So… Does This Mean No Curbside Check-In?

Ah yes. 24 is back. Well, it was back on Sunday, but it continued to be back last night as the most exciting show on television delivered us two more stunning hours of suspense. Minute for minute, a double dose of 24 is probably more intense and suspenseful than any action flick from last summer. And let’s be honest. By dispatching two of the most beloved stars of the show (smell ya later, Palmer and Michelle), 24 also proves to be one of the boldest series on television. Sure, some of the techno-jargon is a bit, uh, silly, but hey, they could be talking about bananas and silly putty, and this show would still outclass the competition. Note to producers: be sure to include a bananas and silly putty episode.

Before I dive into part two of the four-hour “season premiere event,” I’d like to pick a massive bone with Fox. Without giving anything away in this opening (er, second to opening) paragraph, I’d like to publicly reprimand whoever pieced together the preview at the end of Sunday’s episode. Why? Because they showed exactly what would happen in Monday’s cliffhanger! WTF?? From here on out, I’m simply avoiding the previews. I urge you all to do the same. And just to add insult to injury, ignore an episode of Bones too. Really make ‘em feel it.Anyway, the show opened up where we left off: terrorists had claimed Ontario Airport (that’s why I always fly JetBlue to Burbank), and nimwitted Derek had found himself trapped inside as a hostage while Jack-a-roo was traipsing around in the rafters. Now, Derek’s mom Diane was a pure mess as she tried to run past cops to retrieve her son. The authorities tried to drag her away, but she had an ace in the hole (or up her sleeve. Whatever the expression is).

“I have information for CTUUUUUU!!!” she wailed as she was yanked off screen. Before we could see Diane’s fate, we then returned inside the terminal as the terrorists set up camp. Let’s see, there was stubbly terrorist #1 — he was the ringleader. Then there was stubbly terrorist #2 — clearly destined to be shot. Oh, and there’s stubbly terrorist #3, and was he hauling around a vending machine? Look, sometimes when you’re creating an international incident, you just gotta have a Snickers.

Well, the hostages all huddled together face down on the floor, and of course some unlucky sap tried to play hero by placing a call on his cell phone. Ha. He’ll be dead by the time I finish writing this sentence. Yup. All in a day’s work. It’s very rare that an extra with any sort of screen time will ever survive an episode of 24.

Anyway, with Johnny O’CellPhone dead and wasting his rollover minutes, the terrorists then headed into the back rooms to find Trevinsky — a.k.a. the man who just committed suicide under Jack’s nose. Don’t you just hate it when that happens? Hey, it could have been worse. Jack could have severed his head. Or tortured him with an Ethan Allen lamp. Well, the bad guys snooped all around Trevinsky’s office, but alas, they could not find him. Jack, meanwhile, stayed hidden behind some shelves, carefully keeping a trained eye on the baddies. Bauer is back, baby! Sadly, Jack did not kill these fools. Sigh.

Back in the main terminal, the lead terrorist called a random police officer and told him that hostages would be killed if President Logan didn’t back down from the big arms treaty. For a second, I thought the police officer couldn’t hear the terrorist, but then I realized his blank, confused look was merely bad acting, not a stolen Verizon moment. Can you hear me now? Good. Anyway, this unnamed cop made the announcement we love to hear: “Set up a security perimeter!” Great. You might as well kill the hostages now.

Over in CTU, Audrey “Herbal Essences” Raines was chatting with Bill Buchanan when suddenly Jack called in. Oh, the poor girl. We could tell by the look in her eyes that her heart had gone pitter-pat by the mere mention of his name. But enough gooey romance (romance + 24 = car bombs and dead characters. RIP Michelle). Jack was now firmly ensconced up in a ventilation system or something, and with his Sprint camera phone, he was now conveniently taking pictures of the nearby terrorists. Of course, as the head honcho at CTU, Buchanan had nothing better to do other than bark at Jack and tell him to come back to CTU, but that only paved the way for a blistering, classic Jack Bauer response: “Understand this, Bill. I don’t work for you, BILL!” And with that, Jack sent his camera pic with the sort of fury only the Sprint Nextel network can tame.

As for Audrey, she was quietly listening in on the conversation (she had requested Bill put on the speaker phone), and when Jack mentioned Diane to Bill, we could see Aud’s pained expression. That’s right. He’s found another woman. A working class woman, no less. So just move on, AUDREY.

