Recap: 24: Twice The 24, Twice The Terror!

A lot of people have been coming down hard on 24 this season, saying it’s off course, ailing, troubled, and unfocused. It won’t be long before the audience slowly erodes away, and that makes me sad. Why? Well, I have this problem where I get entirely too attached and loyal to a show — almost to the point where I become an apologist. Here’s why. I think I look at TV shows as if they were people, and that’s an inherently bad thing, I know. But imagine if someone you knew got sick or had a bad day. You wouldn’t just shrug and walk away, abandoning them in their time of need. No, you’d say nice things like “Don’t worry. You’ll pull through this” or “It’s just an off day. It’ll be okay.” That’s sort of how I feel about 24. Even though I know it’s in trouble and I know it’s in a bad place right now, I just can’t bear to say anything too incredibly negative about it.

(That being said, this week’s two hour event was a pale imitation of last year’s incredible 120 minute extravaganza that saw Edgar die in CTU).

The good news is that with any luck, Powers Boothe may be taking over office very, very soon, and the more idiotic characters we trim away (I’m looking at you Palmer 2.0), the better the chances are that 24 will rise again and remind us why we love it so…This week’s two hour show (ugh, two hours to recap) began with Bill Buchanan informing Jack that his dear, fratricidal brother Graem was dead. Since dad was sneaky and stuffed Graem’s body full of pain poison, no one suspected that the squirrely guy had actually been murdered. Instead, everyone assumed the torture had merely broken him — the tragic biproduct of Jack’s overzealousness. Hey, he’s entitled. Did we not forget that he’s spent two years building up his rage in a Chinese prison? Let him go loose once in a while.

Well, unfortunately for Jack, he now felt burdened with unnecessary guilt, which meant we had some more of that patented Season Six Character Building that the producers have so awkwardly thrust on us this year. And by “character building,” I mean that Jack sighed deeply and felt remorse. Meanwhile, Milo became concerned that Chloe was screwing everything up, what with her being distracted about Morris’s captive state. Why Chloe would suddenly crack under pressure was beyond me, especially since her relationship with Morris remains very unclear and improbable. It’s about time to get rid of him too. And Milo. And Nadia. Basically, let’s just have Bill and Chloe run CTU, with nameless dayplayers stepping up as necessary.

Nevertheless, with Chloe slipping at the wheel, Buchanan forced her to step down from her post and scowl in the corner, which she seemed quite adept at doing. With the change of guard came positive results. CTU found McCarthy’s car (the same car in which Morris was handcuffed, in case you forgot), but magically, McCarthy’s super hearing allowed him to detect Jack’s helicopter high above. There was one thing to do: make Rita drive faster! And on the other side of the road! And into oncoming traffic. As you can imagine, this led to several near misses, including one with a truck. Woman drivers. SHEEESH.

Amazingly, even though Rita & Co. were dashing around on suburban surface streets, about two seconds later she was suddenly on a highway, racing towards the 110 Freeway interchange. Yes, I often hate it when my cul-de-sac MERGES WITH A HIGHWAY. Well, it just so happened to be that the 110 Freeway was chock full o’ overpasses — the better to hide under, especially with the dearth of hidden cameras. That’s right. CTU can access the drive-thru cam at the McDonalds on Sunset and Vine, but when it comes to logical placement of security devices in a potential terrorist (a.k.a. a giant interchange), there’s not a camera in sight.

Well, Rita pulled the car over on a side street (because side streets always run through interchanges), and while McCarthy ran out to steal another vehicle, Morris tried to use his British charm and stubble to earn himself freedom. He told her that CTU didn’t know of her existence, and if she let him go, she’d be free to do as she wanted. After all, she was involved in a nuclear terrorist plot, and who wants that? For a moment, Rita seemed to agree with him, but those dollar signs still shone brightly in her eyes. Hard to turn down seven million bucks (even though as 24 lore would dictate, no bad guys ever get their payout).

