24: My Bloody Valentine

This week on ’24′, everyone falls in love, pines over a lost love, lies to their loved ones, or gets disappointed by them! In short: It’s a special pre-Valentine’s Day treat from Bauer & Co. and all the action is recapped…after the jump!

It’s 2PM in Washington DC and, as with every other episode in recent memory, we open in the FBI’s Washington HQ. Big Daddy Larry Moss is being updated on the progress his staff is making on tracking down the Matobos and CIP module. You know, the stuff that Bauer and Co’s little renegade group already tracked down a couple of weeks ago? This week, the FBI seems to have extracted it’s head out of it’s rectum enough to make some progress! Agent D-Bag informs Daddy Moss that they have a sighting of the van used in the Matobo abduction near Northwood Airfield. Larry doesn’t know the van has already delivered the Matobos to Dubaku, so he gives ol’ D-Bag a little verbal pat on the head, pulls him off the Lindbergh Baby case, and tells him to follow up on the van lead.

Janis, who has been listening quietly in the wings and waiting for an opportunity to one-up D-Bag with some actual productive/useful sleuthing, comes up to inform Big Daddy that she has a lead of her own. Apparantly, she’s used her Chloe-rivaling tech skills to track down a “Code fragment” used during the CIP breach which might be a good way to detect future hits on the system. She also passive-aggressively asks that Sean be assigned to help her out following up on this lead. Sean shoots her a petulant look, but Big Daddy takes her side and assigns D-Bag to be her personal bitch until they save the world or the lead proves useless, whichever comes first. It’s pretty obvious Janis is Daddy’s new pet. But then again, D-Bag is such a colossal D-Bag and Agent Smurfette is just so damn cool…who could blame Moss for a little favoritism?

Sean has to ruin Janis’s moment by immediately wondering aloud if Larry is fit to lead in the wake of Zombie Renee’s demise. Afterall, it’s been established ad nauseum that Larry Luuuuuurrves him some Renee. Janis shuts him up with her a nice dose of casual awesome-ness…telling him she’ll let him know if and when she thinks Larry can’t do his job. in the meantime, please go open up a “fresh socket.” I’m pretty sure she isn’t referring to Agent DeadSlut, since she would more accurately be described as an “over-used socket.” Janis punctuates her point by physically pushing his wheelie chair away while he makes pouty faces.

In the White House, Ethan Kanin is attempting to reach Lil’ Psycho Secret Service Buddy Gedge to get an update on First Hubby’s whereabouts. Unfortunately, Lil’ Buddy can’t answer the phone right now, because he’s deader’n a doornail after being snuffed out by First Hubby. The two of them are lying in a spent heap on Samantha’s floor while the phone rings unanswered between them. Kanin is clearly annoyed and leaves an angry voicemail for Agent Gedge. He expected to hear back by now, and wants to stress it is extremely important he speak to the First Hubby. Before he can really light into the pretty boy, he is interrupted by another call on his office phone. It’s Larry Moss on the horn calling to update Kanin on the “progress” the FBI gang is making with the search for Matobo’s van. He is unable to provide a time frame for when this lead will pay off, which prompts Kanin to take his Gedge frustration out on Larry, telling him his best efforts aren’t “good enough” and asking if Larry knows what is at stake. Larry takes the opportunity to play the “Hey, my girlfriend agent just gave her life for this mission…you don’t need to tell me what’s at stake” card, which prompts Kanin to apologize somewhat unsincerely. After the conversation ends, Larry stares off into space forlornly and reminisces about his days cleaning ginger hairs out of his shower drain.

Awww…Look on the bright side Larry! You’re gonna save a small fortune on Drano!

We soon cut to the A-team who are hot on the heels of Nichols and the Matobos. Somehow, their blue van of righteousness has gone through a miraculous transformation to black, which is one step closer to looking exactly like the original A Team van! I’m glad they got that paint job taken care of in time to get right back on the trail of the bad guys. Chloe informs the gang that the Matobos have been taken into a building at 546 Adams, which they just happen to be passing at that moment. Jack asks for the security specs of the building and turns to Zombie Renee, telling her they will need her help. He doesn’t mention anything about devouring Dubaku’s brains, so I’m guessing they need her for something else.

