About Last Night: Monday

Mini caps of Mad Men, Desperate Housewives, Boardwalk Empire, and Sister Wives.

Mad Men: Loula

Whoa. Where do I start? Spoilers follow, obviously:

Don makes good on his promise to Anna to take the kids out to California, but oh the wackiness that ensues. Carla lets Glen in to say a quick goodbye to Sally before they move away, which infuriates Betty to the point where she FIRES her. The lady who’s taken care of those kids since they were babies. Even Henry, who I have liked quite a bit this season, is floored. This has some truly hilarious consequences: Don is now short a sitter for his meetings in California, so who better to tag along than Megan? And Don goes completely gaga after he sees his beautiful secretary teaching his kids French songs and her decidedly un-Bettylike reaction to a spilled milkshake. He’s selling Anna’s house, and Stephanie gives him something Anna wanted him to have – her engagement ring from Don. Combine all those things together with the same impulsive guy who steals people’s dogtags and asks several mistresses to run away with him and starts new agencies overnight and and guess what you end up with? She’s Peggy plus Betty plus Midge, except she likes his kids. A lot of people are shocked or even angry, but to me after the initial “whaaa?” it makes complete sense and seems pretty inevitable when you think about it. So thanks for making that California trip happen, Betty’s ridiculous petty nonsense!

In other news, those of us who thought Joan might have left that abortion clinic pregnant were proven right – either that or Joan is bullshitting Greg, who’s totally excited about his white-haired, wisecracking, chainsmoking fetus. (And Joan’s boobs, obviously.) And all the speculation about who would swoop in and save the company? Well, nobody, so far. The closest is Peggy, who covertly sniffs around a desperate pantyhose company and along with Ken, lands SCDP its first new account since Lucky Strike left. Don and Pete did meet with the American Cancer Society, though, so I suspect that (and possibly some interesting members of the board like Emerson Foote and Connie Hilton) will be relevant next season. Which is a hundred years away.

Desperate Housewives: Hypnotoad

This week, Gabby and Carlos meet the family of their daughter. Their real daughter. The non-fat daughter. Turns out, Grace is polite and sweet. But she’s poor, and Gabby can NOT have that. So, she decides to overstep her boundaries and buy her a freaking Chanel purse. Ay, dios mio.

For some reason, Lynette’s tired of exploiting Tom. I know! So she sets her sights on a younger target: Penny. Although, Penny’s not as gullible as Tom, which is strange, since she’s an 11 year-old little girl . . . and Tom is a 45 year-old little girl. Lynette’s having a hard time taking care of P-Baby #5, so Penny offers to help, and before you can say “call social services, I beg you!” Lynette’s taking advantage of sweet Penny.

Susan’s story arc continues to be the incredibly lame whore cleaning service. Apparently, the website was bought out and is now going to be seen in America. Because apparently, the writers aren’t familiar with the concept of WORLD WIDE WEB. Whatever. Giant semi-nude Susan billboards are going up around town — make sure to thank Marc Cherry for THOSE nightmares — and Susan tries to stop it, and Susan-y klutzy hi-jinks ensue. Of course.

Bree and Renee continue to fight over David Silver, each playing their weaknesses against each other. And you know what? I’m beginning to like Renee. Someone’s gotta fill the slutty bitch role now that Nicolette Sheridan is running her horse farm. Oh, and Paul Young buys his old house back, and starts to treat Wisteria Lane as his own private Monopoly game.

Boardwalk Empire: Alejandra

Well, everyone’s firmly out of whatever dreamland they managed to create for themselves last week, that’s for damn sure. Margaret sees a beer delivery to a garage behind her house, and tries to go to Nucky about it. When he takes no action, and firmly attempts to avoid her throughout the entire episode (he doesn’t need any more complications), Margaret goes a little… crazy. She runs to Van Alden, and fingers James Leary, the alderman whom she saw overseeing the beer delivery. Not only does Van Alden shut down the garage, he busts up the annual Celtic Dinner held in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. Nucky, Elias, the Commodore and a bunch of people Nucky probably wants to impress are marched out by the Feds in front of a singing Temperance Group, one Margaret Schroeder right out front. Finally getting the idea, Nucky shows up at Margaret’s house later that evening to make out with her fiercely. P.S. It’s really hot.

As for Chicago, Pearl’s in pretty good spirits, but that’s mostly to do with the laudanum she’s chugging day and night. Torrio insists to Jimmy that Pearl be out of the house by Friday, considering she can’t exactly earn her keep. That doesn’t stop her from trying, though. High off her ass, she removes her bandages and reintroduces herself to her clientele, disgusting everyone pretty quickly. Jimmy puts her back to bed and tells her a story to calm her down. Also, more laudanum. Neither appears to have consoled her at all, though, considering she shoots herself as soon as Jimmy leaves the room. The slow-motion run he does to get to her body indicates that he is way more broken up about Pearl than he ever was about leaving his wife and child. He ends up in an opium den by the end of the episode, starting his own slow-motion suicide.

In lesser news, Angela suspiciously visits the dangerous photo people after leaving Tommy with Gillian for the night, and Elias tries his hand at public speaking. Needless to say, it doesn’t go well for him, and Nucky makes him feel more inadequate than ever. So, nothing new there.

Also, there’s kind of a pointlessly awesome midget storyline involving boxing and leprechauns. That’s all I’ll say.

Sister Wives: Flipit

Last night, Sister Wives ended. WTF? Didn’t it just start? I guess they had to clear their schedule for the other attack on white people show, 19 and Counting. Or Midgets with 80 Children or what have you.

The old used wives welcomed the fresh skinny wife into the family, complete with a big wedding filled with guests that may or may not approve of polygamy but def approve of being on TV along with a free buffet. That anyone even showed was amazing cuz the invitations were sent with the wrong address printed on them. LOL. What’s the point of four wives if you can’t get one correct invitation? It also rained on wedding day, and Skinny Wife said “God wouldn’t do this today, on our day!” No kidding. God was probably sitting up there wanting to see this WTF moment too. He made it stop eventually though, so yay faith.

There was a lot of crying about how much new wife should be spending with Jackhammer and wahwahwah. Every single wife has talked about how much this marriage is killing them inside, but they eventually dry their tears and talking themselves into believing it’s a good thing. Those wives are such suckers.

Skinny Wife had a definite personality shift last night. Is it me or did she seem genuinely bitchier now that she has her quarter of a man? This season was bizarre, to say the least, but I look forward to a second. Even though it will probably take place in a prison. Come back in a few days for TheMiki’s double recap spectacular. It’s sure to be a doozy.