A Charlie Brown Christmas: Xenu the Musical

Recaps

By Flipit | Thursday, December 20, 2012 | 12:01 pm | 8 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Featured, Recaps

***Merry Christmas!! More recap rehashes! Today, please enjoy this Christmas oldie recap, A Charlie Brown Christmas!! You guys have made it a great year here at the gasm. Thanks so much for being here, and LOVE to you and yours this holiday season! xo

 

There may not be new episodes of…well, anything on right now, but luckily it’s the holiday season, meaning crappy Christmas movies are aplenty. Unluckily, the scribes of the world have already pretty much given up on Christmas. How many times will I have to watch that nasty ass Scrooge learn his lesson, and in how many incarnations? There’s the Albert Finney version, the Bill Murray version, and my personal favorite, the Susan Lucci version, where Susan’s forced to watch her own horrible acting in the past, present and future until she learns how to be nice to people. This year, I’d like to put my shallow need to laugh at horrible performances in Lifetime movies to rest and watch something that really touches me. When does American Gladiatorscome back?

Snowopen

Who do people tell you you look like? Julia Roberts? Durmott Mulroney? Anyone else from My Best Friend’s Wedding? That’s awesome! I get Charlie Brown. I’ve always gotten Charlie Brown. It pisses me off as much as it confuses me. So random. Just because Chuck is bald. And negative. And insecure. And has bags under his eyes, and has feet the size of saucepans, and wears horizontal stripes even though they’re totally unflattering and …DAMMIT. Alright, so you can see why I’ve avoided every opportunity to reacquaint myself with this movie since I was a child. If you were always compared to Jonathan Winters, would you want his poster on your wall?

Hillarytired
No.

Since I’ve decided to completely change my life once the New Year comes round (I really mean it this time), I figured it was probably a good idea to face my inner Charlie Brown to know how to defeat him. As fate would have it, A Charlie Brown Christmas came on right in the middle of a large pepperoni pie with a side of cheesy bread. It’s a sign! No more paper bags over my head in 2008! (Um, yes, I mean 2011 now, and I am still republishing this recap. Can we just all agree that I’m sad and move on?)

We open with the Peanuts gang ice skating together on the pond and singing in little castratto voices about snowflakes and Christmas and changing feelings and confusion…wait. Nix the changing feelings and confusion part. Where the hell did that come from? I go back a few seconds and press pause to clear my head. Focus, Flipit! Is that a g? Hey! They’re ice skating in a pattern! And it’s spelling something! Am I crazy, here?

Gayskate
Am I just lonely at this time of year and totally obsessed with homosexuality, or was Charles Schulz? I think we all know the answer to that. Charles Schulz made me obsessed with homosexuality.

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Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

8 Comments

  1. 1
    Barackfan
    Posted December 27, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    This was hilarious!! Great recap!

  2. 2
    Clair Clair
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Aww, Flipley, you sound so sad. {{Hug}}

  3. 3
    thiajok
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 11:24 am

    If he identifies with Charlie Brown, is it no wonder he’s sad?

    Poor Flipit. Lucy does counseling sessions for only 5 cents.

  4. 4
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 11:57 am

    “I can see her future so clearly…as a three hundred pound funny girl yuckin it up with a bunch of homos in a piano bar wondering if the one singing “Evergreen” will take her home and bang her senseless if she gets him drunk enough. The pattern of a fag hag starts very young.”

    This is pretty much how I’ll spend New Years Eve. Gosh, I feel so transparent.

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I thought we had to change the name from fag hag to fruit fly no?

  6. 6
    SnoopK8 SnoopK8
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Yay! I’ve been waiting for this all week.

  7. 7
    georgiababe
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    It’s a good thing that Charlie Brown was created when there were no cell phones and no internet. That poor kid would get bullied so bad online, I can just see it now: “Go kill yourself, you blockhead!” Yikes.

    I love Charlie Brown, I always just feel so sorry for him. He needs to get some supportive friends.

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Flipit you really put your foot in this one. I laugh til I have tears in my eyes every time I read this.

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