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Wow…interesting PR shot, Ashton. Personally, I think it screams “Pork’d” more than “Punk’d”…but whatevs!
Greetings Gasmii! This week on ’24′, everyone gets Punk’d! Jack has to get naked in the middle of a street. Olivia finds out that job she sought is tougher than imagined. And Tony has the mother of all pranks pulled on him!
It’s recapped just for you…after the JUMP!
It’s 11pm on “Highway 236″, and the entire CDC force has been mobilized! This is extremely impressive, since Jack was sitting there by himself staring forlornly at the ground mere seconds ago. Seriously, the place is crawling with dudes in HAZMAT suits, and they have trucks everywhere and funky light posts set up in the streets. It’s like the set from the end of ET just dropped from the sky. One of the HAZMAT dudes brings Jack over to a woman damed Dr. Macer from the CDC.
Dr. Macer wastes no time, telling Jack he needs to get undressed. While he starts to strip, she asks him what he can tell her about the bioweapon. All Jack knows is that it was developed in Sangala, and from what he understands the victims it was tested on there suffered from dementia and paralysis. The Doc wants to know how much was released, and Jack isn’t sure…just that the canister was breached for about two minutes. When his shirt comes off, the Doc and aide stare at his scars with horror. He assures them they are old battle wounds (courtesy of the Chinese government) and not a reaction to the bioweapon.
Jack is left in nothing but white boxers, and the Doc looks at him expectantly. He looks hilariously embarrassed, but drops the boxers in the middle of the street anyway. Haha! The Doc informs him they are going to douse him with some anti-bio-weapon stuff. Jack raises his arms, and the HAZMAT dudes go to town, spraying and scrubbing him down.
Meanwhile, Larry returns to FBI HQ, and is immediately intercepted by Plum Puddin’ Janis who wants to know what’s up w/ the whole “shutting down a 6-mile stretch” of Highway 236 thing? Larry informs her about all the breached canister, Jack exposed, as well as Starkwood reacquiring the weapons and bringing them back to their compound along with Tony Almeida business. She’s all: “Almeida?” He tells her they believe Almeida is a captive, and Janis wants to know if they are planning to make a move on Starkwood, noting their HQ is a glorified military base. By-the-books Larry tells her they are first waiting for confirmation from the CDC of bio-weapons, then they’re going to let the President know what is up and wait for her orders. Without Jack or Renee around to tell him “we’re running out of time!” the by-the-books method is the only choice.
Over at Starkwood, the chopper delivers the bioweapons while Hodges, Seaton, and crew look on in glee like kids on Christmas morning. Tony is brought out of the SUV, and he and Seaton give each other the stink eye as he’s led inside. Hodges approaches Seaton, and tells him Tony’s not going to talk. He’s the brave type, afterall. He says “know the psychology of your subject…that’s in our manual”, before sending Seaton inside with a nod of the head.
One of the baddies calls over to Hodges and tells him they got “lucky” with the breached canister. I wonder if they know “lucky” means Jack totally saved their asses? Anyhoo, Hodges wants to know how long before the weapons are ready, and the baddie Tom tells him two hours. Hodges jumps down his throat, telling him two hours is too long, and that the government is sure to be coming at them with everything they have. The bioweapons are their only leverage. Tom tells him he’ll do his “best”, and Hodges is all: Damn straight, you will!
Inside, Tony is being beaten to a pulp against a fence by a gang of baddies. They are demanding to know what the FBI knows, but he is stonewalling them with silence. Hodges comes in and gets in Tony’s face. He tells him that he knows he’s a “good man” who’s had some tough breaks. Hodges tells him that, if he spills the beans, he won’t walk out of there smiling, but at least he’ll be alive. Haha. Tony is all: “But I don’t know anything, Mr. Hodges!” Liar! Hodges gives him a few progressively forceful “love taps” on the face, and Seaton interjects. In front of Tony and the nameless baddies, he tells Hodges he’s having second thoughts about all of this. It was supposed to be a covert operation, after all. Now that the government knows what’s up, maybe the best course of action is destroying the evidence and moving on? Hodges can’t believe (or could totally believe in light of what happens later) that Greg would be such a pansy pants. Seaton tells Hodges he loves Starkwood just as much as Hodges, and doesn’t want to see the company destroyed. Hodges tells him he doubts he loves the company as much as he does, and to keep his nay-saying to himself in the future. He orders Tony led away, and implores him to “think about what he’s doing”.