Up in the sky, Jack couldn’t find McCarthy’s car, and so he had no choice but to land the helicopter on two trucks and hop out. (Can you say dehelicopter? If there’s deplane, dehelicopter should be fine, right?). Anyway, Jack began searching around the area, but little did he realize that Rita and McCarthy and Morris were already changing cars (and much to Rita’s dismay, they were leaving her luggage behind. Didn’t McCarthy realize she had an unfinished Sudoku puzzle in her carry-on???).

Well, Jack and the posse evevntually found McCarthy’s Maserati, but it had already been abandoned (with a complimentary TravelPro luggage set). This prompted Jack to call back to CTU and bark, “DAMMIT MILO! THEY CAN BE ANYWHERE!!!” Thanks for stating the obvious. For a moment, I thought they could only be at a very specific location. Perhaps the laundromat?

Turns out that McCarthy was motoring towards Fayed as quickly as possible so that he could collect his $7 million (and/or die). Suddenly, a look of guilt and regret flashed on Rita’s bony face. Looked like she was about to do something drastic. But drastic smart? Or drastic stupid? A little bit of both. She suddenly whipped out a gun and shot McCarthy, kicking him out of the car and letting him die on the warm asphalt below. For a brief second, it felt like things were looking up for Morris. That is, until I remembered that this was 24, a show that puts characters is as maximum peril as possible.

Sure enough, Rita simply offed McCarthy so she could have all the money herself. Congratulations, Rita. You’re so dead.

“A nuclear engineer! A nuclear engineer! My kingdom for a nuclear engineer!”

What was she thinking? She’d never get away with this! “Like you said,” Rita told Morris. “They [CTU] don’t even know I exist!” That would be true if you hadn’t left your damn luggage in the Maserati. Be gone, vile woman!

Back at the White House, Wayne was busy talking to Tom, who was none too pleased about the president’s recent rejection of his “Let’s put everyone in detention camps!” resolutions. From this dumb conversation, we learned that Tom was instrumental in putting Wayne in power (also instrumental: magic fairy dust cast on the American people). Their conversation was cut short, however, by the impending arrival of Assad (the reformed terrorist who led to Curtis’s unnecessary death).

Well, Tom returned to his humble office where he vented and screamed at Chad Lowe, even going so far as to knock over a table in his fussy rage. “I thought, I thought he was on board!” Chad Lowe muttered, his mind totally blown. You know what this calls for: somebody get Hilary Swank! She’ll fix this in no time…

Anyway, pushed to his limits, Tom decided that he was going to simply resign, but Chad advised him to reconsider. By the way, I suppose I should call Chad by his character’s name, Reed. Contrary to popular opinion, I can tell actors from characters. Anyhoo, Reed told Tom that he had allies in this fight against the President, including none other than the VP. And if the VP were in power, well, then Tom’s resolutions might gain more traction, if you know what I’m saying.

Well, Reed left the office and called Shady Man #345 to inform him that Tom was resigning. This was a problem, however, because some plan was about to be engaged, and it could only go through if Tom was still in power. The only thing left to do was to feel out Tom and see if they could get him on board. Don’t worry. Ah yes. The sweet taste of 24‘s ominous vagaries.

Over at CTU, Marilyn and her lovechild with Jack, Josh, arrived for debriefing. Bill informed her that her husband was dead, to which she seemed to slightly smirk. I practically expected her to wave her hand and say, “Whatevs. Do you have a mojito?”

Marilyn may have taken the news well, but poor Josh was attached to his impish father/uncle. How would he take the news? Well, basically, we heard him say “NO!” a few times, and then we quickly zipped back into the field where Jack encountered McCarthy’s dead body on the road. Even better, they got his cell phone. Don’t worry, Morris. CTU’s a-comin!