Meanwhile, up at the Presidential Junction of Dysfunction, our old friend Mike Novick urged President Logan to head down to the “Situation Room.” Of course, the Prez was not happy about this, but probably because he thought Mike was forcing him to watch Wolf Blitzer. Actually, Logan was pissed simply because he would absolutely not let this historic arms treaty be delayed or hindered. Good ole Logan. It’s nice to have an impulsive, idiotic president on the show after all those sage years with Palmer (sigh, RIP too).

Back at CTU, Edgar Stiles (who seems to have visited a few Krispy Kremes since his mom died 18 months ago) was having trouble identifying the terrorists in Jack’s photos, brought to you courtesy of the Sprint Nextel Mobile Network, perfect for all your office solutions. Someone suggested he widen the parameters, but Edgar merely snapped back, “If it were any wider, we could use the phone book.”

“Wait, hold on a second. Try using an MP safe adaptive search,” said a voice as beautiful as the Scottish morning wind. Why yes, it was Chloe O’Brien, reunited with her chubby counterpart. Man, “safe adaptive search” has never sounded so romantic. Bill Buchanan then totally ruined the moment by telling Chloe how many protocols she had broken. Yeah whatever. Do you want Chloe to find your terrorist or not? In true form, Chloe sassed Bill and rejoined the team without incident. Within seconds, she discovered that Stubbled Terrorist #1 was a former Russian soldier, cementing the belief that the hostage situation was linked with the summit.

Now, since last year’s near execution of Heller was so damn fun, the producers decided to do it all over again, this time placing a live execution on TV instead. Yup, the Ontario terrorists were gonna execute a hostage on the air unless their demands are met. You know this will get grizzly. After Stubbly Terrorist #1 finished ranting to his worldwide audience, we then cut to Fox anchor Steve Edwards, famously of Good Day LA. “That was a live feed from Ontario airport,” Edwards said, adding, “And now here’s Jillian Barberie in a bikini!”

Back at the Presidential retreat, Logan could not conceive of how this terrorist plot could unfold. How could this happen? After all the time and effort he’s spent on this summit, how could the terrorists strike now?? Why, it’s almost as if there’s a mole. A mole who’s helping the terrorists plot this incredible standoff in direct coordination with the treaty. Yeah, I’m looking at you, WALT.

Well, outside the airport, Curtis hopped out of a helicopter, just in time for Jack to give him a call. How does Jack still have everyone’s numbers? That’s a bit odd, yes? Anyway, Curtis put Jack on with Diane (spare the John Cougar Mellancamp puns), and soon it was revealed — to Jack, at least — that pesky Derek was in the building. Stupid kids. Just when we were ridin’ high on a Kim-free season, Derek has to come along and foul everything up. Why can’t America’s youth be more like Behrooz: a plucky boy with a puffy afro and a will to live.

Anyway, Jack busted out his monoculars, and sure enough, there was Derek huddled amongst the hostages. “Son of a bitch!” scowled Jack. Hey man, we’re right there with you.

Meanwhile, CTU finally had an ID for Stubbly Terrorist #1. His name was Anton Barejz (sounds like Barresh, but it’s spelled like, um, I don’t know. I used “jz” because it sounded more dangerous). Anyway, Buchanan called up Logan and revealed that Anton was a member of “the Dawn Brigade, a separatist movement blamed for the numerous terrorist bombings in Russia.”

To which Mike Novick replied, “Precisely the kind of terrorist organization today’s accord was designed to combat!” The irony is never lost on Mike Novick!

Well, as usual, the testy and impatient Logan snapped at Buchanan, asking what was being done to apprehend Anton. When Bill responded with some gibberish about protocols or whatever, Logan simply yelled, “Spare the agency patter. Just get it done!” He HATES patter!

Meanwhile, over at the airport, it was time for hostage slaying #1. As the terrorists pulled a random dude out of the pack, it was clear this actor would not be around for future episodes. Sorry, man. Curse of the day-player. Sure enough, Anton shot him right in the head, live on television too! What do you have to say about that, Steve Edwards??

Well, with one hostage dead, it was time to get some fresh blood. Who will the bad guys pick? Hmmmm… oh, I know! Derek! Yup, the brat was plucked from the floor and thrust in front of the cameras. But fear not. He would have fifteen minutes before the baddies would kill him. That was plenty of time for Jack to pull off some unimaginable feat of heroism. Of course, Diane didn’t know that. All she saw was her son on his knees on national television. A frantic, hysterical screaming fit ensued, but luckily Curtis calmed her down. Worst trip to Los Angeles EVER!