Back on the highway, Jack has been changed into some white scrubs and Dr. Macer informs him they’ll need a blood and spinal fluid sample to determine if he’s been infected. Also, he’s gotta be put in quarantine and become the boy in the bubble for a little while. Jack asks how long the test results will take, and she tells him 15 minutes. Another HAZMAT dude comes up, and tells the Dr. Macer that they detected an “airborne pathogen” concentrated near the trailer and in the surrounding area. The good news, it’s not really enough to contaminate the general population. Yay, Jack! They Thank him for sealing the canister, and he goes further with the martyrdom, telling them he’s a material witness and needs to get back to the FBI. Luckily, those were the CDC’s orders all along.
In the Oval Office, Mama President and Ol’-Evil-ia are hashing out plans to find a replacement for Ethan Kanin. Mama Taylor has some dude “Bob” in mind. He’s been associate counsel for years, and knows the ins and outs of the administration. Olivia gives a pissy-pants half hearted endorsement, saying he’s “qualified”, which leads Ma Taylor to ask if she has someone else in mind. Why, of course she does! Olivia thinks someone from “outside the administration” with a fresh perspective is the way to go, so she recommends her pal Rick Berman. Prez Taylor wonders aloud if Rick would consider leaving the private sector for the position, and Olivia thinks he totally would (not that she had it planned in advance, or anything). Ma Taylor tells her she’d like to consider both men, and Olivia agrees to set up meetings for “tomorrow”. In the interim, Ma Taylor knows finding a new Chief of Staff could take weeks, and she needs a provisional/acting Chief in the meantime. She asks Olivia to do it (disaster waiting to happen!). Olivia pretends to be all shocked and surprised, but ultimately accepts the position at her mothers prompting. BITCH BITCH BITCH!
They are interrupted by Tim Woods from Homeland Security who mentions he’s got Larry Moss on the horn with news of an immanent Homeland Threat! Ruh-Roh! Ma Taylor tells Tim to put him through on speaker, and he looks over to Olivia suspiciously. Madame Prez, sensing his hesitance, informs him that Olivia has been made acting Chief of Staff. He gives her a little sideways glance of skepticism, and Olivia glares back at him. Anhoo…they put Larry through.
Larry gives them the rundown: Bauer, innocent. Starkwood: responsible for the attacks today. Weapons of mass destruction: here in the country on the Starkwood compound! Prez Taylor is stunned. Olivia pipes in and wants to know what kind of weapons and whether he’s suggesting Starkwood means to use them to attack the country. Larry’s all: I dunno! But given their actions today, we need to move on them fast! Olivia’s face seems to flash panic. So THIS is what being behind the steering wheel is like! Not so much fun when the shit hits the fan, is it Ol-Evil-ia? Tim Woods asks the Prez what the course of action will be, and she tells him to assemble the cabinet and the joint chiefs, as we cut to break!
When we return, Zombie Spice is chilling in her holding cell, and her body language screams “Get me the F’ Out of here!” Larry comes in and informs her that Jack was right about Starkwood all along.
She asks if there’s evidence linking them to Juma, and he says “yeah”. She wants to know why. He tells her about the whole “developing bio-WMDs” and how they are holding them on their compound. Renee asks where Jack is, and he says he’s on the way over…but he says it sadly. Sensing something is up, Renee demands to know WTF is going on!? Larry goes into the long, sordid tale about how Jack got the weapons, but then Starkwood got them back and Jack was exposed. While Larry apologizes for the whole “locking her up thing” and tells her he wants her to be in charge of debrifing Jack, Renee starts to cry and silently stares at the wall. Larry tells her he’s sorry, he should’ve trusted her, yada yada…but she just keeps crying and staring into space. Finally, she looks up and there’s a moment where it totally looks like they’re are going to make out and do it on the holding room table, but instead, Renee says “When are we moving on Starkwood?” Haha.
Back at the White House, Aaron Pierce is walking along w/ a sling on his arm. Olivia sees him heading out and cuts him off. She tells him that she heard he’s been debriefed and on his way home, but she’d like him to stay because she’s the new Chief of Staff and totally wants him to head up her security detail. Is it just me, or does she deliver the news with bitchy glee? Anyhoo, Aaron is all: I’m retired and there are a lot of great agents. Olivia disregards his objections and goes into a spiel about how she can’t tell him details, but the threat isn’t over and she needs people around her she trusts (read: him). He remains silent, so she tells him she’s heading into a meeting with the President and she’ll assume his answer is yes and then walks away. He gives a sideways “Bitch, Please!” look at her.
Olivia saunters into the underground War Room, that we haven’t seen in several episodes. The Prez starts the meeting by informing everyone that the “day isn’t over” as their briefing packets and the fact that we’re only on hour 16 have warned… She turns it over to Tim Woods, who briefs the gang on the bioweapons being held on Starkwoods gi-normous super duper military compound out in Northern Virginia. Turns out the compound is over 3 square miles and has over 259 buildings on it! Whoa! Everyone wants to know what they are dealing with, so Tim turns it over to Ben Landry from CDC to tell them (and us) about the pathogens.
Here’s the medi-babble he delivers: It’s a prion variable, indigenous to the East Congo. It’s a variant of Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (Thank you, closed captions! I knew being deaf would come in handy some day!) This nasty nasty disease causes dementia, paralysis, and eventually death within a few months. The weapons grade variant does the same thing, but in a manner of days! Yikes! No treatment, no cure!
Madame Prez pipes in. Calling Starkwood a bunch of bastards for bringing that nasty shit into the country and telling the gang they need to find those weapons and arrest the Baddie crew!
The military crew pipes in, nay-saying about the sheer size of the base and that there are 1,500 highly trained mercenaries on it. They are afraid the result of moving on the base would be a small war in their own backyard! The Prez asks about an airstrike instead, and another military dude nay-says about how the casualties would be great and they couldn’t guarantee the weapons would be destroyed. Also, there’s the risk that said airstrike could actually release the weapons into the atmosphere. (Are these Pentagon dudes on the Starkwood payroll, or what?!) The Prez looks on with a pissy-pants glare.
Another nay-sayer, this time a lawyer type (The Attorney General?) tells them that all the courses of action are a violation of the Posse Comitatus Act! In other word, they can’t engage military personnel in a law-enforcement capacity without congressional approval (Thank you, Wikipedia)!
The Prez and Olivia look on with Pissy Pants faces, and the Prez finally chimes in and says “What I’m hearing is that there are no good options.” Until they contain the threat, they are risking another attack on the country, and that’s an option she won’t consider! Yay Prez! Olivia looks impressed, too.
Back at Starkwood, Stokes comes in to Almeida’s holding room to give him one last chance to fess up and walk. Tony, of course, is silent. Stokes tells him that “for the record, I bet Mr. Hodges a pair of Redskins tickets that you wouldn’t talk…looks like I’m going to be sitting at the 50 yard line” and raises his gun! But wait! There’s a gunshot, and it appears to be Seaton in the doorway, who shot Stokes in the back! Tony’s all: What the hell is going on?! Seaton’s all: This has gone too far! He tells Tony that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life in prison because Hodges lost his mind. Tony asks if he knows where the weapons are, and Seaton assures him he does, but wants a guarantee of immunity before he cooperates. Tony can’t promise anything, so they decide to head to Seaton’s office to hash it out with the FBI on a secure land line.
Across town, in a CDC van, Dr. Macer tells Jack they’re nearing the FBI and he’ll have to be put into an isolation suit and then transferred. Jack says he understands, and she asks how he’s feeling. Jack says he doesn’t feel anything yet. Just then, some other Doc delivers the results of “Mr. Bauer’s blood work”. Macer reviews the results as Jack looks on helplessly. She looks up from the tests and tells the gang to “open” Jack’s quarantine cage. Yay! Uninfected!? She hands Jack his results, he half laughs, half shakes his head, and thanks her before we head to break. Good news?!
When we return, Renee is heading to her desk when Plum Puddin’ Janis comes up and tells her Jack arrived! Renee tells Janis that she’ll go down to quarantine to meet Jack, and Janis is all: He’s not in quarantine! Renee and the entire viewing audience are totally confused by this. Renee is a little more hopeful than we are!
Renee rushes to the elevator and greets Jack, asking if he’s OK. He tells her his bloodwork came back positive, that he’s infected. But it’s OK…before being led away. Zombie Spice is super confused! As am I! The Doc tells her that he’s infected, but not in quarantine because the disease isn’t contagious. It was designed that way to keep the people deploying it from being infected. The Doc goes on to call Jack “Patient Zero” and tells Renee they need to learn everything they can from him to help other victims. As the Doc heads off to take a call, Renee cries again and freaks out.
Jack is changing in the FBI nurses station when Renee knocks on the door. He tells her to come on in, and she’s immediately freaked out by his scars. He gets body consciousness issues again, and apologizes. She just looks on in horror as if he has a third nipple, or something. Jack changes the subject and asks about Starkwood/Tony…unfortunately, Renee doesn’t know much. She tells him she needs to debrief him on the canisters he saw, if that’s cool with him? He’s all: OK! She mentions she read the statement from the Port Authority cop, and how Jack totally risked the mission to save his ass…and she’s impressed. She tells him he did the right thing, and he says thanks, before she leaves him sitting there alone in the dark nurse’s office. Apparently, she’s totally over the Marika debacle and the slap-fest that ensued at the hospital.
Back at Starkwood, Tony and Seaton are sneaking around through the compound. They make it to Seaton’s office, and no sooner have they shut the door than Seaton gets a call from “the lab”. He hypothesizes that it’s Hodges on the horn, and Tony tells him to take the call on Speaker. Hodges is all: “Where ya been, buddy? I’ve been trying to reach you.” Seaton is all: “Oh, that…I was checking on Almeida”. Hodges wants to know if Tony spilled the beans yet, and Seaton tells him that Stokes is still “working on it”. Hodges is all: That’s funny, I told Stokes to kill his ass if he didn’t talk. Seaton tells Hodges they should give Stokes a few more minutes. Hodges is all, Okie Dokie! But the two of you need to get here soon. We need all hands on deck.
When Seaton hangs up, Tony tells him to call the FBI with the quickness! Seaton has to set up a secure land-line first. While he gets to work on that, he starts chewing the fat with Tony about how he’s confused by Hodges and his motives. The man used to be a patriot, dammit! He set up the company to protect the country. Tony’s all, well then why is he attacking it? Seaton’s all: It’s complicated, I’m not sure I understand it myself.
Back at FBI HQ, Janis is updating Larry on the Starkwood compound. She’s got the company roster, a report on the facility, even topography maps! Larry thanks her for the good work, and tells her to share the info w/ all the agencies.
Just then, Renee comes walking by and Larry walks over to her to offer his condolences on the Jack being infected business. He asks how Bauer is doing, and she tells him so far, so good…no symptoms. Oh yeah, and she finished debriefing him on the canisters and has a handy description all booted up on her palm pilot for him. He tells her to share that w/ the inter-agency gossip tree, or whatever.
Janis butts back in. She’s got Tony Almeida on the horn from inside Starkwood! They’re all: WTF?! They take the call, and Tony tells them about Hodges and how he’s with a guy named Seaton who wants to help out, but needs immunity first. Larry asks what Seaton has to offer, and Tony tells them he knows where the weapons are on the compound. By-the-books Larry thinks it all sounds like a good idea, but he needs to run it by the Prez first. Before he can hang up, Tony asks what’s up w/ his boyfriend Jack, and Larry tells him he’s there at FBI HQ in medical. Tony wonders aloud if Jack was “hit”, and Larry tells him about the breached canister and Jack being infected. Tony looks super sad to hear this and stares forlornly into space. Larry tells him he’s gotta talk to the White House, and he’ll be in touch shortly. He orders Janis to get the White House on the horn as we cut to break.
When we return, Madame Prez is watching in horror footage from Sangala of the effects of the bioweapons. Olivia comes in and wants to know what horror film she got from Netflix NOW?! Madame Prez tells her it’s footage smuggled out of Sangala, confirming the experiments with bioweapons and that the people on the tape are suffering the effects of the prion variant they allowed into the country. Olivia looks legitimately horrified, and says “we didn’t allow this.” Madame Prez rants about Starkwood, and how the government gave them billions of dollars in contracts, outsourced intelligence gathering and mercenary labor, etc…by golly, they even allowed them to build a military base 13 miles outside the Nations Capital! Olivia is all…whoa, mama! Beat yourself up much? You FOUGHT against all of that! Madame Prez sadly informs her daughter that, apparently, she didn’t do enough, and now it may be too late.
Intercom chick pipes in that Admiral Smith and Tim Woods are at the office to see her. She has them sent in. Tim tells him he’s got Larry on the horn, and they all take the call. Larry informs her that they got a call from inside Starkwood from Almeida (who was working with Bauer)…he’s turned one of Hodges inner circle who will tell them where the weapons are in exchange for immunity. The FBI is preparing to move on the compound on her say-so. She checks with Tim Woods, who is all “Go for it!” She asks Admiral Smith, and he’s all “Yeah! Go For it…but send the Navy Seals along w/ the FBI!” Olivia Nay-says about how this is kinda illegal and the Attorney General will shit his pants. Ma Prez tells her they’ll deal with him later. She gives the order to move on the compound, but there’s the matter of the immunity agreement. Thanks to the wonders of “WebEx” they’ve already drafted a document and sent it to her assistant’s computer and await her “secure digital signature” or whatever.
She signs the document and we catch a glimpse of Larry, Seaton, and the Prez on WebCam. They’re all “Heeey!” Everyone is satisfied, and the Feds will be moving on the compound in 10 minutes. Everyone hangs up. Tim Woods is all: Wow! I think we just caught a lucky break. The Prez is all: Until this plays out, let’s keep exploring other options.
Back at FBI HQ Janis sets up the webcam in the main cubicle farm area and Larry and the SWAT Team get back on cam2cam. Seaton gives them a location of a warehouse in the NorthEast quadrant of the compound where the weapons are being held. The SWAT Team leader (fired from his gig on Desperate Housewives and back in the 24 universe) tells Larry that’s a super-convenient location, and he knows just the place to land! Larry tells Seaton and Almeida to head to the warehouse and they’re on their way/mobilized!
As they head up, Jack (with his shirt back on) comes up and wants to know where everyone is headed?! Larry tells him about Almeida’s intel and how they are moving on the compound. Jack’s all: Can I go!? Larry says he understands why he wants to go, but no. Jack fights him, telling him he’s the only one who’s seen the canisters. Larry reminds him they got the description from the debrief, and they have everything they need. Jack’s all: Pwetty Pweeze! I’ve earned this! As Zombie Spice looks on sadly, Larry thanks Jack for all the good work and stuff today, but that he’s sick and nobody knows when he’ll display symptoms…they can’t have that happen in the field. Jack ruefully accepts that Larry’s right. He gives a little chuckle and tells him “I always knew we’d eventually agree on something” Haha! Larry says he’s sorry and takes off to join the action, while Jack walks away sadly and takes his jacket off…settling in for a nice evening of non-action at the FBI cubicle farm.
When we return, we catch a glimpse of the Feds in their choppers, while Seaton pulls up to a security gate in a hummer. The guard “Murphy” asks Greg what he’s doing, and he starts to explain he needs to “check something” when Tony totally comes up behind the dude and knocks him out! Tony and Greg enter the gate and start running around. Greg points out a building that supposedly contains the weapons, and Tony asks how many men are inside. Seaton tells him it’s Hodges, the munitions team, and a bunch of others.
We cut to Hodges checking in with his boy “Tommy” on timing. He tells him that wolves are at the door, and wants to know how much longer. The dude is like “still an hour away” and that they haven’t done a sequence check yet. Hodges is all: “Let’s do it!” Tommy heads off and Hodges looks legitimately nervous and says “Dammit!”
In the chopper, Larry is informed he’s “2 minutes” out, and checks in with Tony, who tells him they are in position, there’s entrances at the north and South, both with guards armed with semi-automatic weapons and that Seaton tells him there’s about a dozen more inside. Larry says “copy that’ and to sit tight.
He checks in with Renee, who tells him the Starkwood control tower wants to know WTF is going on?! Larry talks to the dude in the Starkwood tower and informs him of the executive order from the Prez to search one of their buildings, which his sends to the guard’s computer (via WebEx?) Larry tells the guard that they must not interfere or they will be arrested. He asks to know if the guard understands, and he says “Understood, FBI” Haha.
The choppers fly over the compound…Tony and Seaton look up at them. Hodges hears the choppers and looks up with a pissy pants/funny look on his face.
Some of the choppers land, and others hover while dudes in military garb repel down ropes. Tense music!
They meet up with Tony and Seaton, and start moving on the warehouse!
As Renee, Janis, and Jack watch from FBI HQ, they storm the warehouse and order the guards at the door to STAND DOWN! Tense music!
Larry bends over, makes a grumbly-growly face, and they blow the door to the warehouse door!
“That’s the Larry Moss Chicken Vindaloo Special! Take that, Starkwood!”
When they enter the warehouse it’s totally empty! Larry turns to Seaton and demands to know where the weapons are. Seaton says he doesn’t know, and that Almeida was threatening to kill him, so he told him whatever he wanted to hear! Haha. Tony gets super pissed and grabs Seaton, calling him a “sonofabitch!”
Tony screams a lot at Seaton, who tells the Feds to get the crazy man off of him, please! Larry orders Tony to stand down, and Seaton looks on with a gleeful/evil expression. Tony tells Larry that Seaton “played” him. Tony = Punk’d!
In another section of the compound, we see Hodges watching the whole thing on a monitor, and telling some nameless dude that “little old Seaton” bought them some time!
Split screen action! Everyone looks tense!
Larry calls in to Renee and tells her the warehouse is empty, that Seaton sent them to the wrong location…she totally encourages him to keep looking, the weapons have to be there somewhere! Larry orders his gang outside.
When they get outside, Larry starts rallying the troops and tells them they are going to do a point by point search of the entire compound! We cut to Jack at FBI HQ who says “good!”
Before Larry can finish the orders, a whole mess of Starkwood baddies in hummers swarm them! Larry tells his men to hold their fire! Jack reiterates the same from HQ, and Renee’s all: “What!? They drew on Federal Officers!”
Frickin’ Stokes climbs out of one of the hummers, which prompts a hilarious stink-eye session between Tony and Seaton. Tony…still Punk’d!
Stokes tells Larry and crew to get the heck out of there, that they searched their building and that’s it! Larry’s all, there are weapons of mass destruction here, and we aren’t leaving until we find them! Stokes is all…those are absurd charges brought by a government trying to shut down a harmless capitalist operation. He goes on to say that he doesn’t want any bloodshed, but if they don’t get lost now, they WILL be fired upon!
Mexican Standoff! (No offense to Tony Almeida, of course)
There you have it Gasmii! It was an interesting episode, to say the least. I’m confused by Olivia’s story line still. Also, how ludicrous was the whole Punk’d thing? Not to mention the whole “everyone is BFF now” at the FBI?
Let’s see what happens next week!