We cut away to Colonel Bad-ass Dubaku keeping an intimidating watch over his nameless minions in the Baddie Bunker. The green and red lights are absolutely out of control this week. The whole room is like a weird Christmas Disco for International terrorists. Nichols comes sauntering in, with the Matobos and notices right off the bat that Dubaku seems to have picked a target for his next attack. The Colonel gleefully informs him that the site is a chemical processing plant outside Kidron, Ohio and they are going to force a failure of the safety valves, causing deadly gas to be released into the environment! Dubaku takes a break from sneering about his diabolical plans to approach Mr. Matobo and rehash a heartbreaking tale of snubbing at the hands of the former PM. Apparantly, Dubaku offered to allow Matobo to be the puppet figure-head of the military, and the good PM was unwilling to sell out his people that way. Colonel Dubaku is already gloating in victory, and tells Matobo he’ll be heading back to Sangala as a “traitor.” The Prime Minister takes the opportunity to correct the Colonel, reminding him that the Juma/Dubaku regime are the true traitors, since the Matobo administration had been democratically elected. The Colonel’s defense is that he and Juma managed to bring order to Sangala (to the tune of senseless genocide), and that he will soon be made to share the names of all of his fellow traitors with General Juma. Matobo, of course, insists that will never happen, which prompts the Colonel to make veiled threats at Mrs. Matobo. And by “veiled threats”, I mean staring straight at her while ominously stating the PM will definitely provide the names.

Dubaku take you to….uh uh…Baddie Town!

As the Matobos are led away, Nichols asks Dubaku if there has been any further response from the White House. Dubaku says ‘no’, but that President Taylor will be less stubborn when she sees dead Americans lying in the streets. I personally don’t share the Colonel’s optimism. After all, creating 271 dead Americans in the streets last week didn’t quite work for him.

We cutaway to Jack, Tony, and Bill climbing to the roof of the office building while Agent Renee goes in the front door. Chloe mentions the Matobos are being moved somewhere, but are still on the third floor of the building. Zombie Spice, meanwhile, strolls straight into the building and up to security. She flashes her badge and a little smile at the guard, who lets her into the building without much protest. Note to self: Flash a badge, smile, and tell people you are on “official business”, and they’ll let you do whatever you want! I’m printing up a “Cookie Inspector” badge and heading to the Girl Scouts storage facility this weekend! She asks the guard to keep her presence there “to themselves”, and he agrees. He totally thinks she’s hitting on him. Silly guard…Zombie Spice’s heart belongs to Daddy (Moss).

“I wonder if she means F.B.I., F.B.I.? Or Fatboy Body Inspector, F.B.I.?”

Renee checks in w/ Jack and crew up on the roof, and they mention they are headed to the service entrance. I found myself confused by this. What kind of service entrance is on the roof? A helicopter delivery pad? Renee gets off on the third floor which happens to house the law firm she lied about visiting as well as Dubaku’s Christmas Discotheque. Chloe tells her to head for the stairwell, which brings her to the “service entrance”, where she lets Jack and Co. in. Jack tells Bill and Tony to take the third floor, while he brings Zombie Spice along with him to the 4th. They enter an abandoned computer room, which Chloe informs them has panels on the floor that they can use to gain access to the crawl space. Jack, with Agent Walker in tow, climbs down into the crawl space between the third and fourth floors. Interestingly enough, the crawl space is totally wide open. Seriously…Jack and Renee are basically standing straight up. It’s less of a crawlspace and more an entire half of a floor like “Being John Malkovich.” Also, the entire space is illuminated by the ominous green Baddie Lights from one floor down.

“I’m going to look for a vent leading to Dubaku’s Disco…I need you to take this convenient elevator down to the olympic-swimming-pool-sized garbage shoot and run surveillance from there. Ready?…Break!”

We check in with the Matobos, who are being placed in another holding room. In the past 6 hours, these two have been tossed in more cages than Robert Downey Jr. in the 90s! The Prime Minister once again frets over their predicament and expresses regret for involving his wife. Mrs. Matobo, once again, assuages his regret by insisting the choice was her own and that she knows Jack Bauer will be coming any second now to save the day. She has obviously seen the first 6 seasons.

“I’m not ashamed…I did it for Sangala!”

Jack checks in with Chloe who instructs him how to get around in the giant green-lit walkway crawl space and find a vent that will give him a view of Dubaku’s Baddie Room. She further informs him that the Matobos holding room is just off the main room.

