ABDC: Children of the Corn, Jersey Edition

Ugh Gasmi.  I know a lot of you saw the way this season was going to go from the beginning, but I really wanted to believe that people wouldn’t vote for a crew just because it’s made up of a bunch of kids.  I feel so stupid.  It’s a like an awful horror movie that I can’t stop watching, and for me Children of the Corn is a perfect of example of how this season has gone.

All they’re missing is a creepy little red headed fucker in their crew.

He Who Walks Behind The Hos.

Now you and I both know that this season has not been filled to the brim with incredible crews, BUT there have been at least a few that are much better deserving of being in the final three.  Honestly, I’m thinking about forming a crew of toddlers for next season.  They can develop their own signature moves like “poop in my pants” and “temper tantrum”.  They’re sure to get high praise and win the whole fucking season, right?

I know, I know, nothing has been won yet.  But so much has been lost.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; these kids are not terrible dancers, they actually have talent.  But to put them on a show like this and then judge them against a completely different standard than everyone else is a disservice to the show and to them.  Shit, if Randy wanted little kids on the show so badly why not do an all kids season?  I could actually get behind that.

But enough of my continued ranting about Iconic Boyz; let’s get down to the show and find out which of the three crews will be moving on to the finale.  Oh wait, group number!

Eh.  Iconic Boyz continue to be out danced which really takes away from the group number for me.  It’s been this way for me before – there usually is at least one of the weaker crews still in it at this point and I always find myself wishing it was just the two strongest out there dancing.  Instead there’s always one crew pulling my eye to them and not because they’re blowing my mind, but rather just blowing.

Anyway, we now join Mario and the top three on stage and he is going to tell us which crew is currently in the lead for votes and moving on to the finale.

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Sorry.  I just needed to bash my head against the keyboard for a while.  I HATE YOU AMERICA – YOU FUCKING SUCK MY LEFT TIT.  I’d like to say I’m surprised or shock by this, but I think after last week we could all see this coming.  That said, I am fucking pissed as hell right now.  This is such a fucking crock of shit I’d like to grab Randy and smack him around for a while and then vomit in his face.  UGH.

Tonight the crews will be taking on Kanye who is such a big superstar that he couldn’t even be bothered to videotape their challenges for them.  Instead, we get Poreotix.

I bow my head in shame.

Awwwwww, JC, we know it’s not your fault.  I blame Doucheface.  Yes, I know it’s not his fault either; I just like blaming him for shit.

Little Vinny tells us that he was bullied when he was younger for wanting to dance and he’s happy to hear that he’s inspiring other kids in the same situation just by being on the show.

Go Vinny!

And here’s another example of how I feel the show is doing a disservice to these kids.  I get that dancing as a boy is tough; I have a son who dances.  This is why I said before I wish they would have done a kid version of the show.  I think it’s great that these kids want to dance and work so hard at it; I just don’t think they’re up to the level of the other crews on this show.  No one can tell me that they’re still there for any other reason than the fact that they’re kids.  Sorry, not buying it.

They sit down to watch their Poreotix video and find out that they have to incorporate three different types of dance into their routines this week:  The Dougie, the Boogaloo, and Isolations.  Can they pull it off?  HA!

What do you want me to say here?  I know you all know how I felt about that.  Do we really even need to go into it?

We’re going over to Doucheface first who before his critique wants to give a shout out to Poreotix.  Because Doucheface’s have to stick together.  We cut to them in the audience but I refuse to show them.  I’m still annoyed about their win last season.  Jackasses.

Did you ever have that not so fresh feeling?

So Doucheface thinks that the Boogaloo was okay for them not doing it before even though some of them were a bit sketchy about the movement.  He also loved the Dougie on the floor and the Superman toss and is glad they listened and really framed that.

Lil Mama says there’s been a lot of debate

About how your outfit choices reflect your ever growing insanity?

Nope.  She says people have been coming for her neck wondering if she’s been going for Iconic Boyz because they’re cute and they’re young.  It’s not that at all.  It’s because they’re cute, young, and talented.  Whatever, Lil Mama.  We all know you’re playing at being a mama on the show and they’re your babies and blah blah blah….shut it.

She talks about how they’re opening the door for guys their age and giving inspiration to young kids all over the world.  She thinks they’re real because they bring it even though they weren’t that great tonight.  Yep, she doesn’t think they were at their best tonight but she doesn’t really care either.

JC doesn’t think this was their best performance but since they’ve made it into the top two they’ll have another chance to really blow people away.  Yeah, that’s gonna happen, I can just feel myself eating my words already.  Not.

You never know…..

Yeah, I do.  He thinks the first section was a little sloppy but they pulled it together in the second section.  He tells them not to lose the cleanliness and reminds them that this is their chance to be America’s Best Dance Crew.

