If you ever get a chain letter threatening you to forward it to 7 people in 7 minutes, do it. If not, you may be forced to watch the most depressing show on TV and then write about it. I usually write as I watch but I found myself in the mighty land of cable (mom’s house) and couldn’t resist watching it first. Big mistake. Officially jumping off a bridge. Now.
This week’s mom to be is Felicia and she lives with her mother, stepfather and grandmother in Texas. That’s two teen moms in a row Texas; guess the borders aren’t the only places needing protection. She says her first priority is studying but I’m going to venture a guess that when you appear on a show entitled 16 & Pregnant, studying is not getting the attention it deserves. If it was, the show would be called 16 & Studying and no one would watch and she’d be a role model instead of an example.
To be fair, she has a lot of pressure on her. Her mom wants Felicia to graduate from high school because she’ll be the first person in the family to do so. I’m not judging but really? Now I know that not everyone completes high school but she’s the FIFTH child! That’s four that didn’t make it! (Clearly, I went to math class). She says that no one has gone to the 12th grade and that’s why she wants to do it. Felicia, dear, that’s the only reason why? Not the fact that it’ll prep you for college or a trade school. It’ll be a good example for your daughter? It will prevent you from becoming the next Amber Portwood? I’m scared to watch any further.
Felicia enjoys hanging out with friends and her boyfriend Alex who is in a dance crew. I’m guessing this will ultimately lead to a very special episode of America’s Best Dance Crew. Oooh, maybe Saltare can use the umbilical cord as a jump rope.
Favorite dance step: The Floating Mistake Baby
Felicia went to night school to keep up due to her pregnancy so that she could graduate on time. Once school is back in session, her friends can’t wait to ask how her mom found out about the baby.
She couldn’t figure out how I got pregnant. She figured these supersized braces were foolproof birth control.
OMG! LOL! We totally did too!
Felicia is happy that her friends are so understanding but wishes her mom would be more supportive of her. Quick review of the facts: knocked up at 16, lives in parent’s house with boyfriend, only clear expectation in life is to complete high school and she hasn’t been disowned yet; I’ve had bras with less support than that. What a friggin’ brat! She sits down to have a talk with her mom Reina and it is just sad. She’s crying her eyes out because her last child has possibly ruined her chance to become a high school graduate.
Sad. She won’t finish school or her eyeshadow.
Now we get to catch a glimpse of Felicia and Alex together. He begins reminiscing about how they met. I have pants older than these two and he’s talking like they’ve been together 43 years. Felicia reveals that her friend Jasmine pointed him out on myspace. Head. About. To. Explode. My-effing-space?! Any story that starts with meeting on myspace will either end with a baby or chlamydia. It’s been proven. And to that I say, Z-pack please! Then they talk about whether or not they’re ready for parenthood. Alex says that things have already changed (foreshadowing) and Felicia says that once the baby is out of her stomach, things will change. The number one sign that you are not ready to reproduce has got to be thinking that babies grow in stomachs.
Felicia is hanging out with her friends and they are surprised that she’s pregnant. She reveals that they only used condoms twice and one of her friends responds with “that’s what’s up”. I can only pray that MTV edited his comment and he didn’t really say something that dumb. Felicia is glad that she lost her virginity to Alex and if she had to have a baby with anyone, she’s glad it’s him. I hope she’s hungry because she’s about to eat those words.
Alex and Felicia do spend some time together-checking out each other’s tattoos. Felica is hiding her’s from her mother so they have to check them out in the bathroom. When you’re pregnant, aren’t tattoo revelations miniscule? Reina is not happy that the kids are in a bathroom alone and they hold the door closed so that she can not see inside. On the one hand, it’s too little too late to barge in on this hormnoal duo but it is disrespectful to do that in your parent’s house.
