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Thursday, February 17, 2011
11:00 am
81 Comments
Mini caps of American Idol and Top Chef
American Idol: J-Mo
Hey everybody! You know, I’ve only been catching bits and pieces of American Idol here and there, so I was not prepared to be ASSAULTED by TWO HOURS of it tonight! Remember when this show lasted only an hour and they showed stuff that was actually interesting? I mean, BESIDES bitchy boobsy burnt-orange butterfaced chicks who honestly believe the audio-diarrhea spewing from their puffy-lipped pie-holes DOESN’T smell like the inside of Charlie Sheen’s next colonoscopy?? Well, sorry, but this show is desperate to remain relevant, so I had to make sure and turn over every half hour or I was afraid I’d develop couchsores.
Here’s how I knew it was gonna be a bitch: they’re DOWN to 168 people. WTF?!?! Are they so soft-hearted that they’re only letting go of like, five people per day? At this rate we’ll find out the new American Idol just before the world ends next year. In any case, if I HAD to watch two hours of bad singing, at least it was the GROUP episode, where people get thrown together and re-enact the rise and fall of The Supremes/Osmonds/New Edition/En Vogue/N*SYNC/Destiny’s Child/Danity Kane within a single day.
The producers threw a big ol’ fucky-wrench into the proceedings because they forced the groups to include people from both Day 1 AND Day 2 (this was to even the playing field since the Day 1 people had all of Day 2 to form groups and rehearse). Smart move, Idull, and good for bringing on drama. Star Boobs (who wisely insulted EVERY SINGLE OTHER contestant while on stage during the previous day by saying they all suck rhino dicks) shockingly finds herself totally outcast, and can only find one other girl stupid enough to agree to sing with her. She looks like she’s spent a lot of time going in circles on medium in the microwave.
Hick Country Douche is an asshole to her (and various other people) and then is kinda surprised when people act like an asshole to him. He winds up joining a group calling themselves the “Wops”, which is not a nice word for Italian people. Wait, what? OH, my BF told me he thinks they’re calling themselves the “Guaps”, which sounds even less appropriate, since “guapo” is Spanish for “handsome” and Country Douche is way fug. They REALLY should rename themselves the “Mas Feos”, because they wind up kicking the fat little 15-year-old boy out of their group in favor of CuntDouche. For realz, yo, they are assholes.
We also have evidence that Idull is obviously planning to pimp out the huge gaggle of “talented” 15-year-olds for the win because they are desperate to come up with a Dustin Feeble of their own. Case in point, a quintet of tweens calling themselves “The Minors” (I call them “Jailbait”) who each brought their own fat chainsmoking stage moms with them. They wind up having a sing-off of a Queen song “Somebody To Love” against a group of older people (which includes AssBurger Fauxhawk Guy) and the judges all act like Jesus Himself just gave them each a holy beejay. I will say this in greater detail later: FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE. Only sex.
People complain about how hard it is to rehearse when you have 38 other groups practicing within ten feet of your group. Wah. People rehearse in the bathroom (I guess some people just feel like SANGIN’ after a particularly satisfying dump) and then they complain about having to pull an “all-nighter”. Oh, boo hoo, try recapping sometime you whiny little assmonkeys! It’s fun to drive to work staring directly into the sun when you’ve had 37 minutes of sleep. It’s a really good thing that I no longer have to fill prescriptions at work.
OH, and THEN we get stuck with the awful story of a modern-day ABBA… remember that couple where the boyfriend already got sent home? Well, his remaining girlfriend joins up with a pair of EX-lovers (ok, so it’s really not ABBA, more like BAA, which is really apropos considering how bovine they sound) and the pathetic Dude-Ex is nothing but a drag from the start, he can’t dance, he’s embarrassed, and just sucks the life out of them. They spent about 75 minutes of the 2 hours of the show on this group, and the payoff is zilch. HATE.
Ashley the Cry-ey-Faced Freakjob starts losing her shit and suddenly wants to go home, leaving her group (“The Hits”, or as I redubbed them, “The sHit”) standing around wishing they had some rope so they could tie her up and leave her in a men’s room stall somewhere (but they can’t because her boyfriend is there with her, although oddly enough, he’s not doing much to convince her to stay in the competition). Eventually *gasp* she returns and then they perform… kinda.
