Score 1 for global warming!
The trio of ne’er-do-wells ends up docking on the Island of Misfit Toys, which is inhabited by… dancing monkeys? a tribe of zany natives? 16 strangers competing to win a million bucks? Nah, it’s a bunch of loser toys. It’s as if your high school drama club was put on its own island (finally) and they sat around and produced musicals. You’ve got all the basic drama nerds.
The flashily-dressed attention whore
The chubby shy kid (most likely a stagehand)
The starlet
The crew wants to stay with their fellow misfits, but first they have to get the permission of King Moon Racer. Figures – even outcasts have cliques. They do get to stay the night, which gives them the perfect opportunity for that threesome they’ve been planning.
“Have you guys ever done this before? I’ve never done anything like this before.”
Someone must not have known the Safe word, because Rudolph runs away in the middle of the night and decides to brave the world on his own. This will surely end well. For the next 8 months, Rudie is a ramblin’ man of the North Pole. You’d think in that amount of time he’d find a nice doe to settle down with, or perhaps find a good plastic surgeon, or even just come to terms with who he is and start a punk band or something. But no. He just wanders around in the snow by himself. For eight months.
Reindeer porn
His money runs out so he decides to go home and live in his parents’ basement and returns to find that all of his friends are suddenly from Brooklyn. They’re all, “Hey, whaddaya know, it’s ol’ neon nose!” Rudie also makes the disheartening discovery that his ‘rents and his Juliet are gone, off looking for him, so he decides to stay right where he is until they come back, because it’s better to have at least one person stay still rather than have everyone roaming the earth looking for each other. Just kidding. He goes out looking for them too, right as a blizzard hits and tears an igloo away from a nice little Asian couple.
“Damn, it was just getting hot, too.”
Rudie finds everyone partying at the Abominapartment, right as Abomina is about to date-rape Clarice. He’s lauding the ease of use of GHB when Rudolph demands Clarice’s release, to which Abomina whips around and says, “Dude. There’s something weird going on with your nose.” They break into fisticuffs and naturally, the monster who’s 18 times the size of the vegetarian animal knocks him right on his ass.
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11 Comments
This was the funniest recap I have ever read. I had to stop and compose myself at least 4 times since I am working. Very funny, thanks for the entertainment!
OMG! I will never look at Rudolph the same again – so funny!
Thanks for making my day, O.Snapp!
Another traditional movie I’ll never have to watch again!
Ho, ho, hilarious!
Thanks!
O. Snapp – awesome. Just plain awesome.
I’m snorting and guffawing to beat the band here at my desk.
That was just awesome! Laugh out loud funny. Thanks O. Snapp!
they have actually been playing this movie over and over again in the mall’s foodcourt where I work. 8D; And I sat down and watched a bit when I was on break the other day. Ah, my childhood. O. Snapp, thanks for killing it!
I kid. I laughed many-a times.
Though, I always wonder who, in their right mind, would want to be a dentist… want to look down childrens’ (and adults’) throats when they have decay or bad breath. WRY. I always ask my dentist or his assistants what possessed them. It turns out it was their dream to love oral hygiene. So, some people do like that shit. But not me.
That was Crantastic. Totally the best. Thanks so much!
I was really dreading coming into work today; but I decided to check out the ‘gasm since I hadn’t in a couple of days. Good gracious I’m glad I did! That had to be the funniest crap I’ve read in a long time.
However, trying to stifle laughs while drinking cappucino with a stuffed up nose is not recommended. Especially if your assistant already thinks youre a nutball to begin with.
Thanks, O. Snapp! You made my Wednesday. Probably the rest of the week, too.
omg! I am SO glad that this recap was dug up and re-published! I remember DYING the first time I read it last year, and it still kills me!
Thank you for reposting this! I still remembered this recap from last year but got to laugh at it all over again! The pictures made it all the more funny! Thanks again!
This shit is so freakin funny…I am doubled over but I can’t tell my overly religious mom that I’m laughing at a story about Christmas with cussing in it.