And now my favorite part of this season: First Lady INSANE. Yes, it was Martha Logan and her tortured assistant Evelyn. Ever since Martha was introduced with the line, “I look like a wedding cake,” I knew I’d like her. Year after year, 24 has supplied us with at least one scene-stealing woman, and this time around, Jean Smart has the plum role of the occasionally delusional and always amusing First Lady. Sort of like the anti-Sherry Palmer, Martha is all frayed nerves and instability, and I love her. Anyway, Martha was still convinced that her conversation with David Palmer was not a delusion; so she quickly slipped out of her holding pen, telling Evelyn to cover for her if anyone were to come by. And with that, Martha was on the loose!

Before we could find out what exactly the First Lady of Craziness was up to, we then returned to the airport where Jack was taking even more photos of terrorists. This time, he had Chloe zoom in on a detonator on the bad guy, and blah blah blah, Jack learned that those explosive vests around the terrorists could be set off remotely by a leader — just in case any of the guys get any cold feet about, you know, blowing themselves up into a thousand little pieces.

As for things in CTU, well, it was business as usual. And by that I mean lots of furtive glances, courtesy of Chloe, Spencer, Edgar, and Audrey. Who to trust? WHO TO TRUST???

Back at the presidential compound, our old buddy from the Secret Service, agent Pierce, had arrived to escort Martha to the Garden room. But, um, you see, Martha was kind of not where she was supposed to be. Evelyn managed to throw Pierce off her scent, at least temporarily, by saying that the First Lady was in one of her “moods” and couldn’t be disturbed. Well, Martha may have been in a mood, but she was also in the men’s bathroom where she had cornered some peon by the urinals. Awwwkward. Anyway, the guy had access to the archive room that had written transcripts of every phone conversation in the White House (or presidential compound, as it were). Martha simply wanted to use his keycard to access the room. Yeah, well, she may have been the First Lady, but she hardly had clearance to just waltz into the archives. That’s right, girlfriend. You best be returning to Evelyn. The guy tried to politely rebuff her, but Martha suddenly honed her inner Sherry Palmer as she unbuttoned her blouse and threatened to cry for help. Without hesitation (or washing his hands!!), the guy handed over his keycard and off walked Martha, ready to do some dangerous snooping.

Meanwhile, time was ticking down for wee Derek. The gun was pointed at his head, and all signs were pointing to another execution. Jack had to act quickly! It seemed like his plan was to remotely detonate one of the terrorist’s explosive vests, but dammit, he had to flush the RAM!! Hurry! HURRY!!! Just when we thought Derek was a goner, there was a mighty boom, and yes, Jack just blew up a terrorist! Excellent! I had a feeling Derek would survive! What a joyous moment. The only thing bringing it down was that new guy Spencer and all his mysterious glances. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was up to no good! Either that, or he’s the classic 24 bad guy who’s really a good guy. That’s probably it.

Later, Logan wanted to know what the hell was up with that explosion. Buchanan explained that it was caused by an independent acting agent, and oh yeah, “You should know, Mr. President, the man we’re talking about is Jack Bauer.” Wha-wha-whaaaa? You could practically hear the needle scratching in Logan’s head. Well, he did not like being kept out of the loop, and so he launched into one of his douchebag tirades, eventually barking, “You tell me everything!!!” Settle down. Just go do your stupid summit and shut up.

Meanwhile, Agent Pierce had grown tired of waiting for Martha. “Mrs. Logan is due in the Garden Room right now,” he told Evelyn through the door. He LOVES going to the Garden Room! Evelyn tried to keep the carrot topped agent at bay, but it was no use. He picked the lock on the door and entered the chamber, causing Evelyn to meekly say, “How dare you barge in here.” Way to be intimidating, Evie. Well, Pierce could tell something fishy was going on; so he happily noted that if anything bad were to result out of this, it would all be on Evelyn’s shoulders. Great. Worst assistant job ever. Meanwhile, Martha was busy scouring through files in the archive room and making the chaotic mess only a semi-insane person could make. Seriously, how did she manage to scatter so many pages in such little time?