You might think that there is some justice coming to some of these groups who have been so hateful… like “The Gropes” who couldn’t fathom being seen onstage with a fat kid, and those little asshats in “Jailbait” whose flabby-armed Stage Mom Gang came straight outta “Toddlers’N'Tiaras” but sadly, Idull once again proves that in America, it doesn’t matter how much of a shitdick you are, if you’re pretty, you totally get away with it. Oh yeah, and Steven Tyler fucks up and tells the wrong person they are safe when actually they are dunzo! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Check back in a couple days for the full recap.
Top Chef: J-Mo
OMG, so my ass is already sore from sitting, and now we have a new Top Chef episode to talk about, and this one is a fucking rollercoaster ride from HELL. I seriously feel sick. It starts off on a great note, because we get Scar standing by an empty table, and suddenly Telly Monster, Elmo and the Cookie Monster pop up and scare the shit out of ChesTiffany and OranJello! BWAHAHAHAHA, I will have a screen shot of that shit for SHO!
The QuickFire Challenge itself is pretty simple (like MANY of these later challenges have been, I wonder if the Magical Elves are running a little low on new ideas for interesting things for these people to do?) in that they just have to make the best cookie they can in 45 minutes. This might be my favorite QuickFire ever, because they really have the Muppets “tasting” the cookies… or in Cookie Monster’s case, going OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM and just breaking them up into pieces and flinging them everywhere (particularly at OranJello). I’m guessing the puppeteers must have actually TASTED these things at some point since none of the Muppets have working throats or taste buds, just an adult hand shoved up their ass. Oh, and BlazeHawk uses liquid nitrogen for the 473rd time in a row.
After all that lighthearted frivolity, the Elimination Challenge winds up being a helluva lot more complicated (and way less fun) as they head out to a closed Super Target at midnight, where they are turned loose in the empty store to gather everything they need to make a dish for a hundred Target employees. This includes all knives, utensils, hotplates, linens, ingredients, and in Dung v2.0′s case, steam irons. After scoring her third win last week, Beaker completely screws herself from the get-go by worrying too much about the thread-count of her tablecloths than finding the right food to cook.
Also, after all the accusations of OranJello being Mr. Master Saboteur, he winds up obtaining advice from Sexist Pigshit (!!!) and it makes for a very tense and uncomfortable rest of the show. LowFatSo, on the other hand, pulls off making eggs for a hundred people (I’m sure they were FRENCH eggs, because you don’t serve those kind of eggs at an American Target store) and Dung v2.0′s steam irons help him make a fucking tasty-ass looking grilled cheese sammich (one of my FAVORITE things to eat… besides Kraft Mac’N'Cheese and menz, that is) that is crispy with just the right amount of starch.
The ending, though, I am insanely furious over, I am still reeling from the blow, and to quote one of those dumbass Brittenum Twins from a few years back on American Idol, “My spirit has been broken…” Only when *I* say it, I don’t have a bench warrant out to arrest me for identity theft and stolen vehicles. Let me just say, this week has been tough enough with having to read FahBeeOh’s terrible recap (which he claims is the best served online, HA) and hearing Sexist Pigshit become an even bigger fuckstain than I ever thought possible, the outcome of tonight’s show was just the piece-de-shitsistance on the in the toilet bowl of my day. I think most of you will agree with me… so please check back in a few MORE days for the full recap… and please, PLEASE do not post spoilers of winners or losers on the recap side, the forums are wide-open and ready for anyone who wants to vent. I may head over there myself in a few…
81 Comments
Top Chef was a total heartbreaker for me too. The loser really grew on me. I feel your pain.
Oh, J-Mo. I can’t imagine having to recap those three hours without heavy chemical assistance. You have my condolences.
The scene in my living room was much like that Edvard Munch painting, “The Scream” when Padma announced the packing of the knives.
lol @ Edvard Munch painting.
I too am still reeling about the loss of said contestant last night – I had developed quite a strange unexplainable fascination with him/her. I was thinking of performing my obligatory “I will NOT watch the rest of the season” rant I do when my favorites get eliminated, but realized it is always futile so I saved my family the dramatic performance.
I swear I almost cried after the elimination on TC
When the contestant in question – after asking for Isabella’s advise! – added both bacon AND salt to the soup I began getting dire feelings.
I can’t decide if Isabella’s response upon hearing who was leaving was flattering or insulting. On the one hand, his disbelief of who was going was flattering to the one leaving, but his desbelief clearly stated that he didn’t think those staying deserved to stay. The man clearly needs to learn some tact.