Back in FBI HQ, Ol’ D-Bag is doing his Debbie Downer/Underminder act by asking Janis if she really thinks she’s going to find something the entire NSA has missed. Janis shoots back “I can’t live with your negativity today,” which was an awesome line read! I find myself falling in love with this Janis character more and more each week. But I must not let my love get in the way of snarking! Love can kiss my ass. While putting Sean in his place, Janis also happens to notice that “code fragment” being used in the CIP systems again. This time, in Kidron Ohio! They both wonder what the hell the terrorists want with the Midwest. They cross-reference with Homeland Security listings, and quickly discover the target. It’s Boyd Chemical, which is an insecticide plant just outside of the town of Kidron. Janis quickly pulls up the plant’s contact information, and dials them up. Some crazy bitch answers the phone and Janis identifies herself as Agent Gold with the FBI and demands to speak to plant manager John Brunner. The secretary on the other end of the line must’ve pulled some attitude, ‘cuz Janis lets her have it, telling her she just stated she was with the FBI, and doesn’t that sound vaguely important? Go Janis! That’s how you put uppity Midwesterners in their place.

“Excuuuuse me Chesty Mid-westy, but I was in ‘Reality Bites’!”

Janis gets her call put through, and we catch our first glimpse of John Brunner, who happens to be Angela Chase’s dad. Apparently, he escaped to Kidron Ohio after his wife left him and his daughters both got knocked up by high school dropout pot heads. Fresh start! Janis tells him that she’s tracking activity on the CIP firewall, and starts to explain what that is, and he shuts her down with an “I know what it is, Honey.” Janis is a little flustered by this, because she hasn’t been called “honey” since the time her cat PeneloPee coughed up a hair ball and it totally sounded like “Huuuneeeeeegh.” She tells him about the breach and asks if he’s having any problems. As a matter of fact, he is! Three safety valves on this primary tank are failing. Agent Gold wants to know what is in the tank and he matter of factly tells her it’s methyl isocyanate which is a highly toxic insecticide! Oh No! He demands to know what the hell is going on, and Janis informs him that the FBI has reason to believe his plant is under terrorist attack. That gets his attention! He attempts to shut down the tank, but is informed by his staff that the system isn’t responding and the pressure in the tank is rising! Janis wants to know what’s up, and he tells her that if they can’t reverse the pressure in the tank, they are looking at catastrophic atmospheric release, which is just a nice way of saying the Town of Kidron is totally f*cked! The current economic climate and jobless rates aside, a cloud of harmful gas will totally disrupt their annual tractor pull! Janis barks at Sean to get Larry and let him know the President needs to be informed of what is going on, she then tells Brunner that he needs to begin evacuating right now…and we cut to break!

Five minutes later, Ethan Kanin is finishing up a phone call with Larry Moss when Tim Woods from Homeland Security comes into his office to inform him of the breach at the chemical plant. Ethan already knows, having heard it all from Larry. They set off to brief the President, but on the way, Tim brings up the First Hubby and reiterates they need him to help convince the president to withdraw from Sangala, as it’s the only way to stop the attack. Ethan tells Woods he still doesn’t know where the First Hubby is, but they are working on it.

In the Oval Office, President Taylor is discussing a statement about the attacks that is about to be released. Her pansy-pants PR lady thinks the use of the word “outrage” might be a bit much if the President is trying to convey an air of calm authority. President Taylor sets that lady straight telling her that outrage is the only appropriate word and that everyone in the country should feel the same way and demand that honesty. However, she concedes that “We’re gonna rape General Juma in the ass!” is probably a bit much, and the PR lady can totally change that one if she wants. Kanin and Woods are escorted in, and Angela the PR grunt is excused. They inform the president of the location of the next attack and how the release of the toxic cloud will take out approximately half of the Kidron population in about 15 minutes. She let’s out a silent little prayer of “Oh, Dear Lord!”…but her tone of voice is that of an alcoholic who just discovered there is no open bar in Heaven. They inform her that their only chance of stopping the attack is recovering both Dubaku and the CIP device.

Hey…speaking of the “only chance” thing, we cut away to Jack in the “crawlspace” over Dubaku’s Baddie Disco. As Jack and Renee enter the air vent over the room, Chloe explains the stakes and informs them of the attack on the Kidron plant. Jack just says “Copy that” and proceeds. Jack and Renee place a scope through the vent, but can’t see anything in the poorly lit disco bunker. They switch to night vision and quickly get the lay of the Baddie Land. They make out three armed guards, Nichols, and then Dubaku. Chloe confirms the equipment in the room looks sufficient to power the CIP device.

