About Last Night: Thursday

About Last Night: Happy Town

Welcome back, you few-and-far-between fans of ABC’s spooky, new thriller, Happy Town! I know it’s been several weeks since last we laughed our asses off at the show’s ridiculous writing and the shameful “acting” of its lead actor, Geoff Stults. But now that it’s back, we can resume our calorie-burning, gut-busting laugh riot. Because even if Happy Town isn’t very good, it’s at least consistent!

Last night was the first of five all new episodes, and its return was more of a whimper than a bang. When we left off, Tommy’s wife Rachel had mysteriously vanished in the middle of the Thaw Fest carnival, and Tommy feared that she had become the latest victim of the Magic Man. We pick right back up with Tommy investigating everyone (including his own daughter!) but getting nowhere. A visit to his mentally-incapacitated father yields his one lead: “Talk to the Englishman.” Tommy grills Merritt Grieves, who reveals himself to be a collector of information about The Magic Man, and tells Tommy to “go back to the beginning” and look at the case with fresh eyes.

Meanwhile, the town is abuzz with the return of Greggy Stiviletto. When Henley discovers that Greggy is not only her new paramour “Aidan” but was also in prison for murder, she wisely goes to confront him. Greggy conveniently explains that he misled her because he was embarrassed by his manslaughter charge that stemmed from a bar brawl. And he only took her precious hammer because he knew it meant a lot to her and it would guarantee she came back for a second date. Henley is such an idiot she buys this and falls into bed with him. Later, he gives her the hammer back, and she offers it to Peggy Haplin – in exchange for $250,000!

Tommy is called to The Bready, where a woman’s severed hand is discovered on a loaf of bread. The wedding ring belongs to Rachel … but the hand belongs to Lauryn Ward, the first victim of the Magic Man. A doctor reveals that Lauryn was alive when the hand was severed, which was approximately 48 hours ago. If she is still alive, then there’s a chance the other victims are, too. Tommy and Grieves go on a wild goose chase to the greenhouse where Lauryn disappeared, but then realizes the trip was merely a distraction for the Magic Man to gain access to Tommy’s house. Tommy rushes home to find Rachel shivering in the bathtub, with no memory of her abduction…

So You Think You Can Dance: PottyMouth

Last night, So You Think You Can Dance (dance………dance) took the auditions to L.A. and Chicago. There was laughter, there were tears, there was screaming and, unfortunately, there was delusion.

The sob stories also returned last night, much to my chagrin. There was one completely AWESOME dude that I wish had at least made it to the choreography round.

Come back in a few days and we can discuss in detail!

Top Chef Masters: SlifeGoesOn

Hello, Gasmii! Thank you to everyone who read my recap last week and left such positive comments. It was a pleasure filling in for J-Mo … and an honor to hear from J-Mo himself that my recap had him heartily laughing his ass off. With J-Mo still on vacay (he’s hittin’ the Las Vegas strip, and hittin’ it HARD!) I humbly submit another week’s recap for your humorous consumption!

Last night’s episode of Top Chef Masters was the last round before the finale. It was all about “improv” and learning to think quickly on your toes. And boy, did the show’s producers do their damn hardest to keep viewers on their toes … and the edge of their seats! None of the final fab four were ever safe, and just when you thought you knew how it would all shake down, the rug got completely pulled out from under you!

The QuickFire was super tricky. First, the chefs were paired up and given each other’s cookbooks. Then, they had to pick a recipe and bring their competitor’s dish to life. And as if that task wasn’t daunting enough, BokChoi threw them a huge curveball halfway through and said that they suddenly had to stop and instead improvise a soup that maintains the same integrity of their original dish. TWIST!!

Afterwards, the chefs were fooled into thinking that they were being given the night off and treated to a comedy show by The Groundlings. Apparently, no one saw the Chicago season of Top Chef, or they would have recognized that they were walking into a trap. Oh, what fools these mortals be! The stage was set … for their Elimination Challenge. Based on audience members’ suggestions, the chefs were given three random words with which to create a dish. La Marquessa picked “Purple Passion Salmon.” Reverend Moonie got “Red Angry Bacon.” Sussudio chose “Chocolate Lust Peanut Butter.” And poor Waxie got stuck with “Burnt Sienna Depression Avocado.”

Whose improv skills were put to the test? Who made it to the finale? And whose dish was just a big, fat joke? Stay tuned for for the full recap and deets, and thanks for all the comments!

The Challenge: VirginiaApple

The cliffhanger wait is finally over Gasmii, and karma has ensured Landon’s victory! Ev cried, and it was glorious. TJ Lavin made fun of her, which was even more glorious. An angel received wings. My heart may have grown three sizes. Or it broke into dozens of smaller hearts just like the ones that adorn Landon’s pj pants.

Now that the season is almost over, we spent a lot more time on the competition and a lot less time on the drama. Plus, everyone who’s still there just likes each other way too damn much. Throw a handful of Ecstasy at them and you’d have an orgy in no time. Ryan and Jenn decided to be noble and offer to go into Exile, but they still wanted to throw Landon and Carley in. They talked about it a lot, but in the end it didn’t matter because Teej revealed the “twist,” which was that the bottom two teams in this week’s challenge were automatically sent into Exile.

The challenge this week was a long and grueling obstacle course. I had a feeling it would be Ryan and Jenn in Exile from the beginning. I thought Kenny/Laurel and Landon/Carley would pretty much just be doing the challenge as a formality, and that Jill/Pete would be the wildcard. I was right on all counts, as Kenny/Laurel took first, Landon/Carley took second, and Jill/Pete edged into third place by 2 seconds. The episode ends when the Exile begins, so next week we’ll find out who wins that and then it’s time for the final challenge!