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Minicaps of Top Chef All Stars, America’s Next Top Model, Celebrity Rehab, and The Challenge
Top Chef All Stars: J-Mo
Celebrity Rehab 4: Swellmel
What do you get when you throw Leif Garrett, Janice Dickinson and Jason Wahler in a house? A Laguna Beach/Catwalk/Disco Inferno Surreal Life House!!! Or perhaps the best season of Celebrity Rehab yet!
The list of “celebrities” for this season is awesome. Notable onees include Janice Dickinson, the Tony Montana of coked up models, who is faced with a double whammy: menopause. Her hot flashes fry eggs that she consumes and then throws up because she is the first super model ever damn it! Meanwhile the ‘70s version of Justin Bieber, Leif Garrett, has been on a downward spiral since the “Outsiders.”
Leif Garrett – “You greasers suck. I’m not really drunk! I’m method acting. Hey, hey Soda Pop Curtis, you think you can get me a guest role on ‘Brothers and Sisters’?”
Check back tomorrow for the complete recap.
America’s Next Top Model: PottyMouth
So even though the crappy cable in the Colorado hotel I’m currently lodging in did everything in its power to not let me view the ANTM finale, I bested the wily cable box and came out on top…pun intended I guess. Anyway, this is it Gasmii! The finale we’ve all been waiting for (so we could pay more attention to Raising Hope, Bridalplasty, Shedding for the Wedding, whatever your flavor) to see who is going to be super happy for about two weeks and fade into obscurity (though I could totally see Chelsey appearing on whatever Rock of Love franchise comes around again. My vote? You Give Love A Good Name with Richie Sambora. Eh?? Or maybe Journey to my Heart with Steve Perry. He’s kind of a creep though.)
This week, the girls participate in an assortment of challenges including a shoot for Vogue Italia, performing in a Cover Girl commercial, an interview with some IMG big wig, and walking in a Roberto Cavalli fashion show. I missed the photo shoot because the hotel toaster decided to catch my English muffin on fire but all the other activities were fairly drama free. We also had a few special guest appearances which were pleasantly surprising. I genuinely couldn’t tell who was getting the winner/loser edits throughout the show, though I’m sure when I re-watch for the full recap it will be ridiculously obvious. I’ve had a trying few days. I blame the elevation change. Check back in a few days for the full recap to see who is the last lady standing aboard this sinking ship.
The Challenge: VirginiaApple
The much-anticipated arrival of CT (and Tina) is finally upon us! Even though this whole season is like some subconscious homage to CT since they’ve dubbed it CutThroat. But first, we get to watch Brad and Tori have marital issues. That’s why everyone watches this show, right? For the spousal spats instead of rage-filled CT? They kiss and make up and tell us about their wonderful marriage, and we see fleeting moment of maturity from both of them, which just freaks me out.
In other dramarama news, the gray team is still divided. Hulkel and Sarah contemplate throwing the challenge and framing Skull Beads to get Luke to agree with them and vote her in. Said challenge gives the teams 90 minutes to balance balls on top of a large “martini glass looking thing” while carrying them uphill to a basket. Abe and Laurel, despite their differences, completely dominate this challenge. They manage to get four balls to the basket, while Derrick and Bananas only manage one and no one else gets any. I’m sort of glad to see that Hulkel and Sarah are too competitive to throw challenges, but I can’t really defend Hulkel for pushing poor, defenseless Luke and almost sending him rolling down the hill when he tries to hug her in celebration of their win.
The blue team continues their love-fest of volunteering for the Gulag. Bananas shockingly volunteers himself even though clearly it’s his turn anyway. Theresa acknowledges that it’s her turn as well since she’s the rookiest girl who hasn’t gone in yet. The red team also has volunteers, but it’s a bit more dramatic. Tyler offers to go in, even though Brad tells us Tyler was going in anyway. Tori also volunteers herself since she gets a cut of Brad’s money and Paula is being inexplicably worshipped this season (by her team at least). And when we arrive at the Gulag, CT and Tina show up for this season’s requisite Big Amazing Game-Changing Life-Altering Twist! Bananas is crazy bitter about it which is awesome. I wonder if the producers are really out to get him like he thinks. Either way, we don’t get to see much before the episode cuts off in this season’s To Be Continued… There’s one every season, folks. Come back soon for the full recap so we can all bitch about it together!