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Mini caps of Celeb Apprentice and Big Love
I can usually handle a couple of Apprentice episodes a year. Any more than that and I am reaching for a cheap ass Bic pen to poke my eyes out. This Celeb season, though? Can’t get enough. When the credits rolled last night and the scenes from next week began, I was cackling a really low evil giggle and whooping my fist in the air like it was the 80′s and Arsenio still had a career. GREAT episode, and it looks like it’s just gonna keep getting better.
We started with Gary Busey trying to ask Lil’ Jon nicely to not hurt his feelings. Does anyone else want to pat Gary on the head and whisper “now, now, my sweet. You’re the most popular girl in school”?? I am falling in love with him. Lil’ Jon was having none of it, though, and the argument turned into a “you ah!” match in seconds. Then Meatloaf got in on the action. Gary wanted apologies from everyone, but those guys pretty much hate his crazy ass. Meat is a pussy fighter, and instead of using logic and sense, he argues by saying “shhh. You’re pointing at me.” Go cry about it you wuss!
On the girls’ team, NeNe opened by telling Starr straight up that she’s a bossy bitch and she shouldn’t try to be leader on challenges that she’s not leader on. To her credit, Starr took this in and said that she would work on that. NeNe laughed “no you won’t. You’re Starr Jones.” LOL! And of course, she was right. NeNe may not be the most talented or intelligent of the cast, but if she’s well versed in anything, it’s crazy bitches. She is one, after all, and she knows it. I am going to love watching her. Especially next week when she cries. You done me WRONG, Starr!
The challenge was to showcase campers, and there were insanely over inflated egos, a super sweet moment with Marlee giving Busey his hearing back (did I squeeze out some salties? Kinda), and a great fight with Country almost smacking down Jose Canseco for calling his fans hicks. “Don’t challenge the intelligence of my audience!” Yeah, cuz challenges are also called tests, and hicks really hate tests. And if your fans are so smart then how come your brilliant theme song rhymed “world” with “boys and girls”? That guy came up with a hundred rhymes in five minutes, and they were all well below fifth grade reading levels. Speaking of bad grammar, did Starr really say “I am one of the loyalist people my friends know”?? YES. Yes she did. I love that Starr thinks her shit don’t stink cuz she was a lawyer. Bitch, please. Learn to talk.
There was so much goodness here. NeNe saying that she’s never camped because “I’m black. I never even slept outside!”, Old Bitch Dionne walking around the camper store staring at shit and then getting mad because she didn’t have a clue about what was going on around her, Busey explaining his positive anagrams… too…much…to cover. You know you’ve got a brilliant season on your hands when LaToya is the most valuable player of the night! Can’t wait to see what DearCrabby has to say about this episode. To check out her hilarious recap of last week’s epi, click here.
I know that a lot of us watch these HBO shows long after they air. If you are one of those people, you should not read any further and avoid the comments section! I will be discussing the end of the series, and there were some doozies here.
Are you gone? OK good. Let’s go. The final season of Big Love has really taken us for a ride. The past couple of years have been uneven at best, but I have enjoyed every minute of this show. The acting is spot on, the dialogue is pretty hilarious, and the plot twists (for better and worse) have never failed to surprise me. Last night was no different.
The season opened with Bill and The Wives dealing with coming out of the closet to the voters of Utah the second Bill was elected to be senator. It’s been nothing but shit being piled on the characters ever since, and it’s been a little painful to watch. I love these people, and watching them fall apart has hurt! In the end, though, they always prevail, right? Always! I clung to the hope that somehow this would all be resolved in a way that would leave the family safe. Even if we couldn’t see them every week, we would be confident knowing that they were ok out there in someone’s imagination.
Not this time. Bill got himself in such a pickle that there was no way to resolve it. About to be arrested for statutory rape, taken away from the family, and kicked out of the senate? How in the hell are they gonna tie this up in an hour? Well, they took the easy way out and killed his ass.
The wives had all come to a point where continuing on the way things were wasn’t going to happen. Barb went all polygafeminist and wanted priesthood rights, which wasn’t gonna please Bill. That marriage? Done. Margene was ready to take a volunteer cruise to help the impoverished, she was so desperate to get the hell out of there. That marriage? Done. Nikki is Nikki, so that marriage would have been done if Bill had been stuck with just her. One of the things that kept us coming back for more was watching these relationships make it against all odds. If that wasn’t going to happen, then what was the point in investing the time?
Not only did Bill get killed, he was killed by the husband of Margene’s friend who went coocoo for Gogi, Margie’s pyramid scheme dream. So Margie was responsible for the police going after Bill (because she lied about her age when she got married) and also brought about Bill’s demise by leading her friend down a Gogi path that led to divorce. Margie couldn’t catch a break this season. The only one who really came out on top was Bill’s mom, who finally got her way when her husband finally showed some love and put her out of her misery. The most positive moment of the episode was assisted suicide. Um…thanks?
In the end, the wives figured out a way to live their lives the way they wanted and go on without Bill. It was kind of a cop out ending, but it was one that will leave me thinking for a long time to come. And if it makes you feel any better, at least Barb got a Mini Cooper out of the deal. I’ll miss you Big Love!