Felicia can’t stand how “overbearing” her mom is so she calls her sister Ciara to vent. Her sister offers her a place to stay if necessary. Felicia needs to count her lucky stars that her mother didn’t kick her out or throw her down the stairs when she heard she was pregnant. I’ve seen and heard those stories before so being expected to not bang in the bathrom isn’t exactly overbearing. Granted, we don’t see everything that happens but so far Reina seems to be a decent parent. Felicia acknowledges that it’s easier to stay home because her mother will help her. Alex doesn’t like having a curfew and feels that the living situation is not working out for him.
Reina and Tony have a sitdown with Felicia and explain that Alex has to change and start being around for her and the baby. Reina takes her daughter to most of her doctor’s appointments because Alex is a jackass. He missed his first child’s sonogram and Reina decides to confront him. Alex says that he’s going out and doesn’t have to tell her where he’s going because she’s not his mother. In all fairness, she’s not even yelling or being nasty and I don’t even think she’s being annoying. He’s just being a selfish teenage boy who has no business having a baby.
Felicia and her friends are taking a ride and they ask if she’s planning to get married. Felicia acknowledges that Alex is her money since he’s a part time barber and if things work out, they will get married. Her friend Pearl says that it’s crazy that he has that much power. If a part time barber is making enough money to keep her in a relationship then she’s got bigger problems than I thought.
The first time I watched this I felt a little bad but now I think that Felicia might be as bad as Alex. She willingly had sex without condoms and somehow thought she wouldn’t get pregnant, stays at her mom’s because she needs the help and stays with Alex because she needs the money. Ultimately they decide to move to her sister’s because Felicia wants to keep Alex around. Felicia asks Alex if he will stick around more since the mom will not be there and Alex says he just wants to get out. In other words, he wants to get away from anyone who will call him on his BS. If Felicia were older and more mature she would have recognized Alex’s non-answering answer as a warning sign that this won’t work.
Felicia and Alex do the most mature thing possible and rent a moving truck while Reina is at work overnight. I can’t help but think of Flowers in the Attic but instead of them running off to some huge estate; they’re going across town to a home that has even more wood paneling than their own (if that’s possible). Reina wasted no time in going over there.
I can’t believe you could be so ungrateful. We had to dismantle our life sized Robocop replica to give you braces.
Reina says that she was going to apologize to Alex. For what? Holding him accountable? This poor woman. Felicia soon realizes that living with her sister does not mean that Alex will be around more. He claims that he will be attached to his daughter and stay home but instead of helping her study, he takes off again and doesn’t come home all night. He spends his evening getting a tattoo and doling out these advice gems.
What Alex neglects to realize is that he doesn’t live with his girl. He lives with an entire family and he doesn’t appear to be paying any rent. What he should have said was “don’t get your teenage girlfriend pregnant if you want to have a life.” And why do I feel like from this picture alone, his friend would be a better father. Oh, who am I kidding?
The guy who raised this kid would be a better father.
Felicia tells her friend Lai that Alex used to treat her nice but since she’s gotten pregnant he doesn’t want to spend any time with her. She plans on having a talk with him that night but then the phone rings.
I believe her friend’s reaction translates to “Bitch please, you betta have yo ass home in 20 minutes!”
Lai even jumps into the conversation and tells him that he can’t go out. Felicia instead asks what time he’s coming home and he says don’t worry about it.
Should I ship this to Reina’s house or Ciara’s?
Alex spends a lot of time with his boys, Jose wants to take him out…maybe he’s not so much a jerk as he is…into guys? It’s possible. The “next” night, Alex says that he’s going to his aunt’s huse and then out with his boy who’s getting a tattoo. Felicia wanted their last weekend before the baby to be special and Alex volunteers to spend time with her next weekend. Felicia explains that the baby, his child, his creation, his Keebler elf will probably come busting out of her weeping willow next weekend. His response is “I don’t like always to be like right there. I also want to have my space.” Yes Alex, we know you want to have myspace. And facebook. And twitter. That’s where you meet young, susceptible girls and boys and draw them into your web of complex dance moves and lies. He tells her that it’s just not the same and she’s different. She starts crying and he doesn’t bother to comfort her. At least he’s consistent.