Well, Pierce soon arrived in the archives, and while he escorted Martha back to her room (don’t worry, she got what she was looking for), we then caught up with Mr. Mole himself, Walt. In fact, he was busy doing mole-ish activities at that moment — you know, like telling that mysterious foreign man standing amidst all those TV monitors (probably just a Best Buy with the lights off) that Jack Bauer was in the airport! Uh oh. Don’t you just hate when moles ruin things? Sure enough, Mysterious Villain alerted Anton that Jack was lurking around, and after silencing Jack’s radio transmissions with a deafening feedback sound (which Fox was sure to crank up high so as to make all the viewers at home lurch back in pain as well), Anton then called out Jack on the PA, saying he would kill Derek if the super agent did not reveal himself. Blast! Well, Jack quickly showed himself, surrendering his gun in the process. As for CTU, with Jack cut now cut off, Buchanan had no choice but to abort the rescue operation that he was just about to launch. Funny how shit always goes down at the top of the hour.

Would Jack be able to save Derek? Would the hostages all die? Would Martha Logan yell at Evelyn about wire hangers? Normally, we’d have to wait a whole long week to find out, but thankfully, there was a fresh new hour waiting for us just minutes away. Yup, it’s off to hour two of the night!

Now, while I’m at this small intermission, I’d like to say that this was the first time in years that I opted to watch something else other than the Golden Globes. That’s just a testimony to how good 24 is. But if you’re reading this, chances are, you’re already on board. And by the way, I did watch the awards (after 24, of course. m_ruv will be providing his full analysis, but seriously, Gwenyth Paltrow, SHUT UP with the “Antony Hopkins” shit).

Okay, back to the action. With Jack’s transmissions suddenly dead, Buchanan could arrive at only one conclusion: “We have to assume he’s been captured or killed.” We then cut to a crestfallen Audrey. You bring her up only to take her down again. It’s like she’s reliving the nightmare all over again! Hey, I say they bring back her dad. Crumbs will be canceled in no time. William Devane should be free in about three weeks.

Anyway, since Jack was such a swell guy to show himself, Anton the Terrorist decided to save Derrick and kill another hostage instead. So long, Extra #34675. And yes, two seconds later, the replacement ruffian was dead.

Back in Martha Land, the First Lady was explaining the whole phone controversy to the visibly exhausted Evelyn. She said she had to show her husband the transcript, but only at the right time. “Besides, he thinks I’m unstable,” Martha added. Now why would he think that? Because you submerged your face in a sink full of water after accusing Evelyn of making you look like a marital gâteau? Anyway, Martha stuffed the transcript into her bra, giving us a brief glimpse of some Jean Smart ta-tas. Grrrowl!

Meanwhile, at the airport, Diane continued to pester each and every nearby officer with incessant questions. Diane, SHUT UP! Just let Curtis do his job! And why do they keep letting her out of the truck? She’s like a dog that won’t stay put.

Over at CTU, shifty Spencer seemed busy with whatever computer hacking he was up to, causing Edgar to ask, “Want some help, Spencer?” Although, to be fair, it really sounded more like, “Want some help, THPENTHER??” Spencer turned down the help, and before we could savor the return of Edgar to our television sets, none other than Samwise Gamgee, a.k.a. Sean Astin, waltzed right into CTU. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Lynn McGill, the latest 24 bureaucrat. We knew Lynn would be problems because he came from District, not Division. Right off the bat, he caused friction as Buchanan suggested Lynn call him Bill. “Well, if we were having a beer or something, but at work I think it’s better to maintain a more formal mode of address,” Lynn replied. WELL! Look, Lynn, you may try hard to be a bureaucrat, but you’ve got mighty big shoes to fill. Let’s not forget last season’s Erin Driscoll or season one’s Alberta Green. Or how about George Mason and a little prick I like to call, Ryan Chappelle?

Nevertheless, Lynn never saw a formality he didn’t love, and he brusquely told Buchanan, “I think you should address me as Mr. McGill in front of the others.”

“You know, Lynn. I’d rather not,” Bill replied. Ah yes. Not too long ago, it was Bill who was the dick bureaucrat from Division or District or Delaware, but clearly the rogue ways of CTU have loosened him up. Anyway, Lynn quickly set up camp, taking over Bill’s office and insisting on overlooking every part of the crime-fighting process. Great. I guess this means we’ll have less torture this season too. Which reminds me: three hours into the premiere, and nary a bit of torture. I guess the whole “killing hostages” thing makes up for it.

