About Last Night: Monday

Kourtney and Kim Take New York: Swellmel

In last night’s episode, Khlo-ho (Khloe) is back!!! She comes to NYC to visit while Lamar is out on the road.

Everyone heads out to the club where Krimace (Kim) gets a drink thrown in her face, melting only a 1/75th of her make-up. Scott defends her (wow he is like alternate universe nice Cartman; I wonder if there is a Spookyfish in the apartment too) only to end up in the doghouse with Fry Girl (Kourtney) who assumes he is reverting to his drunk out-of-control ways.

Check back for the complete recap.

Real Housewives of Atlanta Finale: Flipit

All the previews leading up to last night’s finale were having us believe that Cynthia was gonna run…did she? Won’t say, cuz I am sure Leia will have plenty to write for her recap coming up. It sure did look like that’s where things were heading, though.

She cried, she moped, she complained, her sister cried, her mom cried, she cried and drank some more, Peter showed up “fuckin’ wasted”…if you’re a runway bride and that’s your thing, it seems like now might not be the time to try and earn a new nickname. In other words, RUN, FORREST! RUUUUN!

The rest of the ep focused on trying to tie up loose ends with the other girls. “The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing”, sadly, is still unreleased because Kim’s greedy ass lawyers are trying to get her a bigger piece of the Kandi pie. The music world weeps…with joy. Kandi announced that she’ll be going on tour with Fantasia! MY FAVE! She thinks Kim complains a lot, just wait til you’ve spent a day with Tasia. She’ll give the wiki version of her Lifetime movie and then just go from there. I love Tasia’s voice. When it’s singing. But lord don’t let that woman start talking or she’ll be bitching about every moment of her existence for the rest of yours.

Phaedra had some pretty hilarious one liners, as usual, and even cried when she had to leave her baby for the first time. I know that Ephedra is pretty hated among a bunch of you, but I find her to be hilary and am glad she’s on the show. I could have done without her bragging about her “lactating breasts”, but those things scare me when milk’s not coming out, so there you are.

Kim got a boob job and finally brought her man out in public. I guess that’s her way of letting a man know she’s ready to have sex, cuz she was knocked up like the next day. And that was her first boob job? I don’t believe it. But not believing a thing that comes out of Kim’s mouth is what makes her fun to watch. The episode opened on her lying in bed with a microphone to yell for Sweetie. LOL.

NeNe got a slow stuttery apology from Greg, but she didn’t care. She’s been so pissed off now for so long that the anger has become a nice warm blanket. I don’t blame her for being mad about the radio interview, but he didn’t know he was being taped and besides, how much of the season has been spent listening to her bitching about her relationship to America? Tit for tat, ho. She refused to talk to Kim at the wedding, which was no big shocker, but Dwight insisted on making up and then a dance in public for all the cameras to see. That guy really is a bottom bottomfeeder and I wish he’d get the hell off my TV. Gays are trying hard to make our way and dicks like you are thwarting us at every turn, Diana Moss. NeNe pretty much had no choice but to go along with it because after the disastrous Florida trip, no one else was too excited to see her.

Sheree got to audition for a movie and Terri Vaughn yelled at her at the audition! LOL! I went to improv class with Miss Terri years ago and she was very sweet and veeeerry quiet. I wish she had been like this in class, cuz we would have become lifelong friends. She played it up for the cameras and told Sheree to stop sucking so much, but in the end Sheree got the part. Real Housewives trumps Steve Harvey, I suppose. Know THAT.

Cynthia’s sister and Mom tried to hide her legal certificate so she and Peter couldn’t get married, but in the end they realized they were on TV and would be found out and gave it up. That was hilarious. Mom called Peter “financially abusive”, which is a new one to me. Are there shelters for that? Let’s hope so, cuz bitch is broke. You didn’t clean the bathroom right (storm of pelted nickels)!

The best news of the night was that we didn’t have to listen to NeNe and Kim fight. The last shot we got of Nene was her saying that this year she is gonna try and get her happy back. Please do, because you’re way more fun when you’re not a hateful belligerent asshole. You can start with fixing your hair.

Come back Friday-ish for Leia’s take.