And honestly – Blais can’t even make cookies without the liquid nitrogen? Too bad they don’t sell that at Target, then he might have won. Maybe they don’t carry it because Target is intimated by him.
Isabella’s a fuckwad!
For Goodness sakes..no hints either…sigh..
As sad as that episode was, at least some of the commercials put a smile on my face (featuring a certain former contestant who loves bacon).
Ooooh, J-Mo I also have a love for Kraft Mac n’ Cheese. Imagine my horror when I learned Crazy Canada not only calls it “KD” instead of mac n’ cheese, but some put KETCHUP on it! Barfffff!
I think last nights elimination proved they truly are doing this based on the food, not the ratings a chef provided. I loved that Chef in their season, and was hoping they would go all the way.
Antonia’s got balls the size of guinea pigs for cooking eggs in an environment with questionable cooking temperatures.
As the aunt of someone who loves Elmo, my icy black heart melted when Elmo said “Elmo loves you” to Richard’s daughter (too bad it didn’t melt the liquid nitrogen he is compelled to use every challenge).
J-Mo, I laughed (love Elmo, Cookie Monster and Telly and the sweet way Elmo was touching Padma’s arm – I know, I am ridonk!) and I cried ’cause it hurt. Who knew Isabella could grow on me? KIDDING!!!!
@Philo … I LOVED those commercials!! I cracked up at both of them. I WAS surprised to see Padma included in them as well Eli. I thought KG was not a big fan of hers. ??
I hafta say though … I HATED the second half of TC last night. Not only did one of my faves go home … it was a 45 minute non-stop ad for Target.
I was annoyed with the Dishwashing soap ads during TCJD, then the “Toyota Sienna” plug from Blais, then ugggh … the Buittoni build up from last week but this week’s Target “plug” was just too much!
CAPTCHA Code: Eww3 How appropos!
Last nite’s elimination on TC crushed me. I didn’t really want to see anyone of them go, but out of the three, I was hoping it would be the one standing all the way to the right when facing the judges.
I really hated that they had Cookie Monster and Crew as judges. Call me a cold-hearted bitch, but I thought that was totally ridiculous and I don’t think I could have handled that QF as gracefully as the rest of them did. It all just seemed so ludicrous to have PUPPETS judging the food!
I wouldn’t be too pleased to have any part of my fate in a competition decided by Elmo, either, but it’s really no worse than any of the other judging stunts Top Chef has pulled. I remember a bunch of random people supposed to be farmers or ranchers dressed in BRAND-SPANKING NEW cowboy clothes bloviating about the food during some organic farm ingredients-based challenge. And then there was the time those rock band doods judged the deconstructed or whatthefuckever Thanksgiving food “because they had to be out on the road rocking Wichita while the rest of the country got to stay home and have Thanksgiving.”
“COW!!! CHIPS!!!” — by far the funniest thing I’ve ever heard Elmo say, and it actually made me laugh.
As for the ep, I was bothered by who left, but didn’t feel she/he was sent packing unjustly. I was thinking “For God’s sake, grab some instant mashed and throw it in there to tone down the salt!!!”
As for the winner of the EC, I felt it should have been someone else in the row, but wasn’t horribly bothered that the person who won did (since their food seemed to fit the constraints/innovation of the challenge a bit better). BIG day for that person.
Also, who in Zeus’s BUTTHOLE (thanks, Nick Cage) would listen to Sleazabella? He wouldn’t even tell the eliminatee that the food was too salty, only “a little bit”.
This is why I didn’t mind TurkeyHair as much. He’s a douche, but you could tell it was more of an “innocent douchery” — he didn’t seem to know any better. That isn’t a valid excuse, but generally he didn’t seem to have any malice behind the way he acted.
Sleazabella KNOWS better, but CHOOSES to be the way he is, even willing to screw over his “friend” in the process. That’s about 10 million times WORSE than TurkeyHair.
All Mike Isabella said was “It needs something.” I wouldn’t exactly blame him.
Did you know that Padma has a line of DRIED SPICE MIXES??? Apparently, neither did she since she was berating someone for using a dried spice blend. In fact, I am surprised they have not incorporated this into a quickfire yet.
