MiniCaps of The Challenge, Top Chef, and Celebrity Rehab
The Challenge: VirginiaApple
Well, that was weird… and unexpected. But first things first: Walnuts lost to Emily in the Gulag, as we all knew she would. Seriously, at this point I kind of wish the entire cast would band together and let her win, just to shut her up. And poor Derrick, strong as he is, was just too small to overpower Tyler. Although Derrick has won a lot more of these than Tyler has, so it’s hard to feel too bad for him.
As for the final, well, it must have been pretty intense since Abe and Sarah both collapsed and vomited. A lot. Seriously, WAY TOO MUCH VOMIT. TJ introduced us to a new Challenge phrase: “Medically unable to continue.” I suppose they didn’t want any more spider bites or borderline deaths to prevent teams from winning? Anyway, they were taken to the hospital, leaving Hulkel with her sworn enemies Skull Beads and Share Bear. I thought for sure Abe and Sarah must have come down with some sort of stomach virus or food poisoning or something, but I watched the reunion and they didn’t say anything along those lines.
So, could the gray team overcome two hospital trips and a crying Hulkel? (Oh, did I forget to mention Hulkel’s crying?) Was the eight time the charm for Brad? (Hey, Walnuts needs someone to look up to.) Could Jenn and Emily win this thing all by themselves? (Well, Sarah and Kellyanne almost beat the Champions team last year.) And just how awesome was it watching the Teejster ride his little stunt bike all around, sending people to the hospital? Stay tuned for the full episode recap and some thoughts on the reunion- is it just me, or is Maria Menounos annoying as hell?
Celebrity Rehab: SwellMel
In last night’s episode, there was drama galore when Rachel decided to jump ship (must have gotten a text message from Tiger). Rachel’s leaving results in a crazy emotional process group.
The group needs Rachel to return because no one escapes from the Island of Misfit Rehabbers.
“I’ll cut a bitch if they abandon me and my brethren.”
However, Janice thinks Rachel is a bitch for abandoning the group. When the group doesn’t agree with Janice, she decides to have the most epic panic attack EVER!!!
Janice – “Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?”
Check back tomorrow for the complete recap.
Top Chef: J-Mo
Hiya kids! Guess what? Top Chef was ONLY AN HOUR this week! Yaaaaaay! This means less filler (and therefore less of zee hayveelee acksaynted boolsheet coming out of Blabbio’s mouth) and more actual foodie thangz going on. One nice thing about having an All-Star season is we don’t have to sit through a bunch of boring-ass getting-to-know-you crap from these people, we already know everything we need to know about them… such as: AssBurrito has a never-ending supply of polyester ties, BlazeHawk is a bitter loser, Beaker is lovably wacky, and Gayle is really really really really really gay (and therefore everything about him becomes VIBRANTLY gay, such as shoes, socks, shirts, headbands… all of it… it all just becomes gay gay gay gay gay guh-HAYYYYY… he’s so gay, he even makes gaycial expressions, got it?).
Anyhow, tonight’s episode brought back the ever-popular mise en place QuickFire, except this time with a twist: three ingredients, four people, working all at once to prep these ingredients to the satisfaction of David Chang, who owns MoMoFuckYou Group and a great eye for exactly how smushed up garlic should be. I know you’re saying to yourself “Ho-hum, they’ve done this challenge before a zillion times, how exciting is it to watch someone chop up onions like some psychotic Olsen Twin?” Well, here’s how: first team to finish the three ingredients starts a clock ticking down from 15 minutes. Yup, they all have to make a dish out of these same ingredients within 15 minutes… OR LESS (for the teams that don’t finish their choppies first). You won’t believe some of these teams of four, either.
For the Elimination Challenge, each of the teams gets to go have (what would probably be an insanely expensive) dinner at one of four fine-dining restaurants in New York City, many of which just happen to belong to alumni of *gasp* Top Chef Masters! This means we get to see more of the lank-haired geek-genius of Wylie Dufresne (and his innate ability to make you feel like the food you’re eating is almost certainly going to give you cancer). Plus a pair of fat boy chefs (mmmmm) and David Chang (a medium-sized Asian). To tell you the truth, I was kinda surprised that they weren’t taken to the upscale restaurant where Fleasa works. Oh, that’s right, they couldn’t: Panda Express closes at 8pm.
Their Elimination Challenge (after eating this expensive meal paid for by BweeToeKnee PasTah) is to create a dish that these four established chefs would be “proud” to put on their own menus and serve in their restaurants. And by “proud” I think they mean “clearly not obligated”. Just wait until you see the guest Judge. Fuh. Glee. Also, Anthony Dis-Dain is back (thankfully) and Scar is still wearing blousy tops that hide her midsection. Other notable things in this episode: Gayle hangs out with all chicks, TurkeyHair believes everyone is threatened by him, ChesTiffany gets annoyed by OranJello and Turtle manages to keep herself and her precious fingers intact… by making another SOUP. Check back in a couple of days for the recap, and thanks again for the stimulating discussion and love-comments!