***Merry Christmas!! More recap rehashes! Today, please enjoy this Christmas oldie recap, A Charlie Brown Christmas!! You guys have made it a great year here at the gasm. Thanks so much for being here, and LOVE to you and yours this holiday season! xo
There may not be new episodes of…well, anything on right now, but luckily it’s the holiday season, meaning crappy Christmas movies are aplenty. Unluckily, the scribes of the world have already pretty much given up on Christmas. How many times will I have to watch that nasty ass Scrooge learn his lesson, and in how many incarnations? There’s the Albert Finney version, the Bill Murray version, and my personal favorite, the Susan Lucci version, where Susan’s forced to watch her own horrible acting in the past, present and future until she learns how to be nice to people. This year, I’d like to put my shallow need to laugh at horrible performances in Lifetime movies to rest and watch something that really touches me. When does American Gladiatorscome back?
Who do people tell you you look like? Julia Roberts? Durmott Mulroney? Anyone else from My Best Friend’s Wedding? That’s awesome! I get Charlie Brown. I’ve always gotten Charlie Brown. It pisses me off as much as it confuses me. So random. Just because Chuck is bald. And negative. And insecure. And has bags under his eyes, and has feet the size of saucepans, and wears horizontal stripes even though they’re totally unflattering and …DAMMIT. Alright, so you can see why I’ve avoided every opportunity to reacquaint myself with this movie since I was a child. If you were always compared to Jonathan Winters, would you want his poster on your wall?
Since I’ve decided to completely change my life once the New Year comes round (I really mean it this time), I figured it was probably a good idea to face my inner Charlie Brown to know how to defeat him. As fate would have it, A Charlie Brown Christmas came on right in the middle of a large pepperoni pie with a side of cheesy bread. It’s a sign! No more paper bags over my head in 2008! (Um, yes, I mean 2011 now, and I am still republishing this recap. Can we just all agree that I’m sad and move on?)
We open with the Peanuts gang ice skating together on the pond and singing in little castratto voices about snowflakes and Christmas and changing feelings and confusion…wait. Nix the changing feelings and confusion part. Where the hell did that come from? I go back a few seconds and press pause to clear my head. Focus, Flipit! Is that a g? Hey! They’re ice skating in a pattern! And it’s spelling something! Am I crazy, here?
Am I just lonely at this time of year and totally obsessed with homosexuality, or was Charles Schulz? I think we all know the answer to that. Charles Schulz made me obsessed with homosexuality.