This week, my life was shitty, especially when I got my purse stolen AGAIN because I am idiot, and when So You Think You Can Dance didn’t kick of Jess and Jordan. Also, the star of this episode got pregnant at FOURTEEN and reminds me of my little sister, which just adds to thing.
Apparently, the ages of this teen mom and her boyfriend – 14 and 15 at conception, respectively – are actually pretty rare. Most teen moms become pregnant at age 18 or 19, and their baby daddies are considerably older. It gives me some comfort that this case is rare, because boy is it awful.
Taylor is, as I said, a 14-now-15 year old from Cincinnati, Ohio with disgusting grammar and an even more disgusting boyfriend, Nathan. They met roller skating, which leads to this hilarious shot of pregnancy and violence and childhood all rolled into one.
Did I say hilarious? I meant TRAUMATIC.
Both Taylor and her boyfriend Nathan were abandoned by their fathers in childhood; they’re raised by single moms just a few blocks apart. Taylor’s mom was also a teen mom, but not of Taylor: she became pregnant at 17 and gave her child up for adoption. I wonder if Taylor has always known this, or it was just shared because of her pregnancy? Anyway, grandma really wants Taylor to take the same path and give up the child for adoption. Nathan and Taylor are both too young to get jobs, can’t drive, and have a long way to go in high school, so it’s going to be EVEN HARDER than normal. Ahhh. As she wisely points out, they feel happy now, but they’re going to grow up and change and feel resentment about the situation. “You’re just so young. You don’t realize.” They also don’t realize – but grandma does – that grandma is going to end up doing a ton of work. In addition to single-momming her own two daughters, she will have to at least help financially support her grandkid.
It’s my hot body I do what I want!
Also on the pro-adoption side is Taylor’s older sister, who has several children of her own. When Taylor protests that her sister and mom don’t trust her to be a good parent, Taylor’s sis responds, “I don’t think you’re going to do a bad job. I think it’s going to take a lot of your own happiness away.” How did she get knocked up with such wise and practical female role models? More on that later. Both sis and grandma constantly refer to the unborn baby as “it” rather than he or she, even though they know it’s a girl to be named Aubri.
Unfortunately, both Taylor and Nathan are pretty fixated on the whole dad-abandonment thing, much like our anti-adoption teen dad last week. Also like last week’s dad, Nathan seems like a lazy asshole! Since they equate adoption with abandonment (something I’m sure the commenters will have a field day with), the pair decide to raise the baby themselves. “I couldn’t stand my kid calling someone else daddy,” says Nathan. Okay, but are you going to be around for them to call YOU daddy? I’m guessing no. Nevertheless, the two tweens delusionally think they’re ready to have a baby. “Things with me and Nathan have been really good, and I’ll think we’ll make it together as parents,” says Taylor, which makes me want to throw up all over myself with its idiocy/sad optimism.
sad horns (sad fallopian tubes?)
Just to reinforce the fact that they are too young to do anything else, big belly Taylor and fattie Nathan (he gains three pounds for every one she gains) hit the roller skating rink, which I can’t imagine is safe. Taylor also says “I feel like a little kid,” which I don’t think she meant ironically, despite the fact that she is, in fact, a little kid.
She looks like my sister Lazy but trashy(er) AHHHHHH
Can I just take a moment and say WHAT THE FUCK? I would be pretty much universally recognized as a huge slut, and even I waited until 16 to have sex and did it with someone I’d been with a long time. I don’t think I’d seen a penis at 14. I was still trying to figure out which household objects were the best masturbatory materials and I thought sperm could travel through the air and impregnate me. When I finally did have sex, I used the pill, spermicide and a condom, and STILL had a pregnancy scare when my period was two whole days late. HOW CAN THESE LITTLE TWEENS BE SO STUPID? At the beginning of the episode, I almost wanted things to go badly for Taylor just to prove what an idiot she’s being. Then when things did go badly, I just felt BAD. So bad. Like her mom says later on, ‘kids shouldn’t be having kids.’ Amen.
My lack of teenage pregnancy could also possibly be attributed to my appearance, which was a rough hybrid of the above.
As the due date gets closer and closer, Taylor starts to save up money by babysitting her sister’s kids. By August, Nathan still hasn’t applied for a single job, and Taylor is starting to get pissed. She has this eyeopening exchange with her mom:
“He’s annoying me.” “Why?” “Because he’s annoying.” Oh, now I get it.
Things come to a head when Taylor, Nathan and grandma head out to get some baby basics. Taylor repeatedly admonishes him about not getting a job over the summer. She only has 25 bucks, so her mom has to pay for everything else and is NOT happy about it. Nathan whines that everyone tells him to get a job and he’s sick of it. Then get a job, loser! God! I was a hotel maid the summer before I went to college. It was forty hours a week picking pubes out of a bathtub and used condoms out of the sheets, but it was money. As they leave the store, Taylor laments about how fifty dollars is a huge amount of money, which makes me (even more) horrified for her future.
