Double Trouble In Twinsy Townâ€¦

8th and Ocean

By copygodd | Thursday, March 23, 2006 | 12:45 pm | 35 Comments

First off let me say thanks to EdHill for covering 8th and Ocean in my absence last week. I return from Vegas a poorer, yet humbler, man. (Thanks a lot, OHIO STATE.) I think you’ll agree Ed did an admirable job. It’s just too bad he got stuck covering the Christian episode and not tonight’s Zitacular, as I’ve always found working cooter and Christ into the same sentence to be a bit tricky. Short of “Christ, that’s one cute cooter,” of course.

Speaking of everyone’s favorite Savior, tonight’s episode starts off with His blushing bride Britt paying a visit to Teddy in the male models’ apartment. I’m guessing Jesus must be spending too much time at the office, because Britt looks like she wants a little of what Teddy’s cooking, if you know what I mean. If you don’t, it means she wants her booty cupped. But inexplicably Teddy starts talking about how he doesn’t date models because they’re all stuck up and stuff. He says that Britt is different ” awesome, in fact ” but the damage has been done, and Britt says she doesn’t date models either. Unless they’re “Model’s for Christ,” of course. But that’s different, because it’s not really dating as much as it is the sharing of Jesus’ sloppy seconds. Meanwhile, the Kelly-Sabrina sibling rivalry is in full effect, as the Iron Maiden asks the girls if they’re ready to leave the twin thing behind and start moving on to their own identity. Kelly thinks since they photograph differently (ie she does it well and Sabrina sucks) they should go their separate ways. Sabrina, of course, having no talent of her own, thinks Kelly should continue to let her leech. “Why separate now?” Sabrina wants to know. Uhm, because I’ve seen better morgue shots than what you have in your book, and your face is beginning to resemble a youngish Manuel Noriega. Yes, Sabrina’s acne is acting up again. In fact, it’s gotten so bad that the agency won’t send her on any more casting calls until it clears up. She tells the boss that she’s on antibiotics for the problem, but admits that it’ll get worse before it gets better. And that won’t happen for another three to four weeks. In the meantime, I don’t understand why the Iron Sheik just doesn’t market the girls as acne models, with Sabrina as the “Before” and Kelly as the “After”. But that’s why I work for TVgasm and not in the high-stakes world of professional modeling.

After the girls leave, Iron Eagle tells her booking agents that Sabrina’s skin is “bad news.” She forbids the agents from sending her on any more casting calls until it clears up. “It’s really not acceptable for a model to walk around with skin like that,” she says. Excuse me, but has she looked in a mirror lately? Her skin is so tight Dick Cheney could bounce a load of birdshot off it.

The Many Faces of Irene Marie.

You know, I had a friend who told me that the best way to clear up acne was to get laid. I used to think this was just a line, but then this girl we knew with horrible skin started getting her booty cupped on a regular basis, and just like that, her skin cleared up. So I’m thinking all Sabrina needs to do is pour that booty into Sean’s cup and viola, problem solved.

Speaking of our favorite booty cuppers, the guys are outside tossing a ball and talking booty. Teddy admits to Sean he’s got his eyes on Britt, and Sean gives him his blessing. “She’s a cutie,” he says. “And she’s a good girl.” Sean advises Teddy to take his time. Don’t try to get in her panties right off, he says. “In the world of modeling, first you get into her mind. Then, when you get into her mind, you get into her heart. Then when you get into her heart, then you get into her panties.” Sean is so rico suave.

Upstairs, one of the booking agents calls and breaks the news to Sabrina: no more casting calls until her skin actually resembles human skin again. Sabrina tries to plead her case, telling the agent her skin is now about a 3.5 out of 10 on the Fujita Scale of Zit Intensity. Once she hangs up, the staff share a hearty guffaw at Sabrina’s expense, agreeing her skin is at least a 9.5.

