The other elves look on, and at least one of them is really enjoying this display of office harassment. Maybe a little too much.
“Oh yeah…. now slap him like the bad little boy that he is…”
Gay Emo Kid admits that toys just don’t turn him on that much. That’s fine, honey, sometimes all you need is a good imagination and two strong fingers. Alchie Abusive Elf flips out and ridicules him in front of all the other elves, who you just KNOW have been waiting for any excuse to make fun of that homo.
But wait, it gets better. Turns out that Hermie would rather be a dentist. Call me crazy, but I’m positive that I’ve never heard of anyone dreaming of practicing dentistry. Dreaming about the money from dentistry, maybe, but never fantasizing about decades of competent molar removal. They couldn’t think of something more fitting, like… I dunno, ice dancing? Well, whatever paints your wagon. As the other elves take a smoke break, Emo Dentist buries his tears in his dentistry textbook and follows it up with a song. We get it, we get it. I won’t try to fix you up with any of my girlfriends or anything, okay?
Meanwhile, in a cave across town, FemDeer stands docilely by while Donner continues to deny Rudie’s inner beauty and tries to make him into something he’s not. He brusquely informs the little one that self-respect is more important than comfort. Tell that to Michael Moore.
The tie doesn’t solve the problem, man.
Time flies, and before you know it it’s next April, and all the young bucks ‘n’ does are flirting while they wait for their chance to impress Coach Santa. Rudie wears his pile-o-mud muzzle and instantly makes a friend, whose name is Fireball (which, coincidentally, may have been a more apt name for Rudolph himself).
Inside the castle, the elves are singing a song for Santa, music and lyrics written by Abusive Alchie.
Looks like Hermie isn’t the only one who had to give up a silly dream to be an elf. Santa, however, is unimpressed, slumping in his seat, rolling his eyes and rubbing his temples.
“Damn, I shouldn’t have had that last martini last night.”
Abusive Alchie Elf blames the tenor section for sucking, who then blame Gay Dentist for not showing. It’s a blamefest, and we’re all invited! It wouldn’t be Christmas without one. Gay Emo Kid is in the work room, role-playing with dollies when, true to form, Abusive Alchie Elf storms in and tells Hermie he’ll never fit in. Doesn’t he want to learn the important things, like how to wiggle his ears and chuckle warmly? Guess not.