ABDC: Bieber Feeber

Greetings Gasmi!  This round is all about Bieber and I have to admit, I’m a little scared.  Will I be able to handle an entire Bieber Hour?  Mere alcohol alone may not be enough.

Hold me; I’m so scared.

We start where we always start; on with Mario and the remaining crews.  Mario assumes the audience will go nuts and tells them to hold it together because Bieber is in the house tonight.  Not really IN the house; you know his music is in the house.  And the Biebs himself will be handing out the challenges to the crews.  But not in person, right Mario?

DUUUUUUH.

Mario tells us that over a million people voted last week.  I sure hope those million were different people than the ones who HAVE been voting.  I don’t think I can take another round like the last one.

First Mario is going over to Instant Noodles and Iconic Boyz.  YES!!!!!  That means that one of them will be in the bottom!  I’m so excited!  Although I would be happier if they both landed in the bottom (well, maybe not given Street Kingdom is still hanging around), but either way it’s a win/win as far as I’m concerned.

And the first safe crew is…….

Wow.  I was beginning to think Instant Noodles was never going to land in the bottom.  You know America loves that ramen shit.

Before we get to Iconic Boyz, Mario wants us to see how excited the crews were when Doucheface told them about this week’s superstar.

Let’s hear it for Bieber!

Can’t you just feel the excitement?

Of course, they could just be annoyed that they have to deal with Doucheface again.  I know I would be.

Let’s get down to Iconic Boyz.  It seems they were really upset when 787 Crew got the axe last week; they really look up to them.  Awwww…..look, Chunk is even crying.

Or maybe he realized he just ran out of Snickers.

I keed, I keed.  I actually really like this kid.  Not necessarily the rest of them; but this one gets me every time.  Anyway, Bieber pops up on their computer screen along with a couple of his dancers to give them their challenge: play basketball in your dance.

Really?!? Give me a break; that’s not hard to do at all.  Because Bieber said the word basketball we have to hear YET AGAIN how the one kid had to give up basketball for dance.

Shut up already!  You made your choice; live with it!

Sorry, but I already had to listen to his whiney ass talking about giving up basketball and baseball over on Live to Dance.  We get it already, move the fuck on.  I swear, the next time he mentions it he’s getting put in the naughty chair.

You have got to be fucking kidding me!!!  Okay, so I’m already annoyed about the whole basketball thing, right?  THEN they add in a remix of Doucheface telling them they’re like a bunch of dancing Biebers to the Bieber song.  UGH.  Not just one time either.  Over and over and over again.  I think I’m about a millisecond away from jamming an ice pick into my own brain.

Meanwhile Doucheface is delighted by himself.  SHOCKING.

This routine has the same issues as all their routines have for me; if they weren’t kids they’d be told to step it up.  Again, these kids are not bad dancers; in fact, they’re quite good.  FOR KIDS.  I see kids like this and (and far better, mind you) every time I go to a dance competition.  In about three or four years they might have kicked some major ass on this show, but not now.  I’m sorry to keep harping on it but it irritates me beyond belief.

We’re starting with JC first tonight and he says he thinks it’s tough because they were given a challenge to incorporate the basketball thing and it was cute but it was really easy; a lot of one and two and three stuff

Are you kidding me???

Nope.

The crowd boos him and he could care less which is one of the reasons I always love him; he doesn’t pander to the crowd.  I may not always agree with him, but he says what he thinks and I have to respect that.  He really wants them to step up their game.  Too much jumping around doing really easy stuff.

Let’s move on to Lil Mama

Who appears to be channeling Grace Jones

Of course she LOVES them.  How predictable.  She feels the need to walk us through their routine and talks about how they needed sooooooooo many people to build a wall but that Chunk did a lift all by himself this time around.  Of course you need more than two people to build a wall so I’m not sure exactly what she’s trying to get at.

I know you are as unsurprised as I am when Doucheface tells JC not to be a crackhead.  JC continues to earn my love by cracking up about it.