Anyway, over at the arms summit, the Russian president told Logan that he didn’t want the hostage rescue attempt screwed up. If it should fail, it would make a mockery of the anti-terrorist arms treaty that he too had staked so much of his political career on. So basically, in case you didn’t realize, the pressure was really really on to save those hostages.

And speaking of pressure, Evelyn was feeling some of her own. You see, that snakey Walt fella had gotten word that Martha had been snooping around the archives, and he needed to retrieve the missing transcript, lest Logan discover that he had actually altered the phone conversation. And so Walt cornered Evelyn and pushed her for answers, but the faithful assistant refused to say anything. Well, kind of. Let’s put it this way: getting info from Evelyn is easier than squeezing juice from an orange. Nay, juice from a juice box. In no time, Evelyn spilled the beans, and as Walt left, he sneered, “You’re aware that if this document finds its way into the wrong hands, you’ll be held responsible.” Sure. Blame Evelyn for EVERYTHING! I’m surprised they haven’t pinned her for Palmer’s assassination yet. By the way, I’m totally blaming Evelyn for things that go wrong in my life. Hey Evelyn, if my meat loaf doesn’t come out right, I’m holding you responsible.

Meanwhile, there were some problems on the CTU front. You see, after Jack had been apprehended, the terrorists made him call Bill and tell him to move the agents to another entry point — which of course would be a trap. As Jack relayed this, he explained he was in a Flank 2 position, and as any avid viewer of the show would know, Flank 2 was obviously a duress signal. I mean, it’s not that Jack has said that before, but more like it was so obvious that by saying this random gibberish amidst his otherwise normal directions, it was clear that it was code for “Help! Help!” Well, it was code to us, but not the brain trust of CTU. Bill merely discarded the whole “Flank 2″ thing and redeployed the troops to the next attack point.

As for Lynn, well, he sensed something was fishy. What’s this? A bureaucrat who might be helpful? Well, he needed to access information, which meant the first (of hopefully many) Lynn vs. Chloe showdowns. The socially inept techie managed to shoot down everything Lynn said with flustered comments like “I don’t need to know what you’d like to see!” It’s great to have Chloe back, even if she is completely nuts.

Back in the Ontario Airport (which is totally having the worst delays ever now!), Jack spied one of the terrorists giving Anton a keycard retrieved from Chevensky’s dead body. Follow that key card! But even more unsettling, Jack then saw Anton secretly pass the keycard on to one of the hostages!! He’s a fake hostage! Dunh dunh DUNH!!

Anyway, with the Logan and the Russian prez about to sign the arms treaty, this entire hostage situation was about to go down the shitter (the terrorists would kill everyone if the treaty was signed). Still, the bad guy in the TV room was sure that the president wouldn’t be signing the treaty. After all, once CTU barged into the trap and the mission failed, the President and his stupid little treaty would look dumb and dumber. Of course, this all hinged on the assumption that CTU would actually jump into the trap in a timely fashion, which, of course, was not about to happen. You see, just before busting open a wall (48 second before, to be precise), Jack checked in with CTU again, once again reiterating, “Remember, I am in a Flank 2 position!” C’mon, people! He is under DURESS!!

But of course, Bill Buchanan just twiddled his thumbs and prepared to move forward. That is, until Lynn burst into the Situation Room and knocked the ring away from Gollum! Oh, no, sorry. I meant, Lynn burst into the Situation room and announced that “Flank 2″ was code for, you guessed it, duress!! Why hadn’t anyone picked up on it? Well, because “Flank 2″ wasn’t the current duress codeword — but it was when Jack was still gainfully employed by CTU. Thank god for careful bureaucrats!

With this new information, Bill yelled for Curtis to abort! Abort! ABORT DAMMIT!!! And with two seconds left before CTU blew out the terminal wall with a line of explosives, Curtis cut the timer and avoided catastrophe. Phew!

The field team then returned to their original protocol, but not before Diane resurfaced to incessantly ask, “What’s happening?” Wow, she’s the new Kate Warner. Just give her a cookie or something and walk away.

Meanwhile, Logan was getting ever closer to signing that darned treaty. This time, there was even a pen out! The villain in the TV room was absolutely freaking out while Anton couldn’t figure out why in the world CTU hadn’t busted down a wall and stumbled right into his trap yet. As I yelled to the TV for someone — for the love of all those innocent hostages — to stall the President, the terrorists concluded that CTU had called their bluff. Logan signed the treaty, and the bad guys prepared to murder everyone in the terminal. And they were gonna do it… right… now—BOOM! With impeccable timing, CTU burst into the terminal, resulting in gunfire and chaos all around. Still, couldn’t be as bad as Holiday traveling. Those lines!