Time for the bottom two (who should really be the top two) to battle it out for the final spot in the finale.  Phunk Phenomenon is up first.  They’re excited because they are big fans of Kanye’s music and have danced to his songs before.

They just killed that.  LOVED IT.

Lil Mama says they are truly one of the underdogs from this season.  Yeah, because of your babies, biatch.  She thinks they bring a lot of energy to the show and they killed every section.

JC tells them it was a fantastic performance.  He says they’re so close to the finish line and he feels like they just threw in some nitro into their tank.

I knew renting Fast & Furious last weekend was going to pay off!

Everyone had a shining moment in this routine and he loved that this performance had everything.  They put their hat in the ring and really made a case for themselves.

Doucheface points out that this routine had zero downtime.  He loved the gainer off the chest that Bebo did and calls out some other awesome moves.  He thinks they were tremendously great.

Now it’s IaMmE’s turn.  They try to convince us that they’re going to have some issues with the Dougie, but I’m not buying it.  Moon tells us this performance is very important to him because his parents will come watch him in the finals if they make it there.  Awww….Moon.  You got me all teary eyed buddy.

I really feel like I’ve become a broken record.  Y’all know I fucking loved that, right?  Nuff said?

The crowd chants IaMmE after their performance and I almost join in myself.  Yes, I have lost my mind.

JC tells them that that is a very rightfully deserved response.  These two crews are blowing his mind with their performances.  He thinks their pictures and creativity are unique and outstanding.

I would serve this with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Doucheface says he is literally speechless and I am overjoyed.  But then he talks so he’s a liar.

That’s how I roll.

Lil Mama absolutely agrees with the other two judges because they define daring and original.  They have originality for days.  And they inspire the yoof to be themselves.  No matter what happens tonight they are all champions to somebody.

Time for the judges to deliberate…..

After a quick break (as usual) we are back and ready to find out who is moving into the final two and who is going home.  The crew that still has a chance to become America’s Best Dance Crew is……..

I am happy about this one; I’ll admit that I like IaMmE better than Phunk Phenomenon, but not by much.  I’m sad to see Phunk go because really these two are the two crews that should be the finalists.  America, have I told you lately that you suck?  Oh yeah, like every week this season, huh?

IaMmE and Phunk hug it out and you can tell that these guys really respect each other.  Mario asks Chris if he has any final words and Chris talks about bringing awareness to Hip Hop for Hope and honoring their father’s memory.  He says they did that week one so anything after that was gravy for them.

And then, as must always happen, their banner must fall……

**Sniff**

They give, by far, the best walk of it out of this season.  I know that’s not saying much considering the lameness of the walk it outs, but I was glad to see them really working it.

Taking off shirts adds bonus points.

The judges give them a standing ovation as they leave and once again Lil Mama is desperate for attention.

It’s the latest in her “See what you can do with a lampshade” collection.

Normally that would be the end of the show, but this time around we’ve got one last performance from each of the top two crews.  This is the one that separates the men from the boyzzzzz.  Oh wait, that’s already been done.

For this challenge the crews get carte blanche to do anything they want including designing the music, picking out costumes, concept, everything.

Iconic Boyz is up first and their concept is Iconic Boyz come to Hollywood.  You know, because they’ve come to Hollywood.  So creative.  They want the crowd to feel like superstars just walked down the red carpet.  Are they bringing in a guest crew to help them?

So.  I spent the entire weekend at a dance competition in Lancaster and in all honesty, this dance wouldn’t have made the top ten high scores.  I now actually do believe that they are not getting any choreography help because all their routines look very similar.  I think they’ve got everything they know in there, trouble is their dance vocabulary isn’t very expansive.  Mothers, lock up your tweens’ cell phones.  PLEASE!!!!!

No words from the judges this time around so it’s time for IaMmE.  Their concept is that each one of them and their style of movement can be aligned to an element.  Fire, earth, water and wind are represented as well as electricity and machine.

How freaking cool is this???

Their music has a lot of spoken word poetry in it and I am once again loving their creativity and how much of themselves they’ve put into this.

Oh my god I fucking love these guys so much!!!  That was so cool and interesting and amazing.  Wanna see it again?

Illemental

I think I’ve now watched this at least twenty times and I’ll probably go back and watch it again.  Wanna take a guess at how many times I watched Iconic Boyz’ routine?

So that’s it for this episode Gasmi.  What did you think?  Were you as upset as I am by Iconic Boyz move into the final two?  What about the battle between IaMmE and Phunk Phenomenon?  What did you think about the last two performances?  Are you voting?

This next week is going to be a toughie what with another show on Thursday and then the finale on Sunday.  I’m glad to hear that all five past winners will be performing.  Alright, ya got me, I’m happy about a couple of them.  But I am becoming increasingly depressed at the thought of the Boyz winning this season.

Oh well, I’ll be sure to have my barf bucket on hand because I will surely be barfing my brains out if they end up winning the whole shebang.  Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

SWAK, PottyMouth