About Last Night: Monday

Mini caps of Desperate Housewives, Mad Men, Keeping Up With the Kardashians and The Spin Crowd

Desperate Housewives: Hypnotoad

Last night on Desperate Housewives:  Bree continues the proud tradition of her family’s vehicular homicide vendetta against the Solis family by almost running over Juanita.  This causes Juanita to go to the hospital.  And this causes Nursey McNosey to tell Gabby that Juannie Sue’s blood type?  Can’t come from Gabby and Carlos.  Which in turn causes Gabby to concoct a whole story about how she sometimes has sex while she’s asleep.  I know.

Also, Bree gets totes horned up by tatted up David Silver.  So of course the only rational response to that?  Firing him.  I mean, obviously.  Who wants a shirtless sexy handyman hanging around the house all day?

Susan uses some of her whore cleaning money to pay off a loan for Mike.  But how much longer can she stand lying to her husband?  Probably until November.

Marc Cherry continues his crusade to make America hate Lynette.  Tom gets sick and Lynette’s idea of being sympathetic to him is to insult his masculinity and make him run errands.  So loving.  So tender.  This makes Renee swoop in and lend an ear to Tom, which totally doesn’t make Lynette even more bitchy and jealous.  But it does eventually bring Tom and Lynette closer to each other . . . but what’s this?  Tom and Renee have a secret?!

And we’re introduced to Paul Young’s wife, Beth, who married Paul thinking that he’d never leave prison, so she’d never have to have sex with him.  Luckily, Paul menacingly insinuates that since he’s been in jail for murder, that he may have to kill Beth if she never gives him a squeeze and a squirt.  Lets him take ole one-eye to the optometrist.  Take the beef bus to tuna town.  And so on.

Mad Men: Loula

Things fall apart. The center cannot hold. And neither can SCDP unless some serious money starts pouring in real soon. Word is getting out about Lucky Strike, and miserable Roger has to pretend he hasn’t known for weeks. But Don and Pete at least aren’t going down without a fight. Don manages to convince Faye to tip him off about unhappy clients at the other firms she freelances for. Pete turns away Ted Chaughgogugh’s offers, which he came all the way out to the maternity ward to pester him about. It’s a girl, by the way! And Don and Pete hover like vultures at a fellow ad man’s funeral, looking around the room for clients to poach. Meanwhile, Peggy gives a successful solo presentation for Playtex gloves (with lipstick on her teeth even!) and gives Abe a second chance (then a third, and a fourth), so she’s having a pretty good week at least. Joan finally decides she’s just too tired to be Roger’s emergency comfort, which is a little sad because I like them, but also because Roger is just falling to pieces.

Lucky Strike was pretty much his only job at the company, and without Joan to turn to, he’s lost. And we learn a lot about Megan in a short time – turns out she’s a little bit Peggy Olson and a little bit Jane Sterling. She wants to do what Don does, but she also wants to sleep with him. Bad Don! Except I kind of like her. And Lane’s still in London, presumably “getting his family in order” as instructed via caneslap by his father, but who knows if he thinks the firm is worth coming back for. Are we heading toward Draper-Campbell-Olson? Or will they all scatter to the wind?

Keeping Up With the Kardashians: Swellmel

In last night’s episode, “No Boys Allowed,” Fry Girl (Kourtney) and Scott decided to work on having another baby while 12-year-old Kylie sneaks boys upstairs into her bedroom causing Bruce’s face to stretch (not an easy task) into furious rage.

Bruce – “Kylie, look at that wall.”


Bruce – “Do you want to end up like that?” Kylie – “I’d love my own Mason.” Bruce – “Jesus Christ! That’s not what I meant.”

Check back Wednesday for the complete recap.

The Spin Crowd: PottyMouth

Last night The Spin Crowd helps Carmen Electra launch her new sex toy line, Jonathan dates a girl and Summer is over Lauren.

Yes, you heard me right: Jonathan dates a girl. I thought for sure that the poor thing had maybe escaped from a mental ward, or had recently had a full frontal lobotomy, but neither of those things is true. The truth is, she’s a vegan. See what happens when you don’t eat meat? It lowers your brain function. Of course she wants him to stop eating meat as well, and that goes as well as you’d expect from what we already know about Jonathan.

In other big news, Summer has had it with Lauren making fun of her and finally blows up. Sort of. Will Lauren kick her ass or will they hug it out? Come back for the full recap and find out!