The next week, Felicia is four days past her due date and Alex actually goes to the doctor with her. Alex, ever the gentleman, tells Felicia that something is wrong with her because the baby hasn’t come out yet. The doctor plans to induce her the next night. Alex actually stays at the hospital overnight with her! I think MTV bribed him with a new Dodge like they seem to do with all of the teens on this show. As Felicia goes through labor, Alex loses any and all points he may have gained for staying overnight. He asks her stupid things like “What’s wrong? You scared?” This guy really is a moron. Then he says the single dumbest, most inconsiderate thing I’ve ever heard any guy on this show say. And I saw Ryan and Maci’s episode!
This kid makes me want to team up with Cartman’s mom and campaign to have him aborted at 216 months. Seriously, giving birth is hard enough; she doesn’t need this stress on top of it. Nine hours into labor, she begins pushing and Reina is there cheering her on and supporting her. The doctor is so cool and calm and the nurses are all really supportive and the family is…
…filming every gross second of it.
I’m all for recording the birth but did they need four different cameras? I wouldn’t want four copies of my exploding vagina scattered throughout Texas-but that’s just me and my hang ups. The baby finally comes out and I swear everytime it gets to this part I start scrunching up my face and shaking my head back and forth like I’m having flashbacks of ‘Nam. Watching childbirth always makes me reconsider my plan of joining a convent whilst having my legs permanently sewn up and broken to avoid ever going through childbirth. Oh and Reina kinda reminds me of someone.
“By the power of Grayskull, I will eat your baby!!”
Everyone admires the baby and even Alex holds her for a full 30 seconds. He takes off because “he stinks”- literally and as a human being. Oh and he never comes back. The next morning, Felicia tells her mom that she wants to move back home because she needs help. I don’t know what’s more painful, childbirth or your child acknowledging that they basically are just using you for help. Reina immediately agrees to being used for free food, shelter and babysitting. When Felicia is ready to go home, Alex pulls up in a DODGE! I knew MTV was in cahoots with him. So that makes three: Maci, Farrah (after the money scam), and now Alex all have Dodge vehicles. Coincidence? Yeah, probably. Alex slows the vehicle down to let Felicia and baby Genesis jump out and roll down the sidewalk into the house and he takes off once again.
Luckily Felicia’s mom, friends and town drunk are willing to help her out so she’s fine. Pearl, who must be a descendant of Pearl a la 227, wastes no time in marveling that Genesis came out if Felicia’s vagina. All of her friends ask about how Alex is handling the situation, where he is, if he knows he has a kid and if he plans to ever come home. Cut to Alex telling his friends that they’ll miss out on everything worth living for if they have kids too soon. Good message but quit playing Dr. Phil and start doing the stuff that you claim is so hard to do.
Back at the house, Pearl o’ Wisdom is asking about Alex’s ability to be there emotionally and Felicia acknowledges that she can’t talk to him. I’m beginning to wonder if Pearl is a plant by MTV because I don’t know any 17 year olds that are this perceptive.
“I’m actually 103 and dead but I’ve been resurrected for this very special episode of 16 & Pregnant.”
The Socrates of Lewisville, Alex, shares with his friends that things were better when his girl wasn’t pregnant. She calls him all night and he never answered. Also, how about when Felicia is shown in her room after the baby, it’s the big wood paneled dungeon but when she was pregnant her room had white walls. Did Reina give up her master bedroom for these brats? I bet she did, bless her heart. Felicia takes her friends shopping for diapers and nearly crushes the baby with a box of diapers. She’s laughing as Pearly Gates heroically catches and lifts the box away from the baby.
Now, now. Don’t go trying the old, ‘I crushed my baby so I’m suing your store for one tattoo’ scam.
