90210: I Want Your Love And I Want Your Revenge, You And Me Could Write A Bad Romance

Look Gasmii, I have a job. A really important job. An advertising job. That’s why this recap is late. So, without further ado, please enjoy my gift to you, the last recap of 90210 of ’09…

It’s the last episode of the year before the holiday break and in TV high school dramas it can only mean one thing: Winter Dance Episode. And, being that it’s West Beverly Hills High School, that means hiring dancers to choreograph and perform a short ballet to announce the dance.

Annie grabs a snowflake invitation. She’s sporting a new ‘do. I didn’t know highlights started 5 inches away from your scalp now. Jazz-Hands creeps up to make fun of all the stupid conformists and their conformist dance. Annie, on the other hand, misses her old life of going to dances and having fun. Jazz tries to get out of it by reminding her that Harry will chaperone so they couldn’t go if they wanted to. Harry, conveniently, is at a principal conference with other principals basking in the glow of their $100K+ salaries. She excuses herself to the bathroom.

Naomi runs into the bathroon behind Annie. She admits to making a huge mistake by not listening to Annie about Liam and apologizes. Showing real growth, she tells Annie that it was her insecurities and issues with Ethan that made her treat Annie so bad. I don’t know what Annie’s problem is but she doesn’t forgive her. Naomi put her through hell. The same hell Annie’s going to for running over someone? Time will tell.

West Bev Rumpus Room. Navid bitches and moans that he can’t go to the police without cold, hard evidence proving Jazz-Hands pushed him down the stairs. So instead, he’ll use his hard-nosed journalist skills to prove Jazz is a drug dealer. Right, because he wasn’t trying to do that before he fell down the stairs. To aid Navid in his quest to take down one of seventy the most ruthless drug dealers on campus is Lila, his “star reporter”.

Lila seems to be having trouble getting people to admit on the record that they’ve bought drugs from Jazz. Navid, having reached Zuckerman-esque levels of zealotry, won’t rest until he finds someone.

Lunchtime. One of the ballet dancers from earlier spins down the hallway and hands Liam an invitation. Straw-Hat pretends she doesn’t care about the dance when you totally know she wants to go with Liam. Liam continues to be oblivious about her feelings as ever.

Simi spots Silver across the cafeteria. She’s getting people to sponsor her for a 5K run to benefit cancer research. She’s a Warrior in Pink in honor of Jackie. Aww. She’s also heading down to St. Bart’s with Naomi after the dance. That reminds me of this one time in high school where I didn’t go anywhere for Christmas break because we didn’t have any money. Fun, right? Simi asks her to the dance. She laughs off his invitation and hands him a sponsor form instead.

Speaking of rejection, Liam ditches Straw-Hat to go talk to Naomi.

Naomi tells him she wanted to thank him after everything went down…but then she thought about it. She’s angry that he could have ended everything months ago if he had just told her. He didn’t think she would believe him over Jen. Naomi ain’t buying it, but is she over it?

The answer is no. Naomi & Silver have a little pow-wow in the bathroom. She’s not over Liam. Silver thinks Naomi should tell him how she feels. She can’t. He should have told her the truth and he didn’t. So she won’t tell him the truth about her feelings? Now they’re even, I guess. She also mentions seeing Liam and Straw-Hat kiss at the races so there’s no point in telling Liam anything. She’ll just distract herself with a guy in St. Bart’s. They leave the bathroom and Straw-Hat walks out of a stall all pouty. See pic above. She also doesn’t flush the damn toilet.

Outside, the guys play with their food. Simi asks Liam if he’s going to ask Straw-Hat to the dance. Liam’s pretty consumed with his own feelings and problems so he didn’t notice the oh so unsubtle hints that she was throwing at him. Simi figures that at least Liam won’t get rejected like he did. He tells them about asking Silver and apologizes to Dixon for not running it past him first. Dixon, although a little surprised, says it’s OK. Simi figures Silver’s already made up her mind about him. Navid tells him he has to prove to Silver that he’s not a player and that he’s serious about her. Or he can just pay for her stint in rehab.

