I have such a knot in my stomach right now, Gasmi. For weeks I’ve wanted the Boyz gone and week after week tween fandom has won the day. Now I’m sitting here sick to my stomach, knowing they’re probably gonna win it all tonight and I could just puke. If that happens, I am done with this show. Like DUN, done. For real done. I am not joking you. And that makes me sad.
There, there Doucheface. I promise to still make fun of you.
So before we start talking about this finale of America’s Best Dance Crew we have to deal with the issue of the movie award red carpet bullshit being sprinkled in throughout the show. WHAT THE FUCK, MTV? Whose brilliant idea was that one because they should be fired?
It was our idea.
Perfect. There was no need at all for this finale to be 90 minutes. At least half of it (if not more) was spent on this red carpet crap. So here’s the deal: I am not recapping any of that shit. Zero, zilch, nada. Any objections? Too bad!!
So let’s fast forward through and try to find where Mario is hiding……
There you are, Dimples.
Let’s start out with another group number so it will be clear YET AGAIN that the Boyz are waaaaaaaaaay out of their league. I know you were unsure about that, so it’s probably good that they decided to show us again.
A couple of the Boyz even try to throw themselves in the garbage!
Even they know they shouldn’t be there.
Mario tells us that there were over 50 million votes and now I just know that the lollipop guild is going to take the championship. I’m so pissed right now I could cry. ARGH!!!!! Dammit!! He also points out that for the first time in ABDC history the trophy will be headed away from the West Coast. Whatever, Mario. Don’t try to make me feel better because it won’t work.
All the past champions are here tonight to bring us brand new routines. Ready for the first one? We’re starting from five (I’m guessing so that they can save Jabba for last), so Poreotix is up first. After hearing from each of the final two what they liked about Poreotix and revisiting clips from their season, we’re ready to see their performance.
This was better than I remember them being but I still don’t like them. As you know, I never liked them and it wasn’t just their dancing. I think they’re annoying. And I still feel that way. That said, I’d rather watch them dance than the Boyz, so I guess…….hooray?
I’d still rather watch Blueprint Cru, would you?
I’m still annoyed that Poreotix won over these guys.
Back to reality. JC says it’s good to see them and they haven’t lost their sense of humor, that’s for sure. Going from Rebecca Black’s “Friday” to Jason Friday was great. He congratulates them on touring around the world, mentioning that they opened for Bieber.
I mean, he’s no Timberlake, but still.
He thinks with them it’s all about the personality in their performances. To him they captured America with their mix of intricate things and then power moves as well as their humor. Great job.
After we ignore more red carpet time wasting, it’s time for We Are Heroes to perform.
I really liked this routine even though I think there were a couple during their season that were actually stronger than this. Does that make sense? This was a fun, strong number and I think they showed themselves off well.
Lil Mama gets to talk about them, but first we need to talk about her. Again.
Please buy some friends so someone will tell you how ridiculous you look.
Remember back in the day when her craziest accessory was her bedazzled baseball cap? I miss that. Her pathetic attempts at attention garnering are really sad.
Anyway, she tells them that every time they perform it’s with passion and they put their hearts into every performance. They represent. She gives it up for Nichelle and Ally doing back hand springs across the stage in heels. Yeah, I gotta give it up for that.
She also commends them on their charity work, We Are Heroes and Pray and Hope for Japan. She loves it because we are going through so much devastation and we need some positivity in entertainment.
I positively think you’re a loon. Happy?
****Ignore red carpet bullshit here****
Ready for Quest Crew? For those of us that were wondering, it looks like Doucheface is NOT performing with them. In fact, in his intro Mario makes a point to say that the CURRENT members of Quest will be performing.
LOVE THESE GUYS. Who else but this group could represent while wearing purple onesies? I mean, come on now!
I think this one deserves another look, don’t you?
Soooooooo good to see these guys on my TV again. So. As you’ve probably already figured out, Doucheface will be talking to Quest and awwwwwww, look. He’s already all teary eyed about it.
**sniffle**Guys, won’t you please tell me why I can’t dance with you anymore? **sniffle**sob**choke**
Because you’re a Doucheface
Okay, you caught me. Obviously that didn’t happen. But Doucheface is crying and you know he wishes he could be out there with them. Anyone know the scoop on what happened there?
Doucheface tells them not that he’s biased at all, but they’re his favorite dance crew. Period. He says what everyone has to understand is that it’s beyond the title, the trophy and the $100,000. It’s about brotherhood and some of the greatest times of his life were spent with them.
He wants them to know no matter what happens, whatever route they take, always keep that brotherhood because that is why they won America’s Best Dance Crew. And that’s why they produced the routines they did, and that’s why tonight they were so absolutely amazing.
Now, will ONE of you return my calls?
Not. Gonna. Happen.
