90210: Kiss Me And I’ll Kiss You Back

This week on 90210, Adrianna is like totally gay for Rumer. And by gay I mean tight-lipped, closed mouth kissing and feminist rock.

West Bev Parking Lot. Naomiam suck each other’s fillings out to the tune of “Crimson and Clover” by Tommy James & The Shondells. Great. It’s just like “Love Is Strange” and Deep Throat all over again.

Across campus, Jazz-Hands continues to harass Annie. He apologizes for destroying the car but it was because he didn’t want anyone to link her to his uncle’s death. So really a “thank you” is in order. He tells her he’ll do anything for her. She knows its true. He’ll do it for her. She just wants him to leave her alone. I know he’s crazy and all, but the fact that she was able to get over killing someone so easily is equally disturbing. I really hope there are consequences for her actions.

The Blaze. Silver and Naomi walk in late as Navid introduces Mr. Canon, the new Blaze advisor. Who the hell as been advising them until now? That’s what wrong with kids these days, lack of adult supervision. That and Ke$ha.

So Navid tells us that Mr. Meyers Canon has a journalism degree from Columbia and interned at 60 Minutes. He’s there to be more interesting than Matthews help the students find the “journalistic truth” in all their stories. Naomi wonders what happens when Navid edits out all her journalistic truth. He argues that her sources aren’t credible. Canon sides with Navid and reminds her that The Blaze is not a tabloid. She thinks they can be! Heh. He’ll review her work but warns her that his standards are high. She laughs. “Well, they couldn’t be that high or you’d be working in news and not bossing a bunch of wannabe kids around for what? 20 grand a year?”

Hallway. As Naomi compares having a faculty advisor on The Blaze to Big Brother, Silver spots Simi. She asks if he wants to have lunch together. He lies that he has a make-up test and leaves. She thinks he’s still mad about spying. Or it’s not about you and he really does have to make up a test. Either way Silver is freaking out. Naomi thinks she should come right out and ask him. That’s a novel approach. Next Adrianna sees Rumer down the hall and bolts. Rumer gets all colon-dash-left parentheses on us.

Outside, Annie misses the bus. Heh. Liam pulls up in the General Lee and offers her a ride home.

Casa Wilson. As Becky puts away the groceries, Dixon and Dana walk in talking sports. Becky gives them a timid “hi” and Dixon says he didn’t see her there. Ouch. She offers to make them mac & cheese for dinner but they have dinner plans already. Birth mom and son turn to leave and Becky has to remind Dixon to say goodbye. Double ouch. In walks Harry and takes note of how chummy Dixon and Dana have become. Not really noticing his wife crumbling to pieces before him.

General Lee. Liam apologizes to Annie for not manning up about the Jen situation. Annie, the master deflector she is, would rather talk about something else. Luckily they drive by an older couple making out in front of the Reg Bev Wil (Regent Beverly Wilshire, for those of you not familiar with Pretty Woman. Which reminds me. Hey Vinnie!). Once the guy takes his hand out of his fair lady’s butt, we see that it’s Papa John, Liam’s step-dad.

West Bev. Naomi struts into Canon’s classroom. He thinks that if they’re going to be working together Naomi owes him an apology. She was there to get an apology from him. Will these crazy kids ever get along? Canon’s not playing any games and kicks Naomi off The Blaze. Naomi gives a half-ass apology but Canon won’t budge. She thinks reporting is something she can be good at, it’s not just an extra-curricular activity. She’ll do anything to get back in. The pouty lips and baby voice were probably not the best choice because Canon thinks she’s offering up her goodies.

Hallway. Nala blabber on and on about stuff I’ve never heard of before, therefore, it’s not important. What is important is that Navid hearts Lila for her mind grapes. Her big boobs probably don’t hurt either. He drops her off at band practice and gives her a kiss goodbye…right in front of Adrianna.

Lila knows that it’s weird that she’s dating Adrianna’s ex, but she hopes things can be cool between them. Adrianna says she didn’t see it coming but it’s rock and roll, everything’s cool. Wasn’t she an actress? You’d think she’d be more convincing.

Across town, Dixon and Dana continue to bond over basketball and gambling. So sweet. Hey, didn’t Brandon bet on basketball? Hmm. Dixon says he’s been doing so well he’ll be able to take Dana to a Laker’s game that Sunday. How long has she been there anyway? So anyways, Dana’s heading back to Phoenix. It’s not like she has a job or anything, so you can get that look off your face, Dixon. She invites him to one more dinner before she heads home.

Beach Club. Silver waits for Simi to finish his tennis lesson. She gets down to business and asks what’s up with them. She knows that she freaked out on him, but she’s hoping it’s something that he can move past. Simi wants to be someone that trusts him. She does…now. And the only way he can see that is if he gives her another chance. Touché.