Meanwhile, Rita arrived at the terrorist headquarters with Morris, who soon became the recipient of several punches, courtesy of Fayed. Rita, on the other hand, learned that she wouldn’t get the money until after Morris had completed his task. She was highly disappointed, which was amusing because it suggested that she still held out any hope that she’d get the money at all — which she surely wouldn’t.

Anyway, the terrorists began slugging Morris with a baseball bat, and back at CTU, Milo was busy trying to trace the latest call from Fayed to McCarthy’s cell phone. Turns out this was too much for our goateed imbecile, and with Nadia busting his balls for results, it became obvious that this was a job for Chloe. Welcome back, O’Brien.

Sure enough, Chloe managed to extricate Fayed’s address, which ultimately caused Jack to command, “Set up a perimeter!” He might as well have ordered, “Everyone be sure to let Fayed disappear in an obvious way as soon as we enter the building.”

Well, as everyone headed off to the address, Bill turned to Milo and said, “Good work, Milo.” Ah, but every the honorable soul, Milo replied, “Sir, it wasn’t me.” IT WAS CHLOE! WHAT A WONDERFUL MOMENT FOR ALL INVOLVED! Who else shed a tear?

Back in DC, Assad arrived at the Presidential bunker, and none other than Wayne Palmer met him at the elevator. Why? Don’t know. Kind of a lame display, if you ask me. But then again, everything about Palmer 2.0 is pretty lame. Anyway, the writers must have spun the Wayne Wheel Of Emotions and landed on “tough, determined” because he arbitrarily became a hardass, saying that if one more nuke went off, they’d be going to war. Excuse me, let me rephrase that. They’d be going TO WAR!!!! Wayne then requested Assad to go on TV and appeal to the Islamic community, nay, world and tell them to cooperate. From that point, it was hard for me to tell you what happened in the scene because it just became ridiculous. Wayne tried to act increasingly tough, but this was beyond D.B. Woodside’s acting range. It all came crashing down with the idiotic line, “If you want to lead this peace initiative, then LEAD!” Seriously, writers. Stop doing this to us.

Side note time! Okay, here the thing. The dialogue on 24 isn’t always great. Usually it’s serviceable, but sometimes it can be really sharp. It’s usually not a problem because truth be told, they’ve been hiring such great actors that even clunkier lines sound natural and fluid coming out of these pros’ mouths. But when you get someone like D.B. Woodside, who simply can’t pull off the Presidential thing, it just exposes the flaws with the writing. It’s a disaster through and through.

Anyway, back to the show. Jack had arrived at Fayed’s building and was now planning his entrance. Chloe piped up with some assistance over the phone, causing Jack to comment, “Chloe, it’s good to have you back.” You know, she was gone for like ten minutes, not three years. I wonder if every time someone takes a dump in the bathroom, does Jack welcome them back with a “we really missed you there for a moment, but we’re all glad you made it through. Put ‘er there, old fella!”

Over in Fayed’s apartment, Morris was busy receiving the ol’ Sarah Tancredi Torture Tub Treatment. That is, his face was being dunked in a tub full of water (although, I’m not sure if there was any electrical current involved to spice up the proceedings). Suddenly the fire alarm went off (thanks to CTU), and people began running out of the building. This seemed to genuinely scare one nameless henchman, who said, “If there really is a fire, what do we do???” Since when are henchmen so skittish? Did he have a priceless Monet in the basement he needed to save?

Well, 24 has received some heat this past week for showcasing gruesome acts of torture, and thankfully, the producers did not disappoint in this episode. The terrorists decided to move on from the bath tub and instead opted for a more painful drill. Literally. Fayed pulled out a power drill and literally drilled into Morris’s shoulder. HOLY SHIT. This is network TV? (Awesome).

“I will use this all over your body until you die of shock or blood loss!” Fayed threatened. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to Morris or us.

Morris, you know the drill.

