About Last Night: Friday

Mini caps of Million Dollar Listing, American Idol, and Grey’s Anatomy

Million Dollar Listing: SwellMel

In last night’s season premiere episode, Josh and Madison returned without our favorite helmet-haired Chad. Chad apparently got too close to a sparkler on the set of a Pepsi commercial and went up in Jheri Curl flames. Chad has been replaced by Boston Josh.

Boston Josh – “Texting you a picture of my third nipple because that’s how we Boston boys roll, do ya feel me Wahlberg?” Dog – “Yo quiero Mark Wahlberg’s nipple!”

Madison decides to live out his ‘Blank Check’ movie dream by finding the ultimate party pad. Meanwhile Josh faces having to sell a McMansion while Boston Josh deals with an angry client who is pissed his home isn’t selling quick enough.

Check back for the complete recap.

American Idol: LadyStardust

This week auditions are in Los Angeles. We also didn’t get our requisite sob story! Thank God. I usually fast forward through those anyways. Get a damn job. Don’t rely on a reality show to feed your children. Sorry, that just bugs me.

So, LA. The city of nutjobs. It’s REALLY hard to write a mini recap of a show of singing auditions, so I’m just going to give you all a quick rundown of the highlights. Then make sure you come back for the full recap later this weekend.

Los Angeles brought us:

-A Lady who thinks Jesus brought American Idol to Los Angeles just for her. Because LA is such a tiny city and all, I’m sure they had no other reason to be there. She’s a terrible singer.

-A creepy J-Lo fan. He makes it.

-An idiot who dropped out of college to be on American Idol. He’s there with his parents who keep telling us how proud they are that he’s still in school. Oops. He’s terrible.

-A weird-ass girl who has possibly the strangest hairstyle ever. She even brought her own fake microphon and chases Randy around the room. She’s predictably terrible.

-A fairly average singer who only gets into Hollywood because she’s gorgeous and a belly dancer.

-A freaking WEIRDO who is some sort of CFO of a company that he made up that put out a compilation CD. Yeah, I don’t know either. Oh, and he also does hip-hop (and is also fat and white). Anyone want to guess as to how he does?

-A guy who tries to do “Pants on the Ground”. Um yeah. It’s not funny anymore.

-Another weirdo who is dressed like a pimp pirate and says he’s from a plantation in Arkansas. The judges are speechless on that one, as am I.

Grey’s Anatomy: NinjaStarr

“I love it when they call me Big Poppa,” is Mark’s response to learning he’s going to be a Baby Daddy. Actually, he says “holy crap,” but I’m good at reading between the lines. Arizona isn’t going to bail on Callie again; she’s “in.” However, she’s pissed off that Callie slept with someone else. So how long should one wait before playing musical beds after being dumped at the airport boarding gate by the ex you were going to move across the world with? Five tequilas, a foot rub and a lap dance later sound good enough to me.

Derek begins his Alzheimer’s Dementia clinical trial with Karev by his side. Karev rubs Mer’s out-of-joint nose in it until he realizes that her “twisted” personality is better suited for the job. One conversation with Mer about her mom’s herpes and Karev knew he was way out of his league.

Bailey becomes a Twitter star. Cristina develops a bed side manner. Avery is outsmarted, again. Owen spends the day at the dentist although I would rather he spend the day at the salon getting a rinse so he looks a little less like Ronald McDonald.

Callie freaks out because she doesn’t want to mess up the baby like she has everything else in her life. What an afterthought. She’s already plagued her offspring with the infamous whoring gene thanks to her choice of sperm donor. Forget Mommy & Me classes; she’d better sign that lil’ slut up for Sex Addicts Anonymous. Early intervention can make a difference.

Check back in a few days and I’ll give you a full recap.