ABDC: I Love JC!

Ready for the next round, Gasmi?  I sure as shit am so let’s jump right in and see what Katy Perry is serving up to the crews this week.

Hope they’re not lactose intolerant.

We join Mario and the crews on stage and wait a minute!  Mario’s not wearing his faux Members Only jacket?  Did someone steal it?

Is that a glimmer of rage I detect beneath those dimples?

Have you forgotten that it’s the Season of the Superstars?  Well, it’s just lucky for you that Mario is here to remind you.  He tells us this week Katy Perry herself will be delivering the challenges, but we all know she pre-taped messages for the crews just like everyone else.  I wish he’d stop saying that unless the “star” shows up in person.

Enough of my kvetching about minutia!  Let’s get to some results.  The first two safe crews are……

YEAH!  I’m so happy to see these crews safe; they’re my two favs right now!

We’re doing that thing again where we get to see one of the judges tell the crews about the artist, sorry SUPERSTAH of the week.  This time around it’s Lil Mama.

Who changed her outfit but left that FABULOUS makeup the same.  Phew!

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can get down to the challenges.  Phunk Phenomenon is up first.  Before we get to their challenge, they tell us they’re dancing to raise awareness for a disease call Sanfillipo Syndrome which the son of their directors suffers from.

Gasmi, I may be a cold hearted bitch sometimes, but I googled this shit and it brought some tears to my eyes.  The life expectancy for the kids that have this is late teens/early twenties, most of them spiraling into dementia before the disease runs its course.  Can not imagine.

Okay, after a search for some tissues, I’m back.  Phunk Phenomenon has been assigned the song “Waking Up In Vegas” and Katy tells them (via video message) that they have to create a roulette wheel during their performance.  Huh.  That should be interesting.

I love these guys!  I love the way that they did the roulette wheel and I loved their energy on stage.  There are couple parts that felt maybe a little sloppy, but it honestly was more than made up for in their high energy.  I thought it was great.

Doucheface is up first.  He tells them he loved them so much the first week, more the second week and even more now.  He loves the way that they told the story

And hopes that they’ll come over to tell it to him again at bedtime.

Next is Lil Mama, but before we get to what she’s saying, we HAVE to take a look at what she’s wearing.

At least this week she’s left out the crazy makeup.  What’s the deal with her weird necklace/driving glove combo?  I didn’t know puke green and pink were an acceptable color combination.  Yikes!

She tells them hat before she gets to their dancing she wants to say how great it is that they’re working with Hip Hop for Hope; it lets people know that Hip Hop is a very positive state.

After all, the 60^th state HAS to be a positive one, right?

She thinks they’re one of the most powerful groups on the show right now.  And urges them to keep pushing forward.

JC loves that they started with the look of shame; that’s soooo Vegas.  He also loves the fun they had with it and commends them on all the levels they incorporated into the performance.  He does tell them that when they’re going low they need to REALLY go low.

And then illustrates it for those that don’t understand high vs. low

He liked that when they came off stage that Bebo went back on and there were things going on in two places.  He cautions them to not let the acting get too cheesy.

Next up is IaMmE and their song is “Peacock” with the challenge of fanning out on stage just like a peacock.  Some of them have never seen a peacock in person, so they take a field trip for observation.  Chbeeb is totally stressed out about JC’s critique of their overuse of center stage.  He really wants to address them so the judges don’t hold it against them.

Holy crap, I love these guys!  Not only do they do the peacock more than once, they used the stage really well.  JC should have nothing to complain out in that respect this week.  I just really love watching these guys; I love their quality of movement and the way they work together.  Still my favs.

Lil Mama says that this group always ceases to amaze her.

I don’t think that means what she thinks it means

She says they came with a whole new style of dance and she loves the way they work the stage; they bought it.

JC appreciates that they got his critique.

You understand me, you really understand me.

He thinks they understood the imagery of the peacock really well and he also likes that they danced in couples.  The only thing he wants to say is that everything was moving along really nicely but then the ending got a little clunky and slow for him in the setup.

Doucheface thinks their challenge was like so hard; creating a human peacock is really hard.

So is thinking.

One thing he would really like to say about this crew is that their style is authentic; the popping technique that they do is seriously authentic.  As opposed to fake?  I really hate him.

Time to find out more results.  Between Request and 787 Crew one is safe; one is in the bottom two.  The next safe crew is…….

Oh good.  I’m glad to see this; I really liked them last week so I hope they can bring it again this week.  Their song is gonna be “Hot N Cold” and because she sings the word rollercoaster in the song, their challenge is to create a roller-coaster.  Huh.  That could be interesting.

I am really liking this crew right now.  I absolutely LOVE that the injured guy came in his wheel chair with that popping section.  It was a really great way to use him.  I am liking these guys more and more every week.

JC thinks that they took a negative situation and turned it into a positive.  He also loves that Pery was wheelchair dancing and tells them that it was  really good week for them.

Doucheface says that Puerto Rico just bought the heat.  He thinks they’re amazing and tells them to keep on doing a good job.  Lil Mama tells Pery that he just represented for all disabled people in wheelchairs everywhere.

Que the fuck?

Is she for real here?  Does she not realize that Pery isn’t actually disabled but injured? Does she not understand the distinction between the two?  I know, I know, silly question, right?  She thinks they had tremendous formations on the stage and they bring some of the highest energy in the room.  She thinks it was a great performance.

So we’re down to three crews.  Two will be safe; one will battle it out with Request in the bottom two.  The first safe crew is…….

Of course they’re safe

Will it be Instant Noodles or Street Kingdom in the bottom?

Street Kingdom it is.

But before that we’ve got two more crews performances to get through so let’s start with Iconic Boyz.  Their song is “Teenage Dream” and for their challenge they’re gonna need to build a wall and tear it down.

One of the little guys tells us that just because they’re kids doesn’t mean they can’t go beyond the standards of choreography and dancing.  I don’t disagree with what he’s saying but I haven’t seen them go beyond that so I frankly think are incapable.  One of the kids tells us he’s not afraid of Heights but if it’s like 30,000 feet, he’s gonna be afraid.

Or apparently three feet will do it too.  Wuss.

First of all, they didn’t build a wall and tear it down; they started in what I’m guessing was supposed to be their wall and then jumped down from it.  EPIC FAIL.  What’s really ridiculous is that I would bet money right now that they won’t even get called out for doing that shit.  UGH.

Listen, at the end of the day these kids are good for what they are, which is a group of KIDS.  If I saw them at a dance competition, I’d be cheering them on but they’re not up to the level that they need to be for this competition.  Their choreography is decent, but it’s not complicated at all and if it were one of the older crews bringing that they’d get raked over the coals for it.   THAT’S what pisses me off about them.

Doucheface tells them that honestly?  It wasn’t that good.  And I can’t fucking believe that he and I are on the same page about this.

I’m not thrilled to be on your side either, you know.

Whatever, Doucheface.  You know you wish I always agreed with you.  He tells them that they are adorable but it takes more than that to be America’s Best Dance Crew.  Damn Skippy! He thinks their strengths can sometimes be a weakness and that they’re not as mentally clever as the other crews.  They are however, more mentally clever than him.

He also calls them out for their failure on the challenge, specifically calling them out for jumping down from their stupid wall.  I don’t know whether to be happy that someone’s finally critiquing them or running in horror from the fact that Doucheface and I are on the same wavelength.

Lil Mama doesn’t care what nobody says: they’re her babies.

If I were them I’d be requesting she relinquish her parental rights as soon as possible!

First and foremost she thinks that their choreography is some of the cleanest on the show.  DUH.  For reasons already stated.  She also thinks they have swag for days and when she watches them it’s like she’s watching a boy band.  They bring so much personality and for SOMEONE to say that they’re not clever because they’re minds are more free and open because they don’t have to pay rent.

If this is what paying rent does to your brain, I’m glad I brought a house when I did!

JC cracks up at Lil Mama and then tells Doucheface that with all due respect he disagrees with him A LOT.  He says he understands some of the things he’s saying and yes, the wall thing was a little ABC, but when Doucheface says the whole routine was bad, come on…

“Don’t be a crackhead”

LOLOLOLOLOLOL, oh no he di’int!  I obviously agree more with Doucheface than JC, but I love that he called him a crackhead!  Heeheehee! Lil Mama also loves it and is laughing her ass off, so Doucheface has to jump in and defend himself saying that it would be a totally different story if these kids were twenty.  And the kids that are in their twenties work just as hard but aren’t graded on a curve.

Just as an FYI…my continued agreement with Doucheface is one of the signs of the apocalypse.  Start getting your affairs in order.

JC still disagrees with him and he says it’s also a performance; it’s about playing the crowd, not about always having something that’s clean.  He’s leaving out the performance aspect; sometimes it’s about giving the crowd what they want.