Suddenly Rita piped up (yes, Rita was still alive and present). “Please, I don’t care about the money,” she said. “I made a mistake. Just let me get out of here.” Need I explain what happened next? Two seconds later Rita was dead. Fayed then whipped out the drill again and prepared for hole number two (I think he was planning on installing a bookshelf on Morris’s back). At the last second, Morris relented and said he would help program the nuclear trigger. Damn him.

Back in Washington, Tom was reaching new levels of bitterness as he learned that Assad might be addressing the American people on TV. It just further strengthened his resolve to hand in his letter of resignation… assuming Reed had typed it up for him, which he most certainly had not. “You can’t resign,” Reed protested, adding that a change in leadership was necessary for the country. Funny, I almost feel like I’ve seen this plot twist before. Oh, that’s right. SEASON TWO.

Anyway, Reed hinted that maybe what might be best would be if Wayne was taken out of office swiftly and definitively. Assassination? Please? Pretty please? However, Tom wasn’t a big fan of this idea, you know, on account of the whole treason element. He didn’t totally turn it down though. I wonder if he’ll go to the dark side! Eh. Whatever. By the end of the hour, we knew Tom would be fastening a noose around Wayne’s shiny head.

Back at the raid on Fayed’s apartment building, the CTU peeps were able to use infrared technology to deduce which room Morris was in. The tactical squads started to move in, but unfortunately, even though the terrorists sensed that Jack Bauer & Co. were just around the corner, Morris had no idea; so he didn’t even try to stall with the programming. Instead, he magically armed the trigger in two seconds, which meant that the handy nuke sitting in the apartment was now live and ready to go. Not much else to do but kill Morris. As Fayed quietly disappeared, a henchman raised his gun and… EXPLOSION! No, not the nuke. The CTU field team had blown up the wall, and now they were crawling all over the place, shooting every bad guy (except Fayed — because that would be too logical).

Anyway, Jack’s heart sank two-fold as he realized a) Fayed was gone (apparently, CTU turns off their infrared tracking devices as soon as the action starts), and b) there was a nuke about to go off in the apartment. Well, Jack got to work disabling the bomb,which wasn’t easy because there were little anti-tampering aspects to it everywhere. Plus, disabling bombs is never easy anyway. While he unscrewed something or another, he asked for an update on the Fayed situation, wanting to know what went wrong. “Did you mobilize your teams to set up a perimeter?” he barked, as if THAT would do any good. Apparently, Fayed had snuck out through a secret passage and left on a nearby chopper. Now that’s what I call a good perimeter. One where no one could notice a helicopter taking off three minutes away on foot. I’m shocked they even found the nuclear bomb in the apartment.

Well, with time ticking on the clock, we were treated to a tense and exciting bomb sequence full of dipswitches and errors and all that good stuff. I could describe every harrowing moment, but I think we all knew where this was headed. Yes, with just a few seconds to spare, Jack disabled the bomb, and then as a reward for his heroics, he sat back and panted with relief. Well done, Jack!

Unfortunately, Jack’s mood went sour again when he learned that Morris had programmed the trigger for Fayed. “You gave him something that WORKED??” he asked, echoing all our feelings. Guess it’s back to selling women’s shoes for Morris…

As the hour drew to a close, we went back to Washington where Tom alerted Reed that he might just be okay with this whole nefarious plan to take down the President. Let the intrigue commence!

Hour two began with Fayed’s helicopter landing far, far away (or at least as far as it could get in five minutes’ time). The bastard terrorist then revealed himself to be just another cog in the Machine of Evil as he called up an old, scruffy guy who may or may not have spent the last ten years living in a cardboard box. Actually, it turned out this guy was none other than Gridenko, the Russian general who had disseminated the nukes all over the place. Or something like that. Basically, he was bad.

