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This week, not only did MTV give us a great episode of 8th and Ocean, they also put the entire episode on Overdrive, their broadband site. So, thanks to the miracle of AlGore’s Internets, I was able to watch the show, write my recap, drink beer and make screengrabs all at the same time, thus cementing my position as the laziest recapper on the TVgasm staff, bar none. Now if I could just get my insurance to cover a colostomy, I’d be in like Flynn. Without all that nasty pedophilia, of course.
And boy, what an episode it was. Seriously, this one had it all: Drama. Intrigue. Backstabbery. Even murder, if you count Vinci’s continued butchering of the English language. Mostly it centered on Kelly and Sabrina, but the producers were kind enough to give us a nice dose of Vinci as well. Unfortunately, that made it hard for me to decide which characters to focus on: the Blunder Twins or their pet monkey, Gleek. Hopefully, I reached a nice balance between the two. Except for the title, of course. That had to go to
Gleek Vinci. Tonight’s episode starts off with Sabrina talking to Suzy about how well her Laundry shoot went. Suzy tells her this could turn into a regular gig, which is exactly what Sabrina is looking for. Sabrina’s also looking for a way to get Kelly off her dick, as she’s been acting a bit jealous lately over Sabrina’s recent success.
Later, Kelly drops by the agency to talk with Irene Marie, who’s made the appointment for Kelly’s boob job. Kelly doesn’t seem nearly as excited about her new fun bags as I am, though. She tells Irene she didn’t expect it to be this soon. “It’s like a rush, but I don’t want it to be a rush,” she says. Irene says she must have misunderstood Kelly, because she thought Kelly wanted to move forward with her new chesticles. Kelly’s just not ready yet, though, and decides to put it off a while longer. “Sweetheart, it’s in your hands,” Irene tells her. “It’s in nobody’s hands but yours.” Well, hers and Irene’s freaky doctor, who’s probably fondling her future sweater puppets as I type.
Irene seems a little frustrated with Kelly, since this isn’t how she acted last time at all. But she agrees to cancel the operation. For now. After Kelly leaves, we hear Irene talking to herself: “Chump don’t want no help, chump don’t get no help.” Actually, she just says, “We don’t know what we want, so we waste everybody’s time.” Irene and Suzy are wondering if Kelly’s putting off the operation because Sabrina’s doing so well now. No, she wouldn’t be that petty, would sheâ€¦?
Back at the model apartment, Vinci is telling Britt she looks different today. Maybe it’s her hair. Is it lighter? More blonde? Nope, she’s still the same old Bride of Jesus she’s always been. Vinci tells everyone he’s really excited about winning an award for the last fashion show he did. His prize? MVP: Most Valuable Model. Ahh, Gleek is so cute when he tries to speak. Actually, he won one of the most expensive champagnes in the world, although he says he’d rather have a won a trophy. “I like trophies, no? Like I have all these trophies all around my bedroom.” Whatev.
Meanwhile, Kelly and Sabrina are in the kitchen cooking when Kelly gets a call from Suzy about a casting. It’s a pretty big client, and she tells Kelly to wear a bikini. And she needs to tell Sabrina to come too. No problem, Kelly says. Wait, there is a problem, because she doesn’t tell Sabrina. “These are done,” she says about a random piece of food. “And so’s your career, bitch!” Okay, maybe she just thought that last part.
The next day Kelly shows up at the office for the casting, sans twin. Everyone is flabbergasted that Sabrina would blow off such an important casting. Kelly just says she doesn’t know why Sabrina isn’t there. Since she’s already late, Suzy sends Kelly on by herself. Brigitte is pissed that Sabrina didn’t bother to show up, as it’s going to be another year before this client comes back. Speaking of which, when the client asks her where her twin is, Kelly says she’s not at the casting, but she is in Miami. Passive aggressive much, KELLY?!
Later, Brigitte calls Sabrina to ask why she wasn’t at the casting. Kelly was there, but she wasn’t. Brigitte is so mad, there’s almost a hint of color in her cheeks. Almost. Sabrina says she hates to rely on Kelly to tell her about castings, but since most of their castings are together, it usually works out okay. Sabrina is upset she missed it, especially since she’s just sitting in the apartment doing nothing. Since Brigitte’s skin can’t be exposed to direct sunlight, she tells Sabrina to come in to the office: she’s got some serious ‘splaining to do!