After a slo-mo of Stevie’s twisting jumping awesomeness, he tells them he loves them, they’re his biggest inspiration in dance when it comes to his life. He loves them, he misses them, and congrats on everything. He can’t wait to see the future for Quest Crew.
Who else thinks that Doucheface needs to man up a little over there?
Oh Mario, shut up.
Oh sure. You can make fun of him but I can’t?
YUP. He’s so sensitive sometimes.
Time for my second least favorite winners to perform. You guessed it, it’s Super Cr3w.
The best part of their routine was when they disappeared. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but I remain as unimpressed as ever with these guys. I mean, they took forever to set up their first stunt. They do have some cool b-boy tricks in there, but nothing that they do blows me away.
Should we take a look at who SHOULD HAVE won season two?
I know you’ve seen this clip in my recaps before, but I fucking love that dance SOOOOOOOOOO much. Fanny Pak was robbed and I continue to be mucho bitter about that.
Lil Mama thinks disappearing ninjas are just so cool and this show is so amazing. She tells them that they inspire so many including herself, and that’s why they are champions. Oh, I thought it’s because moronic Americans voted for them.
Now we’re ready to revisit our first ever champions of this show. Truly they are America’s Best Dance Crew………Gasmi, let’s give it up for JABBAWOCKEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I FUCKING LOVE THESE GUYS SO MUCH I CAN”T STAND IT!!!!!!!!! Sorry to shout at y’all, but come on! No one compares to these guys. Am I right or am I right? These guys have always been and will always be my favorite crew EVER on this show. I can’t even imagine that there’s anyone out there that could top them for me.
I gotta see this again.
I think my panties may have gotten a little moist when they came out on stage. TMI?
Okay, not only did they incorporate some of the eliminated crews from the season (west coast crews only), BUT they have a little Jabba that schools us all and proves that little ones CAN dance as well (sometimes better than) as grown ups.
I’m talking to you
I mean, could it BE any fucking clearer that it would be a HUGE fucking travesty if the Boyz take home the trophy. Shit, even the two crews I like the least dance better than them. I am going to e so pissed off if they win. Have I said that already this evening?
JC gets to talk to them and I am so glad since he’s the only judge I actually enjoy listening to anymore. He says they are so captivating as the little Jabba removes his….wait…..HER mask! Holy Shit! It’s a little girl.
Who runs the world? Mother fucking GIRLS!!!
He says it is so good to have them back on the stage. He gives a shout out to the baby Wockee, telling her she is wonderful.
I have not seen JC this happy in a long time.
He says that since they won the first season they have inspired dancers everywhere to pursue their dreams. They have been wonderful ambassadors for ABDC and are true professionals. Their precision, their artistry, they are superstars. When a JabbaWockee is onstage the body language is like no one else.
Before we go to a break, Mario tells everyone that the JabbaWockeeZ have a hit show in Vegas. I wish I could go see that; I bet it’s fucking amazing.
Time for one last performance from each of the top two. You know, just so we can see YET AGAIN how much better IaMmE is than the Boyz. Just to further piss me off when the inevitable happens.
Mario turns it over to the judges for some final thoughts.
Can y’all talk to Quest Crew for me? Anyone? Pleeeeeease????
It’s the troof, I love the yoof.
I might have to quit after this season.
Of course they all talk about how great both crews are, blah, blah, blah. We all know the truth.
Moment of truth time. I’m going to throw up. Ughican’tfuckingstandthis………….And the winner of season six and America’s Best Dance Crew (for the sixth time) is……………..
Woofuckinghoo! BOOYAH! YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so fucking happy right now. I’m not even going to lie to you Gasmi, I am fucking crying at this very moment like a little bitch. That’s right. Thank you adult Americans for taking to the phones this week!
The crowd goes wild, I go wild, IaMmE cry and hug each other.
While some dude goes in for a kiss on Moon’s dad.
The kids hug IaMmE and then hang around awkwardly to the side while Randy comes out with the trophy.
Yo Dawgs, thank god you won. I think America was getting ready to lynch me.
Mario tells the Boyz they should hold their heads high; they made everyone very proud. He asks Nick if he has any last words.
He thinks they had a lot of good competition and is glad they made it this far. There’s more to come from them and they are proud of themselves.
Mario asks Phillip what it feels like to win.
SO Fucking great.
And now it’s time for IaMmE’s victory performance.
And there you have it, Gasmi. IaMmE takes the championship! I honestly did not think it was going to go that way and spent the entire show feeling like I was going to throw up. I am so happy that these guys won I cannot even say it enough.
What did you think, Gasmi? Were you as surprised as I was by the outcome? What about the previous champs? Did Jabba blow your mind? What IS the deal between Doucheface and Quest?
I hope you will join me over at the So You Think You Can Dance recaps for the rest of the summer, but if not, I’ll surely see you back here next season. Until then…..