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Thursday, December 16, 2010
11:00 am
20 Comments
Tagged: celebrity rehab, funny, recap, spoof, the challenge, top chef, TV, tvgasm
MiniCaps of The Challenge, Top Chef, and Celebrity Rehab
The Challenge: VirginiaApple
Well, that was weird… and unexpected. But first things first: Walnuts lost to Emily in the Gulag, as we all knew she would. Seriously, at this point I kind of wish the entire cast would band together and let her win, just to shut her up. And poor Derrick, strong as he is, was just too small to overpower Tyler. Although Derrick has won a lot more of these than Tyler has, so it’s hard to feel too bad for him.
As for the final, well, it must have been pretty intense since Abe and Sarah both collapsed and vomited. A lot. Seriously, WAY TOO MUCH VOMIT. TJ introduced us to a new Challenge phrase: “Medically unable to continue.” I suppose they didn’t want any more spider bites or borderline deaths to prevent teams from winning? Anyway, they were taken to the hospital, leaving Hulkel with her sworn enemies Skull Beads and Share Bear. I thought for sure Abe and Sarah must have come down with some sort of stomach virus or food poisoning or something, but I watched the reunion and they didn’t say anything along those lines.
So, could the gray team overcome two hospital trips and a crying Hulkel? (Oh, did I forget to mention Hulkel’s crying?) Was the eight time the charm for Brad? (Hey, Walnuts needs someone to look up to.) Could Jenn and Emily win this thing all by themselves? (Well, Sarah and Kellyanne almost beat the Champions team last year.) And just how awesome was it watching the Teejster ride his little stunt bike all around, sending people to the hospital? Stay tuned for the full episode recap and some thoughts on the reunion- is it just me, or is Maria Menounos annoying as hell?
Celebrity Rehab: SwellMel
In last night’s episode, there was drama galore when Rachel decided to jump ship (must have gotten a text message from Tiger). Rachel’s leaving results in a crazy emotional process group.
The group needs Rachel to return because no one escapes from the Island of Misfit Rehabbers.
“I’ll cut a bitch if they abandon me and my brethren.”
However, Janice thinks Rachel is a bitch for abandoning the group. When the group doesn’t agree with Janice, she decides to have the most epic panic attack EVER!!!
Janice – “Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?”
Check back tomorrow for the complete recap.
Top Chef: J-Mo
Hiya kids! Guess what? Top Chef was ONLY AN HOUR this week! Yaaaaaay! This means less filler (and therefore less of zee hayveelee acksaynted boolsheet coming out of Blabbio’s mouth) and more actual foodie thangz going on. One nice thing about having an All-Star season is we don’t have to sit through a bunch of boring-ass getting-to-know-you crap from these people, we already know everything we need to know about them… such as: AssBurrito has a never-ending supply of polyester ties, BlazeHawk is a bitter loser, Beaker is lovably wacky, and Gayle is really really really really really gay (and therefore everything about him becomes VIBRANTLY gay, such as shoes, socks, shirts, headbands… all of it… it all just becomes gay gay gay gay gay guh-HAYYYYY… he’s so gay, he even makes gaycial expressions, got it?).
Anyhow, tonight’s episode brought back the ever-popular mise en place QuickFire, except this time with a twist: three ingredients, four people, working all at once to prep these ingredients to the satisfaction of David Chang, who owns MoMoFuckYou Group and a great eye for exactly how smushed up garlic should be. I know you’re saying to yourself “Ho-hum, they’ve done this challenge before a zillion times, how exciting is it to watch someone chop up onions like some psychotic Olsen Twin?” Well, here’s how: first team to finish the three ingredients starts a clock ticking down from 15 minutes. Yup, they all have to make a dish out of these same ingredients within 15 minutes… OR LESS (for the teams that don’t finish their choppies first). You won’t believe some of these teams of four, either.
For the Elimination Challenge, each of the teams gets to go have (what would probably be an insanely expensive) dinner at one of four fine-dining restaurants in New York City, many of which just happen to belong to alumni of *gasp* Top Chef Masters! This means we get to see more of the lank-haired geek-genius of Wylie Dufresne (and his innate ability to make you feel like the food you’re eating is almost certainly going to give you cancer). Plus a pair of fat boy chefs (mmmmm) and David Chang (a medium-sized Asian). To tell you the truth, I was kinda surprised that they weren’t taken to the upscale restaurant where Fleasa works. Oh, that’s right, they couldn’t: Panda Express closes at 8pm.
Their Elimination Challenge (after eating this expensive meal paid for by BweeToeKnee PasTah) is to create a dish that these four established chefs would be “proud” to put on their own menus and serve in their restaurants. And by “proud” I think they mean “clearly not obligated”. Just wait until you see the guest Judge. Fuh. Glee. Also, Anthony Dis-Dain is back (thankfully) and Scar is still wearing blousy tops that hide her midsection. Other notable things in this episode: Gayle hangs out with all chicks, TurkeyHair believes everyone is threatened by him, ChesTiffany gets annoyed by OranJello and Turtle manages to keep herself and her precious fingers intact… by making another SOUP. Check back in a couple of days for the recap, and thanks again for the stimulating discussion and love-comments!