Speaking of rehab, Borianna tries to join in Silver and Naomi’s reindeer games. Naomi doesn’t play with people she can’t rely on.

Elsewhere, during the longest lunch break ever, Liam eats his lunch with Straw-Hat. Liam abruptly asks her if she really wants to go to the dance. She tries to play off that she’s not that interested but will go if he wants to. So now they’re not keeping things on the down low? Oh, who cares.

Outside, Navid follows Jazz-Hands to his car. Jazz isn’t an idiot and can tell when a 6ft tall Persian with a broken arm is stalking him. Navid tells him he knows Jazz was the one that pushed him down the stairs. Jazz thinks he should talk to his doctor about his delusions. Navid is going to bring him down…way down!

He finds Borianna and asks for her help.

After commercials, Navid fills Borianna in on Operation: Vendetta. The one flaw in his plan is that he doesn’t have anyone who will come forward and actually prove his case. He knows that things are weird between them but he’s tried everything else. You know, like having his lackey ask people to admit to the principal they are buying drugs. Borianna is on some kind of probation so she can’t. Navid will just have to find some other fool who wants to get suspended.

Put Put Golfland USA Family Fun Center. Becky pulled Dixon from regular school to school him out on the golf course. Dixon’s eye rolls and grumpy face don’t escape Becky. She wonders how long he’s going to stay mad at her. He asks to go home.

Back at school, Liam apologizes to Annie. He tells her about not wanting to hurt Naomi and about Jen threatening him. Jazz appears and asks what’s going on. Liam takes that as his cue to leave, not before apologizing one more time. Jazz thinks it’s too little too late. Right, Annie? Actually, she’s thinking that Jen’s a sociopath and the real reason they all fought. Before losing complete control over Annie, Jazz reminds her that they should have believed her in the first place. She knows that but sometimes she misses her old life. Looks like Annie’s slowly escaping her grip. How will he get her back? He reminds her that he’s there for her no matter what she decides. Also, what time should he pick her up for the dance? Touché.

Back at Put Put Golfland USA Family Fun Center, Becky tires of Dixon’s attitude. She apologizes for lying to him, but she deserves an apology too. He really hurt her when he said she wasn’t his real mom. She tells him how she used to watch him sleep when he first came to live with them and wondered when he was going to let her in. He tells her he was shell-shocked. One week he was sharing a room with his grandmother, the next he was living with a bunch of honkies in a big house in the ‘burbs. He didn’t know if he was going to bond with them, but he did. He looks at his life now, and how he got there, and he can’t make sense of it. But he never questioned the fact that Becky was his mom. Maybe didn’t so much question it but flat out said she wasn’t. But I digress…

Over at West Bev. Simi makes a fool of himself by declaring his feelings for Silver over the video PA system. He meets her in the hall with a bouquet of sunflowers. He tells her he’s never felt that way about anyone and asks for a chance with her. He won’t let her down. Disgusted by his grand romantic gesture, she denies him again.

Winter Wonderland Dance: Then and Now.

Beach Club. Liam and Straw-Hat arrive for the dance. A dateless Matthews stops Liam on his way in and apologizes for believing Jen. Liam’s just glad it’s over. “Thank God, we’re rid of her.” Not exactly sure Matthews feels the same way.

Borianna somehow got roped into selling tickets at the door. Up walks Jazz-Hands and Annie dressed in half a tuxedo and Victorian era undergarment, respectively. Jazz-Hands asks how Borianna is doing prompting Annie to ask how they know each other. Gym class. Co-ed gym class. Borianna takes her head out of her ass long enough to figure out that they’re dating and to know she doesn’t like it.

Inside, Straw-Hat and the guys stand around looking bored. Navid figures that’s what people do at a dance when they don’t have dates.

Simi spots Silver looking gorgeous in a really cute silver dress that makes her boobs look teeny tiny but also softens the sharpness of her scapulas. It’s really quite a dress cause Dixon seems to have fallen in love with her again. He’ll have to wait his turn though cause Simi makes a move.

