This doesn't count as a spoiler. Never mind who won. No matter whether Brad got to announce if he and JP are an item. We don't care why Ozzie got so swollen. Check the Recaps for those details and the winner of Survivor: Cook Islands. We're here to let you know that at about the two-hour-and-thirty-three-minute point of three hours of very fulfilling television, the song written and performed by first cast-off, Sekou Bunch was far more hapless and gloriously bad than we'd dared anticipated, relegated to a thirty-second bumper and a classic TV moment up there with Bill Murray's lyrical rendition of the Star Wars theme. Despite all prior indications and our warnings, the song had lyrics, and was accompanied by a yellow-suited Ving Rhames-meets-Ruben Studdard performance the likes of which we haven't seen since we staggered into Cleo's Barge at Caesars Palace at three in the morning while working as a PA for the Jerry Lewis Telethon.

Yes, we will buy the download. Yes, it should be a ringtone. Yes, "Sekou sucks." And yes, we still can't decipher the second line: