Hey Jack: The Plane! The Plane!

I really enjoy the entire season of 24 from the four hours in two days premiere to the finale, and all of the hard perimeters and sockets in between. There is something special about these last four or five hours, however. The show already has plenty of suspense, but the producers know we are on edge and seem to turn it up a notch. Just when we think we have a handle on how things may play out, we are thrown a new villain, some unlikely hero arises from all the confusion, and JAck will inevitably be thrown into some impossible situation. And I don’t know if you are anything like me, but I am clutching my pillow, waiting for somebody we’ve all been pulling for to get shot unexpectedly. I’m out of breath just thinking about it.Last week was not a good one for Jack Bauer, so hopefully these next sixty minutes will be a little easier for him. Things start off pretty well when we learn that Henderson did not completely sever Audrey’s brachial artery. Now personally, I would think that Jack would be more worried about loss of blood. I was waiting for Audrey to say, “No, it’s just a scratch, really! Just reach into my bag. I have a suture kit”. Still, you know the Intrigue Coat has stain guard, so if Audrey knows a dry cleaner who can get a couple of pints of blood out of cashmere, it might not be a total loss.

By now, Heller has left the presidential compound, and he’s decided to place a call into his security team to make sure things are OK. When Jack answers the phone instead of his bodyguard, Heller knows that something is wrong. He tells Jack that he was about to get the President’s resignation when Logan got a call and called the entire thing off. Jack then explains that Henderson was able to get the recording and immediately Heller asks if anything happened to Audrey. Jack lies and says that Audrey is OK, and Heller says that if there is anything he can do to help, he wants to do it. Oh, I don’t know, you could start by maybe not getting in the way when Jack is trying to save the country? Jack says that he was betrayed last time, and besides, he needs access to satellite imagery so he’ll need to call CTU.

Don’t worry, I used ScotchGuard

Jack calls Buchanan because he wasn’t able to reach Chloe earlier. Conveniently, Chloe decided to head to Buchanan’s house after she escaped from CTU, knowing that she would be able to access her laptop as long as she had a remote node. Jack then tells Chloe that they need to be able to track Henderson’s location, and at first, Chloe is worried that she won’t be able to do any of this without being traced. Then Chloe thinks about, realizes that she only needs to recite a few words from the techno-babble dictionary, and all will be fine. This time Chloe decides she will slip in through the subnet and set up a VPN pathway, so you know that she is really serious.

Chloe shouldn’t have any trouble getting this done, but she is a little upset at what she has to work with. She only brought her laptop, but she gets to work to work networking it with Buchanan’s computer, even though it is “kind of pathetic”. She also realizes that Buchanan has a plasma screen nearby, and although that is about fifty less than she could use when she was at CTU, she has him get to work, but apologizes that she is bossing him around, but since technically he’s not her boss, she says she doesn’t need to apologize. Well, technically, she never would have cared even if he was her boss, but is funny to watch her make Buchanan plug in all of the computer cables like he is some lackey at Best Buy.

Jack decides that the best thing to do is to chase Henderson down himself and try and get the tape. Luckily, Chloe has connected to CTU and was able to get Henderson’s preliminary direction. That will have to do for now, and so Jack decides to pile Audrey into the police cruiser and chase after Henderson. At this point I am wondering a couple of things. First of all, WHERE IS CURTIS? Did he head to the Spearmint Rhino for a lapdance or something? Second, WHY IS AUDREY NOT IN SHOCK? She shouldn’t be able to lift her arm, let alone walk around like she’s only got the flu or something.

While I was wondering about stuff like that, the producers decided to fill us in on some other details, like why Henderson wouldn’t just destroy the tape. I hadn’t thought about that, but now that you mention it, they do bring up a good point. Jack speculated that Henderson would need an insurance policy, and he was correct. President Pussy called up Henderson wondering if Bauer is dead and whether he has destroyed the tape. Henderson replies that Jack is not dead and he does have the tape, but he’s not going to destroy it. Henderson remembered what happened to Walt Cummings, and he’s not about to let it happen to him. He assures the president that it’s in a safe place, but nobody will hear about it unless Henderson dies an untimely death.

Now Henderson had a ten-minute lead on Jack, but after only about two minutes worth of driving, Jack has already caught up with him. Henderson might be a killer, but he obeys all the speed laws, I guess. Jack turns off his lights so Henderson won’t notice he is coming, and then proceeds to screech around corners like the Dukes of Hazzard. You would think that Henderson is smart enough to hear another engine barreling down on him, but maybe he was listening to music and didn’t hear it coming. Just imagine:

“If you want to, I can save you.
I can take you away from….SCREEEEEEEECH!”

You’re Everywhere to me!