Back at FBI HQ, D-Bag informs larry that NSA is working on closing the breach, but not having any luck.

Some Red head, who is totally not Renee, comes up with paperwork for Larry. He snaps at her that he can’t be bothered right then. He’s not as mean about it as he was with the Long Island Chick from a couple weeks ago, but it’s not clear whether it’s due to his red hair fetish or this particular underling’s lack of Long Island-ness. He heads over to Janis’s workstation, where she informs him that she’s still on the line with Brunner at the plant. She asks Brunner if they tried “flashing” the memory cards, because flashing works wonders at getting what you want, especially at Mardi Gras! Janis is totally sending out signals. She would flash her memory cards at him in a heartbeat. Brunner tells her they already tried three times and also refers to her as “honey” for the second time. Janis gets completely flushed and feels heat moving to strange and wonderful places in her body, but pretends to be offended. She tells him that normally she doesn’t allow people to refer to her as “honey”, but that they’ll discuss it later (Preferably somewhere quiet and romantic where they can discuss their feelings). Brunner tells her it sounds like she needs to lighten up and show him her tits! He also tells her he is going to enter the valve room himself and try to “manually relieve some pressure.” At first, she thinks he’s totally suggesting phone sex and is about to switch over to her husky voice…but she quickly realizes he’s actually going to enter the valve room and manually remove some of the gas pressure! She tells him it won’t stop the rupture, but he already knows that. In addition to being a misogynist redneck, he’s also sort of a hero and willing to go in there to buy them all a few more minutes and allow some more people to evacuate.

He asks her for her help in the process, and she’s fully on board. She says “Absolutely”, whatever he needs! He asks her to pull up the override schematics and she does it quickly. However, she notices that manually overriding the valves will release the gas into the valve room that he is in right now! Brunner is all stoic and sacrificial and tells her he already knows that and is wearing the world’s puniest gas mask to protect him. She expresses concern for how long the gas mask will protect him, and he tells her not to worry about it…tossing in another “honey” for emphasis! She just kinda says “Uh…OK” and then gets down to the nitty gritty. She walks him through the process, and he successfully releases the first valve. Janis informs him that’s only 1 down and 3 more to go! Brunner stumbles around the valve room because the effects of the gas are fast. Somewhere in the distance, the opening chords of “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” begin to play.

Back in the Baddie Bunker Office Suite, a henchman informs Dubaku that the rupture whould occur in about 7 minutes. Meanwhile, Nichols calls him over to inform him of surveilance video from the service entrance roof showing Jack Bauer, Bill, and Tony entering the building. Dubaku loses his shit and snaps at Nichols. As it turns out, Nichols had told Dubaku he killed Almeida and Bauer, and that the location was secure. They both kinda bark at each other, but it’s clear…they are totally screwed! Dubaku orders the CIP module disengaged and Nichols protests…the attack is already underway. But Dubaku is more concerned with getting caught, and tells Nichols they can continue the attack from another location. For the time being, they need to get the hell out of there. We see the CIP module ripped from it’s dock while a nameless Baddie informs Dubaku they are out of the system.

Back in FBI HQ, D-Bag informs Larry that the breach has been closed, but nobody has any idea what happened.

In the Baddie HQ, Dubaku continues to freak out and prepare to flee, but the A-Team is beginning their assault! Jack tells Tony and Bill to head in the front door, while he and Renee come crashing down through the ceiling. There’s a lot of gunfire and explosions as numerous Baddies are taken out. I lost count at 3 or 4. It was like an avalanche of nameless dudes running into a room and then getting shot. Nichols enters the holding room where Mr. and Mrs. Matobo are patiently waiting to be rescued. He barks at them to move and waves a gun in their faces. But just then, he’s shot in the back and as his body falls, we see it was Zombie Spice who did the shooting! Go Renee! She totally gives angry face at the dead Nichols and then kicks the door closed to remain with the Matobos and protect them.

In the main room Bill, Tony, and Jack continue their all out assault, taking out Baddie after Baddie. In the ensuing melee, Dubaku uses one of his men as a human shield and manages to escape. However, the CIP device is destroyed! yay?! Don’t get me wrong…I’m glad the device is out of Dubaku’s hands, I’m just a little confused as to how they will maintain the tension level now. Renee pipes in that she has the Matobos and they are safe. All in all, quite a successful little illegal mission. Jack barks at Bill and Tony to help him find Dubaku, and we cut to break!

