About Last Night: Thursday

Mini caps of The Challenge, America’s Next Top Model, Hell’s Kitchen, and I Love Money

The Challenge: VirginiaApple

This week’s challenge involved a lot of hanging upside down and swinging. While it came with decidedly less hilarity than last season’s hanging-upside-down challenge, it led to just as much failure and provided plenty of entertainment. The fat-trimmed blue team proved to be the only one capable of successfully transferring steins, while the general ineptitude of the red team was no match for the epic failure of the elaborate and evidently bone-headed strategy of the gray team. I appreciate Abram’s military-level enthusiasm, but you would NEVER see Evan sit out on a challenge when there are females to be sidelined.

Anyway, Abram can at least recognize when he’s failed, and invites his teammates to send him into elimination. They don’t, of course, instead sending in JD which is fine with me. They also send in Pocahontas which is also fine with me. The red team gives Camila a break and sends in Mandi, but Brandon gets no such reprieve since the rest of the guys on the team are friends. He tries to talk to Brad about it, but Brad’s neanderthal brain can’t comprehend so the conversation turns to nonsense. Brandon’s got my respect for now. So long as he keeps competing and doesn’t turn to whining I’ll be rooting for him.

Oh, and Abe and Pocahontas still find each other “intriguing” enough to fondle each other via dark grainy footage in the woods and make cat-in-heat noises come out of each other in the bathroom. Also, Chet and Mandi have a cuddle party but he has no problem sending her into elimination because once she’s gone he can go back to cuddling with Dunbar. Come back for the full recap, which will feature all the gory details. Well, some of the gory details. I can only talk about it so much before my upchuck reflex kicks in.

So last night on ANTM, the girls receive some Cover Girl stuff along with flaming bags of crap at their door (Flaming bags of crap may or
may not have been left by P-Baby.)  They are instructed to break into teams in order to come up with the best method of painting on a
streetwalker face with the products received.   The girls finally make it back to their homeland and meet with Nigel in the Wal-Mart parking
lot.  The challenge is to put on a show for Wal-Mart patrons on how to create a smokey eye effect.  I don’t know about you guys but my fellow Wal-Mart shoppers aren’t quite ready for a smokey eye. I’d like to start with a how to shower and wear clothing free of stains before
delving into the intricacies of a smokey-eye look.  Out of three teams, a best team is selected and out of the three members on the
best team, the girl who creates the best Cover Girl face wins a $1000 Wal-Mart gift card.  I can’t be the only one thinking that I’d really
like to use that $1000 on a shit load of crappy $5 DVDs.

So after minimal drama at the challenge and in the house, the girls go on to their photo shoot with famous photographer Patrick Demarchelier on Rodeo Drive. I guess pretension starts with emphasizing the wrong syllable on a common word.  I know we’ve joked about it already, but Tyra must give a wicked BJ to get someone with Patrick’s type of industry clout on this sorry excuse for a CW show. The girls take a bunch of pictures and again, very little drama ensues.  Guys, this episode sucks.  Anyway, Patrick Demarchelier is totes sitting at the judge’s panel next to Nigel.  I wonder if it’s about to come to fisticuffs as to who is more noted.  My money’s on the P man.
Literally nothing interesting happened in this episode but I still like looking at all the pictures.  Check back in a few days to see who’s in and who’s out (Copyright Heidi Klum, I guess.)

I love Money: Bella Cucina

It’s Wednesday night…and I am feeling a little tug on my heart because I know tonight is the night…a night for Love…and Money… I Love Money!!!!

The sun rises and it’s a new day in beautiful Mexico… A beautiful day for some ridiculous competition between the Gold and Green Teams. Punisher on the Gold Team is fairly confident in his ability to run this game. He feels he can not only dominate the next challenge but also dominate the whole competition! All he has to do is strategize…shirtless. It’s always shirtless.

The next challenge is called: Save the Animals. It’s very reminiscent of an old school atari game that I’m sure I played with a joystick back in the day…like Donkey Kong or something. The Green Team has a plan, and the Gold Team “Sassy” girl alliance is in on it- to throw the challenge so the Green Team wins, and then the Green Team can give Punisher the ultimate punishment- a permanent time out!

Will a surprise “twist” change everything the Green Team is planning on? Will the Green Team still win the challenge? Will the Gold Team still throw the challenge? And what will ultimately happen to Punisher? So many questions….and I have all the answers! Recap is coming soon!!!! Xo

Hell’s Kitchen: Medusa

I’ve watched my fair share of Hell’s Kitchen in the past and delighted in the shenanigans of these 2 bit-cafeteria ladies, but now I suspect that Ramsay wants the audience to feel the same torment that he inflicts on his contestants. Why? Last night was not two episodes, but one TWO hour episode. And spoiler: Only one person gets the boot. Or so we’re led to believe…

Part One: After a challenge win by Team Red, it’s Family Day in Hell’s Kitchen. Some of the diners slated to attend Family Day are Ramsay’s own wife and four children. The chefs pull off a decent performance in the kitchen and although two chefs are called forward, all are safe.

Part Two: Hell’s Kitchen is opening for their 100th! dinner service and the centennial celebration brings out big name VIPs like that guy who won that season a while back and Principal Figgins from Glee! Woah! This time the miserable performance at the “high-profile” event is inexcusable and one chef pays the price. But Ramsay is not done yet and calls forward another embarassment…

To be continued next week.