The screech that interrupted Henderson from his Michelle Branch (oh come on, you know he is one of those guys who appears tough on the outside, but has her hidden somewhere on his iPod and can never bring himself to skip to the next song whenever it comes up, not that I know anybody like that or anything), was Jack running his car off the road. Henderson lost control and then crashed into a barn on the other side of the road.

Finally! Jack should just shoot Henderson for all of the shit he has done, take the recording and be on his way, right? Well, not exactly. Henderson tells Jack to let him go, because if he doesn’t Secretary Heller will be killed. I’m not sure if Audrey was taking steroids or something, but she managed to get up out of the car and walk over to where Jack had secured Henderson. This is very convenient, because now Jack doesn’t have to explain anything that is going on, and his voice is already hoarse enough as it is.

Jack has Chloe patch him into Secretary Heller because I guess Audrey doesn’t have her father’s cell phone number or is too delirious to remember. Henderson warned that some of his men were following Heller in a helicopter, and if Henderson didn’t call every fifteen minutes, Heller would be dead. When Heller answered, he confirmed that there was a helicopter following him, and before you know it, there is a laser sight pointed at his chest. Either that or some ketchup dribbled off a French fry onto his shirt; one of the two.

Heller only has minutes left, and you would think that he would do some defensive driving or something. Turn around, stop short, get off onto a side road, or SOMETHING. Well, Heller does decide to do something. He ruined Jack’s first chance to put Henderson and the President away, and he’s not going to let Henderson use him as a pawn. Yeah, that’s fine, but what are you going to do about it? It’s not like you have Curtis in the back seat or an ejector seat or anything. I think Heller must have been a fan of Speed. Why? Well, you know that scene where Keanu Reeves and Jeff Daniels and they say the best thing to do in a hostage situation is to take out the hostage? Well, Heller takes out the hostage, by driving his car off the road, down a cliff and into a lake!

HOLY SHIT!

Listen, I know Heller didn’t want to be a problem, but Jack caught up with Henderson once, he could probably do it again in another thirty minutes. Oh well. The last words Heller said were to make sure the recording gets into the right hands, and to tell Audrey that he loves her. At this point, I really thought that Jack would just shoot Henderson right there. First Palmer, and Michelle Dessler, and Tony Almeida, and now Secretary Heller. If there were any time that you could imagine that Jack would rip a guy’s arm out and then beat him to death with it, give him a blood transfusion, rip off his other arm, and then beat him to death again, this would be the time.

Click on Secretary Heller to play

Luckily, Jack has more self-control than that, and just punches him in the face and decides to leave with the recording. The trouble with that plan is that Henderson doesn’t have the recording. Ahh, it makes so much sense now. That’s the reason Jack was able to catch up with Henderson so quickly. He calls Chloe and has her re-check the satellite images to see if there was some sort of handoff or something.

President Logan assured Henderson that he didn’t have any plans to pull a Walt Cummings on him, but we soon learn that isn’t true. Logan puts a call into Grimm, played by Paul McCrane, best known for his work as super asshole Dr. Robert Romano on ER, and tells him to cancel the “action” against Henderson immediately. Shit, how many masterminds can one season take? First there was Erwich, then there was Cummings, then there was Nathanson, then there was Bierko, then there was President Pussy, and now we have Grimm? And I thought government bureaucracy was bad; I guess the terrorists can’t do any better either.

While Grimm is upset that Henderson may be a loose end, he is more worried about another person in the White House that has been asking questions. He’s heard that Agent Aaron Pierce knows a little more than he should, and the President assures him that he has taken steps to deal with Agent Pierce. Oh, that doesn’t sound good, especially when we saw he was without his cell phone last week.

With Aaron out of the way, the only person around that knows more than he should is, well, he’s a she; Martha Logan. Grimm says that the President needs to handle her, which I guess means there is a trip to Vermont in her future. The President has a couple of Secret Service personnel lock her up in a room. The phones are all disconnected, so she has nothing left do except bang on the walls and ripping off her blouse isn’t going to save her now.

Chloe and Buchanan were able to track the car that met with Henderson after going back to the satellite footage. Oddly enough, the car was headed back towards the Van Nuys airport. Chloe can see that there is a plane that is servicing for takeoff. Jack needs to get to that plane, but he can’t just continue to drag Audrey around. Then he asks “Where is Curtis?” THANK YOU! I was wondering when the hell Curtis would get back. Finally, we would figure out where Curtis was. My best guess was going to be the Shakey’s on Sepulveda, but he was actually with a tactical team about 25 miles Northwest of Jack’s location.

Jack decides to leave, but he leaves Audrey with a gun and instructions not to make any phone calls because it can be traced. He kisses her, which is more action than he’s had in like well, I guess only five or six hours now, and then leaves. Curtis can be trusted, and he is only 25 miles away, but something crazy has to happen. Will two Hellers die in one episode? We can only wait.