Five minutes later, we see John Brunner weakly reclining in the valve room, and Janis is desperately squeeking at him over the phone. She wants to know if he’s still there and what the status is. He informs her the automatic shutdown has kicked in, and that it looks like everything is going to be OK. Janis says “That’s great, but you need to get out of there right now!” John attempts to leave, but the gas has already taken an effect on him. He informs her he won’t make it to the door, and she mobilizes a rescue team. She’s not going to lose him! She pleads with him to “stay with her.” Aww…just when she gets a boyfriend, he has to go and die. She’ll never escape her life alone with two cats.

We cut back to the office building, which is in the process of being evacuated. A bunch of nameless office drones are standing around outside pointing up at wherever the gunfighting came from. Meanwhile, Renee is heading out a stairwell with the Matobos. They exit to an alley way, where Chloe and the blue black good-guy van is waiting. Once the Matobos are safely tucked away, we check back in with Jack, Tony, Bill and their search for Dubaku. Speaking of Dubaku, he’s in another area of the office space with Good Ol’ Michael Latham from way back hour 1! Latham is still being his dorky self, sniveling and whimpering in a corner. Dubaku orders him to stand, while we see the A-Team closing in on their room. A nameless henchman informs Dubaku and Latham of their arrival, and Latham begs Dubaku not to make him do “something.” Dubaku tells him he’ll do whatever he is told, or else he will force his wife to watch as he kills his daughter and then kill her as well! Poor Latham has no choice but to whimper and agree.

We see Jack and crew open the door and order Latham to raise his hands. Unfortunately, his hands are literally tied behind his back. He tells them “It’s Latham” and they demand to know where Dubaku is. Latham just says “I’m Sorry” and Jack notices he’s rigged with an explosive device! He shouts out to Bill and Tony, and they all have time to slam the door/take cover just before Dubaku hits a button and obliterates poor Latham to smithereends. Sayonara Latham!

Jack and the boys check in the van, where Renee wants to know what that explosion was all about. They inform her that Latham had been wired and that they still haven’t found Dubaku. They decide to cut their losses, since the device has been destroyed and the police are almost there. They give up on finding Dubaku in order to protect their precious secret/illegal operation from the cops. We cut away to Dubaku retreating the building with the rest of the cube dwellers.

In Larry Moss’s office, he is grilling D-Bag and trying to make sense of exactly how/why the CIP breach was stopped in Kidron. Sean tells him they are trying their best, working with NSA, and have super-Janis on the case…but still have no idea what happened. Larry jumps down his throat and wants more answers and less “I don’t know.” how does D-Bag defend this? Why, he does it by implying his boss is merely upset about Agent Walker for the third time, of course. Lazy D-Bag Bastard! Larry stands up for himself and tells D-Bag his “history” with Agent Walker is not the issue…it’s the thousands of lives at stake! And suddenly my interest is piqued…what “history” are you referring to exactly Larry? In ’24′ world, that’s basically a confirmation that they did the nasty on at least one occasion. As D-Bag sulks out of the office, Larry tells him to coordinate with Janis and the NSA until Dubaku is found. As Sean slumps away, Larry stares forlornly at the “Agent Missing” notification with a picture of Renee on his Laptop. The fact that he chose that as his screen saver is slightly creepy and stalker-ish.

Sean comes out and gets all bossy-pants with Janis, telling her to interface with NSA and find out where the breach was coming from. She sadly informs him that she would “try”, but is clearly distracted by the phone call she just finished. Apparantly the plant is secure and everyone made it out safely except for her redneck boyfriend Brunner, who perished. Awww…back to a lonely life with the cats for Janis. She tells Sean she needs a favor and wants help tracking down Brunner’s family. She was the last person who spoke to him, and thinks they deserve to know what a hero he was. Sean tells her he’ll try, but then has to go be a big dick about it. He tells her that “Before she goes sending flowers” she needs to track down the location the CIP device was being used in. She tells him “I know, I’m on it” but her tone of voice is “F*ck you, D-Bag!” I second that emotion.