Turns out that CTU was coincidentally searching Gridenko because his name had popped up on a laptop in the apartment Jack had just raided. While Bill Buchanan tried to sniff out leads, Morris miraculously appeared at CTU, despite the fact that thirty seconds ago, he was lying on the floor in some dingy, recently-exploded apartment. I guess he took the oft-overlooked Apartment-To-CTU bullet train I’ve been hearing so much about. For his sake, I hoped his handlers wouldn’t take him to the CTU infirmary — or as I call it, the Incompetent Death Factory. However, that’s exactly where he was headed (via a brief layover with Chloe where we were supposed to believe that they had this whole romantic relationship and she cared for him and whatnot).

Not long after, Jack showed up at CTU for the first time since his all expenses paid trip to China. He did a little “Wow. It’s all coming back to me” pause, which was complemented by everyone in the office stopping, rising, and staring at him like he were Queen Elizabeth.

A few seconds later, everything was back to normal, and Jack went out of his way to thank Chloe for everything. It was supposed to be a warm moment between two friends, but dammit if I didn’t detect some strange sexual chemistry for the first time ever. Was that just me? Was there a spark?

Jack then headed into the morgue where his father was busy erasing contacts from Graem’s cell phone. “Whatever your brother may have done, he didn’t deserve this,” Philip said, happily inducing years of unnecessary therapy for Jack. Amusingly, Jack seemed totally unfazed. He seemed more eager to talk about Gridenko than anything else. Yeah Dad. Sorry for killing my bro, but whatevs!

Philip continued to pour on the guilt by saying that young Josh was “taking the death of his father pretty hard.” Don’t you mean, the death of his UNCLE???? (Dunh dunh DUNH!)

The guilt parade continued over in the infirmary where Morris was awash in a sea of self-pity. I kind of hoped this might lead to our annual CTU Infirmary Suicide, but instead, it just brought about general moping. Chloe tried to give him a pep talk, going so far as to awkwardly place her arms on his head, but their corpse-on-corpse chemistry undermined any chance of us caring about or believing this scene.

Meanwhile, as Jack went off to do something or another, Philip called his crony and told him that Gridenko was in Los Angeles. If Dmitri implicated Philip, he’d lose everything… even THE COMPANY! Somebody call Manservant Sam!

By the way, I wish they’d stop shrouding this company in secrecy. I’ll be really disappointed if the big reveal is that Philip owns an antique shop.

Elsewhere in CTU, Bill began reprimanding Jack for killing Graem (even though we all knew it was Philip). Apparently, killing witnesses violated protocols, which I guess makes sense. Jack told Bill, “I did not set out to kill my brother. I swear to you!” He then added, “I just felt like administering intense levels of pain and discomfort. That’s normal, right?”

Well, Bill offered to adjust the report so Jack wouldn’t get in trouble, but ever the honorable agent, Jack declared, “I killed my brother. Whatever the consequences are, I accept them. Bill, do this right.” You heard the man. Somebody call Air China!

We then headed over to the Presidential bunker where we found the highly improbably scene of Wayne Palmer sitting in a room alone with Assad. That’s right: the President with a known (albeit former) terrorist. Granted, as we learned last year, Wayne has some bad-ass tendencies, but it still didn’t seem practical.

Well, the two men were busy butting heads over Assad’s televised address when suddenly an aide entered the room and notified the Prez that Vice President Noah was on the phone. You’d think Wayne would take the call in private, but he suddenly trusted Assad to the utmost extent and decided to have the entire conversation right in front of him. Amusingly, Wayne adopted a 1960s sitcom voice as he answered the phone with a spirited, “Nooooah?” The ensuing talk, however, was considerably less upbeat. Noah asked why Tom’s resolutions had been rejected, and Wayne replied that the systematic internment of Muslims was cruel, not to mention that the call for widespread attacks on the Islamic world was poorly thought out. Keep in mind that Wayne said all of this stuff directly in front of Assad, thus clueing him in on the government’s possible next actions. Great.