I hate to say that I was actually near tears with this elimination. Two of my picks for finalists were in the bottom 3, which was disheartening enough, but the outcome was just depressing. Not that he/she didn’t deserve to go home this week, but it was still just sad. I had to go rewatch the quickfire to hear Elmo say “Hello, Riley, Elmo loves you!” and “COW CHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!” to make myself smile. Also, Cookie Monster telling Richard, “Not quite cookie,” for whatever reason had me in hysterics.
I agree absolutely @ Jessi! I was thinking, “Oh no! Oh no! This isn’t gonna end good a’tall!” Your 2 were probably my 2, too. Have to say I loved the Muppets. Who better to judge a cookie challenge? And, who in hell makes cookies with liguid nitrogen?! Can you imagine him mixing up baby food?! Poor kid probably has mashed pea sicles all the time.
Messystation, I give Padma a pass on that one. There are different levels of ingredients. I know the product that Tiff was using because I have it in my own kitchen. It isn’t exactly top drawer, if you know what I mean. Please compare:
Padma’s: http://kitchen-dining.hsn.com/easy-exotic-by-padma-lakshmi-spice-blend-collection-5-flavors_p-5776940_xp.aspx
Tiff’s: http://thickrings.com/Tony-Chacheres-Original-Creole-Seasoning-6oz./M/B0006LXY38.htm?traffic_src=GB&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=GB&id=uk
Weird, my comment didn’t show up on the main page and it isn’t included in the comment count. I wonder if because of the links it is flagged as spam? Does anyone see my other comment above this one?
@snootchy: Comments with links have to be approved by Flipit to cut down on spam. Once it’s approved, it will appear in the order it was posted.
Aww… that means it will probably be missed. *sniffle*
That’s ok, it wasn’t the gospel of jeebesus, it was just two links to some spices. I think the world will survive. 
Rest assured, your comment showed up. The price on Padma’s (especially given the fancy packaging) does not exactly suggest “high quality”, but who knows? I have never used either. I’m really just looking for more reasons to hate on Padma, who always has something snooty to say, but let’s face it, should be more aware of the fact that she looks sexy putting food in her mouth rather than any culinary expertise. Can I bitch about the “fresh coconut” bitchery? Cause that was super obnoxious.
messystation: Yeah, but she said it to Pigshit which somehow made it OK for me … haha
It was rather bitchy of her, but since he started it by calling it fresh coconut milk – I thought it was funny of her to point out his error.
Noooo!!!! Just finished watching TC and I shed a tear. Boo! And screw you Pigshit. You better be next!!
Looking forward to your TC recap, J-Mo. As always.
I can’t believe the name of those spices, “Easy Exotic by Padma Lakshmi”. She certainly is exotic, but is she easy?
I’ve wanted to post this for some time but I didn’t want to hijack a top chef thread with juicy gossip. But since we are talking about Padma anyway, and it isn’t a J-Mo full re-cap, I rekoned it would be OK.
http://www.chow.com/food-news/72490/padma-the-sympathetic-survivor/
PS Snooty, I also have a can of it in my pantry. I am an Old Bay girl for my seafood but I love Tony’s on my ribs.
TC, Robin
That wasn’t what I have wanted to post for a long time. This is;
http://www.slate.com/id/2283209/
Sorry about that.
TC, Robin
Robin, the article refers to how well-funded Adam Dell’s custody suit is. That is not surprising. He is a brilliant corporate attorney who teaches part-time at both Columbia Business School and at the University of Texas School of Law. He has had a golden touch with the venture capital firm he founded, and his brother is Michael Dell who founded Dell Computer. Padma is going to have a huge fight on her hands because not does he have unlimited wealth to fight her, but he evidently is very committed to the fight for custody.
Follow directions much?
I am sorry folks and you can get pissed off at me if you want to. It won’t be the first time. But when people post spoiler’s it makes me mad.
Most of us watch our fav shows when they air. The operative word being “air”. Just because the show is over where you live doesn’t mean that other folks have seen it. Please don’t post the results 4 hrs before the rest of the country is able to see it.. To make it worse, we have a scroll on the front page that is hard to miss, so it isn’t like someone has clicked on a link about the particular show and was unlucky enough to come across a spoiler.
Also, I have a friend in a different country. It sometimes takes a week for him to see a show. I reccomended this site to him before he left because he is a reality show freak too and I figured it would be a little slice of home. ( we didn’t know then that he wouldn’t be able to see some shows until sometime later) Anyway, I am sure he isn’t the only reader in the same position.