She ends up buying diapers but can’t afford the $29.99 stroller. What in the world? I never had a baby but isn’t that scarily inexpensive? That’s like buying a box of condoms for 25 cents. Oh, that’s right. She never bought condoms!
Felicia and the douche have another sit down after he comes home with $80 sneakers. They set a budget of $70 for his sneakers and he rationalizes that he only spent ten extra dollars. Does this idiot not realize that Felicia could’ve gone back to the store and purchased a crib and two car seats for ten bucks?
“These are the shoes I’m going to walk all over you with.”
“But you said you were gonna walk all over me with $70 shoes.”
Felicia goes back to school and she will graduate with some extra classes since she missed so much. Alex agrees to watch the baby so she can study. Genesis starts crying and Alex tells his studying doormat to make her a bottle. Felicia isn’t even breastfeeding so she literally pours bottled water and formula into a bottle, shakes it up and gives it to him. Then he tells her to hurry up with her work because he needs to take a shower. What is it with this guy and hygiene? Does he have to wash the stench of responsibility off of him? Also, maybe Felicia should rethink her habit of working on a bed, next to a whining infant. And Genesis might be distracting too. Then King of all Jackasses does this:
This baby isn’t even two months old and he covers her in blankets and literally sticks a bottle in her mouth so HE can eat. Felicia ends up dropping her homework to feed the baby.
“What babe? Te quiero Taco Bell.”
Felicia not only dropped her homework but she also gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby. As she feeds Genesis in bed, Alex says “Damn babe, you move too much.” Words can not describe how badly I want to hurt this guy. Alex and Felicia have another chat during the day and Alex says that he’d rather stay home with Genesis than go to work. Felicia says she’d rather work. Oooh, it’s like the infamous “I Love Lucy” episode where the girls go work in the chocolate factory and the guys did the chores. Except Ricky didn’t have his name shaved into his head. And he didn’t wear earrings. And he hadn’t knocked up Lucy and abandoned her to sing Babaloo in a tattoo shop.
Felicia says that she’s unhappy that he doesn’t help and he says “You’re not happy are you?” Even though it was a dumb question, I thought it was a sensitive thing to say considering who we’re dealing with here. Felicia says that she used to care that he wasn’t around for her but now she doesn’t; she only cares that he’s there for their daughter. He says that he doesn’t care if they’re together either and walks away. Okay, not exactly what she was trying to get across but bonus points to Felicia for not crying. We wrap up the episode with her acknowledging that life pretty much sucks and she didn’t plan for her life to end up like this. Someone hand me a tissue and a shotgun. So damn depressing. Next episode gets even better! A girl is kicked out of her parent’s house, her boyfriend is manipulative and controlling and one of their dad’s talks & looks just like Dr. Phil. Oh joy.
I’d heard talk of whether this show glamorizes teen pregnancy or not and while I don’t think it does, the girls that appear on this show say and do a lot of the same dumb things: “He’ll never leave me” “We’ve been together since the 7th grade” “We never used condoms. We didn’t think it would happen to us.” If you ever watch this on MTV.com, there’s a chat room in which some of these teens hold their “teen mom” status as a badge of honor (being a mom is awesome I’ve heard but admittedly a million times worse as a teen) and many acknowledge that it’s the hardest thing ever. However, I’ve seen ones that discuss whether MTV would come to their town to film an episode (psst, the answer is yes).That being said, I do think that there are certain teens who won’t get the ultimate message behind this show and will possibly only take away the fact that these girls are on television and that’s where they want to be too. As far as I’m concerned, they can keep these shows going forever; who isn’t at least a little curious to see how these kids turn out? So what did you think? I seriously struggled to find anything remotely humorous in this one. Is Alex officially the worst ever? And I’m sorry for the lateness; my grandma passed away and we had the services and lots of family in town so cheer me up with some comments .
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