Last night’s episode of Top Chef Masters was quite interesting, because it was alllll about athletes and sporting events! Normally that’s a subject that would cause immediate shutdown of my entire brain, because I can’t really think of something I’m less interested in than sports. Oh, wait, I lied! There IS something I’m less interested in: Pat Robertson’s opinion on various and sundry penises I might or might not be touching.
Anyhow, the QuickFire was alllll about legs. I’m more of an ass man, myself, but this was still fun, especially to hear Bok Choi paraphrasing ZZ Top. Naturally they meant crab legs, chicken legs, frog legs, sea legs and bootlegs, but weirdly enough there were no hog legs. The Guest Judges for this challenge are Olympic swimmer Jason Lezak (who seems to have kind of an attitude and apparently considers himself to be an awesome culinary judge cuz he can swim real fast) and one really pissy-ass FugTaser (who acts like a guy that’s had several bad Craig’s List hookups in a row) and things really do not go very well for any of them.
For the Elimination Challenge, it’s a beautiful day and there ain’t a fucking geoduck, sea cucumber or squid in sight, because this is the Tailgating Challenge! Yay for being back to real food again! This time around there are some serious dick moves being made by La Marquessa against Reverend Moonie (I will expound upon them at length) and Tobama becomes Suddenly Sensitive™ where his Italian heritage is concerned (I’m telling you, those Jersey Shore shitheads were awesome because they served to remind us that ALL stereotypes begin with common factors and, you know, a kernel of TRUTH) and if a Chinese guy like Sussudio can’t make a mild Mafia joke, then I suspect Tobama needs to go ahead and get that De-Popsiclization procedure done to have the giant wooden stick removed from his butt, he’s becoming a real drag and I don’t like him very much any more.
OH, and ChicleTeeth was a lesbian cheerleader!!!! Wonders never cease!!!! I’m working on the recap now, and you guys are going to get a break from me coming up here shortly! Check back in a few days for the deets, and thanks for all the comments!
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The Challenge: Virginia Apple
It’s getting late in the season now, and shit is getting intense. Apparently, all of the Fresh Meat girls have become Mean Girls with Laurel as the target because she’s cocky. Maybe that’s because she just keeps kicking their asses blindfolded with one arm tied behind her back and Kenny as her partner. I don’t know. It’s all very middle school. She and Ev seem to have bonded over their She-Man tendencies though, so good for them.
This week’s challenge involved a crazy awesome slide that launched the challengers high in the air and into the water. Then they had to memorize a Tetris-looking puzzle, swim to shore, and put together a giant version of it. For only the second time this season, Kenny and Laurel did not win. Landon and Carley were once again the only team who could beat them. For a minute I was really concerned that Ass and the Evster will not be battling it out in Exile, but Landon proved his awesomeness and helped make it happen.
I won’t mention who won the Exile until the full recap, but I will tell you that it was AWESOME watching Ass huffing and puffing while Mandi screamed at him. Seriously, it was just. So. Sweet. Her best line had to be “If Luke can do it, you can do it!”