Of course when JC made the comment I laughed my ass off, but Doucheface gets an eyeroll and an “Oh please” instead.  Because he is lame and JC is awesome.

He also wants to talk through their routine and then says that ever since he heard about Justin Bieber and saw him on YouTube he’s had Bieber fever.  That explains so much.  Tonight he has Iconic fever.  Someone should shoot him like they do sick horses.

Put all of us out of our misery.

After a quick break we’re back and ready to find out which two remaining crews will be safe and who will be in the bottom two, battling it out with Instant Noodles.  The first safe crew is……..

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!

So now it’s down to Street Kingdom and Phunk Phenomenon.  The crew that is definitely moving on to next week is…….

Thank you America.

So Instant Noodles and Street Kingdom will battle it out a little later in the show.  Another win/win as far as I’m concerned.

But before we get to the battle of the bottom, we’ve got two more performances to enjoy (and I really mean that with these two crews).  First up is IaMmE.  They’ll be performing to “Somebody to Love” and they’ll need to incorporate Usher’s glide into their routine.

You can practically see the little hearts floating above Olivia’s head as she tells us that she LOVES the Bieber.  I will forgive her because she is only fifteen.  She is as adorable as ever as she tells us she wants her crew to do really well.  She doesn’t want to disappoint Biebs.

Do I even need to say it?  You know what I’m going to say, right?  I LOVE THESE GUYS!!!  Which really worries me because the crews I love don’t often win on this show.  I say let’s crown them the winners now and spend the next couple of weeks watching them dance for the whole hour.  Whadda ya think?  Anyone with me?

Nope.

What a jerk.  FINE.  Be like that!

Lil Mama was so mesmerized by the dancing that she didn’t even see the guy jump off the stage to hand her the rose until he was right there.  Never mind that he jumped off THE MIDDLE of the stage.  Of course there were shiny costumes on stage so that was probably very distracting.

It’s like you’re made of magic or something.

She tells them she appreciates and admires them because they are very daring and take on all their challenges.  She doesn’t even know what kinds of notes to give them except to say great.

Doucheface loved them last week and he loves them again this week.

I can’t believe I JUST NOTICED his fucking Bieber fanboy cutout AND DOLL.

What an idiot.  He spouts off some inane info about Bieber to prove to Olivia that he’s as big a Bieber fan as she is.  Because that’s what judges do.

JC thinks they had another great performance.  He does point out that they did go back to spending a lot of time in the middle, but I don’t think he minded too much because he just says it and moves on.

Next up is Phunk Phenomenon.  Their song is “Eenie Meenie” and Biebs tells them they have to add stepping into their routine because he’s played the drum since he was two.  Ummm, okay.  Luckily for them Kassandra and her sister used to do some stepping so she’ll have to bring the rest of the crew up to speed on that.

Still loving them as well.  I thought they did a really good job with the stepping section and I like how they transitioned from the smoother feel into the sharper stepping part and then back again.  They continue to impress me and I’d still love to see a final two between these guys and IaMmE.

We start with Doucheface who continues to work toward his goal of biggest Douche of the decade.

It’s at moments like these that I miss Omoron.

No, who I really miss is Shane.

Anyway, Doucheface thinks that Cassandra did a great job teaching the guys stepping.  The only thing he would say is to be careful of repeating things, for instance this routine had too many back flips.

JC understands what Doucheface is trying to say but he commends Bebo for doing three back flips in a row.

Suck it, Doucheface.

He thinks there was a great balance between the aggressive, tough stepping and the cuter Bieber sections.  He really liked that.  He also loves how they handled the tempo change.

Lil Mama loves this crew because they have so many different styles of dance.  They would be breakdancing and stepping.  Yes, I know there are more but Lil Mama can’t think of any right now.

This hood is hurting my head.

She applauds them for attacking every challenge such like the stepping, but says the choreography for this routine wasn’t like the phunk she is used to.  However, it was very Bieber; she got it.  It was dope.  Next week she wants to see them get back to their element.