Also, If just plain ignorance is the reason ( I am ignorant about some things too) then I would assume that the words “Don’t Post Spoiler’s would be an indicator of what not to do.
Lastly, If impulse control is not your thing and you just need to post a spoiler.DO THIS
SPOILER!!!!!
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@ 2muchbravo: Cracking up over mashed peasicles! Remember when he said he takes over 20 min to make his kid a pb&j? Wonder how long it takes to get the liquid nitrogen prepared.
Fan-Ann,
I am curious about her new “do”. I took away from the article a sense that he has more money than Dell and Padma wants to settle down with him instead of Dell for obviou$ rea$on$.
If Padma keep’s Dell’s kid from him, then he should utilise every resource he has to fight her. What grounds does she have? He hasn’t been allowed any substantial time with the child for her to even suggest he is an unfit parent..I have always thought that the chick was a bit off..and not the good stoned off..just off..
TC, Robin
I just looked up the results online (Canada’s a few weeks behind on Top Chef). I’m upset. I think I might have to postpone reading your full recap until I’ve had a chance to mourn, which makes me even sadder because I look forward to reading your recap every week
The Top Chef judges have joined Nigel Lithgoe at the top of my hate list…*sigh*
I am SUPER pissed about the eliminated contestant! It made no sense whatsoever. I, too, vowed not to watch the end of the season after that epic fail, but I probably will, just so I can come vent with you guys about how incredibly STUPID the whole thing was!!
Also, I love Scotty on American Idol. Seriously. Love. Him.
Robin, she doesn’t seem to have justifiable grounds except she has another rich guy now, the 70 year old. She has been very harsh about trying to block Dell from any contact with their daughter. He is quite wealthy and seems willing to go through an unpleasant trial in order to be part of his child’s life. Padma denied his paternity until DNA proved he was the father. The way I read it is that this is not a man who wants anything other than to see his child, and I don’t see how he can lose. He might not get the custody he seeks, but he certainly should have a normal amount of visitation. Part of his suit says that Padma is not providing a stable environment for the child. I imagine we’ll be hearing more details about what that means.
Yeah, it’s amazing how when only one side of a story gets told in an unseemly way, like filing a custody lawsuit in a state Supreme Court, with public records, instead of family court, where records are private, and certain details like your inability to file the proper documents that would compel the mother of your child to list your name on the child’s birth certificate gets construed as the mother “omitting your name” you come out looking like the poor, downtrodden father and Padma becomes the heartless bitch.
If he truly wanted shared custody of the child, he wouldn’t have launched the smear campaign that he did. This is as much about punishing Padma as it is about visiting his daughter.
@Vallegirl agreed. In most states, for a man’s name to appear on the birthcertificate, he has to be present to sign it. This deters women from just naming any Ton, Dick, and Harry as the father. So, where was Mr. Dell during his daughter’s birth.
True, I did read that Padma was unsure of the paternity as she had been with 2 guys around the time of conception, but a DNA test can be performed during the pregnancy stage or soon thereafter. He didn’t seem interested, as if he was hoping it wasn’t his. Now, he wants to agressively pursue custody, even taking the naming of the child “Krishna” as a personal affront. I’m sure he would have been kinder had Padma named the baby Lucy.
On a lighter note..I loved the muppets on TC! They were so cute and Elmo can do no wrong. His voice alone just warms me to the core. I imagine they were fed lines by the judges or the puppeteers sampled the goodies themselves. The critiques were spot on and even the affably morose, Telly, was able to identify a spice that was cinnamon’s distant cousin. But as Elmo said, “TMI”, we’re here to be cute not smart!
Wow..40+ comments on an ‘About Last Night’ comment thread? Just a testament to how loved you are J-mo!
He had the DNA test performed, but in NY state that’s not enough to be on the birth certificate. There’s a separate form that needs to be filed for the father’s name to be listed and the child to bear the father’s surname when the parents are not married. Dell did not file this document, nor does his brief address why. If Padma prevented him from filing the form, he’d have clearly included that, too, since it would support his claim that she’s trying to keep his child from him.
His story reads well because Padma hasn’t put hers out to counter his. She’s maintaining hers, and Krishna’s, privacy and Dell is trampling all over it to get what he wants.
