About Last Night: Thursday

So You Think You Can Dance: PottyMouth

Last night was the performance finale of So You Think You Can Dance, and perform the dancers did. Each dancer had four partnered routines and one solo which was great for those of us that love dance and abhor filler.

We were back down to three judges. Unfortunately they’re all assholes, but I will say they managed to keep it in check tonight. Sort of.

I will say that the show did not change my mind about who I’m hoping will win. I know you are all shocked because I am known for being very wishy washy. Also? Cat looked gorgeous. I was going to say gorgois, but that’s Mia’s word so I can’t use it and feel right about myself.

Come back for the full recap and we’ll discuss talking during dance performances, Nigel getting schooled by Shankman, and my desire to smack multiple people in the face. See you there!

Work of Art: SexyPanda

Last night, on the season finale of Work of Art, we found our next great artist. Oh, some of you might disagree with how awesome the winner is, but that’s okay. You enjoyed the experience, right? That’s all that matters. And I’d say that even if my least favorite contender won.

The finale was set up much like Project Runway, where the artists had a chance to go home for a few months to work. They were able to get some rest, clear their heads, and expand on their vision. Simon visited each of them, and it was adorable in all ways. Finally, the artists reconvened in NYC for the final gallery show and crit. Someone won. You know who. Someone watching at home cried. You know who!

Come back later in the week to talk about it!

Top Chef: J-Mo

Okay, I know I’ve been bitching about how bad this season of Top Chef has been, and I’m really not gonna stop now, but I have to say that last night’s “Restaurant Wars” episode had me absolutely NAILED to my seat, and it delivered in every way I could have hoped for (except sexually).

To begin with, a slight bitch, the QuickFire Challenge was a repeat of last year’s precursor to Restaurant Wars, the blindfolded Relay Race (which, coincidentally, was also JUST used in this past season of Top Chef Masters). This is the one where there are two teams of four chefs, each chef gets ten minutes to continue cooking whatever the previous chef left them, and at the end of 40 minutes they have to present a dish. On the plus side, we get a little flashback to the days of Picking Teams For Elementary School Kickball™ and wind up with KennEgo, JerseyMoobs, Miss Swan and Bloody Mandy on the Blue Balls Team, and OranJello, MassholEd, ChesTiffany and Nosferatu on Hellish Red Team. I can’t go into much detail about how this all goes down, but I CAN tell you that one chef fucks things up RIGHTEOUSLY for their team. Oh, and the guest judge? Is Speaker of the Fucking House, Nancy Pelosi. And she looks fabulous, especially for a Post-Menopausal Power-Monger. Her appearance on the show will naturally enrage conservatives such as Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly, but they don’t want to admit they are addicted to the froo-froo programming on a faggy channel like Bravo, so they’ll keep their mouths shut.

Then we move on to the real meat of the night, the actual Restaurant Wars Challenge itself. From the outset, things are going really smoothly for one team, and suckily for the other. And things look pretty horrible for a while, and then the other team serves their food. One team’s front-of-house chef does a pretty sweet job of servicing their customers, and the other one is a nervous wreck, who can barely stutter out the list of dishes to the table of Judges, misidentifying one of them at one point. Also, pea purée makes another appearance. I hated peas before this season, and now I am death on them forever.

Then, during judging, my mouth dropped open all the way to the floor (I still have carpet fibers in my gums) as the losing team attempts to implicate the winning team with some of the worst petty finger pointing I have ever heard, not to mention utterly crystal-clear attempts to divert the Judges’ attention from their fucked-up food. I normally wouldn’t resort to saying this, but the outcome… is SHOCKING and DELICIOUS at the same time. This is going to be so much fun! Come check back in a couple of days and weigh in, I’m sure we’ll have lots to discuss.