Remember Adrian? Me neither. Especially now that he’s cut off his locks. But our next segment focuses on a disagreement between he and Tino, his booker, over an unauthorized hair cut. Seems Mr. T is none too pleased about Adrian’s new ‘do. In fact, the old guy bitch-slaps Adrian for getting a haircut without asking permission. Seems Tino just put six new shots in Adrian’s book, all of which feature his long, curly hair. Tino says Adrian needs to get his shit together, and they need to communicate more. “Every time I tell you something, your only reaction is ‘cool’ “, he says. And getting a haircut without Tino’s sayso is definitely not cool. You know what else Tino thinks isn’t cool? Wearing sunglasses inside. So he rips off Adrian’s glasses, telling him it’s “rude” to wear them. To his credit, Adrian doesn’t say “cool”, but he does smile, which just frustrates Tino even more. “Don’t smile,” he admonishes Adrian. “It’s not funny.” Actually, it kind of is.

Back at the apartment, Britt is sitting poolside, admiring Jesus’ boobs. Teddy soon joins her. Britt can’t believe Teddy just got out of bed, as it’s 2:20 in the afternoon. Teddy says he didn’t go out last night, he just didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. A model’s life is hard. When asked about her plans for the evening, Britt says it’s a girl’s night out, which doesn’t make Teddy happy. He thinks partying is a good way to bond. When everyone’s drinking and loose and laid back, that’s when he’s made some of his best friends. Britt disagrees, but says all the girls are curious about Teddy and why he’s so quiet, so maybe he can go with them tonight. Evidently Britt must think Teddy is too boring as well, as she gets up and walks into the pool, leaving Teddy alone with his cigarette. His cigarette and a dream.

That night, the girls are doing each other’s hair and talking about Teddy. Briana says Teddy’s cool, and he can hang with them if he wants. Kelly talks about how nervous Teddy was about kissing her at their Ocean Drive shoot a while back. He even told Kelly he hasn’t kissed many girls. “He’s just shy.” Sabrina says that with his good looks, Teddy could be really cocky and arrogant, but he’s not. “He’s got a good package,” she concludes, telling Britt to just “let it roll.” A minute later, Talesha says Sabrina didn’t mean that package, and all the girls share a laugh at the expense of Teddy’s package. Heheh. I just said “package” twice in the same sentence.

The next day, it’s time for some more drama, as Allee calls the girls’ apartment and sends Britt, Briana and Kelly to a “skin and beauty” casting with French Vogue. We know there’s going to be trouble when Allee, 1) doesn’t invite Sabrina, because of her skin, and 2) tells the girls the photographer they’re meeting is “a bit odd”. In my business, I’ve worked with several photographers over the years. And they’re all more than a bit odd. Saying a photographer is a “bit odd” is like saying I’m a “bit bitter.” So of course I can’t wait to see the nutjob they’ll be meeting.

Sabrina’s feelings are hurt by Allee’s snub, and she can’t believe Kelly got asked and not her, just because of her skin. Hello, it’s a “skin and beauty” casting, not tryouts for the role of Alli, the Alligator-Faced Girl. In the best passive-aggressive move of the night, Kelly tells Sabrina to attend the session anyway. “Oh I will,” snaps Sabrina. “They’re not going to tell me I can’t do these things.” Yeah, Sabrina, who do they think they are, your BOSSES?

“I am, how you say, ‘freeballing’.”

The girls show up at the casting, and Allee was right. This guy is a nutjob. It doesn’t help that he looks like the love child of Sideshow Bob and Justin Guarini, but then he asks the girls a string of seemingly random questions that make me feel more than a little ashamed of my gender. To Kelly: “Do you speak English? Can you swim? Underwater? What drives the boys wild about you?” Kelly tells him she doesn’t know, maybe that she’s a good girl? “Yeah, maybe that’s what they like,” Sideshow Justin says, before asking his assistant for some lotion and a couple tissues. To Sabrina: “Are you friends? Twins? Who’s the smarter one? What’s the wildest thing you ever did? Do you two photograph one another? You’re twins, huh? I’m gonna have to write that down,” before requesting a pair of salad tongs, a mincemeat pie, a shammy and a mop. Needless to say, the girls quickly got the fuck out of Dodge.