And Ernie and Bert should have been there with Cookie Monster. They’re the OG Muppets. Elmo’s just the Bieber. Telly’s the weird uncle who smells like salami.
lol, Telly is also a journalist. Do you think Padma will employ him to cover her story in one of his newscasts? I remember him screeching in his trenchcoat and I think, gosh, this furry little guy oozes compassion. But if we want to invite surly Bert to critique gourmet meals then Grover should not be far along. He tells it like it is and pulls no punches. With that being said, I’d rather have Oscar at the judging table, telling the chefs their food tastes like garbage(!) and that’s why he loves it so. He should’ve been present when Casey fed them chicken feet.
@Sarcas, that is the only way I would have stood for having PUPPETS judge FOOD, is if Oscar were there to try the chicken feet. He lives in the garbage can, right? Maybe Casey would still be around though, if that were the case. I can’t imagine anyone living in a garbage can having too much of an opinion on anything edible. He should feel honored enough to be eating food prepared by chefs! LOL
So now we have a question: Who from this season would you rather have judge your food? Elmo or the Jonas Brother?
Sorry, but I think Padma is worse than Isabella. Sure, he makes some obnoxious comments, but the commercials and the photo shoots where she allows herself to be objectified, plus the fact that she is a gold digger, does more damage to women than Isabella’s douchey points of view. You have to admit that Isabella has gotten as far as he has by talent and hard work. Padma has used her body and her rich husbands, all the while asking that we take her seriously. Katie Lee (Joel) was a joke too, but as far as I know, she wasn’t slutting it up for photo shoots and fast food commercials.
I wouldn’t say that Padma is “slutting it up.” She is a model. That is her original career. Modelling is based on looks. And sex sells. Now if she was getting out of limos without wearing undies and flashing her vag around town, I would agree she was slutting it up. But she seems to comport herself with class. Yes she dated two guys back to back, but even from Dell’s side of the story, she was with him for a while and has been with the new guy for a while. She is a serial monogamist not a promiscuous slut.
What I meant by “slutting it up” was not implying that she is promiscuous. I was talking about that Carl’s Jr. ad and some of the racy photo shoots that she has done SINCE becoming Top Chef host. Sure, “sex sells” in this misogynist society, but people who are in a position to resist that (i.e., a woman who has a high-profile job as a “food expert”), and then continue to objectify themselves, get no respect from me. That Carl’s Jr. ad (following in the footsteps of Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton) does not read as “class” to me. What’s next, a Go Daddy ad?
Wow! All the comments made me run home to watch this TC episode. Was VERY sad about the outcome too.
But no Survivor? Had to be the craziest most hilarious tribal councel. Way to start off the season.
Ads like that don’t bother me. After all, we have no idea of her financial situation. Bills have to be paid, baby! I would judge that sort of behavior more harshly if she was the same in her personal life (like Paris Hilton). I don’t see any of the other judges quitting their day jobs. Daddy Tom still has his restaurants, Gail still works at Food and Wine and Padma is still a model/actress.
JMO, Thanks for getting by on 37 minutes of sleep for us. Loved this nugget: “big ol’ fucky-wrench”. You are a dedicated recapping genius.
Both Padma and that Dell guy know who REALLY put the nan in Padma’s oven.
That kid’s gonna have a strong streak of NWMTV in it.
P.S. We’ll always have Schenectady, Padma.
lol @ naan in Padma’s oven!
Guess NWMTV answered my question: she’ s exotic and easy. Hope she didn’t break your young heart because she goes for those sexy 70 year olds. ( if they are rich )
@Kdognatl… Since Schoonie is “on a break,” I doubt we’ll be getting Survivor recaps.
I’m currently reading Shalimar the Clown, by Padma’s ex Salman Rushdie. He may be old, but he couldn’t be a billionaire, could he? I mean, the only billionaire author I know of is J.K. Rowling and that’s also due to the Harry Potter movies.
Schoonie’s recaps didn’t usually come in until the week after the episode anyway, so there’s still time for someone to take over.
I’d love to see Flipit take a crack at Survivor this time out. Maybe someone should tell him that everyone’s flopping about in their underwear this season?
I am begging all of TVGASM..okay well those of us who watch Top Chef….to hold me please. I still have not been able to come to grips with my grief and to think that FUCKING SEXIST PIGSHIT is still standing. That is so fucking Mike Isebella. See you dumb porky sexist pig it isn’t all that hard to find a word to replace gay when you want to describe something that sucks, is stupid, or you find completely disagreeable. I bet I could even use MIke Isebella to describe one note, hacky chef and I could use Richarc BlazeHawk to discribe a bitter asshole who gets angry at people for winning cooking competitions when the show is about cooking competitions. I am grief strickened. When life hands you lemons or limes make margaritas which I am gladly partaking in right now to drown my sorrows that and the fact that it is 65 degrees in February.
