaffleBoy!
1 of 5 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 14, 2009 1:43 PM
I enjoyed it waffleboy.
2 of 5 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on June 14, 2009 5:39 PM
In some ways, this movie, in all its cheesey glory, was great. In others, it made me laugh out loud.
For example, the one POW who Rambo rescues was strung up on a makeshift cross, like a Vietnam War era Christ...so the implication is even Christ needs to be saved by Rambo. Between that and Rambo's orgasmic shooting of the hi-tech equipment at the end of the movie...brilliant. Or something.
Nice recap :)
3 of 5 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 14, 2009 8:18 PM
You know, I'm so glad someone finally noticed the "dress-like-a-hooker, outwit thousands" connection. I guess those Rock Of Love girls are craftier than we all thought, huh?
I have never seen this because just looking at Sly makes me feel oily, but now I think I'll have to check it out. Plus it makes me feel like more of a man to know Sly is probably shorter than I am.
Awesome job, LOVED it!
love, J-Mo :)
4 of 5 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 15, 2009 11:01 AM
Pixilated, it's good to hear you liked those jokes. I'll let you in on a little secret, I like them both a lot too. (Is it okay to admit stuff like that?) Oh and the best or worst part about "sad Moments in Vietnamese Fire Prevention History" is that list could have gone on for two solidi pages. I think everything up to the coke machine was flammable in this movie
Mr Dangerous, Glad to hear you liked it.
Cattyfan, that's an interesting take you have on the movie. I've never thought of it quiet that way before. Although come to think of it I would have gone to see The Passion of Christ if there had been a few more fireballs. Thanks for stopping by.
J-Mo, You PHEEE-nominal human being you. Don't ask me why more people aren't aware of the power of dressing like a hooker when the chips are down, I mean the evidence is there for everyone to see. The only thing is I think the key is that you only dress that way when it's really important, otherwise you end up on the Rock of Love Bus, "being there" for Brett.
5 of 5 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 20, 2009 10:25 PM