OK Magazine has named the nine hottest bodies of '09. My first question is how someone can have the best body of the year when the year just started? You can't put a ribbon on a horse til the damn thing's run around the track. For all we know, Jennifer Lopez could go on a divorce binge and gain seventy pounds before next Christmas. And then what would you do, OK? Retract? I didn't think so. Find out who was OK'ed after the jump.
You've got my vote, Delta!
Complete disregard for the law of time aside, I was instantly amused by this article because they led off with Nicolette Sheridan. Nicolette Sheridan is built like more of a man than Michael Bolton and everyone knows it. I don't know who made these selections, but I suspect she has man hands.
Coming in at number 8 is Heidi Montag. HEIDI?!? HOTTEST BODY OF WHEN? Come on now. She looks like a real life version of one of those caricatures creepy hippies draw of tourists at the beach.
All she's missing is a Pelican on her shoulder and a signature on her knee.
The article mentions that Heidi has a Barbie body (ie not biodegradable) and talks about her really poorly crafted boob job and two hour a day, six day a week training schedule. I. Am so. Sure. It's called bulimia, k? The article stops there and does not mention her long gangly skeleton hands, which I thought was gracious.
Number 7 is Beyonce, because she gained fifteen pounds for Cadillac Records. If you saw Cadillac Records raise your hand. No one? Anyone? I love Be and I love her the same at any weight. I like it and I'm going to put a ring on it. She wears catsuits in public and she will always be my queen. My crazy, dancin around in her panties, batshit crazy diva queen.
Jennifer Lopez came in at number six. She just worked so hard after the birth of her twins that she finished a triathalon in 23 minutes! Coincidentally, that is the day after she dropped out of guest judging the Project Runway Bryant Park show because of a "hurt ankle". Jennifer is the type to tell you she couldn't come to your dinner party because she was sick and then post pics on Facebook of a party she threw the same night with all of your friends. I have to give her credit though, because she vows in this article to never lose her giant ass.
Fergie's number five. She's hot because she goes hiking and has hot sex with Josh Duhamel. She says that she needs to lose thirteen pounds. Yes, Fergie, you're a fat bitch. It's what we're all thinking. Angelina made the list too, because it's in her contract with the devil to be in every single article about beauty ever written until the end of time. She credits breast feeding her new twins for getting down to fighting weight so fast after pregnancy. That's totally unfair. I so need some twins to breast feed. Jennifer Aniston beat her by one place, coming in at number three. Oh snap, OK! Take sides much? Julianne Hough is number two. Julianne is smiling big in her picture, but she's also flexing her triceps while trying to act casual about it. Insecure much?
Squeeze, girl!
And taking the number one spot ... drum roll! Britney! And damn, she does look good in this picture. Her strict ass father has done her a world of good this year. He should take in Winehouse and the dirty Olsen twin and set their shit straight. So what do you guys think? Do you agree with OK? Do you care? And...is anyone else hungry?
Comments (1)
What? Madonna didn't make this list with her total misrepresentation of the fit female form!
I agree, Sasha Fierce looks great, even when she is chunky, but....
Brit Brit is still my favorite up & downer! Who cares about the rest.
1 of 1 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on January 4, 2009 6:54 PM