Back at the office, Allee tells Suzy that Sabrina went to the casting, which really pisses Suzy off. While the girls are at lunch, Suzy calls and lays into Sabrina about her zittle escapade. Evidently, this casting only happens four times a year, and the next time all the photographer will remember about Sabrina is how messed up her skin was today, and won’t book her. I can’t believe a fashion photographer would be so shallow. Sabrina throws the phone down, starts crying and runs to the bathroom, with Kelly right behind her. Meanwhile, Suzy is still on the phone, and you can hear her tinny phone voice asking “Hello? Hello?” while Briana and Britt just stare at each other. Suzy tells Allee it must be a mistake, that Sabrina would never just blow her off like that, so she hangs up and calls back. This time Briana answers the phone, which totally throws Suzy off her game; she actually asks if she called Briana by mistake. Briana says no, that she just answered Sabrina’s phone because Sabrina’s in the bathroom crying like a little bitch.

“Can you hear me now, bitch?!”

While the camera doesn’t take us into the bathroom, we do get subtitles of the twins’ conversation. Sabrina says her skin is just as good as Kelly’s. Kelly’s response? “We’re not the same, you know? Get it straight. Literally.” Then she storms out of the bathroom and heads back to the table, leaving her twin sobbing in a public toilet. Yeah, this is going to do wonders for Sabrina’s self-esteem. Because if there’s anything more humiliating than having your twin rip into you on basic cable, it’s having your twin rip into you in a public restroom on basic cable. I kept expecting to see Sideshow Justin to be hanging around the door, waiting for the girls to come out. “Do you like scat-play? Can I pull your finger? Do I have poop in my teeth?”

Back at the table, Kelly tells the other girls that Sabrina needs to find another modeling agency. Period. Suzy, meanwhile, is telling Briana that she’s not trying to gang up on Sabrina, but if she keeps going to casting calls with her skin in the shape it’s in, she’ll kill her career. “All you guys have is yourâ€¦” Suzy starts to say, and just then my TiVo quit recording. What was Suzy going to say? All you have is your what? Looks? Health? Ginormous vajajays?

Anyway, that’s how the episode ends. What did you think? Anyone want to take bets on how soon before we get a “Very Special Episode” where Sabrina introduces the booking agents to her “leetle friend”?

Comments (35)
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35 Comments

1

maybeimamazed02

Posted March 23, 2006 at 12:51 pm

HA! Kickass recap of a guilty pleasure. This has become my replacement for Laguna Beach, and the recaps make it even better.

“Jesus must be spending a little too much time at the office”–classic.

I do feel bad for Sabrina (come on, she’s got Iron Maiden for a boss, can you imagine having to look at that face LIVE?), but she does need to find a new gig. Sadly, I doubt she’s qualified for much. Even McDonald’s would probably be beyond her (and the grease would do no favors for her skin. Ouch, I’m mean).
2

J-Balls

Posted March 23, 2006 at 12:57 pm

i’m first!

i think it’s great that the twins have such a bad relationship. that alone is worth watching this crappy show.
3

J-Balls

Posted March 23, 2006 at 1:07 pm

Damn.

Did anyone else notice that none of the shots of Teddy and Sean tossing around the football showed the actual ball? Plus they kept tossing it underhanded. It seems pretty clear to me that neither of these pretty-boys know how to throw a spiral.
4

hardly@work

Posted March 23, 2006 at 1:27 pm

Suzy said they only have their face. So sabrina isnt working with much.

i think the camera man said- hey guys go throw the football around and talk about the girls ok?

it seemed pretty staged, but i’m not complaining
5

sportsaholic21

Posted March 23, 2006 at 1:30 pm

Was it just me or did it look like Kelly’s skin was only mildly better than Sabrina’s in the closeups, they just let her wear cover up. It totally seemed like they were manufacturing the drama and told Sabrina “no wearing makeup” this episode which made it worse.