Nevertheless, Noah had a hard time convincing Wayne to change, but he figured that if he seethed hard enough, he might just make progress. The VP reminded Wayne that he was weak with foreign policy and that he was throttling the line between conviction and stubbornness. But all the seething was for naught. Palmer 2.0 was immovable, like some sort of frustrating, stolid frog. After the call, Assad gazed upon Wayne with a newfound empathy, saying that they both were being bold and doing unpopular things or whatever. It was so stupid, I couldn’t even commit it to memory.

Meanwhile, across the hallway, Tom and Reed had snuck into some high voltage closet with no cameras — a convenient feature to nearly every Presidential bunker, it would seem. Anyway, now that they were hidden from view, Reed talked more about the plan, and when Tom pressed him for specifics, he answered that they wanted to see “definitive action” with the President. Oh. Definitive action. Sounds very specific to me. Tom then asked, “Who else is involved?” Hilary Swank, clearly.

Now with Tom on board, Reed asked for the President’s itinerary. “Why? Why do you need this?” Tom asked, adding, “It’s almost like you want to know what his schedule is so that you’ll know when and where to kill him!”

Over at CTU, Jack approached Marilyn and apologized to her about Graem; however, she didn’t care at all. She HATED him! As for Josh, well…

“He’s taking it pretty hard,” she said. “He loved his father very much.” To which Jack replied, “Wait, he loves me? Oh. You’re talking about Graem. I gotcha. Wink wink.”

Jack then asked Marilyn if she knew anything about Gridenko, and at first she said no, but since the levels of shadiness in her voice were entirely too high, Jack asked again — but in a different room. Well, the old “let’s talk in another arbitrary area of CTU” trick worked. Marilyn admitted that she one time stalked Graem because she thought he was having an affair, but when she showed up at the house of what she thought would be an illicit lover, it turned there was no one but a surly Russian inside. Why she didn’t think that Graem was having an affair with a surly Russian was beyond me. Nevertheless, there was a strong possibility that this guy was Gridenko (not to mention Graem’s love bunny), and with no other leads, Jack decided he was going to have Marilyn retrace the route to the house. Unfortunately, what they didn’t know was that Philip was spying on them from afar, sure to mess things up.

Well, Jack committed the cardinal sin of all CTU agents: leaving a vital witness alone for more than five seconds. Jack went off to do whatever, and in that time, Philip slunk over and asked Marilyn what she and Jack were up to. Since she had no idea that Philip was an evil, evil man, Marilyn spilled the beans, and oh yeah, she also asked grandpa to tend to Josh while she was away. Something told me this wasn’t going to end well.

The only bright spot in all this was that Milo, for whatever reason, was going with Jack into the field. If we were lucky, this meant that Milo would be tortured, killed, or both over the course of the next one or two episodes. Crossing fingers!

Meanwhile, Mariliyn said goodbye to Josh, telling him she was going to help Poppa, er, Uncle Jack. “Helping him with what?” he complained. “Where you going?” SHUT UP. Josh is so He-Kim. They should stick him in a cougar, just for old time’s sake.

Well, Philip promised that he would take Josh to his house, and by that, he clearly meant “I will tie him up in the basement of a warehouse.” Jack, on the other hand, told Marilyn, “I promise you I will not put you in any danger.” He then added, “Now, if people start shooting at you and you get tortured, that doesn’t count as danger, right?”

The two then headed off, and as soon as they were gone, Philip called up his main crony and ordered him to find and secure a house in West L.A.. What evil trap lay ahead? Would Babe the pig be involved?

Back in the infirmary, Chloe tried to rouse Morris to work once again. Unfortunately, he continued to be in the throes of self-pity, thus prompting a slap across the face from Chloe. “Why’d you do that?” he asked, as if that were the most offensive thing that had happened to him all day. Chloe then sassed him about getting over his dumb drill-bit injury and get back to work, but Morris was totally defeated. Personally, I was hoping this was just the setup for some triumphant death wherein he regained his honor by saving thousands. Or something dumb like that. Kind of like Sean Astin last year. Or Ryan Chappelle. Or Mason. Or Sherry Palmer.