Well, as the agents and the terrorists battled it out, Jack snuck off to some jagged post and freed himself of his bonds. A second later, he was firing off his gun, downing bad guys left and right. Our hero! As for Anton, he tried to simply kill himself, but Jack would have none of it. He shot the guy himself, but not lethally — still gotta torture him for information, let’s not forget. Sadly, Jack’s dreams of violent interrogations went up in smoke — literally — as Anton detonated a nearby explosive vest, killing himself in the process.

Eventually, peace was restored, and everyone was safe (of course, no one kept an eye out for that sneaky faux-hostage. Blast!), and at the summit, Logan stood up and addressed the crowd: “The rescue operation that I authorized was a success.” Ah yes. A wonderfully douchebag move. I love this Logan character. I mean, I hate him. But I love to hate him. You know what I’m saying.

Meanwhile, the hostage was totally gone, and instead of trying to find him (I mean, set up a perimeter or something. Anything!), Jack opted to have a tender moment with Derek the boy wonder. He sent him off to his mother, but when Derek asked, “What about you?” Jack’s paternal instinct kicked in and hugged the ratty boy. It’s almost as if Jack was the father Derek never had — the angry, homicidal father, that is.

Well, Derek and Diane tearfully reunited (aww), and then some nameless CTU agent announced that he was going to take them to CTU. Here’s the thing. Whenever defenseless civilians get an official escort from anonymous CTU agents, it always ends in disaster. And with this mysterious hostage missing, I could sniff a fresh abduction on the horizon.

In meantime, after the successful signing of the treaty, Martha decided it was time to tell Logan about the little transcript she had tucked away in her bra. Of course, she approached the subject in a tried and true “I’m crazy and batty!” tone that caused Logan to rush away before she caused any sort of scene. This can’t be good…

Back at CTU, Lynn and Bill engaged in a small lovefest as they both trumpeted each other’s work. You know how it goes: “I couldn’t have done it with you.” “No, I couldn’t have done it without YOU!” It seemed like all was well in CTU-land, but just when this patting on the back seemed like it was heading to Brokeback Terrorist Unit, Lynn totally killed the mood by insisting that Jack be brought in as a suspect to the Palmer murder. But wait, there’s mitigating evidence, as Audrey loved to point out over and over again. Mitigating evidence, man! How about the alibis of all those oil workers who saw Jack a.k.a. Frank at the rig while Palmer was getting shot? Ever think of some old fashion police sleuthing? Why don’t you set a hard perimeter… around the FACTS!

Nevertheless, Jack hopped in a car headed for CTU, and was it just me, or was this whole “Jack’s the most wanted man in America” thing squandered slightly too fast? I mean, I’m still totally down with the way the plot has unfolded so far, but Fox kind of hyped this rogue agent thing a bit too much. Oh, whatever. This premiere has still been awesome. And it wasn’t done yet either. Mystery Hostage suddenly appeared in a dingy warehouse where another nefarious terrorist met him. The two headed down to a subterranean metallic box. What was inside? A missile? A warhead? A dirty bomb? A biohazard? Well, the two bad guys (now joined by two more) used the keycard to open up the contraption, and inside were various radioactive canisters. Uh oh. Let the crazy arch-villain 24 plot begin! (But please, let’s not get out of hand again. A realistic hostage situation is just as exciting as an unrealistic jaunt for a nuclear football in the Mojave.)

But wait! There’s more. As the show headed into its big cliffhanger, we found Martha alone in her room, sipping water. Ah, just a relaxing post-treaty afternoon. What could possibly go wrong? Well, just about anything. Sure enough, Walt snuck up from behind and stuffed a chloroform rag in Martha’s face, knocking her out and compromising that ever valuable phone transcript. Holy shit! This probably would have been ten times more surprising had Fox not shown it THE NIGHT BEFORE! SHAME ON YOU!!! Seriously, I know Fox has received grief about revealing too much in its promos, but this was inexcusable.

So what happens now? What do you think is in those canisters? Will Martha be able to prove she’s not crazy — at least not in that instance — and will Diane and Derek be abducted?