Silver joins Naomi who’s confirming their flight on her cell phone. In the most annoying product endorsement of the year, she freaks when she realizes she didn’t change the case of her phone to match her dress and proceeds to take out different cases from her purse. There was nothing they could have done to fill that minute of airtime? An actual commercial that I could have fast-forwarded through maybe? Anyways, Simi pops up and asks Silver to dance, platonically. Once out on the dance floor, snow starts to fall.

Again…

Liam and Straw-Hat come out of a photo booth and Liam spots Naomi across the dance floor. Their long, yearning glances are interrupted by, well, you know who.

Back on the dance floor, Silver giggles with delight at the laundry soap snow being dropped from above. Simi plants one on her. He tells her he’ll stop trying if she didn’t feel anything for him. She tells him she’s done and leaves.

Silver runs over to Naomi angry that Simi tried something with her. So what if she felt something? It doesn’t change the fact that he’s a player. Naomi points out that he seems really cares about her. If Silver feels the same she should go for it. “Otherwise, the moment could pass. And the guy you like will end up with some she-male who only has one pair of shoes.” Amen honey!

Let’s see what Annie and Jazz-Hands are up to! Well, Annie looks like she really wants to dance. Jazz is perceptive enough to pick up on it. Jazz is no Brandon Walsh so he takes his lady love out on the floor. He admits to not knowing how. She’ll teach him. See, first you put your right hand in, then you put it out…

There seems to be a lot of staring across the dance floor going on at this dance cause now Navid’s staring at Jazz and Annie. Naomi stops by for one of her patented non-sequitors. Hmmm. A Naomi and Navid sitcom? I’d watch it. Yeah, so Navid fills Naomi in on Jazz-Hand’s extra-curricular activities. God Navid’s a blabber mouth! How does the administration not know about him yet? Jeez. Naomi, now worried about Annie, tells Navid they have to do something. She sent out that naked Annie text. It’s her fault Annie ended up with a guy “like that”.

Silver walks around the dance looking for Simi who’s at the bar with Dixon. Just as Silver sees him, a blond in a red dress gets to him first and gives him a big hug.

After commercials, we learn that it’s his sister, Savannah, home from boarding school. How the hell did she get in, she’s not a student? Simi introduces her to Dixon who better watch out because I think Savannah likes dark meat, if you know what I mean. Wink. She’s there in response to Simi text and to find out who’s the girl that’s been breaking his heart.

Liam brings a once again pouty Straw-Hat a snow cone.

She asks Liam to be honest with her about his feelings for Naomi. She promises not to go home and cry in her pillow but she deserves to know. He admits he does. She’s fine with it…she’s also fine with not telling him she overheard Naomi admitting she still likes him.

Borianna packs up the ticket table and finds a bottle of vodka hidden in a box. Matthews sneaks up. He confiscated from some kids. He tells her she did a good job and sends her home. Presumably so he can keep downing shots. Really? That whole thing with Jen turned him into an alcoholic? I’d rather see him try to hook back up with Kelly than go down this road. Ugh.

Inside, Annie praises Jazz-Hands’ dancing abilities. Well, they don’t call him Jazz-Hands for nothing, sweetie. He leaves to grab some drinks and Dixon springs into action leading Annie out into the hallway where Navid, Naomi and Silver are waiting for them. They tell Annie they care about her and don’t want her to get hurt. They tell her Jazz is a drug dealer, but without proof Annie doesn’t believe them. That is until Adrianna, that’s right, Adrianna shows up and tells her that she’s been buying drugs from him for the last month and that she’s willing to go to the administration. Annie leaves, devastated.

Naomi asks Adrianna if she’s really going to talk. She is. Jazz-Hands is a bad guy and she realized she had to say something when she saw Annie and him together. Silver is touched by her selflessness. Naomi’s worried that she’ll get suspended. Ade just kinda shrugs it off. Taking responsibility for your own actions? Wow. Naomi tells her they’ll talk when Silver and her get back from St. Bart’s. Aww. Now all the reindeers love her!