Back at CTU, Miles is busy congratulating Karen Hayes on a job well done. Bierko is now conscious, all of the protocol shifts have taken place. Man, Homeland Security is running this bitch much better than Division ever could! Now, now, Miles, slow down there turbo. Bad news can come at any time, like maybe somebody is missing from one of your isolation cells. That’s right, it took almost an hour, but finally somebody realized that Chloe was missing. Not so easy keeping everything together, is it Miles?

Karen has become more and more skeptical over the president’s actions, and when she brings up Shari to ask her why she let Chloe go, Shari first tried to explain that Chloe had intimidated her, but realized that didn’t make much sense. Eventually, she confessed that Chloe had threatened to recommend her for psychiatric evaluation using a new Pot Calling Kettle Black protocol Chloe had been cooking up. Karen asked if Shari got a sense as to why Chloe was helping Jack, and Shari said that Chloe is convinced that Jack is innocent and President Logan is trying to frame him. You can just see the look on Karen’s face that she wants to do the right thing, but she doesn’t want to ruin her pension or GEICO discount rate by going against the President.

President Logan decided to have a nice sit down with his wife. You have to give it to Logan. If he’s learned nothing today, at least he’s learned that you can’t lie to your wife and hope to get away with it. He sits down with the First Lady and tells her the truth; the guy who killed David Palmer works for him. It’s not like he ordered David Palmer killed, and it’s a little complicated, and she appreciates honesty right? Well, this is a little bit more than Martha can take, or at least that’s what I thought. I didn’t think she would just shut up and not make a fuss, but I guess she is just out of energy, or maybe she knows that whatever happened to Aaron can happen to her. Mrs. Logan says that he broke her hate, she can’t stand looking at him, but she’ll keep her mouth shut. He may deserve to suffer, but the American people do not deserve to.

This gives us a perfect segue to look at our new mastermind Grimm. Listen, I know that being an evil genius is sort of fun, but don’t ANY of these guys get sick of the dress code? These dudes with Grimm all look like they shop at the same place. You know how stores have “Bed in a Bag” for the schmuck’s that can’t coordinate their sheets, pillowcases, and comforter? Do you think there is some special JC Penney or Target or Macy’s that has “Terrorist in a Bag” outfits, just in case one of these guys can’t match their grey or black pants with their gray or black turtleneck and their grey or black blazer? Buy two, and they include a very sinister looking Bluetooth headset. Nothing says “I’m about to put an action out on you” like a Bluetooth headset. Anyway, the President calls Grimm to let him know Martha is taken care of. And seriously, who is this guy Grimm that the President cares about so much? Lobbyist? Oil company executive? Ventriloquist? Something is not right here.

I said THIN CRUST!

So, by this time, Henderson is awake and trying to convince Audrey that she still has time to save her father. You know, whenever something happens to somebody on the show, I like to pretend that I am right there with them. I don’t know about you, but I would have died trying to hold my breath for as long as Jack did in CTU. I did, however, manage to finish off as many vodka shots in my coffee mug as Tony Almeida did last season. Anyway, I tried the brachial artery thing, and had to call 9-1-1 after like two minutes, which I guess is OK, because I went to Prada and couldn’t find a coat like Audrey’s in my size anyway. Point being, I don’t know how Audrey has lasted this long, but maybe her house keeper doesn’t get as mad as mine when I spill two pints of blood on the rug or.

Where were we? Oh yes. Henderson. He’s telling Audrey that there is still time to save her father. If his windows were closed, he can have a pocket of air that might last thirty minutes. There is still time to get him help! Audrey’s not that stupid, she knows not to use the phone, but still, would Henderson’s men get to them before Curtis could? You never know. Maybe they saw the “Fresh Donuts” sign in front of that Krispy Kreme on Van Nuys Boulevard and decided to stop. Plus, he hasn’t had to do anything for like four hours, so maybe he is a little sluggish.

Jack has made it to the airport, and it appears that the flight that is preparing to take off is some diplomatic charter. Man, if only these people were around an hour ago when Henderson was killing people and severing brachial arteries, maybe some of this could have been avoided. He gets a message from Chloe stating that there is a helicopter closing in on Audrey. Looks like Curtis was too late, and so Jack calls Audrey to tell her to get out of there.

Audrey was fine with letting Henderson live when she thought they both were going back to CTU, but now that he might get off free, she doesn’t want to let him go. She sits there with the gun pointed at him, and you can hear the helicopter about to land, but she is just standing there. GOD DAMN! Shoot him in the leg or in the balls or something! Just don’t stand there and get yourself caught! Ugh.

