It's this waffle boy's humble opinion that smart is way, WAY overrated. Mortgaged backed securities, land wars in Asia, and the Hindenburg were all the products of some of the smartest people walking the face of the Earth having what at the time what were thought to be brilliant ideas, and what did we get for all of this concentrated smartness? Okay with the Hindenburg we got a flaming zeppelin, and the basis of the best Thanksgiving episode ever on TV (the Turkey giveaway on WKRP), so that doesn't really help my argument. You know what? Forget about the Hindenburg, that's a bad example, but generally speaking really smart ideas are the ones that have the highest potential for disaster. So that's why I say, give me a dumb idea every time.
Nobody ever gets into serious trouble with a truly dumb idea. For example nobody puts their entire 401k into Star War commemorative plates, they just buy maybe the first 20 (they're great conversation starters and besides they tie my apartment together), and not only that, dumb ideas are highly entertaining. What's that? Don't believe me?
Well what if I asked you to believe that a guy a rrrrrrridiculous French accent was Scottish and a guy with a Scottish accent who had a Spanish name was actually Egyptian? You'd think that was a little silly, right? And not only that, but what if I told you a bunch of jokers were going to run around 1980's New York having sword fights while Queen played in the background, and that whenever anyone got their head cut off it would cause enough sparks and lightning to make you feel like you were at a WWF match? I'm guessing you wouldn't let me go outside without my helmet, right? Well I don't blame you, these are all things that put the moron in moronic, but there also highly entertaining. Just sit down with the 1986 release, Highlander and see for yourself.
Okay, our movie starts in the birthplace of rational thought and intelligent discourse, a wrestling match. Just kidding. I mean about wrestling matches being the birth place of rational thought and intelligent discourse; wrestling matches are where brain cells go to die, but seriously the movie really does start at a wrestling match.
A guy in a trench coat is watching the match and seems to have a bad headache. We know this because he keeps closing his eyes and rubbing his head. By the way you can expect this level of crackerjack acting from Christopher Lambert throughout the rest of the movie. Anyway Chrissie has such a bad headache he leaves in the middle of the tag team match and goes to the garage to get his car.
I have to talk about how Christopher Lambert is dressed in this scene and a lot of the movie. He's wearing a trench coat with jeans and tennis shoes. It's sort of like Rick Springfield was his personal stylist in this movie.
While walking through the garage he's confronted by a guy in a suit and mirrored sunglasses who kind of looks like a spy, or a guy who doesn't want to be recognized going into an adult bookstore, or a spy who doesn't want to be recognized going into an adult bookstore (ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!)
Anyway Pervy Spy whips out a sword and tells Christopher Lambert there can be only one. Christopher Lambert opens up his trench coat and whips out a bad ass samurai sword, and stops looking like Rick Springfield and starts looking like Rick Springfield with anger management issues.
CL and Pervy Spy proceed to have a pretty kickass sword fight, that includes sparks flying off of their swords, and Pervy Spy doing like 75 back flips in a row for no apparent reason. Still after about five minutes Christopher Lambert cuts off Pervy Spy's head.
This isn't any big deal, because this happens in movies all the time. Well, it happens all the time in the kind of movies I watch, but then something happens that you don't see every day.
A whole bunch of sparks and lightening flow out of Pervy Spy's body over to Christopher Lambert, and then he floats about three feet off the ground, and when his eyes roll back into his head all the windshields in the cars in the garage explode. Incidentally this movie is the main reason why I take public transportation to sporting events whenever possible.
Comments (6)
Prit, gorge and brill! I just might have to rent this one for my next bad movie night, I've seen it so many years ago, and I always thought that CL was just mildly retarded, but now I know he just acted that way cuz he's French.
love to you!
love, J-Mo :)
1 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 8, 2009 9:07 AM
J-Mo -- it's on heavy rotation on AMC.
Almost every time I go into the bathroom to wash my hair, I yell out "There can be only ONE!" and my guy replies, "Again?!?!"
2 of 6 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on June 8, 2009 11:33 AM
WaffleBoy, I absolutely LOVE this movie!! And I loved this recap. You were so dead on about the stupidness of this movie and idea. And yet it is AWESOME. How did that happen? It's one of the great mysteries of life.
Can't wait to see what cheesy movie you take on next.
SWAK, PottyMouth
3 of 6 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 8, 2009 12:14 PM
Yea J-Mo, you PHEEE-nominal human being you! Glad to hear you liked the post, and this is a fun one to watch with friends, I highly recommend it. You made a very common mistake concerning Christopher Lambert. It's not that he's too dumb to do the jumble, he just talks like he's got a mouth full of mothballs. It's a subtle difference, but it is there, trust me. Hey, cut the dude some slack, he's from out of town.
Love right back at you J-Mo!
4 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 8, 2009 6:45 PM
Wow DMG, you quote this movie? Let me know your favorite color and I'll pass it on to your guy. Someone of your caliber deserves the bestest dust buster there is for their birthday.
Thanks for stopping by
5 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 8, 2009 6:52 PM
Hi PottyMouth,
yep, this is a fun one that's for sure. this is one of those movies that when I find it on TV while I flipping channels, it makes me feel like I found five dollars in a pair of pants. It's not going to change your life, but it just makes you feel good.
As to why it can be so good and so dumb at the same time? Well, sword fights are cool, decapitations are cool, Sean Connery is cool, and Christopher Lambert is...I mentioned the sword fights, right? By the way, I'm only teasing Christopher Lambert because he doesn't know where I live.
Anyway, I've got a movie picked out for this week and I hope you guys like it as much as I do.
Thanks for stopping by!
6 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 8, 2009 8:23 PM