The girls get ready for the main event by applying layer upon layer of stage makeup, and ALM is probably at her hotel lair sharpening her talons on baby bones.
Needs more makeup, it’s not whorey enough.
I love Asia’s sass and confidence.
“No ands, no buts, no its, no howevers, no neverthelesses, no irregardlesses, I want to win.”
Kevin Manno (luckily my browser was still open to a search page to remind me who the fuck he is) introduces the judges, and Jabby beams proudly.
“Thank you all for being part of my buffet—I mean show.”
The hip hop trio is up first, and I’m looking for Asia to kill it and Lexine to tank that motherfucker. Sure enough, Asia looks confident and skilled, while Lexine fucks up her front walkover.
This will surely bring on a breakdown.
Asia has an awareness of her expressions that someone like Mackenzie can’t touch.
Suck my dance, bitches.
Abberwocky immediately criticizes the flubbed front walkover. She loves Jordyn but slams her for not turning her feet out. I don’t’ even know what that means, I’m just here to make fun of little kids. Richy says the girls did an okay job, but it wasn’t hip hop. The audience boos, so I guess he’s the Simon Cowell of this show? He loves Asia, duh. Robin can’t move her face, but overall praises them and tells Asia she was born to be a pussycat doll. I do not think it’s appropriate to tell that to a 6-year-old. Keep your slutty paws off the children.
“NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!”
Lexine’s mother Maria right away tells her that it’s okay, they can go home now. Ah, whiners and quitters, winning combination. Kelly gets all up in their business and argues with Maria, trying to convince her that Lexine doesn’t want to go home. Um, that is your competition. Try a little ruthlessness. I would have just sat back and let them leave. Maria makes an angry gesture at Jordyn and says something about not helping her, which Kelly does not appreciate. I agree. Fuck up your own kid all you want, but leave other people’s kids out of it.
“I said no substitutions!”
Hadley, Madison, and Zack are up for their jazz number, and I was expecting something more along the lines of what they call lyrical on Dance Moms. But I guess I know fuck all about dancing, so let’s just roll with it!
Something tells me Zack is going to be putting his flexibility skills to a different use in a few years.
Legwarmers. Never a good look.