20 Comments
I’ve been stalking the gasm all morning waiting for your about last night VA
I can not stand Maria Menananah…whatever. Wait, what’s her appeal? Was she flirting with Bananas? And did you catch her Fran Drescher laugh at one point? Ehhh! I so hoped you had watched. What was up with a drunk Hulkel and Walnuts at the reunion. It was so embarrassing. I even started disliking Tyler during the reunion. But Dunbar was looking kind of cute and thanks to Classy, I know where to find him, tehehehe. Can’t wait for your recap!
LMAO @ J-Mo! Will watch Top Chef and Rehab sometime this weekend. But if I don’t, I know I will probably enjoy both recaps better
The best part of Top Chef last night is the gaffe by Scar, when Gayle is put in the group with the girls and Scar says, “Ladies….” The group laughs uncomfortably, Scar looks confused, looks up and sees Gayle, then says, with a quick laugh, “…. and gentleman!” Best. Top. Chef. Moment. Ever!
OMG Fleasa working at Panda Express, I die…I die
Oh, J-Mo, I wait with breath baited (fav line from a pretentious bitch on SATC) for your recap. Good episode – classy exits and great challenge. And seriously, I would so eat the winning dish. And yeah, what was with the guest judge – bitch could turn milk into cottage cheese with that face. And Anthony Bourdain looks good in a suit…meow…
@LAC–they were classy exits. asperino to his credit admitted that he’d not been building cooking skills and that his were simply “not up to par” in this stiff competition. he also lasted to episode 3 and took home $5000 as part of his “teams” quickfire win; not much downside for him. i had some hopes for big gay dale, i liked his personality and his food seemed daring (though during much of season 3, he would inexplicably fuckup–e.g. 12 airplane meals when 13 were required). bourdain’s blog on the bravo site shows a nicer side of “tony” and an appreciation for big gay dale’s go-for-broke style. i think bourdain really did regret the tone of his episode 1 criticism of fabian, tho he stands by the actual critique. for me, fabian’s ep.1 callout of bourdain was kinda justified unlike bitterjen’s “meltdown at the mvsevm”. love the recaps j-mo; you’re tippin’ into flipit territory and j-mo–check out a 1980′s john huston movie called WISE BLOOD. its dark strange and funny and one of the characters reads the inscription on the building as “muVseVm”.
meant to say “you’re trippin’ into flipit territory”, but “tippin’” worked too.
J-Mo, was it you who recapped TC season 5? I remember the recapper saying Turtle never met a blender she didn’t love regarding her endless pureed soups. Glad to see the love affair continues.
Gah! Curse Stephen for having a dignified and classy exit. I was really invested in thinking of him as a total douche nozzle. I swear, if Fabio turns out to be from Minnesota or something, I’m just done.
kdognatl – I suppose her appeal is supposed to be that she’s hot? And yeah, she was definitely flirting with Bananas, blech. I did catch the laugh- my first thought was Woody Woodpecker, but Fran Drescher works too. The whole reunion was just obnoxious, even more than usual.
VA, I am so with you! I hate Maria Menounous or however the fuck you spell it with such intensity that I could barely be bothered to watch the reunion. I HATE HER!!!! I don’t know what it is, but she is annoying, she flirts with people like BANANAS!!!! and she has a Fran Dresher laugh. That should be enough of a list, but I’m sure the list on thinking why she sucks at life goes on much, much longer.
Hey oodle_noodle, it was actually Flipit who recapped Season Five, and the recaps are still here in the archives. Oh, and yes, he was the first to clock Turtle for being Miss Soupy Snails…
@LAC: We seem to have the same taste in men. I’m not sure if that means we should be or I should consider you a threat. Either way, I am drafting up a friendship contract, just to be sure. I’ll include an ironclad clause that whichever of us bags Tre, will double their efforts to make sure their friend get a little Tony Bourdain action. Then we can double date!
Sarcas. LOL!! That sounds like a great plan. Let me meet up with my friend Kim, have a bottle of wine apiece and go over the contract first…
I don’t know if it is being in my frisky 40′s, but I do love the male eye candy on some of these shows…
Sarcastire, back the Tre love train up!
I called dibs on him (& dips of him) back in S3!
Of course, there does appear to be enough of his magnificence to go around.
hutchlover – LOL!! Yeah, I think that he can handle a rotation… what day would you like?
We’ll be Sister Wives!
So the big, scrawny weirdo that looks like a confused Labrador with a spray-on tan and too much hairgel is mine? Excellent.
LAC and Sarcas: I have to say I want to marry a Tre/Bourdain hybrid. The body AND the smart ass mouth? Yes, please.
@Ohemgee: Yes! I love Bourdain’s snarky arrogance! That’s it..I’m drafting a friendship contract for you, too. And Vallegirl and Hutchlover, as well. We need rules, ladies. Rules!
Don’t worry..even though I’ll sleep with Tre (over and over), I want Bourdain for the long haul. Well read, well traveled, and a good cook?! Yep…he’s the man. My man. Of course, you ladies are not only invited to the wedding, you’ll be my bridesmaids to boot!
No worries..your dresses won’t be too ugly. How do you feel about celery green lace?
Sarcas- Only if I can wear a chartreuse headband! Fashion faux pas to wear clashing hues of puke green? Not when we’re at the wedding of the Sarcastony!