Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: "The Citizen Kane of bad Christmas films, this bizarre 1964 sci-fi fantasy finds Santa Claus being kidnapped by Martians to bring cheer to the children of Mars. One of the Martian kids was portrayed by a 10-year-old Pia Zadora..."

The Star Wars Holiday Special: "This 1978 CBS holiday special spinoff of the original Star Wars... 'is some of the most painful television ever created, said a review on the website, Oh, the Humanity!... featured the film's cast, plus such guest stars as Harvey Korman and Bea Arthur..."

Babes in Toyland: "The oft-filmed Victor Herbert operetta was translated to Cincinnati in this 1986 TV movie musical that starred Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves and Pat Morita..."

Christmas Comes to Pac-Land: "This 1982 cartoon special starring Pac-Man and his family was a crass attempt to cash in on the video-game craze..."

Jack Frost: "Michael Keaton, as a mediocre blues singer who neglects his son, is killed in a car crash on Christmas Eve. How's that for a cheery premise? But wait, it gets better. Keaton's character, named Jack Frost, is reincarnated a year later as his son Charlie's snowman..."

Silent Night, Deadly Night: "Naughty people get punished by an ax-wielding psycho wearing a Santa suit in this controversial 1984 slasher film... Heavy on bloodshed and gratuitous nudity, it was a box-office success and spawned four sequels..."

Surviving Christmas: "This 2004 comedy starred Ben Affleck as a spoiled millionaire who hires a suburban Chicago clan to be his family at Christmas time. Ben forces the likes of Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini) to wear a Santa hat -- but sadly, he doesn't get whacked..."

Eight Crazy Nights: "Adam Sandler's 2002 animated gross-out musical-comedy celebrates the Festival of Lights, whose candles should have been used to torch the master print...'A holiday film for the whole family,' wrote the Chicago Reader's J.R. Jones, provided the whole family is obsessed with human waste'..."

Jingle All the Way: Arnold Schwarzenegger... has yet to live down the holiday turkey..."

Kathie Lee Gifford's Christmas specials: "Washington Post television critic Tom Shales called 1995's Kathie Lee: Home for Christmas, 'a sickeningly saccharine vanity production that should really have been titled O Come, Let Us Adore Me'..."

Well, we don't know about the Kathie Lee specials. We could watch them on a loop all summer. You?

--Tabloid Baby

Posted in Specials by Tabloid Baby at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: cruella_deville on Dec 11, 2006 10:59 AM.

Comments (6)

nate :

I totally remember the Babes in Toyland movie when I was a kid.

To this day, whenever I hear the word "Cincinnati", I sing the song from it.

C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I Cincinnati!!!!

1 of 6 | Posted by nate | Posted on December 8, 2006 11:10 AM

tek33 :

I love Babes in Toyland! Keanu rocks!

2 of 6 | Posted by tek33 | Posted on December 8, 2006 11:18 AM

dumbanddumber :

I actually bought the Star Wars Christmas special off of ebay a few years ago, thinking that it would be good for nostalgia, since I had watched it as a wee one many years ago. It is unspeakably bad, really beyond all desciption.

3 of 6 | Posted by dumbanddumber | Posted on December 8, 2006 1:44 PM

captainobvious :

"Keaton's character, named Jack Frost, is reincarnated a year later as his son Charlie's snowman..."

Oh boy I remember that one. That description is absolutely PERFECT. hahaha what a horrible movie

4 of 6 | Posted by captainobvious | Posted on December 9, 2006 11:52 AM

zoobabe :

I loved Eight Crazy Nights, but I'm a zookeeper so I AM obsessed with feces. :)

5 of 6 | Posted by zoobabe | Posted on December 10, 2006 5:39 AM

cruella_deville :

My boyfriend is a a HUGE fan of weird, obscure movies, and he just found a copy of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" in a used video store. He HAD to have it...he admitted he will never watch it, but just likes to be able to tell people he actually owns it.

Anyone remember "The House Without a Christmas Tree"? Not that it was a bad movie, it just really made me hate Jason Robards for a long, long time.

Now, "Rudolph's Shiny New Year"....THAT'S bad!

6 of 6 | Posted by cruella_deville | Posted on December 11, 2006 10:59 AM

User Name		Need to Register with our Forums section? Then click here
Password

Back to Recaps

Post a comment

168