After a 5 minute break, we check in with President Taylor being briefed by Tim Woods. He informs her about the whole “crisis averted” thing and confirms that Brunner was the only casualty. The President wants to know how the attack was stopped, but he informs her that nobody has a freakin’ clue. She decides to delay the celebration until they know exactly where the good news is coming from. Madame Prez takes a call from Admiral Smith, which gives Tim Woods an opportunity to walk out into a hallway where Kanin is on the phone with the Secret Service trying to track down Gedge and the First Hubby. He rips someone on the other end a new asshole about how he hasn’t been able to reach Gedge/First Hubby for an hour, and wants them tracked down immediately. He hangs up and informs Woods of the lack of word from Gedge and his plan to inform the president.

As Kanin enters the office, the President is letting Admiral Smith know that she can not authorize the attacks “just yet”, first they need to find a political replacement for Matobo. She tells Ethan the Joint Chiefs are getting impatient, but he is there on other business. Kanin finally catches her up on First Hubby’s Hardy Boy/Sleuthing act and obsession with Samantha Ross. The President doesn’t quite believe him at first and demands he get Henry on the phone. But that’s when the news gets really bad, and he informs her that they haven’t been able to reach him or Gedge. She says “Are you telling me my husband is missing?” with a look of genuine concern on her face. He tells her that the Secret Service has put out an APB and headed for the apartment. They’ll know what is going on “soon enough.”

Outside Samantha’s apartment, Gedge’s unnamed accomplice hears the APB and calls Brian’s cell. I find myself oddly transfixed by the dude’s hair. Based on his face, I’d say he’s mid-40′s, but he’s totally sporting a ‘surfer dude’ style. It’s the single worst case of “mid-life crisis” hair that I’ve ever seen.

Dude…buy a nice car, bang some college student, and get your ear pierced. It’s a lot more productive than going around killing people!

Unfortunately, Brian is still dead dead dead and First Hubby is slowly waking up next to him. Mr. Taylor hasn’t woken up next to a dude and not known what happened the night before since college, but he recognizes the gay panic immediately. Luckily, Gedge is just dead and not naked. The first Hubby picks up the ringing cell, and we see a missed call from “Vossler”, which must be the name of the accomplice. First Hubby stumbles around the apartment a little and looks SHOCKED again when he notices the dead Samantha. He heads for the front door of the apartment, but Vossler is already in the hall. First Hubby attmepts to lock the door, but Vossler kicks it in! First Hubby runs over to Brian’s corpse to retrieve his weapon, but Vossler over-powers him and knocks the gun away. At gunpoint, Mr. Taylor attempts to reason with Vossler. He says Brian’s murder-suicide cover plan is already blown. Vossler hasn’t yet killed anyone, and First Hubby pleads with him to listen to reason. He says they will be able to trace it all back to murder now and the buck will stop with Vossler. Just then, Vossler’s phone rings! It’s Dubaku, and he’s taking public transportation. How the mighty have fallen! He’s on a metro train heading out of DC and into Virginia. Yay metro! He wants to know where Gedge is, and Vossler informs him of the hiccup in their plan. Oh yeah, and Holy shit the secret service being infiltrated! When he finds out First Hubby is still alive, he orders Vossler to not kill him, and bring him to Dubaku. Now that he’s lost the CIP device, First Hubby is his only bargaining chip!

When we return from break, we catch Dubaku exiting the Dupont Circle metro station which is in the heart of NorthWest DC. I find this interesting since he was last seen on a train headed Westbound out of the District, but whatever! He probably remembered he forgot to feed his goldfish and headed back home, or something.

In the makeshift A-Team CTU Team Justice headquarters, the gang is arriving with the Matobos. Bill starts barking orders at Chloe to find Dubaku. He tells her to check satellite, traffic cams, and public transportation surveillance. He tells her that satellite is her priority, which is too bad because public transportation would’ve totally led to Dubaku quicker. Jack cuts in and tells Bill they need to rethink their strategy. After all, they were set up as an under-cover operation to infiltrate rogue terrorists. They simply don’t have the available resources to find Dubaku and Jack thinks it’s time to get the government involved. Renee is all confused. Isn’t the government bad and corrupted? Mr. Matobo pipes in that the president can be trusted, and Bill notes it’s the people around her that can’t be trusted. Chloe chimes in and says “Mr. Buchanan, we need help.” Renee joins the ChiaBill pile-on and offers her opinion that they left a lot of clues while storming of the building, and they’ll be found soon enough. Mr. Matobo tells them he needs to get to the President and help her save his country. His wife takes his side and totally agrees. Jack tells Bill that if he wants to find Dubaku, they need to make the “call” to the White House. It’s 5 on 1 and Buchanan is outnumbered. Bill looks over to Tony who nods his assent, and the decision is made to get the White House on the line. Everyone stares around intensely, except for Tony, who has a sad expression on his face and is looking at the ground. Is he still pining over Emerson, or just mad that his authority on this mission has been usurped?