Tracie asks Sabrina what happened. She tells Tracie that Kelly didn’t tell her about that morning’s casting, and now everyone at the agency’s mad at her. Sabrina hates it when people are upset with her, because she’s a very responsible person. But sometimes her sister gets in the way and ruins that for her, and it makes her look bad. And that really makes her angry, which isn’t good at all. “You won’t like me when I’m angry,” she warns nobody in particular.
Enough of the twins. It’s Vinci time! Vinci’s shopping! At his secret spot! He’s really excited about this store, especially since the saleslady says she remembers his size. Or does she? Because the first shirt he tries on is a little too small. Fortunately, the next one is just right. Suddenly, Vinci’s cell phone rings. And wouldn’t you know, it’s the agency. Damn them! “I’m doing shopping now,” he tells Mia, while trying to find a pen. Tonight he’s working for the Julian Chang runway show, and he has to be there at 7:00. “You will arrive on time,” Mia tells him. Maybe not, as even the mere thought of arriving on time sends Vinci into eye-rolling conniptions. “Okay, I go shave and all that,” Vinci tells Mia. “I promise, I do the right thing.” Ahhh. Vinci’s charm even gets a smile out of Mia. If only she knew that as soon as he hung up with her, he went right back to doing shopping. Oh, Vinciâ€¦
Cut to 45 minutes before showtime, and Aba, a fashion producer, is running around looking for Vinci. Which makes me realize how much I miss Tim Gunn. “Where’s Vinci? Has anyone seen Vinci? Should I check the Red Lobster?” Briana and Talesha are also in the show, and since they work with Vinci, everyone expects them to know where he is. With 15 minutes left, Vinci finally shows up, and Talesha asks why he’s always lost in action. Why? I’ll tell you why. Because he’s Vinci, dammit! Vinci says he’s been busy “just doing his stuff”. Which as near as I can tell involves walking the streets smoking cigarettes.
Vinci’s girlfriend calls while he’s getting his makeup done. Wait a minute, Vinci has a girlfriend? Does Heide know? He tells the makeup artist he can powder him later, which sounds like code for something less than hetero, but the makeup guy says he has to do Vinci now, because he’s due on stage in just a few minutes.
Speaking of which, with two minutes to go, Vinci has disappeared again. Wait, no he hasn’t. He’s backstage sharing his iPod with another male model! Now he’s playing with a random doggie! Now he’s standing next to a clothes rack having a smoke and an energy drink! Now it’s commercial time! What?!
After the break, we join Sabrina at the agency as she tries to explain her actions from yesterday. You know, when she missed the casting Kelly neglected to tell her about? Yeah, those actions. Suzy and Brigitte both give her dirty looks, then Suzy wags her finger and simply says, “Shame.” Suzy is such a bitch. Sabrina reiterates that she didn’t know about the casting. “Kelly sometimes doesn’t tell me what’s going on.”
Unfortunately, Brigitte can’t smell what the Sabs is cooking, and tells Sabrina it sounds like she needs to drink a tall glass of shut the fuck up, before reminding her she’s been told more than once to check in herself. Evidently, Brigitte isn’t going to let Sabrina blame Kelly for not showing up, and wants her to take responsibility for her actions. Come on , Brigitte. Maybe that “personal responsibility” crap went over back in Transylvania, but this is America, dammit! And we take responsibility for nothing! I bet Brigitte wouldn’t even sue her parents for making her albino.
Sean, Teddy and Adrian are playing pool. “Yo, what’s the deal with Vinci?” Sean asks. “The man has a thing about not giving a rat’s ass about work.” Other things Vinci doesn’t give a rat’s ass about: Sean. Sean says he’s not hating or anything, but maybe things just come too easy for Vinci. He just doesn’t care. Of course he doesn’t care: he’s Vinci! Adrian wonders how Irene feels about it, since it’s her image too. Irene makes a lot of money off a lot of different models, Sean says, so maybe she should just kick Vinci to the curb. Adrian thinks Vinci’s a good guy, but sometimes he just wants to smack him around. That I’d like to see. Maybe they could have a walk-off. I wonder if David Bowie’s available to judgeâ€¦ Teddy says Vinci thinks he can do what he wants with no consequences. “Eventually he’s either going to get his ass beat, or he’s going to get kicked out of this industry,” he says. Judging by the way Teddy acted last week, I’m betting it won’t be him administering the beat-down.
