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Michael Ironside and the rest of the goons get chased out of the bar, and it gets worse for Michael Ironside because he gets a phone call from The Evil Future Cox. The Evil Future Cox seems pretty happy that Arnie got away, and tells Michael Ironside just to come home, and when he and all the goons leave, The Evil Future Cox seals the level and shuts off the air.
Arnie, Melina and Benny go back through some secret tunnels and finally meet the rebel resistance. The leader of the rebel resistance, a guy named Kuato wants to talk with Arnie, and they already know Melina, but they are pretty suspicious of Benny. Not to worry, because is turns out Benny is a mutant too, which means he must be cool.
They go back to the rebel HQ and Arnie meets Kuato. It turns out Kuato is a Chucky doll taped to some guy's stomach, but Kuato is a psychic Chucky doll, so he is able to read Arnie's mind. Kuato and Arnie find out that The Evil Future Cox found this big alien machine thingee, which would make the air on Mars breathable. Naturally, because The Evil Future Cox is a complete dick, he'd rather sell people air then let them breathe it for free, because things are always better when you earn them.
Just then the goons show up again, and Arnie, Melina, Kuato and Benny take off while the rest of the rebels fight it out with the goons. Just when they all think they are going to get away, Benny machineguns the poop out of Kuato and takes Arnie and Melina prisoner. Yep it turns out Benny is working for The Evil Future Cox, and man is that depressing. I mean if you can't trust a Martian cab driver with a big ET hand, who can you trust?
When Arnie and Melina get back to The Evil Future Cox's HQ, they get the real bad news. It turns out Arnold is The Evil Future Cox's bestest buddy and this was all part of his evil master plan to crush the resistance and make Mars safe for power mad douchebags. Arnie isn't buying it, until he gets another message. This one is from Evil TV Arnold, and yep The Evil Future Cox wasn't woofing, it's all true. Arnie is a bad guy. Not only that, but now that they've killed the psychic Chucky doll, Evil TV Arnold wants his body back so they are going to re-re-rewipe Arnie's brain
Arnie starts yammering about he's not Evil TV Arnold, and The Evil Future Cox is like whatever dude, but after we re-wire your noggin there's a party at my pad at eight, be there or be square.
It looks like Arnie is well on his way to getting in touch with his inner asshole, when he freaks out, tears out all the straps they were using to hold him down and kills all the evil science brain techs. You see? That's reason number 14 why squats are never a waste of time at the gym.
Arnie and Melina head off to fire up the big alien air making thingamajig. The Evil Future Cox finds out they've escaped and sends Michael Ironside and a mess of goons off to kill them. The goons get all set up to kill Arnie and his squeeze, but you remember that hologram dealy Arnie got way back in the first reel? Well he and Melina use it to kill all the goons in all sorts of entertaining ways. Arnie hops on this elevator to ride up and start the alien air making thingee when Michael Ironside shows up for the big throw down. They fight on the elevator for awhile and when Arnie tries to throw Michael Ironside off, crazy old Michael Ironside grabs on to Arnie and tries to pull him off with him.
Luckily for the plot, there is a big rock right next to the elevator, so Arnie pulls Michael Ironside's arms (but not the rest of him) into the elevator car, and that big rock just rips Michael Ironside's arms off. There, problem solved.
Comments (4)
"Arnie and Michael Ironside? You know I'm starting to think Sharon Stone is a bit of a Lucy Loose Labia in this movie."
AND self-esteem issues!
BTW, now that you're a big shot over there on the TV side doin' recaps and all, just remember, when you are comparing two things, it is THAN not THEN.
Love you and your recaps.
1 of 4 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 29, 2009 10:09 PM
AHHHH, Waffleboy this movie was considered such a MINDFUCK when it first came out! Strange how badly it has aged, but I still love to see people's faces exploding.
Two things I have to tell you... One: Prissy Doctor Guy... I ran into him back in 1999 when I lived in L.A. Big ol' queen.
Two: Three Boobed Hooker's name is Lycia Naff and she was actually a lead dancer on the TV series "Fame" (and even had a featured role playing Danny Amatullo's girlfriend in an episode about racial tensions). BTW, she does not really have three boobs. I don't think.
Awesome job, loved this moviegasm.
love, J-Mo :)
2 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 30, 2009 11:15 AM
Waffleboy, loved it again! This is another one that I haven't thought of in so long, but loved it when I first saw it!
I love the movies that you pick out each week, and I'm always excited to see what you'll talk about next.
Oh, and picking your nose can save your life? LMFAO. Love love love your work.
SWAK, PottyMouth
3 of 4 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:54 PM
Hey pixielated, thanks for the tip. Sorry I got a little behind schedule last week and the proof reading process boiled down to "are there vowels in all the words?" I'll try to do better this week.
J-Mo, you pheee-nominal human being you. You know while I was watching this one I was thinking for a 20 year old movie it didn't look that bad. okay, aside from a future where everyone drove around in golf carts.
Thanks for the info on Lycia Naff. One of the things I love about old movies is spotting people who were on TV at the time, or people who hit it big later on. Kind of like the way I love the fact Forest Whitaker is in Blood Sport.
PottyMouth,
A big swak right back for you too. The movie selection process over here at apartmento de waffleboy is pretty casual. It can range from stumbling across a movie on cable, to in this week's case pulling the movie up on Netflicks because I hadn't seen it in years either. It's about the level of organization you'd except from someone who is easily fascinated by shiny objects and string.
4 of 4 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 4, 2009 6:11 AM