I missed my favorite hottie slacker Vinci!
6

Court_Love

Posted March 23, 2006 at 1:53 pm

maybeimamazed02 (#1): I totally agree this show satisfies my fix for Laguna Beach as well.

Speaking of Laguna Beach, our good friend Stephen was whoreing himself out on ‘Spring Break: Celebrity Uncover.’ I half expected to see LC jump in the picture and start whinning.

PS…such a funny recap
7

plethLaura

Posted March 23, 2006 at 1:58 pm

At least Ohio State got past the first round.
(stupid dumb Iowa)

Manuel Noriega
Fujita scale of zit intensity
freeballing
Remember Adrian? Me neither.

Good stuff.

I should be ashamed I dvr this show but it is so craptastic I MUST WATCH.

Does anyone else get the feeling the people in the office relish telling models they aren’t pretty?
What a way to spend your day!
8

B-Side

Posted March 23, 2006 at 2:27 pm

Great recap. That was hysterical. My Tivo cut off at the same place, unfortunately.

I’m definitely into this show.
9

D-Hoffs

Posted March 23, 2006 at 2:40 pm

sportsaholic:

I agree with you, I didnt think that Kelly’s skin was much better, and to be honest when she went to the creepy casting i dont think Sabrina’s skin looked THAT bad, dont get me wrong it wasnt great but i guess for a model .. its gotta be perfect.

i too missed Vinci. and the jokes concerning Britt being Jesus’ wife definatelly never get old. I like!
10

stacyrocks

Posted March 23, 2006 at 3:13 pm

Kelly has some acne but I’m sure without makeup it’s not as bad as Sabrina. Last week or whenever Sabrina had that photo shoot with Adrian with the water hose, you could see all of her bumps even with makeup caked on her face. That’s not right! I loved Sabrina’s excuse on the antibiotics that ‘It gets worse before it gets better, that’s just how it works!’. Poor girl, no one has her back, not even her own damn twin sister. Britt & Briana couldn’t even say anything to Sabrina when she was complaining to them besides the necessary ‘Yeah’ and ‘Uh huh’ to show they were still listening. So sad… I LOVE IT!!

*copygodd, great recap!
11

trixie12

Posted March 23, 2006 at 4:57 pm

Did anyone notice that the Adrian guy had horrible acne as well? Why isn’t anyone giving him crap about it?
12

nflow

Posted March 23, 2006 at 5:50 pm

Okay I love this show.

I think kelly is horrible, first she laughed when the ice maiden said sabrina’s face was horrible. And that bathroom speech, that has to be the most hateful thing I have ever heard.

Also both Adrian and Kelly have acne, so…
13

maybeimamazed02

Posted March 23, 2006 at 6:13 pm

#6, I saw part of Stepheeeeen when I was flipping channels!

All I could think of were his weird clicking noises. I kept waiting for subtitles, but he was surprisingly articulate…at least in the two minutes I saw. Maybe they had an actor dub his voice.
14

zevonia

Posted March 23, 2006 at 6:57 pm

Okay, normally I think models suck but I did feel a little sorry for Sabrina. Especially when her own sister was bitchy about it all. Oh well, models eat their young so why should model sisters be any different.
plethLaura, I think you’re right, those people in the office get off insulting the models.
“sharing Jesus’ sloppy seconds”, copygodd? If I were your TVgasm colleagues I would not stand too close to you for a while. Never know when the whole “wrath of God” thing might strike. It was funny, though. Shoot, now I’M going to hell.
15

