About Last Night: Thursday

America’s Next Top Model: P-Baby Walker
ANTM time, children!  Quick synopsis of the season leading us to the final four:  Ten girls have been sent home to good food and obscurity save for recognition by fellow TV addicts at the grocery store, the last four girls are now in Milan, Nigel’s a perv, and none of these ladies can believe they’ve made it this far.  Got it? Let’s go!

This week, Jane wants Kayla to STFU about being top four and having the best photo from last week.  Jane, consider yourself in snide company. Kayla is borderline obsessing and I’d like to jump through the TV to let her know that the stumps she clomps around on masquerading as legs will never let her win this thing.  Miss J is here to teach the girls how to make a good first impression.  He does this by way of a busty Italian acting coach named…Barbara.  Worst romantic Italian name ever.  Let’s call her Babs at least.  She’s got the sauce to pull it off.  Babs teaches the girls how to project themselves and give off various emotions.  Babs is oblivious to the fact that these girls are all emotionless droids but she at least seems to be entertaining herself and her breasts are luscious.  Never a dull moment with Babs.

The challenge sees the ladies busting in on Vogue Italia’s editor Franca Sozzani who looks like she could not care less about the four US generic local mall twigs standing in front of her.  She also looks like a Dee Snider Lady Gaga love child, but that’s a whole different topic that would take days to discuss the semantics of.  Each girl is charged with introducing herself and impressing Dee with their personality.  Needless to say, Ann does not win this one.

Holy crap, Gasmii!  Two girls are getting sent home at panel.  Did they announce that last week?  Anyway, Tyra is here now to direct the girls in a motion editorial which is essentially a two minute commercial showcasing beautiful clothes.  And the clothes are beautiful.  I want them all.  You can address procured clothes to:

ATTN: P-Baby Walker
Big Red Couch with Rainbow Sprinkles Between Cushions
Freaking Cold State On The East Coast, US

So the girls are following Tyra’s obnoxious direction and I’ve basically tuned it out as I really just want to see the final product and see who gets eliminated.  The girls really do look fantastic for this shoot so props to the stylist.  Check back in a few days to see who makes the finals, walk in a Roberto Cavalli fashion show (!!!) and go on to become America’s Next Top Model (well, the 15th one.)

I Love Money: Bella Cucina

Well we are down to the final 7 ya’ll!!! We have 2 separate alliances made up of: The Big Dogs- Pun, Brittanya, 6 Gauge, and Brooklyn, and The Underdogs Mindy, Hot Wings, and Francisco. That’s a 4 Vs. 3 scenario that will probably not bode well for our cute and cuddly Underdogs.

CJ, the host, gives us the daily challenge of “Your Guess is as Good as Mine…” Which leaves Brittanya clueless. When all the challenge really is, is just that, a guessing game. What’s important at this point is that one of our little 3 Underdogs becomes Pay Master AND is not the Dead Last Loser.

Can our favorite team of people that could pull it off? Or will the power of Pun live on and kick our Underdogs to the proverbial Curb?? Stay tuned…

Top Chef: Just Desserts: Flipit

Last night was the first season finale of Top Chef Desserts, and while it wasn’t the most shocking ending of all time, it was definitely fun to watch. Morgan called Zach a fairy, which would have been super bigoted if Zach hadn’t acted like, well, a huge fairy. Morgan said that he would have punched Zach had it not been a fireable offense, which brings up the age old question: why is violence a fireable offense? Jersey Shore allows hitting and their ratings are through the roof. If we have to see people on TV half naked and doing it, we might as well get to see them beat each other. What am I talking about? I don’t really know. But you have to believe in something.

The last challenge was to make a three course dessert meal, and as Morgan pointed out, Yigit made lots of sorbets. Meh. Morgan made a batch of runny souffles, which pretty much invalidated his criticism. The biggest surprise was Danielle, who actually made food that didn’t look like it belong at kindergarten snack time. Her face wasn’t very surprising, but as usual, it was fun to watch, too. Also fun? A half naked Morgan. I don’t wanna see Yigit, though. He talks like a robot and it makes looking at his naked chest unholy.

How come on this show the chefs are in such good shape and on Top Chef Regular they’re all fat? WTH? I think this proves that sugar is safe to eat in large quantities and fat is just a state of mind. Now let’s kiss.

I loved this show and hope they come back for more good times soon. Chefs are a fucked up bunch in general, but pastry chefs are downright nutty. Once I got it in my head that they were never going to ask the inventor of the Milky Way to show up, I could just sit back and laugh at this mess. And binge, of course. Top Chef Regular always inspires me to cook really bad food, and I am now well rounded enough to cook really bad desserts, too. Thanks, Bravo!

Potty Mouth has suffered a computer crash, but will be back with a double recap extravaganza in a couple of days!

The Challenge: Virginia Apple

This week’s challenge took our competitors to new heights- literally.  Their umpteenth heights challenge in a row involved navigating a tightrope in pairs, from one building to another.  It was much higher than the last few, and over concrete instead of water, but they had harnesses this time.  Which is just as well, since a few of them fell before reaching their destination.

The gray team suffered a loss at the short arms of Luke, while Paula and Dunbar continued the failure streak for the red team.  After the fall of their teammates, Tori and Brad elected not to even bother competing.  Sounds about right.  And if you’re keeping score, this means that Tyler and Camila were the only red team members to complete the challenge.  Despite Theresa slowing Bananas down over on the blue side, they were the only team not to fall, and therefore earned the victory, thus proving the old adage about slow and steady.

While they enjoyed their victory dinner, the other two teams both seemed in disagreement over who deserved to go into elimination.  Despite being the primary reason for her team’s loss, Paula was the ONLY red team member not to receive a vote.  Her partner, Dunbar, did not fare so well, as he was sent into elimination along with perennial potential eliminee Camila.  Over on the gray side, Abe pretended that Laurel deserved to go into elimination based on performance, when everyone knows he really did it all for the nookie.  Despite Sarah and Laurel’s protests, Laurel was sent into elimination, while Dan volunteered himself in the spirit of taking turns.  Come back tomorrow for the full recap so we can discuss the gory details and, of course, the Gulag results.