The helicopter lands and Audrey doesn’t have it in her to shoot Henderson. She tries to escape, but whatever. She could have had a chance if she had a head start, but Henderson doesn’t leave loose ends. OK, well, he failed to kill Jack at Omichron, and then he got captured, and then he let Evelyn go, and totally botched the bank thing, and he should have killed Audrey or Jack at the airport, but this time there will really be no loose ends.

Audrey is sneaking around the corner and somebody grabs her. Uh oh. It’s….CURTIS! YES! Wow, that was close. If Curtis is there, that means that the whole tactical team is there. Curtis’ team takes out the terrorist, and he checks to make sure Audrey is OK. “Well, uh, I don’t know how my arm is still attached, and I’ve got one hell of a dry cleaning bill ahead of me, but other than that, we’re cool.” To tell you the truth, even after all of that, I was worried that some lone terrorist would find there way over and Curtis would get in the way of a bullet meant for Audrey, but that never happened. Which is good, because I would have thrown my TV out the balcony had they taken Curtis away from us so soon after he came back.

Now that Audrey is safe and Henderson is in custody, the only thing left to do is for Jack to get on board the plane. He wants Chloe to get a passenger manifest and tells Buchanan to try and slow down the departure somehow. There is security all around, so Jack can’t just walk up to the plane and pretend he is the pilot or anything, so he jumps on the top of a fuel truck, and then jumps from the top of that truck to a baggage truck nearby. It wasn’t that funny of a moment, but it made me laugh hysterically nonetheless. I need to come up with a name for Jack’s shoes when he pulls off moves like that, but I can’t come up with anything now. On top of the other truck, Jack gets a phone call from Buchanan (ever try VIBRATE Jack?) who says he can’t delay the plane, but Chloe is working on the passenger list, she just needs to hack into a state department database first.

Miles really hates that Chloe is smarter than him, so he is very excited when he gets a fix on her. He machine coded a matrix and yada, yada, yada, she’s at Bill Buchanan’s house. He tells Karen that a tactical team is nearby and gives them orders to bring back Chloe. Karen is fine with that, but now she really has some misgivings. Something has smelled funny all day, and it’s not the half-eaten burrito Edgar left at his desk or, you know, the nerve gas that might be lingering. Karen decides to call Mike for some clarification.

We know that Mike Novick is no stranger to intrigue, having orchestrated the cabinet to invoke the 25th amendment to get rid of Palmer back in season two. How much does Mike know, and when did he know it? He seemingly disappeared for a few hours, but what was he doing? Anyway, Karen calls Mike for some clarification because she wants to know why the President called her two hours ago to apprehend Jack Bauer, and then when they had a location on Jack, said that the army would take care of the rest. Mike can’t explain anything that is going on, because not only is he out of the loop, there is no loop. The President is doing things without counsel, which seems as strange to Karen and Mike as it did to the rest of us when we first discovered he was the new mastermind.

Karen hangs up with Mike and decides to call Bill Buchanan. She has had enough. There have been enough strange happenings going down that she is becoming unsure of their entire presence there. When Bill answers, he acts like Chloe isn’t there, but Karen assures him that there is not a lot of time and Chloe has to leave immediately. You know, if Karen wasn’t married, I would say that she and Bill are perfect for each other. You know, if Bill doesn’t decide he likes Chloe ordering him around and declines to be her sissyboy after the lights go down and all the sockets are closed.

Without Chloe able to give him more help, Jack knows that it is now or never. He flips up the Slightly Faded But Nevertheless Useful Extreme Hoodie of Infiltration, which is like twice as tough as kevlar, and breathes better too, and walks right onto the plane with anybody noticing him.

Wow. Jack’s balls are so big, they probably tie him to a crane to knock down buildings.

It’s Jack, his hoodie, and his messenger bag vs. a bunch of diplomats, some of them French, and at least one terrorist. Man, that’s not even a fair fight. There’s got to be some killer bees or a pregnant woman or something, no?

If you squint, you can see Jack in his camouflage

Anyway, this was a great episode. Audrey is safe from Henderson, and she can now face her toughest challenge: surviving the CTU infirmary. I think there is going to be a Miles vs. Karen Hayes showdown at some point as well, which should be great. You KNOW that’s a great slap fight waiting to happen. I do have to wonder about Aaron, and I think that he is probably going to save Mrs. Logan and die in the process. The only thing that is kind of out there are these new bad guys with their Bluetooth headsets and how they fit into everything. Next week should be good. I won’t ruin the previews for people who still need some suspense, but if this plane takes off and Jack finds the guy with the audio recording, he is going to have to get the plane back on the ground somehow. The possibilities are endless.

What did you think of this episode? Is Audrey safe? Will Curtis actually get to kill a few more people before the season is done? What’s left for Henderson, Logan, and Grimm?