In the Oval Office, President Taylor is watching a news report on the whole “averted crisis” in Kidron. You can sense her mind is elsewhere (missing hubby?) because she’s standing with her arms crossed looking worried. She is interrupted by a secretary who informs her that former PM Matobo is on the line! Her mood quickly shifts to shocked and excited! She asks if the call is being traced, informed it’s not (secure line), and takes the call anyway. Her first question, “All you alright?” Matobo tells her both he and his wife were rescued and she’s all “By Whom?!” President Taylor knows the FBI and NSA have been completely worthless today. Matobo tells her he is safe, the CIP device has been destroyed, and that he wants to meet her in person. She demands to know who rescued him, but he plays it cool and tells her he can only tell her in person. He tells her they will be at the White House in 10 minutes. Upon hanging up, Jack lets everyone know they tried to trace the call, but the secure line held.

Madame Prez calls Ethan and demands he come into the Oval Office. She relates the content of the call to him, and Kanin looks all kinds of shocked. And, at long last, the President gets to do something other than convey worry and doubt…she gets to gloat to Kanin. She orders that Matobo be brought in the South Entrance, and to keep it all as quiet as possible. Kanin nods and exits the office…probably to tell as many people as possible about the newest development.

Back in the Good Guy Den, plans for transporting Matobo to the White House are being finalized. Jack is barking orders about having directions sent to his phone and bounding down the stairs, but Tony wants a word with him. Tony wants to let Jack know this has all been fun, but he’s not going to the White House. Jack is surprised. He says “What are you talking about?” Bill chimes in that Tony will be arrested, and Tony reiterates that he did some no-good, terrible, truly awful things for Emerson before having a change of heart and reaching out to Bill. Triple agent alert! Tony has something going on. Jack is surprised at his boyfriend’s insubordination and further more thinks it’s best if he face the music. Tony tells him he will, but wants to see this thing through and get Dubaku first. He has an in on Emerson’s crew and might have useful information. Jack looks all kinds of disappointed, but caves. First, though, he wants Tony’s word that he will turn himself in afterwards (with an assurance that Jack and Bill will stand behind him). Tony agrees, and the bros part ways with a handshake. Tony is totally going to turn on them!! He’s got a broody look on his face after they leave! I’m calling it now.

We see a split screen of Vossler putting First Hubby in a trunk, Mr. and Mrs. Matobo brooding, and Dubaku arriving at his apartment/office/whatever? It looks like an apartment, but the door is totally an office door. Strange. There’s a knock at the door, and Matobo goes to answer it with gun drawn. What’s this!? Dubaku has a cute, sweet little girlfriend? She’s wearing a watiress uniform and says she’s just stopping by to say “Hi” since he hasn’t answered his phone. Stalker Alert! She goes on to mention that she’s making lasagna for dinner, that her sister will be there, and that she spoke with her about the whole “giving my boyfriend dirty looks” thing. I can sympathize. My sister can be really over-bearing and overprotective when I’m dating sociopaths. We learn the girlfriend’s name is Maria, and she sweetly chides him for working to much (calling him Samuel). He tells her he has to work that much so that one day, he can take her away from the diner which he makes sound like a hellhole. She reminds him they “met” in that hellhole. he gets rid of her with a little smile and peck and sends her off. Once she’s gone, he dials up Vossler to confirm he has First Hubby. From sweet to pscyho in 10 seconds. He’s a badass alright! He tells Vossler to bring Mr. Taylor around back of the Korean Grocer across the street from his apartment. Vossler demands to know what is going to be done with the First Hubby. I don’t blame him, I’ve seen some sketchy stuff in the coolers of Korean Groceries. Dubaku scoffs and tells Vossler to just make sure he wasn’t followed.

Ba-Bum-Ba-Bum-Ba-Bum-Ba-Bum

And there you have it Gasmii! I thought this week was a pretty strange episode. I totally loved the whole Janis/Brunner thing, but Dubaku’s little girlfriend totally came out of left field. I’m also surprised they got rid of the CIP device so quickly. At least I’m not bored anymore…I’m genuinely interested in seeing where this is all going next week. See you then!