Liam’s. Papa John gets out of the car all cocky and sexified. I think he even sniffs his finger. Which is so nasty that I’m glad Liam clocks him. His mom runs out and breaks them up. Papa John tells her that Liam sucker punched him. Liam blurts out that he saw Papa John at the Reg Bev Wil. Liam’s mom (what’s her name again?) calls Papa John a bastard and runs into the house. At last! Life without his step-dad is within his grasp!

West Bev. Rumer meets Adrianna as she pulls into a parking space. She doesn’t blame Ade for reacting the way she did. Rumer put her in a bad position. Or at least she wants to. Wink. Their friendship means a lot to Rumer and she doesn’t want to lose it. Why don’t they just act like nothing happened and forget about Rumer’s stupid crush?

Across campus, Naomi continues on her campaign against Canon. Silver knows she doesn’t want to hear it, but agrees that Naomi was the one that was out of line. Naomi can’t believe Silver’s taking his side. They walk over to Adrianna and Rumer. Naomi tries to get Rumer’s support to no avail. Seeing that she’s not getting anywhere with them, Naomi changes tactics and tells them that Canon said she could get on The Blaze if she slept with him. Oh Naomi, sometimes you make it so hard to like you.

Hey, remember when Sue Scanlin accused Mr. Meyers of sexual harassment?

Liam’s. Mama Liam walks into the garage to find Liam packing up his tools. She tells him she’s had a long talk with Papa John. He interrupts to reassure her that they’ll be fine. He’ll even get an afternoon job to help out. He’d do anything for her. She knows its true. He’ll do it for her. She really appreciates it and would do anything for him too, but she won’t do that. The “that” in question being that she won’t leave.

Adrianna’s. So the best way Adrianna and Rumer can ignore the situation is to sit in the dark and watch romantic movies. I wonder how far down Bound is on their Netflix queue. They gush over the Clark Gable movie they’re watching and touch hands as they both reach into the bowl of popcorn. This somehow causes Adrianna to start looking at Rumer differently.

Beach Club. Silver works really hard at small talk with Simi over dinner. He’s not making it all that easy for her either. Neither does the arrival of Tara, Simi’s ex-girlfriend. Man, he loves those ethnic chicks. Do you think it’s to piss off his dad? Or he had a Polynesian nanny? Anyway, Tara, if that’s her real name, invites them to the new Tarantino movie. Simi quickly points out that Silver has to go back to school but he’s free, if that’s OK with Silver. She swallows some bile as she says it is. How long have they been together? A week? Just checking.

Naomi’s. Liam shows up, duffle bag in tow. He tells her about Papa John and how Mama Liam is staying with him. Naomi knows exactly how he feels. She doesn’t understand why her mom put up with it for so long. She lets him stay with her for as long as he needs to.

West Bev. Annie runs into Liam and asks how things are going. Before they can get too deep in conversation, Jazz-Hands asks to speak to Annie. Well, he doesn’t so much as ask as says he needs to talk to her. She walks away and won’t stop to talk to him. He whispers that he loves her and hits the wall in frustration. I can’t help but think there’s a simple solution to this problem. Then again, juvie would bring up all new problems. Catch 22 really.

Casa Wilson. Dana waits for Dixon. She calls his cell and gets his voice mail. She leaves him a message about possibly being confused about the plan and heading to the restaurant. He really puts the dick in Dixon.

Across town, Silver continues to over analyze the hell out of her situation. P.S. guys love that! Adrianna stops by with flyers for her first gig with The Glorious Steinems. Naomi wonders if a steinum is that disease you get in your eye. Heh. Silver tries to school our hopeless airheads on feminist icons of the 70′s. Tell me that part about freaking out about your boyfriend again, Silver…

Adrianna asks the girls for some advice. She tells them about Rumer. She got over the initial shock but now doesn’t know what to do. They have an amazing connection and she’s recently found herself thinking about her as more than a friend. She knows she needs to get over Navid, but never thought it would be with a girl. Naomi thinks its genius. “A little lady-lady action might be just the thing to get the Persian stallion back in your stable!” Oh Naomi, I love you again. Adrianna asks them what they think? Does liking Rumer make her gay? Naomi thinks it’s a little gay. Heh. Silver thinks sexuality is a spectrum. Thanks but she didn’t ask what Kinsey thought, nerd. Silver thinks she shouldn’t worry about labels, just go with how she feels.

Dana waits at the restaurant for Dixon…

At another restaurant, Becky and Yoga Teacher have some tea. He asks how things are going with Dixon’s mom. She thinks she’s a horrible person. YT, of course, tells her exactly what she wants to hear. Like clockwork, Dana walks out of the restaurant across the street, just in time to see YT and Becky locking lips.

Dana drives off as Becky pulls away from YT. He apologizes and says he misread her signal. She tells him it shouldn’t have happened and leaves.