k37744

Posted March 24, 2006 at 6:26 am

Was anyone else horrified by the woman at the agency’s reaction to Sabrina saying her skin was a 3.5? When they hung up she whipped her head from side to side with that Laguna “Like, OMG I’M SO SURE SHE SAID THAT!” look for a full 10 seconds. Roz she’s not. Gargamel, you’re 35 and answering the phones for a reason. Don’t make the kid feel any worse.
16

hardly@work

Posted March 24, 2006 at 6:28 am

More LAguna Beach ‘news’: Lo has her graduation car for sale on ebay

sorry, but I think Kelly was doing Sabrina a favor by telling her she needs to wake up and realize that the twin thing is not going to take them very far once they are out of thier teens, and Sabrina needs to get her self together and move on
17

Pamsey

Posted March 24, 2006 at 8:02 am

I think Kelly took a little passive aggressive pause before she went to talk to her zitty sis in the bathroom, because I remember thinking, geez, isn’t her own twin sis going to go comfort her?
Teddy is HOTT!!!
18

SCHWEISZ

Posted March 24, 2006 at 9:01 am

I THINK THE AGENTS DO WAY MORE THAN JUST ANSWER THE PHONE. LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH,THEY ARE CONCERNED WITH A MODELS’ CAREER AND ONLY WANT TO HELP THEM OUT, THESE MODELS DONT LISTEN, OBVIOUSLY, GIVE THEM A BREAK.
19

k37744

Posted March 24, 2006 at 9:27 am

Then as an agent with Sabrina’s best career interest at heart SCHWEISZ, this woman shouldn’t act like a 13 year-old brat and get all ‘gag me with a spoon I can’t believe you’re so stupid’ on her. Verbally humiliating your young employee won’t exactly make her the next Linda Evangelista now will it? She should offer Sabrina solutions and advice or at least be sympathetic. A clear face = money to this industry, but they could have at least toned it down a bit. (Be it because they’re on television, or because they’re GROWN WOMEN. Either one would’ve worked.)

That scene made me cringe for any little girl out there watching this (supremely awesome) horrifyingly self-image-warping show. Maybe she should’ve brought it home and called her fat before she hung up.

And for the love of God, stop shouting.
20

holyterror

Posted March 24, 2006 at 10:07 am

I love this show. LOVE. It makes me really glad I’m not gorgeous enough to enter a field in which I’d be called upon to appreciate being belittled and degraded on a constant basis “for my own good.”

“Sideshow Justin” — great!

What’s “free-balling”? Something tells me I should know.
21

tivo_diva

Posted March 24, 2006 at 10:18 am

“You’re twins, huh? I’m gonna have to write that down,” before requesting a pair of salad tongs, a mincemeat pie, a shammy and a mop.”

Thanks a lot, copygodd, for making be laugh so hard at this recap while trying to be subtle about slacking off at work…

Seriously, I practically dry heaved as I read that line.

And yes, Sabrina is a little pathetic, but you do have to feel a little sorry for the poor girl. There’s nothing like being reminded day in and day out that despite identical genes, you still don’t live up to your hot, bitchy twin sister…
22

ILuvOSUBux

Posted March 24, 2006 at 12:20 pm

Don’t blame anything on Ohio State ever!

PS-Good recap though. Can’t wait to see how long it takes Britt to either fall off the bandwagon or head back to Kansas when temptation just proves too tempting.
23

Lynnz

Posted March 24, 2006 at 5:48 pm

Did anyone catch the song that was played when Sabrina stormed off? I need to know the name of it.
24

ittakesalkynes

Posted March 24, 2006 at 10:57 pm

hollyterror – freeballin is going without underwear.

There’s a saying that goes – those that can model, those that can’t book models. They need to check their attitudes at the door and recognize who’s paying the bills around there, because its surely not there ugly asses. When Monster Mia was giving Vinci attitude I felt like punching her in that ear piece phone thing she wears and drop kicking her out of second story Iron Madien building. If the guy wants to sleep in til 10 call him at 12 and quit tring to pull a power trip on him. It’s not like its a real job so quit trying to make it one.

