About Last Night: Monday

Mini caps of K&K Take NYC, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Desperate Housewives

Swellmel: K&K Take NYC

In last night’s episode, Krimace (Kim) celebrated her 30th birthday in Las Vegas. Khlo-ho, brother Rob a.k.a. Sloth and Goth Ronald (Kris) made appearances. True to form, the Goth stayed a classy and did a keg stand.

Meanwhile Scott, remembering what happened last time he was in Vegas, couldn’t take the pressure of being around all that debauchery. It was also in his best interest to get out of there before the Goth flashed everyone her emo fire crotch while keg standing it.

Scott – “I don’t need to see her striped landing strip.”

Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part Two: Flipit

Wow. Bobblehead had really worn these bitches out by hour two. He stuck to his usual MO and made them all feel embarrassed about their sex talk in the first segment. Sugar vaginas anyone? No thanks. NeNe was disgusted at the thought of a mom with a dildo, but not as disgusted as we are at the thought of NeNe with a panty sweaty Greg on top of her. I’m glad she doesn’t use dildos, because it saves the poor things a lot of drama. YOU DONE ME WROOOONG, DILDO!

NeNe insisted that she wasn’t a cheap ass for only giving twenty bucks to Sheree’s Dancing With the Stars benefit. She didn’t know it was for charity and besides, we all got to see it for free so what gives? She also refused to answer questions about her son being a daddy in waiting, but she did say that she was glad it wasn’t when he was a teenager. He’s twenty I think, and still doesn’t have a job and lives at home. So yeah I’d say he’s totally ready and NeNe did a great job as a parent. Next season maybe we’ll get to see her tell the baby off. YOU DONE ME WROOOONG, BABY!

Kandi cried a LOT last night. First to Kim for stiffing her on the Tardy for the Part money, then about her kid’s dad never being around. Then all the women had a good cry about baby daddies not being around. It was saddish, but honestly at this point the season has been so played out that I have no more care to give. It was funny watching Kim trying to play dumb about the money, though. She couldn’t understand the English Bobblehead tried to use to ask her a question about it, and finally she just exasperated FINE! SHE CAN HAVE ALL THE MONEY! Uh huh. In other words, we’ll see what happens when I come back from vacation and my lawyers have come up with a more creative way to say FUCK YOU KANDI. No one bought it, and I doubt it will ever happen.

Super fun watching NeNe and Kim fight again. They don’t listen, just yell. They’re kind of a comedy duo without the comedy part. Or the duo part. Basically I don’t know what I’m talking about. This season needed to be about half the episodes that it was, but I am still thankful for what we got. The clips of the first half of the season, where everyone was just having fun, were hilarious. By the end, though, these women all looked like sad, embattled, VICTIMS. Sad horns. Come back at the end of the week for Leia’s last hilarious take on the end of our fave trash show.

Desperate Housewives: Hypnotoad

The main mystery of this season has been: WHERE’S THE MYSTERY? It wasn’t solved last night.

Susan tried using her illness as a bargaining chip to get out of speeding tickets and to cut in line at the grocery store, but she was finally called out on it by an irate couple at a fancy restaurant. Then she fainted! Unfortunately for her, she was at said restaurant with Vanessa Williams, who doesn’t know how to dial 911. Ruhroh! Will she live or diiiiie? I have no answer for that yet, cuz contract negotiations for next season still aren’t settled.

Bree finally broke up with Silver so he could go be a daddy. He didn’t want Bree going on a Bravo reunion to cry about him any time soon. Wise move, buddy. He was hot. I wish that he walked out of the house shirtless at least. What a rip off.

Gabby went back to her hell hole of a birth town to confront her step dad’s grave for molesting her. Grave molestations are on the rise, people. She found out that her few magazine covers back in the day made her the Julia Roberts of her tiny town, and I’m surprised they didn’t just relocate the whole show to that place cuz it was amazing. She ended up telling off a nun who didn’t believe the molestation story instead, and went home happy. Now she can go home and be a good mom to the kids she has. LOL kidding that will never happen. Or I will stop watching the show.

Lynette got her boys out of the house, and apparently they’re getting laid now. Most unbelievable storyline of the night, and that’s saying something. Turns out the boys can’t do anything on their own cuz Lynnette was just too caring of a mom. HAHAHAHAHAH! OK THAT’s the most unbelievable storyline of the night. Remember how in the first season Lynette was so great cuz she was having visions of murdering her kids? I like that Lynette better.

Paul and Mike, the worst dads in the world, took the brat to rehab, where Paul was told he is evil and will never be loved. He fell for it and finally kicked his wife out on the street in her bare feet. Cold, Paul, cold! I was actually hoping that would work out. In two weeks, another housewife kills herself! They showed lots of Bree clips, but you know it’s just gonna be Paul’s wife. Why break a perfectly good pattern?

Who else is on this show? Did I get them all? I think NeNe told someone off too but it’s all blending together the day after. You’ll have to come back in a couple of days for the incomparable Hypnotoad’s take.