About Last Night: Thursday

Top Chef: Just Desserts: PottyMouth

Last night Top Chef Just Desserts whittled the competition down from four to the final three. That’s right y’all, the season is almost over. Is it just me, or did it fly by?

So after last week’s chocolate ban the producers try to make it up to the contestants by having them make a box of chocolates. That is like their life. Groan. As we saw in last week’s previews, Yigit is unable to finish his so I guess it’s not too much of a spoiler that he doesn’t win this one, right?

For the elimination challenge the chefs must create a 61st anniversary cake for a seemingly sweet little old man named Ben and his lovely wife. Some are hits, some are misses. Zac is an asshole. Come back for the full recap and we’ll dish on it all!

The Challenge: VirginiaApple

Hey, have you guys heard that the red team has NINE players left? That is totally because they’re awesome and not at all because they keep sending strong players into elimination rounds. And they’re totally going to win this thing, because having the most players is ALWAYS an advantage.

Oh wait… look at the hapless red team fail in yet another challenge… immediately after TJ sends Chet home for having a head injury (DRAMATIC IRONY!). Blue had a respectable showing, but the gray team pulled ahead for another win.

The Incredible Shrinking Blue Team had no trouble deciding who to send into the Gulag, since Emily volunteered herself as a rookie and Derrick volunteered himself on account of Johnny Bananas being a pussy. The red team, on the other hand, was a total clusterfuck, with even the almighty Brad receiving a vote! In the end, it was Brandon going into his fourth Gulag. On the bright side, the team finally realized that Melinda is not doing them any favors and voted her in as well.

Come back tomorrow for the full recap, Gulag results, and me banging my head against the wall as I attempt to cover the ridiculous middle school drama on the red team!

I Love Money: Bella Cucina

This week’s episode is perhaps one of the best yet!!!  The individual challenge involves a stripper pole and holding on for dear life…with a twist!!!  Normally the person who falls off first would be the dead last loser and automatically in the box for elimination.  This week however, our sweet host tells us that the first person to fall off will get sent home on the spot!!!!! WHAT????  This will then keep the box completely open for 3 people to be voted in!

Naturally, the person who stays on the pole the longest will win the challenge and become Pay Master (I feel like Brittanya would have a leg up here-literally- since she is a stripper).  If this goes well, a girl will win and a guy will be the first to fall and be eliminated.  This would alter the alliances!  The main goal naturally would be to get Punisher out!

So who falls first?  Who wins and gets ultimate power?  Who will get voted in and ultimately voted off?  I will give you a hint:  ”don’t’ forget your sombrero!!”

America’s Next Top Model: P-Baby Walker

This week on ANTM, Chris decides to step it up a notch since she was in the bottom 2 last week.  She needs to make herself awesome.  And with that, the recap is over.  We all know who goes home in 54 minutes.

OK, Gasmii, just kidding.  But seriously, could the producers be ANY MORE OBVIOUS about who’s going home?  I mean, I am just insulted now. They can make it up to me one of two ways.  1.  Francesco Carrozzini as permanent panel member or 2. Ending the season now so I can get back to better, more entertaining shows.  Like Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 2 that’s been on my Netflix Instant Queue list for months.

Tyra Mail informs the girls that they will be embarking upon the notorious Go Sees of the cycle.  This is always one of the best episodes each cycle because I love hearing real feedback from fashion industry types and also the banging-head-against-wall stupidity of these girls left to wreak havoc on unsuspecting locals. Tyra gives a quick lesson on what will happen on these Go Sees and it basically

becomes one big scrap-booking session on how to put together a good portfolio. Thanks, Banks.  Where were you when I was making the P-Baby wedding album?  Hypothetical question because obviously you were hunting down every satin one-shouldered dress located in the state of California to have at your grubby egomaniacal fingertips.

Well, typical Go See hijinks ensure with lost models running around Italy while the clock keeps ticking.  Chelsey seems on the brink of a nervous breakdown and homegirl seriously needs to relax for like 3 seconds.  Anyway, the Go See stuff finally ends.  Of course some of the girls  were late getting back and don’t even get me started on the fact that in 4 hours with a taxi, bus, subway, and most importantly A MAP at their disposal, these idiots weren’t even able to find more than one out of four of the Go See locations.  Fail of Tara Reid It Girl of Yesteryear Now Victim Of Bad Surgery And Bad Decisions proportions.  Carson Daly is SO glad he dodged that bullet.

The photoshoot saw the girls transformed into marble statues which I actually thought was a really neat concept for once.  Jane has a marbled meltdown and Chelsey is once again back up on her high horse about wanting to win more than anyone else there.  On what grounds is she basing this off of?  Those are pretty bold statements and I dare wager that Sleeping Bag Kayla or Small Texas Town Ann also want to win just as badly and just may be a bit less in your face all the fucking time about it.

Check back in a few days to see who’s made it to the final four and who gets the boot.

Hell’s Kitchen: Medusa

After a World Series-induced hiatus (for the somebodies? to beat out the somebodies? in a stunning? tragic? series) Hell’s Kitchen returned last night. Boris just met his death by meat hook and Trev is called before Chef Ramsay to account for his dismal performance in the red kitchen. Trev is told to remove his red jacket… because he’s back to blue. The men would rather have been given gift cards to Chili’s than another chance to work with Trev.

The teams have been evened up, the four women will face four men in a challenge to test their palates, the dreaded taste test challenge. The girls pull out another victory and continue their hot streak, but fall apart in the kitchen. Luckily, as the women’s kitchen turns into a disaster zone, then men’s kitchen turns into a HazMat zone. Ramsay kicks out three of the blue team members. Who’s left standing? Only Pointdexter is left in the blue kitchen, still fighting to earn the Tri-Lambs a spot on the Greek Council… or LA Market.