But Bridget… tell us how you really feel!
@Snootchy Bootches: Was my pain and anguish too understated for you to understand that I FEEeeeel. I just want my mommy and castle made out of red hots that would make it all better. And there is nothing smilely face about my pain and suffering KNOW THAT. I am sorry I am going through a divorce right now and I can’t be accountable for the things I say or feel. It was Kelesy Grammer’s fault for what happened on Top Chef.
And so ends my lame attempt at writing a humorous comment featuring various aspects from other recaps about other shows. No need to get the hook. I will get off the stage gracefully. I not sure where all the venom came from. I am thinking too much ADD medicine and coffee. My brain must stay active at all cost or else I succumb to serious anxiety and since I am done with school work. I have turned to writing rants on various forums and message boards. Tvgasm is a great outlet because the comments and the recaps are always funny and many times an interesting dialogue gets going in the comments section.
You missed one thing: PROSTITUTION HOOAH!
Padma’s bitchery about the fresh coconut milk pissed me off, even if it was directed at PigShit. I assume he got it out of the dairy case in a milk carton rather than a can, so it was fresh in the same way that dairy milk is “fresh.” If he said that he used fresh cream, would she have asked if he had found a live cow at Target? Bitch!
Can somebody check my memory for me? I seem to remember that during the first season, the host, Katie Billy-Joel’s-wife, did not judge. Am I right about that? If so, then who the hell decided that it would be a good idea to let Padma judge?
Checking Crankyguy’s memory,and my own….
In the first season Katie Joel was a judge. She used to say strange thngs like ” this egg taste’s like a real egg”. She was funny as hell. There were 3 judges back then. Tom, Gail and Katie. She may have been a bit too perky for them. Look who they replaced her with! Padma is as perky as Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade.
There are still technically 3 judges now with a guest “judge. Not sure how much input the guest judge has. It may depend on who the guest judge is. I am sure Bourdain if not given a vote, would certainly still give his opinion.
TC, Robin
She pissed me off with her coconut comment too..I was saying to myself, well he did freshly open it sooo. For some reason, she reminds me of a Tim Burton character..and if I don’t want to read about spoilers, I just don’t click the recap until I see the episode. Common sense
Especially when they have the eliminated person doing press the day after the show airs in America
That would be like saying the orange juice is freshly squeezed because I squeezed the concentrate out of the can before adding water. I have yet to see coconut milk in a carton in the dairy section. It comes in a can. And he opened a can and then called it fresh. Anything that comes out of a can isn’t fresh. Canned peas aren’t fresh peas. Canned tuna isn’t fresh tuna. I’d love to see someone try and serve canned tuna at a sushi restaurant! I bet they would get worse than Padma gave Pigshit. What she should have done is flat out call him a fucking liar instead of just saying that the coconut milk wasn’t fresh.
There are several brands of fresh (OK, they are pasturized) coconut milks sold in the dairy case, Silk being the best known. They aren’t out of a can and they aren’t prepared from concentrate. I give PigShit a pass on this one. My point is simply that if refrigerated dairy milk can be considered “fresh” then maybe so can soymilk and coconut milk. If he said that he used “raw” coconut milk, then he would have been lying.
Make that pasteurized instead of pasturized if we are splitting hairs.
I don’t know. Even if we call it “coconut milk” it’s still a juice, since fruits don’t lactate. So, to me, a fresh juice is one that’s direct from the fruit with no processing, even pasteurization, while a fresh milk or cream is one that hasn’t curdled.
Since Mike was using a processed juice it wasn’t fresh, even if it was just pasteurized. Plus, the different forms of coconut juice/milk/water affect cooking differently, and claiming one thing produces a specific result that may not have been achieved using a different form.
Padma was a bit blunt in the way she delivered the comment but it ws 3 in the morning and she don’t think she was wrong.
We could go around this all day, but Vallegirl, what you seem to be describing is coconut water. Coconut milk is made by blending (or processing) the meat of the coconut with the “juice.” By your definition only the young coconuts with the pith still around the shell and soft meat would qualify as fresh, since the coconuts typically sold in supermarkets have dried out quite a bit and the meat is hard, not soft.
