About Last Night: Desperate Housewives

Well, let’s start with the disappointing and crappy news: The Gabby-Doll plot is STILL going on.

Yes, Marc Cherry & Co. have managed to drag out a story about a freaking doll for 5 damn episodes. Apparently, Gabby likes to carry the doll around with her wherever she goes now. Which is a new development. Insane and crappy, yes, but new all the same. She even invites McCluskey to go to tea with her at Miss Freaking Charlotte’s. McCluskey rightfully tells Carlos that Gabby is batshit crazy. And then something bad happens to Gabby and Carlos, but since Gabby loves a damn doll, and all Carlos does this season is scold Gabby, we really don’t care.

Susan proves that even kidney failure can’t stop her incessant need for everyone to love her, as she tries to break the ice with a crusty man who’s also on dialysis. I’d say there’s more to this, but . . . there’s not. And Renee designs the room of Bob and Lee’s new daughter. I’d say there’s more to that plot too, but . . . there’s not.

Bree’s happy little life with Keith is interrupted by a girl named Amber, who used to date Keith 7 years ago. You know, before she gave birth to his son, without telling him. So, Keith has a bi-racial baby that he’s never even met. For some reason, Bree tells Amber it’d be a good idea for Bree to tell Keith about it, but when she’s faced with the fact that Keith has resigned himself to a life without kids, will she be able to break the news? Oh my god, can you stand the suspense?!

Lynette’s mom, Stella, drops by unannounced, cuz that’s how she do. What’s Stella been up to? Oh, not much . . . except getting engaged to a misogynist racist. Played by Larry Hagman, natch.

Paul tells Beth that he wants to get away from it all — so he can, you know, bash her head in with a lead pipe or something — so he tells her they’re going to a cabin in the woods to relax. Of course, since Paul knows that his wife is the daughter of Felicia Tilman, it won’t be easy for Beth to relax as Paul tries to kill her. But a shocking — well, to be fair, not shocking at all — event may change Paul’s weekend plans. Forever . . . And junk.