Silver calls Simi and wonders how he’s doing since they didn’t see each other all day. He was laying low. Tara and him ditched the movie and he woke up covered in sand with a hangover. What happened in between we’ll never know. But I’m sure Silver’s imagination can come up with a few ideas.

Casa Wilson. Just like he did when Silver was having her episode, Dixon plays video games in his room. Dana walks in and doesn’t beat his ass, but asks what happened to him. He claims to have forgotten. She asks if he’s upset that she’s leaving. He non-answers that he should be used to that by now. Instead of slapping him in the face for being a smart ass, she tells him how great it’s been reconnecting. She wants to be a part of his life. He snaps that if that’s the case why was he the one that reached out. Why hadn’t she ever tried to contact him?

Dana didn’t contact him because she didn’t want to disrupt his life. She thought about him everyday and he was always in her prayers. He thought the whole time that she moved on. She promises to be around as much as he wants. Becky’s gonna love that.

OK, so this comes up now? Why did he even write to her in the first place? She’s bi-polar. I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure you don’t just pop a pill and get over it? She had to adjust and get back on her feet. I mean, there was a reason she had to give him up. Speaking of, was this an open adoption? How old was he when the Wilson’s adopted him? So many questions…

The Blaze. Naomi’s ranting about something but I’m distracted by her Hammer Pants. The gist of it, though, is that Naomi wants the staff to demand she be allowed to return to The Blaze and to get Canon removed as faculty advisor. Navid wanders in wondering what’s up. She tells him that the staff is going on strike until she gets re-instated. Then she starts screaming “Union!” over and over again. Everyone just kinda stares at her. Good stuff. Navid agrees to talk to Canon about reconsidering his decision.

Cocina Wilson. Becky ices a chocolate cake. Yum. Dana stops by to have a heart to heart. She tells Becky she saw her at the café with YT and noted the close student-teacher relationship. Becky tells her it’s not what she thinks. Never is, is it? The kiss was a mistake, on YT’s fault, and she made it clear to him that it was wrong. She’s going to tell Harry all about it. Dana doesn’t think that’s a good idea. She knows there’s tension between Harry and Becky and thinks something like this could really mess things up.

Becky tries to get out of it by saying it’s a family matter. In other words, none of Dana’s dang bidness. Dana understands that but also knows that family matter trickle down to the children. Oh yeah, and she gave birth to one of those children. So really, it is her bidness.

Adrianna’s. Rumer comes over with a movie but being the big lez that she is, thinks the book Ade’s reading, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, sounds more interesting. Adrianna’s confused…and now the viewing audience gets a lecture on sexuality. Spare me. I live in San Francisco, alright.

Rumer asks why she’s reading Kinsey. Why? Because she thinks she likes Rumer too. Rumer doesn’t think Adrianna will find the answer to whatever she’s struggling with in books.

How about with a kiss? You know, to see how it feels for Ade. Oh she’s good. This isn’t the first girl Rumer’s turned out, I’m guessing. So, they kiss. Adrianna thought it was good. Rumer wonders if it’s something she liked and got out of her system or liked and wants to do again. Again, again! BESO! BESO! BESO!

Ade wonders what it means that she wants to do it again. Rumer thinks it means Ade likes her and will say yes when Rumer asks her on a date. They kiss again, still no tongue.

West Bev. The Glorious Steinems perform. It’s not bad. But I still hate them.

Outside, Silver finds Simi pumping iron. She admits to being jealous but doesn’t understand why he would make such a big deal about her dumb, jealous mistake after he made a bigger deal trying to get with her. He wonders if it wasn’t a mistake on her part. What if she was right about him? After all, he did go to the coffee house to meet Amy when he could have easily emailed her back. The real issue here is daddy related. His dad had four wives and cheated on all of them. He could be just like him. He wouldn’t know, though, because he’s never cared enough for anyone to stay faithful. Yikes! Run away, Silver. Run away! She doesn’t, though. Her funeral.

Casa Wilson. Dana heads out. She promises to call every week. Before she goes, she hands him an envelope. She won a bet and is giving him half, plus something extra for all the birthdays and holidays she missed. They hug. After she leaves, Dixon checks the envelope and pulls a stack of 100′s out.

Naomi’s. Silver and Lesbianna catch Naomiam making out by the pool. They’re there to talk to Naomi about the Canon situation. Navid talked to him and he agreed to let her back in so the witch-hunt is off. Silver and Lesbianna don’t think he should get away with what he said to her. You know, the whole sexual harassment thing. Liam overhears and wonders what’s up. They tell him about Canon. Liam thinks she should do something about it; she doesn’t want to be a doormat like their mothers, does she?

Casa Wilson. Annie leaves Liam a message. When she hangs up her phone rings. It’s Jazz-Hands calling to say goodbye. Where’s he going? Let’s just say that if he can’t be with her then he doesn’t want to live. Is that in the South somewhere?

Fin.