« Leftovers... | <__trans phrase="Main"> | The Skin Doctor Did It »
Luckily for the rest of the movie, Arnie gets loose and opens up the whoopass can on BFF and his goons. Arnie dispatches all the mooks pretty handily and his fisticuffs are actually pretty secret agent worthy. After he puts big holes in them and/or twists their heads off Arnie legs it back to his place.
When Arnie gets home, he's throwing the mother of all hissy fits. He's turning off all the lights, closing the drapes and babbling to Sharon Stone about how Bald Fred Flintstone was a spy trying to kill him because he went to Rekall after work to get a fake vacation. Sharon Stone is pretty pissed he went to Rekall too, and tells Arnie this spy stuff is all in his head because they were messing with his noodle. Arnold shows her BFF's cholesterol loaded blood dripping off his hands, and Sharon is pretty stumped by this development, so tells Arnie to go get washed up so he doesn't get BFF blood all over the apartment and when he's cleaned up, they'll have sex, talk about what is happening.
Arnie goes and washes up, and calms down, because no matter what else is happening in the world, Sharon Stone loves him, and that's all he really needs.
Oh shitskis! When Arnold comes out of the bathroom all the lights are out in the room except for one right in Arnie's beady little eyes and someone is trying to shoot the poop out of him. Arnie tells Sharon Stone to save herself (aww) and using some pretty secrety agnety moves manages to knock the gun out of the bad guy's hands.
Oh Snap! It's Sharon Stone, and not only was she shooting at him, when she loses her gun, she pulls out some serious kung fu, and starts slamming on our boy Arnie right in the baby B-B's. Arnie gets nut punched what feels like about 63 times, but finally manages to put a gun to Sharon Stone's head and get her to stop wailing on his junk.
After his eyes stop watering, Arnie asks Sharon Stone just what in the wide, wide world of sports is a going on around here. Sharon Stone says every memory in his head is a rich crock of creamery butter, and her bosses told her two months ago to pretend to be his wife and keep an eye on him. Then Sharon says that now that he knows the big secret hows about the two of them starting making with the serious sexing?
Even though Arnold's testicles are probably hovering right below his adam's apple he still has to give this offer a little thought. (That's just how hot Sharon Stone was in 1990) Right when Arnie is about ready to figure out a safe word with Sharon Stone, he glances at this little TV gizmo and sees a whole bunch of goons with guns heading his way. No nookie for Arnie this time. Instead, he knocks out Sharon Stone and beats feet out of their apartment.
The bad guys show up, and the chief goon is Michael Ironsides. He's very concerned about Sharon Stone, and very happy because the one smart goon (the one with glasses) has a tracking device and tells him Arnie is hoofing it for the subway.
The goons all hall ass to catch Arnold, but MI stops to put a lip lock on Sharon Stone, because apparently they are an item. Hmmm? Arnie and Michael Ironside? You know I'm starting to think Sharon Stone is a bit of a Lucy Loose Labia in this movie.
The bad guys almost catch Arnie, and there is a shootout where some poor extra literally gets shot to pieces, but Arnie is able to get on a subway train.
Things get worse for Michael Ironside, because he has to talk to his boss, and it's Ronny Cox, hi Ronny. Ronny is pretty steamed about everything that just happened. Actually within about 10 seconds you can figure out that Ronny Cox is the undisputed douche of the solar system.
Ronny Cox is super pissed at Michael Ironside, Sharon Stone, Arnie, the Goon with Glasses, nuns, kittens and pretty much everything else in the universe. Man, I don't understand it. Ronny Cox is a really nice guy in the Beverly Hills Cops movies, but in this one and Robocop, you'd have to set an elephant's rectum on fire to find a bigger flaming asshole then Ronny. I think it's because these movies take place in the future, so for the rest of the post we'll call Ronny The Evil Future Cox.
Comments (4)
"Arnie and Michael Ironside? You know I'm starting to think Sharon Stone is a bit of a Lucy Loose Labia in this movie."
AND self-esteem issues!
BTW, now that you're a big shot over there on the TV side doin' recaps and all, just remember, when you are comparing two things, it is THAN not THEN.
Love you and your recaps.
1 of 4 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 29, 2009 10:09 PM
AHHHH, Waffleboy this movie was considered such a MINDFUCK when it first came out! Strange how badly it has aged, but I still love to see people's faces exploding.
Two things I have to tell you... One: Prissy Doctor Guy... I ran into him back in 1999 when I lived in L.A. Big ol' queen.
Two: Three Boobed Hooker's name is Lycia Naff and she was actually a lead dancer on the TV series "Fame" (and even had a featured role playing Danny Amatullo's girlfriend in an episode about racial tensions). BTW, she does not really have three boobs. I don't think.
Awesome job, loved this moviegasm.
love, J-Mo :)
2 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 30, 2009 11:15 AM
Waffleboy, loved it again! This is another one that I haven't thought of in so long, but loved it when I first saw it!
I love the movies that you pick out each week, and I'm always excited to see what you'll talk about next.
Oh, and picking your nose can save your life? LMFAO. Love love love your work.
SWAK, PottyMouth
3 of 4 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:54 PM
Hey pixielated, thanks for the tip. Sorry I got a little behind schedule last week and the proof reading process boiled down to "are there vowels in all the words?" I'll try to do better this week.
J-Mo, you pheee-nominal human being you. You know while I was watching this one I was thinking for a 20 year old movie it didn't look that bad. okay, aside from a future where everyone drove around in golf carts.
Thanks for the info on Lycia Naff. One of the things I love about old movies is spotting people who were on TV at the time, or people who hit it big later on. Kind of like the way I love the fact Forest Whitaker is in Blood Sport.
PottyMouth,
A big swak right back for you too. The movie selection process over here at apartmento de waffleboy is pretty casual. It can range from stumbling across a movie on cable, to in this week's case pulling the movie up on Netflicks because I hadn't seen it in years either. It's about the level of organization you'd except from someone who is easily fascinated by shiny objects and string.
4 of 4 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 4, 2009 6:11 AM