To use the orange juice comparison, raw orange juice tastes different than the not-from-concentrate pasteurized orange juice if you are drinking it, but that difference in taste would be a lot less pronounced if the juices were cooked in a soup.
My neighborhood sell coconut milk in the can or bottle but I’m not sure either is refrigerated. They also sell coconut water by the, juice box or can, also at room temp. I guess I wouldn’t call it freshed unless the top was lopped off of a coconut by a machete and poured directly into the bowls. Now, how’s that for presentation!
I think Padma just doesn’t like him and like putting Mike in his place. Judges try to be fair, but you can’t like all the contestants, someone has to skeeve you out, no?
forgive the typos, I’m suffering from a complex migraine.
Silk is soy milk, not coconut milk. And, now that you mention it, I have seen it in bottles, but it is on the same shelf as the cans.
According to wikipedia: “Two grades of coconut milk exist: thick and thin. Thick coconut milk is prepared by directly squeezing grated coconut meat through cheesecloth. The squeezed coconut meat is then soaked in warm water and squeezed a second or third time for thin coconut milk. Thick milk is used mainly to make desserts and rich, dry sauces. Thin milk is used for soups and general cooking.”
So having “fresh” coconut milk would mean that he would have started with fresh coconut and created the coconut milk. Opening a can is not doing that. Because in that case, what would NOT be fresh coconut milk? One that had been open a couple of days? Compare it to saying you used fresh mayonaise. If you said that, one would imagine that you had beaten the eggs, oil, etc to make it not that you had opened a jar of Hellman’s.
And Sarcas, I hope you feel better soon.
Because Silk makes perishable fresh soy milk (and shelf-stable, non-refrigerated soy milk as well), that means that they don’t also make coconut milk? It must not mean that, since I have some in my fridge. This coconut milk is fresh in the sense that if it is not opened and used within a few weeks, it goes bad, unlike non-fresh, canned coconut milk. And in cooked soup, you or Padma would not be able to tell the difference between it and whatever your particular definition of fresh coconut milk is.
Pigshit is guilty of enough things that we don’t have to stretch our imaginations to accuse him of lying about what kind of coconut milk he uses just for the sake of piling on.
Just to be clear, Silk coconut milk, sold in the dairy section, has to be kept under refrigeration both before and after it is opened. It is made fresh, pasteurized, and put in milk cartons. It is no different than if you made it yourself, and then gently heated it for sterilization. You seem to think that because you have only seen it in cans, then that is the only way it is sold. Padma played the haughty bitch, and poor, innocent PigShit was unjustly humiliated.
@crankyguy: Now could you explain the weak force that acts between quarks and leptons? I just never understood that one at all….
Although I completely understand if your all-consuming focus on coconut milk has precluded serious pursuits of any of the other sciences…
notwithoutmytv, this coconut milk controversy must be settled; otherwise Padma will get away with acting like a prima donna bitch without anybody calling her on it. Where is the justice in that?
All I can tell you about forces is that a FRESH apple started Isaac Newton thinking about the gravitational force.
Grit’s are groceries and eggs aint poultry.
@Snootchy: Aww…thanks. I must admit, much to my chagrin, that I joking. I’m not sure if you heard the story about the reporter, Serena Branson, who was thought to have had a stroke on the air, because one minute she was fine and then she began babbling incoherently. I likened that to my ‘atypical’ typos and errors in the last post, lol. No worries, she’s okay..turns out it was just a migraine, complex in nature. It’s been fodder for plenty of jokes. I think J-mo and Flip may have even taken the piss out the diagnosis on their latest podcast. lol
@crankyguy: Re: Padma, one can be right and still be a bitch. If it’s her tone that you didn’t like, that’s understandable. But the fact still remains..nothing canned is fresh. Even cartoned milk isn’t really fresh unless it’s straight from the udder, but then we get into semantics and we’ll be here all week.
Like, for instance..I’m 31 years old. But I just came from an hour long soak in a steaming bubblebath, employing a myriad of gels, soaps, and exfoliants. So, in all actuality, I’m fresh.
I am from Fl. If you drop a coconut from a tree and get liquid from it, it is coconut water. If you go to a beach bar and order a floofy drink with coconut milk, it comes from a can while you are standing under a coconut palm.
TC, Robin