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She and Arnie go up to her room, and she is doing the happy to see you/where the hell have you been? that all chicks do when you get your memory erased and shipped off to another planet. Arnie explains what has happened to him, but doesn't mention that he accidentally/on purpose had hot memory wiped sex with Sharon Stone every night for the last two months. Melina decides that even if Arnie's story isn't a little fishy, she doesn't need a boyfriend who doesn't really remember her, so she tells Arnie maybe he should go back to his hotel and raid the minibar.
When Arnie gets back to his hotel he's pretty depressed, because he's got zippo options for getting his memory back now. There is a knock at the door and when Arnie answers it, there is this prissy doctor guy. The prissy doctor guy tells Arnie he's not on Mars, he's still back on Earth at the Rekall place where his brain has gone all hooie kablooie and he's imaging everything. The prissy doctor guy tells Arnold he's a hologram and he's here to keep Arnie from going completely nutsy, and he brought another hologram person with him to talk some sense into Arnie.
The door opens and it's Sharon Stone. Sharon Stone tells Arnie just to do what the doctor says, and when he's back to normal they can go have sex in a closet before going home for more sex. Arnie's a little confused by what he should do, and is about to go along with the prissy doctor and Sharon Stone when he notices the doctor is sweating and whoever heard of a hologram sweating? So Arnie shoots the prissy doctor right in the melon.
This is right when the wall explodes and a bunch of goons come in and take Arnie prisoner. Sharon Stone comes over and gives Arnie a hard kick to the ribs, so I'm guessing the closet sex is pretty much off the table at this point.
Sharon Stone and the goons take Arnie to the elevator. They are going to meet with Michael Ironside, and then the bad guys can finally win one in an action movie for a change. Too bad for them when the elevator door opens it's that Melina chick and she's got a submachine gun. The goons all get the poop shot out of them, and then Melina and Sharon Stone both start making with the kung fu. Finally after awhile, Sharon Stone gets the drop on Melina and is all set to stab her with this knife.
Too bad for Sharon Stone, Arnie shoots the knife out of her hand. Sharon Stone makes serious puppy dog eyes at Arnie and points out that their makeup sex will probably be off the charts what with her trying to kill him and repeatedly hammering his balls and all. Arnie is maybe a little tempted by this offer, but Sharon Stone tries to shoot him with this little gun, so Arnie drills her right between the eyes.
Then Arnie and Melina take off, which is a good thing because Michael Ironside shows up, and if you thought he was mad at Arnie for sleeping with his girlfriend, you should see how he takes this news. As soon as he sees Arnold he starts shooting (and missing) again. The GWG makes him stop, because Arnie is by the dome and if that cracks, everyone will get Jonas Brothers date face, oh and die.
Arnie and Melina end up hooking up with Bennie again and get chased my Michael Ironside all through the Martian tunnels. Finally Arnie, Melina and Benny head back to the sleazy sex club and duck out through a secret door. Michael Ironside and his goons show up but everyone one is like Arnie who? Are you sure you aren't looking for Jean Claude Van Damme, because he was just here 10 minutes ago.
Michael Ironside doesn't take this news very well and shoots the three boobed hooker. Oh the humanity! And it looks like he was just warming up because he starts asking this midget blonde hooker where Arnie is and it doesn't look like he'll be waiting very long for an answer.
Luckily for the midget blonde hooker, this big mutant guy shoves Michael Ironside and gets shot by the GWG and then the poop hits the fan and everyone starts fighting with everyone. The little blonde hooker pulls a knife out of...you know, I don't even want to know where that knife came from, and guts the GWG like a fish.
Comments (4)
"Arnie and Michael Ironside? You know I'm starting to think Sharon Stone is a bit of a Lucy Loose Labia in this movie."
AND self-esteem issues!
BTW, now that you're a big shot over there on the TV side doin' recaps and all, just remember, when you are comparing two things, it is THAN not THEN.
Love you and your recaps.
1 of 4 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 29, 2009 10:09 PM
AHHHH, Waffleboy this movie was considered such a MINDFUCK when it first came out! Strange how badly it has aged, but I still love to see people's faces exploding.
Two things I have to tell you... One: Prissy Doctor Guy... I ran into him back in 1999 when I lived in L.A. Big ol' queen.
Two: Three Boobed Hooker's name is Lycia Naff and she was actually a lead dancer on the TV series "Fame" (and even had a featured role playing Danny Amatullo's girlfriend in an episode about racial tensions). BTW, she does not really have three boobs. I don't think.
Awesome job, loved this moviegasm.
love, J-Mo :)
2 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 30, 2009 11:15 AM
Waffleboy, loved it again! This is another one that I haven't thought of in so long, but loved it when I first saw it!
I love the movies that you pick out each week, and I'm always excited to see what you'll talk about next.
Oh, and picking your nose can save your life? LMFAO. Love love love your work.
SWAK, PottyMouth
3 of 4 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:54 PM
Hey pixielated, thanks for the tip. Sorry I got a little behind schedule last week and the proof reading process boiled down to "are there vowels in all the words?" I'll try to do better this week.
J-Mo, you pheee-nominal human being you. You know while I was watching this one I was thinking for a 20 year old movie it didn't look that bad. okay, aside from a future where everyone drove around in golf carts.
Thanks for the info on Lycia Naff. One of the things I love about old movies is spotting people who were on TV at the time, or people who hit it big later on. Kind of like the way I love the fact Forest Whitaker is in Blood Sport.
PottyMouth,
A big swak right back for you too. The movie selection process over here at apartmento de waffleboy is pretty casual. It can range from stumbling across a movie on cable, to in this week's case pulling the movie up on Netflicks because I hadn't seen it in years either. It's about the level of organization you'd except from someone who is easily fascinated by shiny objects and string.
4 of 4 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 4, 2009 6:11 AM