Did anybody else feel sorry for Brit on that chicken shoot. She not only had to worry about the wind blowing open her top, but had a MTV grip zooming in on her side boob for a nipple slip.

I sure hope she doesn’t go back to Kansas or Missouri or whatever the hell state Kansas City is located in.
25

holyterror

Posted March 25, 2006 at 8:40 am

ittakesalkynes: Thanks. My grandmother used to tell me to learn something new every day — now I’ve done my quota.
26

Laminated_Chick

Posted March 25, 2006 at 12:32 pm

Didn’t Mia say that Vinci was a six figure model? Um, yeah sorry. I don’t feel bad for any of them if that’s what they’re making a year.

Sabrina: Head to Proactiv.com and shut the hell up. Oh and lay off the sweets dumbass.
27

Jackie7117

Posted March 25, 2006 at 1:24 pm

Wow. For a bunch of sharp tongued, cynical and sometimes witty group of commenters you are – it seems a little naive that any of you actually think reality TV is real.

Do you really think that was the first time the agency talked to Sabrina about her bad skin? Probably not. I think everyone got so heated b/c she defied her agents, not that she looked like a monster.
28

copygodd

Posted March 25, 2006 at 9:36 pm

thx, all.

adrian’s face is a mess too. but still not as bad as ms. noriega’s.

and #22, overall i’m quite happy with the buckeye’s season, even though they cost me money. (i’m an alum, and grew up in columbus, so i’m allowed to bitch.) with the recruiting class they have coming in next year, however, nothing less than final four is acceptable.

lynz (#23), i think the song you’re asking about is called “breathe me” by sia. they used it in the last segment of six feet under’s finale, when claire went driving off.

reality tv isn’t real? does this mean my recaps are fake too?
29

ra

Posted March 26, 2006 at 2:18 pm

“Do I have poop in my teeth?”
I laughed so hard my stomach hurts…
30

JerseyGirl

Posted March 26, 2006 at 8:37 pm

I don’t feel bad for Sabrina at all. She’s a model, what did she expect? It looks like her skin problem was going on for a couple of weeks and she waited until somebody said something about it before deciding to treat it.

I thought the song that they played when she stormed out was “Catch Me When I Fall” by Ashlee Simpson but I might be thinking of a different part.
31

hilcat

Posted March 27, 2006 at 7:21 am

Did anyone else notice that when they went to Models for Christ the sign on the door said “Model’s” for Christ? ha ha ha
32

tigereye

Posted March 27, 2006 at 2:11 pm

HAHAhahahahaa, i think the recaps are better than the show. bravo! and kelly’s a bitch hardcore, though that may mean she actually ‘makes it’;but only after backhanding her entire family, of course.
33

jaclyn120

Posted March 27, 2006 at 2:29 pm

i must say that this show is definitely not my “new addiction in reality tv” ..doesnt compare to laguna beach at all.. but i absolutely loved your recap, theyre definitely better than the actual show. britt is my favorite on the show, and i cant stand the twins..they cause way too much fake drama.
34

miaminice

Posted April 2, 2006 at 3:33 am

Just caught this show- it’s rich! It’s especially amusing to me bacause I was with IM. Back in the day IM wouldn’t know you were alive unless you were making her a mint and even then it was questionable. I did get a phone call from her when I hit the $10,000 a month mark (my first and only interaction with her)which meant $4,000 a month for her, but was also in a hair salon with her for an hour and didn’t even get my hello returned. Now she’s taking constant meetings with her pups? This show is waaaaay more what it’s like than America’s Next Top Model though. I’ll give it that and will keep watching for more flashback of my youth. Great recaps!
35

Sher

Posted April 3, 2006 at 1:09 pm

does anyone know the song that played at the karaoke bar when britt and teddy kept exchanging glances…not baby got back

Double Trouble In Twinsy Townâ€¦

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