As Ade goes to talk to Navid in private, Naomi gets a text…

Navid doesn’t want Ade to go to the administration. He thinks what’s important is that Annie now knows the truth. He’ll find another way to bring him down without getting Ade expelled. She may be willing to take the risk, but he’s not. He still cares for her, no matter what happened between them.

Outside, Silver waits for a cab. Dixon finds her and notices she’s upset about something. She tells him about Simi asking her out. She was thinking of giving him a shot but changed her mind when she saw him with Savannah. Once a player, always a player. Dixon keeps his mouth shut (figuratively, not literally) about Savannah being Simi’s sister and tells her it’s good she realized Simi was bad news before it was too late. BOO! Dixon continues to win douche points by telling her Simi’s his friend, but she deserves better. HATE! He thinks she’s amazing and can’t remember why he let her go.

Dixon kisses her. In the background, Simi points out the girl he can’t get to his sister. Aww ☹ Silver wonders what the kiss was all about. He doesn’t know and he doesn’t have time to figure it out cause her cab pulls up. She thinks they should talk after she gets back from St. Bart’s.

Casa Wilson. Becky’s making a sandwich as Dixon gets home. She’s glad they got a chance to talk. He is too; he hadn’t thought about the adoption in awhile. And now that she’s brought it up he thinks it’s time for him to see his birth mother.

Liam’s. Naomi shows up looking like she’s been on a 3-hour coke binge at Studio 54.

She asks what’s under the tarp and Liam doesn’t tell her. She tells him she got a text from Ivy telling her to go over to Liam’s because he had something to tell her. That’s right, Ivy. She’s there and about to leave for St. Bart’s so what did he want? Liam doesn’t know what Ivy was talking about. God! JUST SAY IT! We’ve only got like 5 minutes left and I wanna eat my bowl of Cocoa Pebbles and go to bed!

Liam tries a little reverse psychology and wonders if there’s something she wants to tell him. There isn’t. She thought he would be different, but he’s still the same private and secretive goon he’s always been. She points out that he can’t even tell her about what’s under the tarp. She turns to leave but he stops her and shows her, and us, what’s under the tarp. It’s fucking a boat. Savvy readers of these recaps will remember this. I believe the writers owe me and the writers from The O.C. some sort of compensation and/or acknowledgment.

So yeah, he learned to redirect his anger at that wilderness program he went to last summer. The worse things get at home the bigger the boat, I guess. Why a boat? He used to sail with his dad before he left. He tells her what happened with Jen and why he didn’t tell her. He admits to being private and secretive, but she doesn’t want to be. If she gives him a chance, he won’t be…and they kiss.

Over at West Bev, Ivy sits in her car looking at pics of her and Liam from the photo booth, crying.

And now the scene we’ve been waiting for…

Jazz-Hands finds Annie outside. She doesn’t beat around the bush, thankfully, and tells him that Adrianna told her about the drugs and the dealing there of. He tries to deny it but she knows it’s true. He admits it and then adds that he was only selling to people who were going to buy it anyway. Tell it to the judge, scumbag!

Annie realizes that Jazz also pushed Navid down the stairs. He says he didn’t. He did push him, but just against the wall then that idiot Navid went and fell down the stairs. Annie starts to fall apart a little and he goes to hug her but she tells him to stay away from her. Jazz asks if it’s because he’s made mistakes? She’s made a couple mistakes of her own but he doesn’t judge her. You know, like that one time Annie accidentally ran over Jazz’s uncle…

Fin.

So there it is Gasmii, the reveal we’ve been waiting for. I kinda knew they’d wait until a break and leave us with a cliffhanger. How will Annie get out of doing time for vehicular manslaughter? We’ll just have to wait and see. Hope you all have a very happy Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Year’s. If you don’t celebrate any of those then I send you warm wishes and good will. See ya in 2010. PEACE!