6 weeks before the baby is due, Nathan FINALLY starts applying for jobs. But there’s another problem. Both grandmas work full time, and the parents can’t afford child care, and both are still in high school. That means someone will have to dropout or do online high school. Taylor doesn’t want to do it, but because Nathan’s an asshole and refuses, she agrees. Good, in addition to giving up her body, sleep, all her free time, friendships, freedom, and possibly her future, she can now give up high school and all social contact too! Dear schools, this is why free day care is important! I don’t WANT your students to have babies, but if they do, I also don’t want them to drop out!
“Actually… I was thinking you could make all the sacrifices and I could just hang out?”
In a last hurrah before the birth, Taylor and friends go out trick or treating, in actual, non-slutty Halloween costumes. She’s a bunny. Oh gooodddd they’re babiesss!
A few days later, the due date comes and goes. After five days have passed, it’s time to induce. Does anybody have a non-induced baby on here? Is it just because they’re really young? Taylor of course stresses about packing her cutest clothes for the hospital, and laughs off the pain while her sister and mom taunt her about the horror of childbirth.
Hours later, she’s definitely not laughing. In fact, she’s crying. A lot. For thirteen hours, until she can get her epidural. Nathan is amazed by childbirth. He lets out a classic Keanu “Whoa.”
“I’d switch places with you if I could! Probably. Wait, that’s not possible… right? Cause I’m feeling kind of down today…”
Finally, we get alien baby, which Taylor doesn’t seem that excited about. I guess she’s really tired or just realize she’s fucked or both.
Is it just me or is that a Benjamin Button baby?
Since Taylor pushed the baby out her vagina instead of getting cut open, she and baby Aubri Rose get discharged after just one day. They go back to Taylor’s house, where Aubri immediately starts pooping and puking all over everything, grossing out her disillusioned new parents. The baby almost freakin chokes on her own spitup, but Taylor’s older sister saves the day as the new parents didn’t even realize anything was happening.
As usual, baby daddy starts slacking almost immediately. He won’t change the diaper or take out the trash, and says of his little baby “She’s disgusting. It stinks.” Asshole. He’s not around for the routine middle of the night crying montage, where baby Aubri Rose is inexplicably wearing mittens. (Anybody know?)
“Damnit, I knew I should have done adoption” face
Also, he’s not helping financially at all. He STILL doesn’t have a job, even though he’s now old enough. When Taylor bothers him about it, he hick-ily spits out “Go get you a job too!” She says she thinks they should trade places, with her working and him taking care of the baby, to which he replies, “No!”
Of course, this is all made worse by the fact that Taylor is home with the baby 24/7 and stuck doing virtual school. Sis and grandma start to get worried as Taylor cracks under the pressure. The new parents finally have a huge fight, which begins when she tells him not to yell in front of the baby. Response? “Shut up.” Response to asking for more help? “I do everything around here.” Response to the fact that he only takes out the trash? “Shut up.” Parting thoughts? “Are you stupid?” and “You’re an idiot.” This is textbook verbal abuse if I’ve ever heard it. I was really ready to kick this guy in the face watching this. 16 years old and he’s already HORRIBLE.
How could such an asshole produce THIS??
Luckily, grandma overheard Nathan being a twat, and makes it into a family affair where mom, sis and Taylor all confront him. I LOVE seeing strong women team up against assholes. Grandma basically says Nathan is too mean and lazy and she’s not going to put up with this shit any more.
“This whole situation is the reason I said that kid should be put up for adoption. It’s because kids should not have kids. Cause you don’t know how to handle situations yet.” Wow, it’s really harsh to say your grandkid should have been put up for adoption, but it’s honest and I agree. Maybe there are young kids responsible enough to handle their own kids, but it’s not these two, especially Nathan.
Taylor ends her episode being pissed at Nathan and that she’s stuck with him for life. “It sucks.” Like all the other moms (maybe the daddy issues thing rings true) she doesn’t want her child to grow up with a single parent, but if Nathan doesn’t get a personality and preferably face transplant, it’s not going to work out. Taylor doesn’t regret having Aubri, but she does regret having her so young.
‘Made it to 16 & Pregnant! Teen Mom here I come!’
And there’s no after show!! I hope this little boo is okay. Really, this is so sad. Seeing the select bits shown in the show, it seems like adoption may have been the better choice – but of course, that would have had huge emotional implications for Taylor. I know I personally would have Juno’d the crap out of that baby, or possibly murdered Nathan and used pregnancy hormones as an insanity defense. Thoughts?
I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anyone would miss you.