Meanwhile, back at the agency, Irene is on the phone apologizing for an “inconvenience”. At first I think she’s talking about Sabrina’s no-show, but when she summons Tino to her office, I know it’s about Vinci. You don’t bring in Tino to handle a cat-fight. Irene tells Tino she just got a call about Vinci’s behavior at the Julian Chang show. He showed up late and was acting very unprofessional backstage. In other words, he was just being Vinci. They just don’t know what to do with him. Judging by Irene’s new Cruella DeVille hair, I’d suggest she skin him and make a Vinci coat. Tino says he’ll take care of it.
Later that night, he and Vinci are outside having a serious conversation. Tino wants to talk to Vinci about next season. “This season you’ve been lost, and a little bit unprofessional,” he tells Vinci, before going through the laundry list of problems the bookers are having with him. Next, he asks Vinci if he’s been going out at night a lot. Is he kidding? That’s like asking the Pope if he shits in the woods a lot. “You know Miami. It’s everything to do at Monday to Sunday,” Vinci says. I think that means yes.
Tino says all he ever hears at the agency is “Vinci, Vinci, Vinci.” Vinci says that’s because “everyone is looking for Vinci Vinci Vinci. And Vinci doesn’t want to know nothing about nobody. He wants to be alone.” Vinci’s growing Kurt Cobain complex frustrates Tino, who reminds Vinci that he was the only one who believed in Vinci a year ago. He says maybe people will start to spread some rumors, and say not to book Vinci because he’s unprofessional. Maybe people will start to spread rumors? If that’s supposed to be intimidating, Tino’s got a lot to learn about intimidation. Next time, maybe he should try to emulate someone besides Fredo. Vinci’s response? “Aw come on, I haven’t missed a job never. Maybe you got the wrong information.” After nearly swallowing his tongue, Tino says that’s impossible, leading Vinci to wonder if he should get another agency or somethingâ€¦
Back at the apartment, Sabrina is telling Kelly about her meeting that morning. Sabrina is upset about how missing the casting made her look. Plus she feels bad about having to blame Kelly for missing it. “I shouldn’t be blamed,” Kelly snaps back. Sabrina says it’s Kelly’s fault she missed the casting. Kelly says she’s not Sabrina’s booker. “You’re my sister!” Sabrina yells. Kelly says she just forgot. “Can you not realize that I forgot to tell you?” Kelly says she’s not Sabrina’s mother, and she’s not supposed to write down when her castings are and personally take her there. At that, Sabrina storms off, saying she doesn’t understand what Kelly’s problem is. I do. She’s a bitch.
In her bedroom Sabrina is telling Briana, Talesha and Tracie that she has to get away from Kelly. Hey, isn’t this the same thing Kelly was saying about her a few weeks ago? I’m beginning to think we may have to split these two up. Sabrina says that even last season she caught Kelly not telling her about castings. Sabrina just doesn’t like that Kelly can’t admit when she’s wrong. “I’m not wrong,” Kelly says, busting in from the hallway. Sabrina tells Kelly that she needs help. “I have told you Sabrina, and I’m not going to get loud, I’m not going to get angry, but my heart’s starting to pound really fast…” “Good, I’m so glad,” Sabrina interrupts in her best Chloe voice, which isn’t really very good. “I just forgot,” Kelly says. It’s not like she purposefully didn’t want Sabrina to go. I don’t know why Kelly insists on lying about it, especially considering MTV has it all on tape. Oh yeah, she’s a model. Guess I do know why she insists on lying.
Next, they start arguing in their secret twin language. It was hard to understand, but I think I captured the gist of what they were saying.
Sabrina: “You’re full of shit.”
Kelly: “You’re full of shit.”
Sabrina: “You really are.”
Kelly: “You’re full of shit.”
Like I said, twin language is hard to follow.
Finally, Sabrina tells Kelly that everyone in her life sees what’s going on. Hey, Sabs, want to know why Kelly acts like this? “Because you’re such a bitch,” that’s why. “You sit there like you’re some prissy little bitch all the time and act like I’m always wrong and I’m not. You’re just mean.” Kelly says Sabrina is making it sound like Kelly knew and chose not to tell her. Yeah, I’d say that’s exactly what she’s making it sound like, Kelly. “Get off my ass,” Kelly says. “Will you please just get the fuck off my ass?” And then she slams the door and walks off, leaving Sabs in the room with the other models trying to figure out what the hell just happenedâ€¦
So, what the hell do you think just happened?