Now it’s time for the Battle of the Bottom.  Instant Noodles won the coin toss so they’re up first and they start out with a sob story.  You know how I feel about that.  They will be dancing to “Runaway Love” and they have to dance with chairs.  Hahahahahahahaha! Oh goody.  Maybe we can finally get rid of them.

They go straight for the cheese factor as usual with the Bieber wigs.  It does not distract me from how much I can’t stand them.  They were actually supposed to do more than just dance with the chairs; they were meant to lift them up and flip them around which they did.  Barely.  I remain unimpressed by them but honestly, I don’t know that they could win me over at this point even if they did a mind blowing routine.  I’m over them; I want them to go.

No judges critiques until the end so let’s get right to Street Kingdom.  They’ve got “Never Say Never” as their song and the Biebs tells them they have to use martial arts and high kicks in their routine.  Hopefully they battle better this time than when they used the light sabers.

LOL!  Love the dis on Instant Noodles at the end!  So, I think this may be the best routine they’ve done so far.  Was it great?  No.  But they did a good job here.

Maybe I just hate Instant Noodles more because they’re the ones I want to see go.  I feel like if we don’t offload them now we may not get the chance again.  Street Kingdom has been in the bottom plenty of times and I anticipate they’ll probably be there again next week.

Doucheface tells Instant Noodles that they know he was not a fan of theirs week one, but every week he becomes a fan more and more.  He tells them that he knows they were trying to transform themselves into Bieber this week, but he thinks they look more like Bruce Lee.  I’m sure they’re not offended at all.  He tells them to keep on keeping on; he wishes them the best.

Lil Mama says there is only one word to describe that performance:

Growf.

Uuuh huh.  Growf?  As in “I have a growf on my ass?”  She tells them they have grown.  No matter what happens tonight they took it to the next level.  She appreciates the work they put in this week.  She says it was almost like a second chance challenge what with them biting balls on the first battle they were supposed to do.  She also commends them on their choreography; they really impressed her.  And as you can tell from her undying love for Iconic Boyz, it is super hard to impress her.

This microphone’s ability to stand still is really impressing me.

JC starts with Instant Noodles, telling them he thinks that tonight they presented really good theater.  They embraced the challenge of becoming faux Biebers and yet still remained true to their b-boy selves.  He thinks that worked out nicely for them tonight.

He points out that they had one of the more difficult challenges because working with a prop is never easy.  He tells them that they owned that prop.  A great night for them all around.

You will be happy to know that JC does not cry as he talks to Street Kingdom.

I’m just awesome that way.

Yes you are, JC, yes you are.  He tells them that they’ve done something very positive with their presence on this show.  He points out that everyone at home doesn’t get to see what they see there in the studio because week after week they see all the little details showing how hard each one of them is working.

He says for this performance they took the lyric and turned it almost into a battle mantra as they divided into two different armies.  He really enjoyed their spirits tonight, both groups.

And now it’s time for the judges to deliberate.

After a deliberation break, we’re back and ready to find out who is staying and who is going.  Oh lord.  The writing for Mario is just too precious to be ignored.  Here, enjoy it with me:  “Which crew received a pardon JUSTIN time and which crew will Never see the stage again?”  SO BAD.

The crew that will be back next week is………..

PHEW!

Not that I would have cried if Street Kingdom left, but I am VERY happy to see Instant Noodles go.  It’s about fucking time.

And with that, their banner must fall.

At least a couple of the guys throw some tricks in as they go but their walk it out feels pretty week when compared with other seasons.  787 was the only crew so far that did a real Walk It Out.  Anyway, Instant Noodles gets a standing ovation from the judges as they go and another “It’s about fucking time” yelled from my couch.

So there you have it, Gasmi.  What did you think of this week’s challenges and elimination?  Were you happy to see Instant Noodles go?  Are you still loving IaMmE?  Did your ears bleed from Bieber overdose?

Next week, Nicki Minaj and a group number.  Should I be worried?

SWAK, PottyMouth