Holy Mother Mary, what the fuck is Lil Mama wearing?

She’s like a demented, race car driving ballerina!  She really needs to fire her stylist; this is getting worse and worse.  I’m afraid to see what she’s going to turn up in next!

Time for some Instant Noodles.  They get “Firework” as their song and the challenge of one person making a movement that explodes like a chain reaction through the rest of the crew.  Naturally they’re worried about not creating a big enough explosion. Insert fart joke here.

I remain unimpressed by this crew.  The ballet section was cute I guess, but I don’t really find them to be charming so it probably didn’t go over as cutesy as they intended.  I think at this point in this show we’ve seen so many awesome b-boy crews that they need to kick it up a notch and they’re not doing that.

JC got the chain reaction thing and he likes the ballet section but he points out that there were a lot of pauses.  There were sections that had three guys doing something while the other guys were just hanging out waiting to join back in.  He doesn’t want to see them sitting still for that long.

Doucheface thought the reaction was good and they executed the challenge to the best of their potential.

What he leaves unsaid is that their potential sucks.

He also loved the all ballet part and then has to prove that he know ballet terminology but flubs it when he calls out the one guy for an attitude that was actually a developpe.

Lil Mama agrees with both of them; she thinks they utilized the stage well and likes that it was an athletic performance.  Blah, blah, blah.  I can’t listen to her anymore.

Are you ready for the bottom two to battle it out?  Street Kingdom is performing first and they got “ET” as their song.  Never heard it.  Katy tells them that they need to create a spaceship on stage.  Oh lord.  They couldn’t battle last week so god only knows what their spaceship is going to look like.

Don’t tell me you didn’t think of this as well.

They actually did better here than I thought they were gonna.  I liked the way they handled the spaceship challenge.  For me I think this was their best performance yet.  Don’t get crazy though; I still don’t really like them that much.  Just sayin they actually got better this week.

Let’s move right into Request and see what they’ve been given.  OF COURSE they get “California Girls” as their song.  Couldn’t see that one coming at all.  Their challenge is to ride a wave across the stage.  They’re worried because that’s been done before and they want to make sure they’re bringing something new.

I really hate the end of their routine.

Pandering to the giant Doucheface just lost them points in my book.

Aside from that, I thought it was good.   They’re a good crew; my major problem with them is more about the fact that they’re from New Zealand than with their actual dancing.

So Doucheface talks first and he’s talking about Street Kingdom.  Oh fuck, he’s fucking crying, y’all.  He tells them that this is the best performance he’s ever seen in his entire life.  He needs to get out more.  But he’s not done yet.  He’s such a fan of krump but could never do it because he’s a b-boy, yo, and he could never do stuff like that.

SHUT UP.

Then he says other b-boys are gonna be clowning him because he’s crying and I wish they’d beat him up, but not for crying.

JC says first of all, it was a great battle; they both were great performances.  He tells Request that this is a perfect example of perseverance; they came from a whole other country to come over here and they’re a long way from home and for the second week in a row they’re fighting it out in the bottom.  Um…..thanks for explaining the obvious?

Lil Mama is gonna be talking to both crews and I’m already worried for us.

Tell the truth; you are too.

She tells Street Kingdom that they boosted the energy in the room from a seven to a ten.  She thinks Request crew is definitely holding it down for New Zealand.  She feels like both crews came out and were ready for battle.  She appreciates that.

Now the judges have to deliberate and decide who to send on their way.

You don’t believe Doucheface is a crackhead?  Look!  Here’s a picture!

Once we’re back from break, Mario is ready to tell us the results.  The crew still in the running for the title of America’s Best Dance Crew is……….

So, Request is out.  The judges give them a standing ovation as they take their final bow and then as is always the case, their banner must fall.

And yet again their walk it out is a literal WALKING out.  Oh, one girl does a booty shake, but everyone else just walks the fuck out of there.  Am I the only one that remembers people performing as they were leaving???  I miss that.

So that’s it for another episode, Gasmi.  What did you think of the judges’ decision and America’s vote?  Are you as irritated as I still am about Iconic Boyz?  What about Instant Noodles?  Is anyone else starting to really like 787 Crew?

Thanks again for hanging in there with me through my tardiness of late; I really appreciate it and like I said before, I’m working on getting my ducks in a better row to try and stop all this from happening.  I can’t wait to hear what you guys all think.

SWAK, PottyMouth