Meanwhile, on the road, Marilyn babbled to Jack about China and how she’s been thinking about him for the past twenty years. Why, it’s almost as if every time she looks into her son’s eyes, she sees Jack! She then questioned Jack as to why he “left,” which was frustrating because we still have yet to determine where he “left” from. I assume it was some family thing, perhaps THE COMPANY. But who knows? Maybe she was referring to some seafood buffet. SHE HASN’T HAD BOUILLABAISSE SINCE!

Well, this little bonding session was soon interrupted by Philip, who called Marilyn on her cell. He told her to not say his name and then threatened that if she didn’t do exactly as he ordered, he would hurt Josh (By all means, hurt away). Philip then had Marilyn say “Thank you, Susan” in order to throw off Jack’s scent. Once Marilyn had done this, Susan, er, Philip told her to drive to a different address instead. Any shenanigans would lead to Josh’s early demise. And just for shits and giggles, Susan then told Marilyn that he had killed Graem. He probably didn’t have to divulge that info, but hey, why not? Susan is one crazy, reckless bitch!

Anyhoo, Jack and Marilyn drove right past Gridenko’s hideout, and even though Marilyn was now acting totally nervous and withdrawn and emotional, Jack didn’t think anything of it. Funny how he can perceive someone’s lies during an interrogation, but put him in a car, and people could tell him they were President Lincoln and he’s believe them.

Meanwhile, Gridenko explained a little bit of his evil plan to us. He apparently wanted to get Cold War revenge by blowing up America and pinning it on the Arabs. I didn’t really see how that would work as revenge. After all, he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of taking credit for the attacks, and secondly, the Cold War was about the spread of communism, not just general destruction. Silly, misguided villain!

Back at CTU, Morris was suddenly up and out of the sickbay, which was nice to see. It’s not often that people can cheat death in the infirmary. I could only wonder if this would now set off a deadly chain of Final Destination-esque events.

Elsewhere in the city, Philip and Josh checked into a hotel, but this wasn’t the smooth sort of experience we normally expect from a Holiday Inn. No, Josh was becoming cranky and garrulous, much like his cousin/sister did back in the day. “I know you’re lying to me!” he said to his grandfather. “Just like my mom! You’re all treating me like some stupid, little kid!” Shut up, HE-KIM! You are a stupid, little kid! And you look like Hermie the Elf:

Thanks to Screampillar for that pick-up.

Over in West L.A., Jack and Milo and Marilyn had arrived at the wrong house, just waiting to be ambushed. Just before they headed in, Marilyn had a crisis of conscience and tried to warn Jack, but all of a sudden, he decided not to listen to her, cutting her off and moving forward with the raid. URGH! Sure enough, once then men had infiltrated the house, Jack’s bomb-sense went off like crazy. He spotted an explosive in the corner, yelled “BOMB!” and then jumped through a window to safety. A mere second later, the house exploded in a fireball of death.

Me after watching another scene with Wayne Palmer…

Next time, on Extreme Makeover Home Edition…

Meanwhile, Milo and Marilyn, who had been standing afar, hopped in the CTU truck (which may or may not have been a UPS truck at one point) and tried to speed away. Unfortunately, bad guys appeared in ever direction and impeded the truck’s egress. Next thing we knew, the truck was driving like crazy all over the street, lawns, driveways — you name it. The entire scene was not unlike a scene from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Needless to say, one family would certainly be buying a new plastic slide for their children.

Eventually, Milo did break free, but soon the bad guys shot enough holes in the truck that it came to a stop. Intense gunfire ensued, and soon the entire vehicle exploded, but by then, Milo and Marilyn had escaped. I’m sure she was more than delighted. Nothing like being whisked to safety by a scrawny computer engineer.

As the show ended, we found Jack on the front lawn, dusting himself off and preparing to bust a cap in the bad guys. And that was it. Kind of a lame cliffhanger, but whatever. What did you think about this supersized episode?