All of 85 pounds, whacked out on Vicodin and pot, Nicole Richie cheated death and vehicular homicide-- while besting fellow celebutard Paris Hilton's measly "erratic driving" DUI charge back in September-- with her arrest for driving the wrong way down Highway 134 in Burbank in the middle of the night. Though the California Highway Patrol (whose former officer Francis Poncherello is now filming his own law & order reality series) has now released 911 tapes from alarmed motorists, they've yet to accuse her of calling any of her jailers "sugar tits."

Even so, with the sheepish look, slight smile and oh-so tousled hair, it looks like our girl's learned the newest rule of celebrity: Live fast, maybe die young, but always take a beautiful mugshot.

Hear the 911 calls after the jump: